TW: Cheesy words in cheesy lines, heavy discussions, and lots and lots of Trauma!

There were moments in her life when Amelia felt like she had been the reason for everything that had gone wrong. They were like falling stars, comets that had collided with each other, and sprinkled the atmosphere with their debris, taking more celestial bodies with them.

Zayto and Aiyon's lives, Izzy and Fern's lives, Ollie and his mom's lives, they were all affected, to varying degrees, by what she had done with, and to Javi.

...

Amelia's breathing was slow, her head resting gently against his chest, when Javi opened his eyes the next morning. Or maybe it was the same night, because he couldn't see any lights through his tiny windows. Javi's mind ran into overdrive, and he got up just a little, so as to not disturb the girl sleeping next to him, and looked around the room, heart racing, as he realized the two of them were still alone, and undisturbed. There seemed to be no sounds, the world was quiet as it could be, only Amelia's shallow breathing to be heard. His clothes were lying haphazardly on the floor, while he had made sure to drop her armor on Aiyon's bed, just as messily, so they wouldn't make the loud clanking sound of metal against metal.

After recceing that everything was okay, Javi turned to lie back down on the bed, and wrapped an arm around Amelia. She looked so peaceful when she slept... and harmless. No one could look at the little sleeping girl and say for one that she had murdered people with knives, or that she had sneaked into the scariest place on earth, just to spend a night with him... or just how feisty she had been that night.

Javi smiled to himself, Amelia was quite a girl, and he'd admitted to her that he loved her— and he really did. He closed his eyes, and lay there, lost in his dream world, for just a few more minutes before he could wake her.

He didn't expect to fall asleep again, and wake up to Amelia nibbling at his neck a few minutes later.

"Good morning" she said, cheekily, her eyes squinting when she smiled.

"Good morning?" his own flew wide open, "oh God you're up— HOW LONG WERE WE OUT?!— quick, dress up and get out"

"What?" he saw a frown form on her face, "you're kicking me out?"

"In case you don't remember we're in the dark fortress and I just checked the time Aiyon's due back any second!" Javi was freaking out, and he sat up, and Amelia was flung off of him, "Ouuch" she groaned.

"Sorry" he rubbed the nape of his neck, turning redder in embarrassment.

"Can't we just. Lie down for five minutes? Talk about all the cheesy little things we usually do talk about?" she asked, making a face at him.

"No time. I'm meeting you later today too, remember? I'd rather like to spend some time with my girlfriend outside of a place where she could die any second. Please!" he said, getting out, and quickly pulling his pyjamas back on, "Amelia this place is hella dangerous and—" he couldn't complete his sentence, as she pulled him towards herself, in the bunk bed, not getting out, and kissed him full on the lips.

"You're such an idiot, Javi" she smirked, and then, shaking her head, she got out of bed, "now help me get into this godforsaken armor"

"Yes ma'am" he was blushing now, "I'd really love to spend more time with you, Amelia, but we can't do that if you don't escape the castle" he added, a little sadly.

"It's your day off, why don't you come with me?"

"Missing breakfast around here is kiiinda a red flag for sentries. It either means you're dead, injured, captured or having an affair, and none of them end well"

"Alright then" she smirked, "I'll see you after breakfast. Same place?"

"You're arranging a vehicle?"

"Something of the sort" she chuckled, "You know, I'm kinda curious to see your childhood home after all this time too. And i'm hoping you know the way"

"I do" he smiled, and then bid her goodbye, but just as she was leaving, he held her hand, "you do believe I'm sending you away so we can meet again, don't you?"

"I never had a doubt" she smiled, "I love you, Javi"

"I love you too, Amelia"

...

Missing breakfast was a red flag for a Sentry. It meant something bad had happened to them. Javi's eyes searched and searched and searched, but they couldn't locate his roommate. He probably wouldn't have cared all that much, if he hadn't told Amelia the pattern just this morning.

There were hushed whispers all around the breakfast hall, everyone talking about the break in last night, but at the same time, too afraid to actually discuss it for the fear of being caught with 'too much information', and being handed to Drakkon.

Javi poked his salad, and shoved the disgusting cabbage leaves into his mouth, hoping no one would ask what he thought of the break in. He knew that he knew too much, and if anyone ever asked, there was no guarantee what would count as 'too much information', and what would give him away. Especially because he was the guy who had actually played a crucial part in the unfolding.

So when that annoying Black Sentry Chase Rendall slid in the seat next to him, with that ridiculous grin on his face, "Ayy mate they broke into the damn prison cells yesterday" and cackled, in his heavily accented voice, Javi was skeptical to talk.

"Hmm I heard" Javi feigned some interest, but not too much, "They keep doing that kinda stuff all the time"

"Remember that massacre at the granary?" he said, laughing, "They're linking this to that!"

Javi's ears perked up, "what?" he hadn't pegged that incident at the granary as a... massacre. The first place where he'd met Amelia... how had they joined the link?

"Remember that sentry Thorne? Chip Thorne?" Javi nodded, picking out his color and fate in his head, yellow sentry, probably dead, "He identified one of the perpetrators as having greasy black hair, small eyes, and wearing a lot of blue. They're thinking he was the guy who masterminded yesterday night's plan!"

Holy shit they had identified Ollie.

"Wow" Javi hoped his horror didn't show on his face, "and they say some sentries helped them. A black sentry was seen in the footage"

Amelia.

"A black sentry? Like you and me?" Javi pointed to his and Chase's uniforms.

"Well yeah, but not exactly. It was a girl" his voice lowered, "I think it's one of those girls" he looked over to where Emma Goodall, Black Sentry and Gia Moran, Yellow Sentry, sat talking, "We all know how snappy Gia is about everything. I got a feeling she took Emma's suit"

Javi's heart rate slowed down a bit, "how do you know this much?"

Chase's brows wrinkled in suspicion, "I'm on the investigation team"

"Oh"

"I am!" he defended, and Javi had to work a little to calm him down, and try and extract some more information from him. Apparently, apart from Amelia's father, and a couple of other Coinless prisoners were pulled out, and disappeared into the night. Drakkon had replaced the inhabitants of the Cells with the sentries who had failed their duties instead... to serve the full sentence.

That's when Javi realized that Zayto had stumbled into the mess with dark circles around his eyes, and Aiyon seemed nowhere to be found. There was no way Aiyon had been on duty, his uniform had been right under Javi and Amelia as they'd made love, but that raised the question: what had happened to him?

To their horror, almost as soon as they were filing out of the mess hall to go about their respective duties, and Javi getting ready to ditch the fortress for Amelia once again, heard an announcement calling Javi's battalion in particular , to the Throne Room.

...

He was there, right in the middle of the throne room, in the big open space. For some reason, the throne room always felt like the gloomiest place in the castle. It was always a little dark, the lights only shining on the Dark Lord, and whoever he wanted to share the center stage with him. Javi had witnessed beheadings, promotions, demotions, tortures, and god knows what all else, all right here. He'd never come out of the room smiling.

Drakkon sat on the stone, hands resting on the arm-rests, fingers tapping in an almost musical rhythm, that Javi found himself looking at, to distract him from the sight in front of him.

The screams. Javi shifted nervously, feeling his body tense up, as he recognised the voice. He closed his eyes, thankful for his helmet that hid the spectacle in front of him. He felt a nudge on his back, and saw a red sentry towering over him— it was Zayto. He looked positively haunted. Even through the helmet, Javi could see through the visor, and look into his eyes, as he saw his boyfriend hunched over, in the middle of the room, arms and legs tied with barbed wires, blood oozing out all over the immaculate floor. He was still dressed in his casual clothes from the previous night, but they were filthy, and soaked in blood.

From where they were standing, they couldn't see Aiyon's expression, the back of his head, his bushy hair, which had been scalded in places visible, they could hear him clearly though. It seemed like Drakkon hadn't actually started his process yet, because two sentries still stood on either side of Aiyon, both Mastodon, and Javi was sure without their helmets, he'd know them. They looked at the crowd of Aiyon's battalion filing in, Drakkon seemed to be waiting for something.

Once the entire ranks were in, a quick roll call later, the doors of the great hall... slammed shut. Trapping all of them in the throne room with their maniac of a ruler, and his loyalists.

Javi closed his eyes again, just as Drakkon's voice boomed through. Javi couldn't bear himself to look at Drakkon— not if he could help it. He could feel the tension build... this was going to be a long day.

His address was something about a sentry who had been charged with treason . He believed one of the rankers might know something about it, someone he was close with. He offered the person to step up, and save Aiyon the torture, but when no one did, he proceeded to lift his hands, and Javi, out of curiosity, opened his eyes just a bit, and saw a cloud of green erupt from his fingers, and slowly inch it's way to the sentry on the floor. Javi didn't know what it would do, but to his surprise, it actually did nothing, just encircled him, trapping him in a cloud.

"One last chance" he heard Drakkon's teeth grinding against each other, in the pin drop silence.

"Nothing?"

Nothing.

Then Aiyon's trials began. He started wheezing, really badly, he doubled over the floor, screaming, "it's burning it's burning me!" and that was when Javi realized what had happened. They couldn't see the visible injuries, but apparently the Sabertooth sentry was burning up on the inside. He started writhing on the floor, in obvious, excruciating pain. Javi, and many other sentries turned their heads, but Drakkon coughed, reminding them that they had to watch the entire ordeal.

"This is what happens, when you forge alliances with the Coinless... and invite them into the castle to steal, " he said the words with distaste, "and he couldn't have done it alone. So which one of you is it, spit up"

That's when Javi's actual panic started rising. The Coinless... this was a direct result, the domino effect of Amelia and the Coinless breaking in last night... why— or rather how— had they traced it back to Aiyon? Did he have anything to do with it?

As if the burning smoke wasn't enough, Javi watched the sentries, on Drakkon's orders, starting to carve marks into Aiyon's skin, tearing his clothes out, with their spears, drawing blood, and throwing the man into further pain. Sprinkling of some sort of mild acid over his wounds made Zayto cry out so loud, even Aiyon's screams were drowned— all heads turned to him.

"Please!! He didn't do anything! He's not a Coinless Ally!" Zayto pleaded, stepping out from the crowd, and into the middle of the throne room, "He was with me all night, last night, till the guards found him and took him away!"

"Is that you owning up to having also played a part in the alliance, young man?" Drakkon asked, his voice sweet as sugar... Sweets that made them all sick.

That's when it occurred to Javi. It had been his fault. He started shaking, while Zayto continued to argue with Drakkon, over the life of his boyfriend, realizing they had probably traced Aiyon from the records of the prisoners that Javi had accessed through Aiyon's cards. They'd probably have looked into the prisoners that were released, and matched them with the recent data searches, and tallied Tarrick Jones directly to... Aiyon. Via Javi. No one had anticipated that it could be Javi underneath that suit. No matter how much Zayto claimed he had been with Aiyon almost every night— a death sentence in itself, because association between sentries was banned anyway— they believed he had been Aiyon's associate... no one even faintly suspected Javi. He was in the clear. And he knew he should've owned up, and maybe saved both of their lives.

But somewhere, inside him, in his little heart, he couldn't do it.

Javi didn't know what had come inside him, it was as if it was frozen on the spot. All he could think of was that if he surrendered himself, both Izzy and Amelia would be implicated, and possibly killed. Apart from him, only Sentry Skullovitch knew of his secret, and Javi doubted he would tell. But Javi couldn't get himself to own up. He watched Zayto and Aiyon being taken away, and the rest of them dismissed. He stood on the spot, while the others filed out of the room, one of them patting his back to tell him to move along... somewhere in the background, he heard the words "look into this further. We can't have Coinless Loyalists running around in sentry uniforms" being uttered, and that was when he knew his days as a sentry were coming to an end.

...

Javi was shaking as he walked through the wheat fields, and towards the bazaar. He felt dizzy, the midday sun blinding his eyes; he squinted, and saw a figure standing at the very end, right around where the Bazaar seemed to start, looking like a scarecrow in the middle of all the gold.

He trudged along slowly... two hours ago, he would've run to her if he'd spotted her standing in the middle of the fields, waiting for him. But not now, not with the realization of what he had done. He suddenly felt ten years older, aching, and half dead.

It should've been me. It could've been me. It would've been me.

Amelia saw him, and the moment they were close enough for her to ascertain that it was actually Javi, she ran towards him, and threw her arms around him, taking him by surprise, and landed the two of them into the dust, over the golden wheat grains. She was laughing with mirth, pleased with herself, gleeful to see him... and he forced himself to smile, just a little bit, finding her on top of him again, but this time amidst the golden fields.

"I waited so long for you at the spot, I thought you weren't gonna show up" she laughed, resting her head on her hands, on top of his chest, eyes twinkling, "I couldn't help it, I thought I'd spot you en route" he ran his hands through her hair, his eyes just gazing at her warmly.

"What's wrong?" she asked, gingerly, "you look sad"

"I'm supposed to be dead" his voice was hollow, and he realized these were the first words he had spoken out loud since Aiyon's trial.

"What?" he watched worry crease over her face, "Is it because... because of what we did last night?"

"Yes and no" he gave a sigh, he needed to tell Amelia, but he wasn't sure he could "can we... talk somewhere else? Someplace away from the fortress?"

"Yeah, yeah. I got us some rides, they're by Pop Pop's forge. In the lane by the back" she said, getting up, and offering a hand to him, to get up. He smiled at her, feeling lucky to have someone like her in his life.

"Amelia I'm so sorry for this" he said, getting up, and giving her a tight hug, "Something terrible happened at the fortress, I'll tell you later" he revealed, "Thank you for being there for me"

"That's not something you have to thank me for, silly" she grinned, "come on!"

"I love you" he said, smiling like a kid, and she linked arms with him, while they walked together to her Pop Pop's forge.

"I did not expect your idea of a 'ride', to be horses" Javi laughed, as he saw a chestnut mare and a sleek white horse standing in the alley behind Pop Pop's forge, for a minute, he seemed to forget the burdens he had been carrying, "Do you know how to ride?" she asked, the saddles— not too shabby, but not first class either— were already laid, and she got on top of the horse.

"I do" he said, getting on the mare, "I don't remember where, but dad used to take us to these greens, and there were a lot of horses there"

"I think that's exactly where we got the horses from. It's a place under this lady called Princess Sheila? Drakkon doesn't know it exists. Only place where the natural ecosystem still exists," she smiled, "it took a lot of special favors though" she winked.

Javi smiled, even in what could be considered as moderate poverty, she had managed to get them rides. It ached his heart to think he couldn't return half the love she had for him, because he was so disturbed mentally, his thoughts running circles around him, while she continued happily going on about how her father was kinda pretty, and she had his eyes, and that she hadn't been able to talk much to him, because he had been taken away to the med-bay before she could tell him she was his daughter.

Then she noticed he wasn't talking much.

"Are you worried about what we... did... last night?" She asked, gingerly, leading the way on the white horse, turning her head back to look at him. He blushed, "well... not exactly" he ran a hand through his hair, rubbing the nape of his neck in embarrassment.

"I took the morning after pills, Javi" she said, a little solemnly, and watched his expression change, his face twisting into a worried crease.

"Those are hormones... they're bad for your health! And did you get them off the black market? Because there's no way that stuff is on the Bazaar— and how do you know they won't have any side effects, Amelia wh—" she interrupted him.

"I don't want to take any risks" Her voice was cold.

"What? Even if it means playing with your health?" He sounded almost upset.

"Javi do you even realise what you're saying? How would having a child NOT affect my health? This is not a world where I can get proper medical attention, in case I get pregnant" she said the words carefully, judging his face for reactions.

"I..." he was at a loss of words, and so, she continued, "this is not a world where I would like to bring a child into anyway"

He swallowed hard, something about the things she said, told him she was absolutely right. The worst thing that could happen from the pills would be some side effects. Consequences of bringing a child into this hellhole of a universe would be so much more worse.

"I'm sorry. I overstepped my boundaries" he said, softly, "I should've used a condom last night. I'm sure I would've found one from Aiyon's stuff..."

Amelia watched as Javi said the words, and the moment Aiyon's name was out of his lips, his face fell even further. His eyes were filled with pain, and they told her something awful had happened... he wasn't the same man she had spent the night with, anymore. Somehow, in the span of half a day, he had aged a decade.

She slowed her horse down, coming at par with his mare, and placed a hand on his shoulder, "it's okay, Javi. I took the pills. And maybe, if this world ever becomes somewhat livable, you'd be the person I'd want to have a child with"

He breathed hard, "I'm a murderer, Amelia. You know that. I'm a sentry, and a traitor. I sent my best friend to his death. And I couldn't step in and save him because I was looking out for my own neck. I put everything on the line, and it's awfully selfish of me" he sighed, "you should hate me"

"I can never hate you, Javi" he wasn't sure, but he could see tears in her eyes, "tell me. What happened?"

And so he narrated all the events of the morning, from Chase's misinformation to Aiyon's torture. He watched her face rise and fall, he watched her looking pained as she realised he'd done it all for her. And by the end of it, she was shaking.

"What's going to happen to Zayto and Aiyon?"

"I don't know." His voice broke, "they'll be killed... probably"

"Javi I'm so sorry" she breathed, and the two rode in silence, now Javi leading the way to what he remembered to be his childhood home.

He didn't reply any more. Just stared out at the road, his expression steely, "I should've been the one there. That's the whole problem. I loathe myself, because I couldn't stick my neck out"

"You were just looking out for yourself..."

"I was too selfish. I'd only thought about me. Not realising I was ruining their lives too" he sighed, "I used to think I was different... turns out I'm like all the sentries. Watching out for myself, not caring for what happens to anyone else."

"You also looked out for me. You said they'd identified Ollie, right? If they'd have captured you, they'd have traced it back to me, and then Ollie, and all our coinless allies. Zayto and Aiyon don't have anything to do with the Coinless, so because they're innocent, they wouldn't have any sensitive information. You're saving the entire coinless movement, Javi, look at this way."

"Don't justify what I did, Amelia. It wasn't fair. You can't whitewash and sugarcoat everything I've done," he said, avoiding her eye, "I'm the villain here"

"Saving one life at the cost of a thousand is frowned upon, here, Javi" Now Amelia sounded serious, "if it's for the greater good, a few lives aren't worth anything."

"Even if those 'few lives' are yours or mine?"

"Even then"