SOBRIETY

"are you drinking beers?" She asked.

no; it's a Coca Cola can.
I haven't sipped a Coors
since mom has been in my room.
I'd chug on the little that was left
in the silver can, and run to the bathroom
to get the aftertaste out my mouth.
colors filled my mind
and it was a legendary.
This is how I ended my days a year ago.
During this time of the year
my mom and I both abused the can.
my new heavenly sin and lover was a can
because I couldn't find a new one.
It was like an acid trip, surprisingly never
had a stomach pump
but I was lost, and this is what I meant by
sobriety
June 4th was the day I opened
my bloodshot eyes and
told myself 'I wasn't my father'
and I fucked up my sobriety for a day
I don't even remember why.
I've had people turn their backs and
throw arrows at my chest to
see failure and unhappiness
but I've never stopped
and I'm fifty four days clean as of today
during a time where I am not myself.
I am clean but God knows I miss it.

Yes, this is about me being sober. I am really good at hiding things and I know people thought when I meant sober they thought I meant self harm and yes this was an explanation to those thoughts. I kind of liked writing this part of me (the drunk suicidal me) because people wouldn't have expected this of me. It's kind of the shock I got when I wrote my suicide attempt poem. - Pamela x