CLOSER TO YOU

the wind is blowing my hair in different
directions and I have my eyes shut
And in my vivid dreaming state
of mind I find you closer.
the graphic images of the water
and laying down on a cold tiled floor
and pigtails on my head again.
I'm fighting to open up my eyes again
I am gasping for air and rubbing
And his hands and stop.
I breathe out again and I twist and turn
and I open my eyes for the first time that
night.
it's been almost a year since I last had those nightmares and you came again in this week.
I panicked and cried so painfully
my family had caught me and I stuttered what
to say I blamed others instead of you
and people called and told them but
it wasn't the truth.
I thought of ways on how to move on
but the things I use to harm myself
Aren't the storm before the calm
but I'll figure out a way to understand
that you don't matter anymore.

I wish people understood and didn't give me a face when they see my scars. - pamela.