The nightmares suffocated him. Sleep for the last few months was either restless or nonexistent. He spent most nights out of bed relishing the quiet as his wife slept in their bed. He had taken out his sketchbook once more to try and calm his overwhelming nerves. Sometimes it works, and when it didn't he would spend his time staring emptily out the window. 

These nightmares were pulling him away from things he used to love. He no longer woke up early to make Natasha her breakfast, instead, he ran almost 10 miles a day, thank god for his serum, to take his mind off the memories. Instead of date nights, he would be at his office falling into the motions of work. 

All of these things he was doing, pushing away from his everyday life, was starting to have a weigh on his relationship with Natasha. He loved holding her in his sleep, but with the nightmares haunting him he did want to wake her so he slept to his back to her. He was starting to become a little bit distant on an attempt to keep this to himself.  

Today was evidence of how far they have fallen apart. Clint and Laura invited them over for dinner and quality family time and the entire drive there was silent. The two, due to lack of sleep from both sides, ( Natasha didn't get sleep when Steve wasn't in bed with her anymore) had them both on the edge. 

"Nat, I uh think we should talk before we go in," Steve said as they have begun driving along with the dirt road leading to Barton's cozy farm. 

"What exactly do we need to talk about," Natasha asked. Ever since the party, which was almost a week ago, Natasha has been distant and cold, he knows why but he hasn't had the courage to talk to her about. He loved her dearly but he didn't want her to know about his nightmares because he was scared of what she would think he was anything less. He loved her and vowed to protect her, that's what he learned growing up, the man had to be there for the love of his life. 

"Listen I know things between us have been rough to say the very least-" he stopped because she let out a short amused laugh. Steve ruffled his eyebrows in confusion. 

"Steve you telling me that we need to talk is the most you have said to me in the last week!" She exclaimed it made Steve's heart clench in guilt. He knew he was being unfair not only to Natasha but to himself. They were just parking in the driveway when Steve started to speak once more. 

"Natasha, listen I know you are upset, however, you need to understand something." Steve stopped himself from speaking. He didn't know what to say exactly because nothing seemed right.   

"Steve..." Natasha sighed leaning her head up against the car chair closing her eyes very tight. "What did I do?" 

"You didn't do anything," he took a deep breath trying to find an answer, but his pause was longer then he could have expected. They both sat there listening to each other's breath in silence. Silence among them has never been an actual problem, at least until today. Steve did the worst thing he ever could have done at the moment, he looked at her and saw tears running down her face. His heart clenched and all he wanted to do was hold her, but she was too mad and upset at him to do that. 

"You have always been a horrible liar." She said under her breath, " and I know you aren't lying right now, and that probably hurts more." He saw her trying to hold back her sobs. "Which means it was you, and I don't wanna know what happened." She said shaking her head as if the worst things were popping up in her head. 

"It's not what you think-" 

"No I don't wanna hear it," She said forcefully. "Let's just go and pretend like none of this is happening." 

"Nat please I don't want you thinking-" 

"I said not now," She said and this time she made her way out of the car, just in time to see Clint's kids running toward her like little hurricanes. Steve took a deep breath, he would have a conversation with her tonight, but now obviously wasn't the time. 

The rest of the night Natasha spent with Laura watching the kids play in the backyard. She had been trying to keep her distance from Steve, which wasn't a problem for the most part because Lila was determined to sit next to her auntie, taking Steve's spot. Steve ended up sitting next to Copper. But unfortunately, their attempts to hide from one another were seen by Laura. 

"What's wrong Nat?" She asked once they were alone on the patio. Steve and Clint were down with the kids playing an unfair game of frisbee. Laura looked at her friend with questioning eyes. 

"I don't know what you are talking about," Natasha said taking a sip of her wine cooler that Clint gave her. Laura was giving her a look a mother would give to her lying daughter. 

"Nat, it's okay you know. Not everything in a relationship is perfect. If something is wrong wouldn't it be better to talk about it rather even hiding it where no one can help you?" She asked in a soft gentle voice. 

"Laura I appreciate you for being so loving and thoughtful, I am. But this isn't something, even if I wanted to, that I could talk about." 

"Why not?" She asked her softly, Natasha knew what Laura was doing with the simple questions and knowing she won't give up she decided to humor her a little bit. 

"Because I wouldn't know how to handle even speaking of it. Heck, it's been really going on for a week now and I still don't know what to do." Natasha admitted, though she didn't want to really talk about she could feel herself falling into the conversation a little deeper then she would have appreciated.  But even now she couldn't stop the emotions that were coming back up, and she really didn't want to stop. 

"Well that's why I am here, So you have a friend to confined in." Laura gave her a knowing look before Natasha sighed. She may be the world's best spy, but even she knew she could never ignore one of Laura's mother looks. 

"I guess that Steve and I have been having some problems." She said in a low ashamed voice, that was very unlike her character. 

"Well every marriage has problems, yours isn't immune to them and neither is my own. Clint and I, for example, were fighting over chores this morning." Laura said noticing Natasha was getting uncomfortable, she tried a joke to calm her nerves. 

"Our fights... or lack of fights I should say aren't from chores." Natasha shook her head remembering their conversation earlier that day. It has never been this way between Steve and her. They had always had an open and welcoming way of doing things, but now it was just...different. 

"Are you complaining that you two don't fight?" Laura asked for clarification. 

"No, see Steve has been acting kind of distant and I couldn't figure out why. I was thinking maybe I did something that upset him, " She stopped unsure if she should continue, but the look on Laura's face calmed her and urged her to continue. "well I may have crossed the boundaries and came to his work. But only because I was worried about him, and then as I find him he is talking about our marriage and it suffocating him, then apparently there are rumors all over the office about us divorcing. " 

"Did you confront Steve about this? Maybe there was a misunderstanding." Laura offered a solution. 

"The morning after he acted as if nothing had happened, and now he is even colder and distant. We just had a conversation before coming up here, he told me it was nothing I did." 

"And you think he is lying?" Laura asked. 

"It had to be Laura, Steve is the definition of perfect. And you know my history I have a record of screwing things up that it was only a matter of time for this one." Natasha said shamefully. 

"I think that you are overacting. Steve is human, he messes up as well. He is also the most honest person in this entire world so when he said it wasn't you then it wasn't you. Give yourself a bit more credit Natasha." Laura told her. 

"If that's true then what happened. Because last I checked people don't fall apart over nothing." there was a moment of silence from Natasha. " Do you think that he bored of me?" Laura immediately shook his head. 

"No, I don't and won't believe that honey, you wanna know why?" She asked. "because you are the most interesting person we have ever met. Now the kids love you, Clint and I love you and I really don't think we would have invited you over so much if you were boring." 

"So why do you think he is acting this way?" She asked. 

"I can't tell you why but maybe you guys should have a real and genuine conversation. Not a prompt to one in our driveway. One where you can actually sit down and listen to one another." 

"and if things end in a way that will forever change our lives?" She asked softly, almost afraid of the answer. 

"Then maybe it wasn't the right time. This won't be the end of the world, you still get second chanced, Nat." 

"I don't a wanna second chance I want Steve." Natasha declared. 

"would you rather have a fake relationship where you are always locking away emotions, or one were things are open and honest where you can be happy?" Laura asked. Natasha sighed taking a deep breath. "And remember we will always be here for you. To support you in your time of need." 

"Thank you, Laura, it means a lot," Natasha said giving the women a smile of appreciation and admiration. "You sure a whole lot about this." 

"Yeah well, I married Clint Barton. I have to know how to deal with men." the women laughed enjoying the rest of the evening. Despite the quiet drive home, Natasha felt somewhat of a weight lifted from her shoulders. She had hope that this would be solved and everything will get better. 

She didn't expect his nightmare to get worse.