Aditya

A

s I sat on the edge of the bed, the room was still dark with the early morning shadows, regret gnawed at me.

The memory of last night played on a loop in my mind, taunting me with every kiss, every touch....every whispered word.

I shouldn't have done that.

I shouldn’t have let things go ...so far.

I ran a hand through my hair, frustration tightening my chest.

What had I been thinking?
I knew better.
I knew what this could mean, how it could complicate everything between us.

But in that moment, with her so close, her eyes filled with that same longing that had been simmering inside me for so long—I lost control.

I let my emotions take over, and now I was left to deal with the consequences.

It had been reckless, impulsive, and completely out of character for me.

I had spent so long trying to keep a distance, trying to protect both of us from the inevitable fallout.

But one look from her, one touch, and all that resolve crumbled.

But I never wanted it to happen like this. Not in a way that would leave us both questioning everything the next morning.

The regret hit me hard, like a punch to the gut.

I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have let my desire override my better judgment.

I shouldn’t have let things get so out of hand that now, all I could think about was the mess we were left with.

The guilt weighed heavy on me, knowing that this wasn’t just about me.

I knew the risks, knew how fragile this situation was, and yet, I had thrown caution to the wind.

And for what? A night of passion that could unravel everything we had built?

Maybe it was the way she looked at me, like I was the only person who mattered. Or maybe it was the way she smiled, a smile that lit up the room and made me forget all the reasons why this was a bad idea.

But whatever it was, it had been enough to make me forget myself, to make me forget everything else. And now, I was left with the fallout.

I could still hear the sound of her voice, the way she had whispered my name in the dark, the way she had held me like she never wanted to let go.

It felt so right in the moment, so perfect, like everything had finally fallen into place.

But now, in the harsh light of day, all I felt was regret.

I’d watched her rush around the room, the sight both endearing and heartbreaking.

She was trying so hard to keep everything together, to make sure Cheeku’s world stayed stable. But in doing so, she was tearing herself away from me, from the warmth we had shared just hours before.

The suddenness of it all left me with an empty feeling in my chest, like the morning had stolen something precious from us.

“Zoya, wait…” I had whispered, reaching out to her as she hurriedly wore her saree, her hair still a wild mess from our night together.

But she had just shaken her head, her expression a mix of regret and determination. “I have to, Aditya,” she had said softly, her voice tinged with the same ache I felt. “Cheeku is up.... I cannot have you explaining to her..why am I in your room.”

I sighed, rolling onto my back, staring up at the ceiling as the events of the night played over and over in my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about how perfect it had been, how natural it felt to be with her, to share those moments that were so much more than just physical.

It was like everything had finally clicked into place, and yet, here I was, lying alone, the reality of our situation pressing down on me.

But as much as I regretted losing control, a part of me couldn’t help but remember the way it felt to hold her, to kiss her, to be with her in a way I had only dreamed about.

And that scared me most of all.

Because as much as I knew it was a mistake, I also knew I wanted it to happen again.

And that was the most dangerous thought of all.

"I shouldn't have done that..."

After dropping Cheeku off at school, I drove to the farm, hoping that diving into work would clear my head. The routine, the familiarity of it all—checking on the production process, ensuring that everything was running smoothly—usually brought me a sense of calm, a focus that I could rely on. But today, it felt different.

Distracting myself was impossible, no matter how hard I tried.

My thoughts kept circling back to her, to Zoya, and to the night we’d spent together.

As I walked through the farm, inspecting the fields, the machines, the workers who greeted me with their usual nods and smiles, it all felt distant, like I was moving through a fog.

I nodded back, gave a few instructions here and there, but my mind was elsewhere—caught up in the memory of her whispers, the way she’d said my name with that breathless urgency, the way she’d clung to me as if I were the only thing keeping her grounded.

I found myself in my office, staring at the stacks of paperwork on my desk, reports that needed reviewing, orders that needed approving.

Normally, I’d dive right in, lose myself in the numbers and figures, but today, they seemed meaningless.

All I could think about was her—Zoya—and how everything had changed between us in a single night.

The sound of her voice echoed in my mind, soft and full of desire, the way she had whispered my name as if it were a secret meant only for me.

I could still feel the warmth of her body against mine, the way she had fit so perfectly in my arms, the way our bodies had moved together like they were made for each other.

The memory of it was intoxicating, drawing me back to that moment, to the way her skin had felt under my hands, the way she had responded to every touch, every kiss.

I leaned back in my chair, closing my eyes, trying to push the thoughts away, but it was no use. She was everywhere—in the air, in the silence of the room, in the very walls that surrounded me. I could still hear her laughter, see the way her eyes had sparkled with mischief and desire, feel the way she had trembled in my arms.

It was maddening, this constant pull, this need to be near her, to touch her, to hear her voice again.

I glanced at the clock, realizing how little I’d accomplished since I arrived. I should have been focused, should have been going over the reports, but instead, I was lost in thoughts of her, replaying every moment, every touch, every word.

I wanted to call her, to hear her voice, to know what she was thinking, but I didn’t. I couldn’t.

Not yet.

Not when I wasn’t even sure what to say.

The door to my office opened, one of the managers came in to ask me about the progress on a shipment.

I answered him automatically, the words coming out without any real thought behind them.

As soon as he left, I was back where I started, my mind drifting back to Zoya.

I knew I had to figure out how to move forward, how to deal with these feelings, but it wasn’t easy.

The memory of last night was too strong, too vivid, and it kept pulling me back, making it impossible to focus on anything else.

Eventually, I forced myself to pick up the first report on the stack, trying to lose myself in the details, in the familiar rhythm of work.

But even as I read through the figures, my mind was still on her, still caught up in the way she had whispered my name, the way she had looked at me like I was the only person in the world.

Zoya has called me three times this morning. I couldn’t ignore her forever.

"Where are you?" she asked when I finally answered, her voice soft yet probing.

"At the farm," I replied, trying to keep my tone neutral. "Did you have lunch?"

"I did...and it was a proper meal," she said, the hint of a smile in her voice. "Just thought I’d let you know."

No matter how much I tried to stay composed, I couldn’t help but smile too, the warmth in her tone breaking through my defenses.

There was a brief pause, filled with unspoken words, before she spoke again. "Can we talk? I want to see you."

The request was simple, but the way she said it, so gentle yet insistent, made it impossible to refuse.

As I pulled up to Zoya's house, my heart raced. I knew this conversation was coming, but that didn't make it any easier. Seeing her was a temptation I wasn’t sure I could resist.

I parked the car, took a deep breath, and tried to steady myself. Whatever happened, I needed to stay in control this time.

When I reached her door, it opened before I could even knock. Zoya stood there, her smile warm and inviting, but there was a gleam in her eyes that told me she had more on her mind than just a chat. She was dressed casually, but effortlessly beautiful, and the sight of her stirred something deep inside me that I was trying so hard to push away.

“Hey,” she said softly, her voice like a caress. “Come in.”

I stepped inside, the familiar scent of her home wrapping around me like a comforting embrace.

But there was an underlying tension in the air, one that neither of us could ignore.

“Zoya,” I started, trying to keep my voice steady. “We need to talk about last night.”

She nodded, leading me to the living room where we both sat down. Her eyes never left mine, and the intensity of her gaze made it difficult to focus on anything but her.

“So talk,” she said, leaning back slightly, her tone light but with an unmistakable edge of mischief. “I’m listening.”

I took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. “What happened last night… it was… intense. But it was a mistake. We shouldn’t have—”

“A mistake?” She cut me off, raising an eyebrow. “That’s what you think it was?”

“Zoya, you know what I mean. We got carried away. Things like that… they complicate everything.”

“Complicate?” She echoed, her smile turning playful. “Or maybe they make things clearer?”

“Zoya—”

“Adi, come on,” she said, leaning forward, her voice dropping to a soft, almost seductive whisper. “You can’t deny what’s between us. You felt it. I felt it.

You can’t just brush it off like it didn’t happen.”

I swallowed hard, trying to stay focused. “It’s not that simple. You know that.”

She moved closer, her hand resting lightly on my arm.

The touch was enough to send a jolt of electricity through me, and I had to clench my fists to keep from reaching out to her.

“Why can’t it be simple?” she asked, her eyes searching mine. “Why can’t we just… be? Why do we have to make it so complicated?”

“Because it is complicated, Zoya,” I said, my voice rough with frustration. “There’s Cheeku, there’s… everything. I can’t just throw caution to the wind and act like none of that matters.”

She was quiet for a moment, her eyes thoughtful. Then, with a teasing smile, she said, “You’re overthinking it, as usual. Sometimes, you just have to go with what feels right.”

“What feels right,” I repeated, shaking my head. “What feels right could ruin everything."

Her smile faded slightly, replaced by a look of determination. “Or it could make everything better.”

“Zoya, don’t you see? I can’t risk that. I can’t risk hurting you, hurting Cheeku… hurting us.”

She sighed softly, her fingers tracing small circles on my arm, a gesture that was as calming as it was distracting. “You’re not going to hurt anyone, Aditya. I know you. You’re too careful, too thoughtful for that.”

“That’s exactly why I need to be careful now,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “If we let this continue, if we give in… it could destroy everything we have.”

She leaned in closer, her breath warm against my skin. “Or it could give us everything we’ve ever wanted.”

My resolve wavered as I looked into her eyes, saw the sincerity, the hope, the longing. She was making it impossible to think straight, to hold on to the reasons I’d convinced myself were valid.

“Zoya…” I started, but she silenced me with a gentle press of her finger to my lips.

“Shh,” she whispered, her eyes locking onto mine. “Stop thinking so much, Adi. Just… feel.”

Zoya’s fingers gently traced the line of my jaw, sending a shiver down my spine. Her touch was so soft, so deliberate, that

I could feel my resolve crumbling with every brush of her skin against mine. I closed my eyes, trying to gather the strength to resist, but all I could focus on was how close she was, how her presence seemed to engulf me completely.

“Tell me if this doesn’t feel right…” Her voice was a whisper, a soft plea that wrapped itself around my heart and refused to let go.

Before I could respond, she leaned in, her fingers trailing down to my neck, the warmth of her touch searing into my skin.

I swallowed hard, struggling to maintain control, but it was slipping away, like sand through my fingers.

Every breath I took was filled with her scent, intoxicating and familiar, making it impossible to think straight.

“Zoe…” I breathed out her name, a feeble attempt to stop her, to stop us, but the sound was laced with desire.

The moment her lips touched my neck, all rational thought flew out the window. The gentle press of her mouth against my skin sent a jolt of electricity through me, igniting a fire I had been trying so desperately to keep contained.

“Don’t lie to the both of us, Adi…” she murmured against my skin, her lips brushing just below my ear, her breath warm and inviting. “I know you want this… just as much as I do…”

Her words cut through the last thread of restraint I had left. I clenched my fists, trying to keep myself from reaching out to her, but it was a losing battle. The more I tried to resist, the stronger the pull became. The truth was, I did want it. I wanted her. I wanted this. And no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, I couldn’t deny the burning desire that was now roaring through my veins.

My resolve snapped like a brittle twig, and before I knew it, my hands were on her, gripping her waist as I pulled her closer.

Her lips moved from my neck to my jaw, her fingers threading through my hair, tugging just enough to make me groan.

The sound of it seemed to spur her on, her mouth finding mine in a kiss that was anything but gentle.

It was fierce, hungry, and desperate, like we were trying to make up for all the time we’d spent denying this, denying us. I kissed her back with equal fervor, pouring every ounce of pent-up emotion into the way our lips collided, how our tongues met in a heated dance that sent sparks flying.

She gasped softly as I deepened the kiss, my hands sliding up her back, feeling the warmth of her skin through the fabric of her Tshirt.

Her fingers tightened in my hair, pulling me closer, urging me on, and I responded without hesitation, losing myself in her completely.

I felt her shift, moving to straddle my lap, her body pressing against mine as she settled in. The feel of her so close, so warm, was maddening. My hands roamed up her sides, fingers digging into her hips as she kissed me with a passion that matched my own.

Her lips were soft but insistent, coaxing a response from me that I couldn’t control.

The taste of her, the way she moved against me, the soft sounds she made as our lips met and parted—it was all too much. I was drowning in her, and I didn’t care if I ever surfaced.

The intensity between us escalated far too quickly, but I couldn’t pull away. My hands were all over her, desperate to feel every inch of her, to make up for all the time we had lost denying what was between us.

In one swift motion, I pushed her back onto the couch, my body pressing against hers as I kissed her with a hunger that had been simmering beneath the surface for far too long.

Her legs wrapped around my waist, and I could feel her pulling me closer, her hands clutching at my back, urging me on.

I couldn’t think straight. All I could hear were her soft moans, her breathless whispers, the way she said my name as if it was the only thing she could hold onto. It was intoxicating, overwhelming, and I felt myself getting lost in her, in us.

My hands slipped under her t-shirt, fingertips grazing the soft skin of her waist before moving upward to cup her breasts.

The warmth of her skin against my palms sent a jolt through me, and the way she arched into my touch, her breath hitching in my ear, made me lose whatever little control I had left.

Her moans grew louder, more desperate, and I kissed her harder, my body pressing her into the cushions, my mind drowning in the sensation of her.

But then, as her hips bucked against mine, something inside me snapped. I froze, the realization hitting me like a bucket of ice-cold water.

What was I doing?

My breath caught in my throat, and I pulled back slightly, my hands still on her, but no longer moving.

Her eyes were dark, filled with desire, and I could see my own need mirrored in them. But I couldn’t let this go any further.

I couldn’t lose myself in this—not again.

I had already crossed that line once, and it had taken every ounce of willpower to step back from the edge. Now, as much as I wanted to lose myself in her, I couldn’t allow it.

"Adi?" Her voice was a soft whisper, laced with confusion and longing, as she reached up to touch my face, her fingers grazing my jawline. The tenderness in her touch sent a shiver down my spine, and for a moment, I felt my resolve weakening.

But then reality crashed back in. This wasn’t just about us. There were too many other things at stake.

"No...no, Zoya," I muttered, my voice strained as I tried to pull away, but her grip on my shirt tightened, refusing to let me go.

"Why not, Adi?" she demanded, her tone growing sharper, tinged with frustration. "Why are you always running away from this? From us?"

Her words cut deep, the pain in her voice evident. I could feel the tension between us building, thickening the air around us.

I wanted to answer her, to tell her why I was doing this, but the words stuck in my throat. How could I explain that every time I got close to her, I was terrified of what it would mean? What itwould change?

"Zoya, we can’t keep doing this," I said, forcing myself to stay firm, even as my heart screamed at me to give in. "This…whatever this is between us, it’s too dangerous. It’s too complicated."

"This isn’t just about us having feelings. This could hurt people—Cheeku, you, me…"

She stared at me, her expression hardening. "Hurt people? Or hurt you, Aditya? Are you just scared because you don’t want to get hurt again? Because you’re too afraid to take a risk?"

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut, and I felt the anger rising inside me, mixing with the guilt and fear that I’d been trying to suppress. "You think this is easy for me?" I shot back, my tone sharp. "You think I don’t want this as badly as you do? I’m trying to protect us both, Zoya. I can’t—"

"Protect us from what? From feeling something real?" she interrupted, her voice trembling with emotion. "You’re so busy trying to keep everything under control that you’re forgetting what it’s like to actually live, Adi. You’re pushing me away because you’re scared, but you’re also pushing away your own happiness."

Her words hung in the air, the truth of them burning in my chest. She was right, of course. I was scared—terrified, actually. Scared of what this could mean for us, scared of losing control, scared of hurting her, hurting Cheeku.

But most of all, I was scared of how much I wanted her, of how easily I could lose myself in her.

"I can’t lose myself in you, Zoya," I said, my voice cracking under the weight of my own turmoil. "I can’t let this happen. I want you too much, and that’s exactly why I have to stop. Because if I don’t… I don’t know where it will lead, and I can’t risk that."

Tears welled up in her eyes, and she shook her head, disbelief and hurt clouding her features. "You’re always running, Adi. Always pulling away the moment things get too real. But I’m not going to let you run this time. Tell me you don’t want me, tell me that this isn’t what you want, and I’ll stop. But don’t lie to me, Aditya. Don’t lie to yourself."

Her challenge was like a dagger to my heart. I could see the determination in her eyes, the raw emotion that was tearing her apart just as much as it was tearing me apart. She wanted me to admit it, to say the words that would seal our fate. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t give in, even though every part of me wanted to.

"I can’t do this, Zoya," I whispered, my voice choked with regret. "I can’t lose myself again. Not like this."

With a desperate effort, I tore myself away from her, the warmth of her body replaced by the cold emptiness that swallowed me whole. I stumbled back, breathing hard, my heart pounding in my chest as I looked at her one last time. She stood there, disheveled and breathless, her eyes pleading with me to stay, to give in.

But I couldn’t.

"I’m sorry," I murmured, my voice barely audible over the pounding of my heart. "I can’t… I just can’t."

Before she could say anything else, I turned and rushed out of the room, my footsteps echoing in the hallway as I fled.

I didn’t stop until I was outside, the cold air hitting me like a slap in the face. I stood there, gasping for breath, my mind spinning with everything that had just happened.

I did it again.

I had run away, leaving her behind, leaving us behind. I was a coward, and I hated myself for it.

But I couldn’t stay.

I couldn't allow myself to lose control.

As I got into my car and drove away, the guilt and regret gnawed at me, tearing me apart from the inside. I couldn’t get the image of her out of my mind—her tear-filled eyes, her trembling lips, her desperate plea for me to stay. But I knew that if I went back, if I let myself fall any deeper, I wouldn’t be able to pull myself out again.

And I couldn’t afford to take that risk.

It was everything I had wanted for so long, and yet, I knew deep down that it was dangerous—because once wasn’t enough. It never would be.

I couldn’t keep doing this. I couldn’t keep letting myself fall into her, no matter how much I wanted to. The truth was, we would do it again. I knew that as surely as I knew my own name.

The attraction between us was undeniable, magnetic. And that was the problem.

I couldn’t resist her, not when she looked at me with those eyes that seemed to see right through to my soul. But this wasn’t just about me and her.

It was about something bigger.

Zoya wasn’t just some woman I could indulge in. She was a part of Cheeku’s life now, and that changed everything. Cheeku adored her, looked up to her, and wanted nothing more than for Zoya to be a permanent fixture in our world. To Cheeku, Zoya wasn’t just a friend or a companion—she was someone she wanted to see as my partner.

She had this innocent, unwavering belief that Zoya could fill the void.... that she could be the one to make our little family whole again.

And that was what terrified me the most. I couldn’t allow myself to see Zoya as just a fling because she meant too much to Cheeku.

She meant too much to me. But if I let this thing between us spiral out of control, if I let it become something purely physical, I would be risking everything.

I couldn’t hurt Cheeku like that.

I couldn’t confuse her, make her think that this was something it wasn’t, only to have it fall apart because I had lost control.

I had left Zoya behind, again. Ripped myself away from her, away from the temptation, away from the feeling that was pulling me under like a riptide. It felt like running, like the cowardice that I thought I had grown out of. But here I was, doing it again.

Running away because I was too afraid of what it would mean if I stayed.

~~~

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