HAPPY LOVERS DAY

This is rare but you're here, right now. I'm unsure of how we ended up in the same room. My head begins debating whether it was determined fate or my state is just another flower in a cold glass vase. The leather jacket on your shoulder tucks away all our forbidden sins something everyone else is very much unaware of. My gaze is kept on the red cup filled with poison I begged for to calm the state of nervousness I've been in since the last time you showed up here. The dancing bodies around us fade away as soon as the cup reaches my lips. You walk away to a different room, my heart strings tug at me to come closer even if it's a few feet away. You'll always be something I'll miss and all you had to do was give me a kiss, once. The twirls in your tangled mess of a hair disappear with my heart but bodies push me into a dance floor that I don't belong in. My dress skirts up with the unchivalrous glanced I catch from the boys on the floor, sides and by the wall. I gasp and pull myself together one more time before excusing myself and exiting somewhere else.

I found myself at the front door exasperated from every step I took in the damn party. Figures on top of figures and arguments a yard away grasp my attention but none like the sliver of a drink that's in my cup. I trace the wooden marks on the party hosts porch and watch the trees dance to the beat of the heavy rock song playing. My thoughts linger from the things we all love and my doubts soon bring me to the topic of you. I sigh as I stumble towards the porch steps fixing the back of my dress to not create agonizing pain for my thighs later on. The floorboard creaks and the thought of you being the one to create such noise rings. I turn and the girl you claimed stumbles off the railing drunkenly. I stand up and the jean jacket covering her brushed my arm but she screams and cries out. I watch her heart break without it even making a sound. It was hearing a twig snap in the snow when your boots hit the ground. People make their way out and scoff at the scene, words like dramatic and pity fall out from the sour lips. But you didn't come outside, not one step in her way. In a matter of seconds, he came out and called for her instead. Jude never glanced at her around you and this is what startles me the most. She was once yours and now she's his, someone you trusted with your heart. I walk away instead of comforting even if the broken girl inside of me wants to help.

Red flowers are laying gently placed on the porch steps I once sat on. I grab them but gaze around to see if they belong to someone other than who I want it to. My walk back inside the party was nothing but a trip. The smell of smoke and sweat start coughs inside my poor body and tight dresses along with skimpy pants create the scene of hell around me. I hold myself along the gray walls and touch everything insight to reach the kitchen. Mel grabs me with her sweaty palms and black eyeliner smearing down her face, "Ready to bounce?"

I remind myself before refusing her that I drove us both her and I'm the more sober one, also the desperate one for his attention. "Give me a few minutes. I'll meet you out front." I smile blandly at her, her blonde curls sweep at her shoulder as she whips around. I walk away finally reaching the destination I mostly needed. Almost forgetting I had a rose in my hand, I put it down on the marble table glancing around for a water bottle. Once finding the necessity I craved for after all the fighting I did in the air, I felt the same warmth, the same chilling touch, the same dark waves warm and ignite every nerve in my body.

My heart hurt. It hurt every time I was in the same room as him, looking at him with glassy eyes, and giving in to every touch, every word he whispered. Jay Ronaldo was painful to look at and as soon as I turned I knew what I was in for. "Baby," he said as soon as one hair brushed aside when my neck turned.

His voice thick in Italian blood and his heat radiance from one ragged breath to another. He was the epitome of aesthetic: slicked back greased black hair and his rough and tough hands that become soft as soon as he holds me, but also his hazel eyes that look at me and soothe all the creases on my face drifting me off into a far place where we can finally be alone. The problem was not only the radiant beauty he is besides me but the fear of us being together in the world when I am so far from what he is. I don't deserve him and he doesn't deserve to have me.

"Jay," I replied simply swallowing all the remaining water in the plastic bottle. The yellow sundress which has its straps tied behind my neck becomes tighter as my throat clogs up with words I wish to say. He removes his hand and selfishly his heart tells him it was the wrong move. He stands a few meters away but not so far away that the only thing I want is him.

"How are you?" was the first thing my other half said, after taking me in slowly as I turned around to be in the center of his vision. I take my time in to admire the way the sun kitchen light hits his face and every contour hidden in the beauty of his ace has.

"I'm decent." I'm actually in desperate need of your touch, Jay but you wouldn't care to know this because you see it in the way my body reacts to you, my thoughts say. "How are you, Jay?"
and he slightly chuckles wrote responding with his infamous smile, "I'm not in great shape."

I blink. Hopefully this is one of his sick jokes but I wish he acted upon his words. He's all I ever wish for.

"See, I broke someone's heart once. I'm afraid they stay up in their bed dreaming with their broken heart. I'm infuriated to even think about the endless nights that she stays up thinking of me and not once do I try to crawl back and love her the way she needs to be loved. I long for her touch along my stubble in the morning. I wonder if she longs for me too. I gave her all away for the sake of my sanity and I'm afraid she took that the moment I looked at her. I love her. I guess that's why I'm not in great shape because once you ripped apart every edge I had sharpened with the knives people stabbed me with, I broke done and let you shape me into the man I need to be in order to love you. "

With every word, he stepped forward and forward until his breathe knocked him towards me. I grasped him and held him softly in my arms. I didn't care who looked as long as he meant every syllable. A yellow sundress tied together to the dark leather jacket, just as it should be.

Happy Valentine's Day. Hope you enjoy reading this. Please send me feedback. sort of want to write this as in a whole story but I'm not very good at finishing what I start lol. Love you. x