"What time is it now?" 

Lanie checked her watch. "2:17am." 

2:17am. That meant it's been almost eight hours since my daughter and Cherise went under the knife. Eight long hours of pacing in the waiting room with every single person I called friend or family. But even with all this support around me, I felt alone and terrified. 

After Jackson and the boys found Ryan drunk at the bar last night, I started to realize how much he's been trying to keep it together for me and the baby. Just another reason I loved him. But I would have preferred he talked to me last night instead of emptying that bottle of scotch. I could handle Ryan losing it, but I couldn't handle us not dealing with this together. 

"When was the last update?" Nate asked. He and Karma went downstairs to get everyone some more coffee. And it wasn't even because we needed the caffeine. The anxiety of not knowing what was going to happen was enough to keep us all awake. 

I took my latte from him but didn't drink any. The warmth of the cup felt good in my hands. Little wins, I guess. "Nothing since the time when you were here." 

During the last update, one of the doctor's doing the surgery came to tell us that they successfully removed a part of Cherise's liver and were closing her up. Now they had to replace my daughter's. One down. One to go. 

Karma placed her hand on my arm gently. "I'm sure they'll be coming back out soon." 

"Yeah. Sure." Turning away from my friends, I walked back over to my empty seat next to Ryan. He was sitting with his legs apart, leaning forward and balancing his elbows on his knees, his face buried in his hands. 

Holding out my coffee I said, "Drink this. You need it." 

He looked at what I offered and shook his head. "I can't drink anything. Not until I know she's okay. Not until I know they're both okay." 

"Ryan, drink it." 

With a heavy sigh he took the cup and sipped it. Then scrunched his face up in disgust. "What the hell is this?" 

"Vanille latte." 

"I hate vanilla." 

"I know. But I figured it would give you a little energy and take your mind off of everything for a minute or two." 

His expression softened and he took a bigger sip of the coffee he hated. "You're pretty incredible, you know that?" 

Somehow, I was able to smile. "You bring it out of me." 

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jamie and Ayden walk around the corner and head toward the nurse's station. Poor Jamie. This whole thing has been just as hard on her as it was for us. Her relief was brief when they told us Cherise's surgery went well. She still had a long road ahead of her. 

"Where's she going?" 

Ryan glanced in the direction that they went. "Ayden offered to take her to see if they can get another update for her mom. She isn't handling this too well." 

"I don't blame her." 

"Yeah. Fucking sucks all around." He took another sip of my coffee. "I can't believe we're here, Dani. I can't believe that this is..."

I rubbed his back even though I doubted it would lend any comfort. "I know, baby. But we are also very lucky. If Cherise wasn't a match, we would have had to wait on the transplant list since no one else could have done it. As scary as this is, that would have been even scarier." 

"You're right," he breathed. "You're completely right. I just want this part to be over. I want to hold her in my arms again." 

So did I. I wanted my daughter out of this hospital and back in our home. I wanted to rock her to sleep in the rocking chair that Ryan bought for me. I wanted to watch her sleep in her crib and I wanted to be woken up in the middle of the night when she was hungry. I wanted—

When we saw Cherise's doctor come through those double doors, Ryan and I jumped out of our seats and rushed towards him. Ayden and Jamie followed behind him, and Ayden stayed close by to help with the medical language while the rest of our family and friends stayed in the waiting area to not crowd Jamie. 

"How is she?" my best friend asked as she wrung her hands. "Did the surgery go okay?" 

The doctor's tone was low and soothing. It was impossible to tell if he had good news to deliver, or bad news. "She's in recovery now. Would you like to come see her?" 

Tears ran down Jamie's face and she nodded. "Yes. Please." She grabbed my hand before asking the doctor, "Can she come with me?"

"Of course. But just her. Follow me," he instructed us. 

The doctor led us through three sets of double doors. All of them needed his ID badge to get past. Jamie and I walked hand in hand, neither of us looking anywhere except straight ahead. My heart was hammering in my chest, and I had a terrible pit in my stomach. It wasn't a bad pit, it was just...the unknown. We still didn't really know anything about her mom or my daughter. I could only imagine what Jamie was feeling right now. 

"Right this way," he said as he led up down a bright hallway. When he got to the room marked R-105, he pulled the curtain back. "She's right here."

Jamie hesitated before stepping inside the small room. She tugged on my hand, pulling me inside with her to the side of Cherise's bed. 

"Don't be alarmed by the wires and breathing tube. Her breathing was a little shallow so it's just a precaution. It'll be removed once she wakes up."

When Jamie didn't say anything and just stared at her mom, I took it upon myself to ask the questions she wanted the answers to. It was probably the main reason she wanted me here. She knew she wouldn't be able to speak to the doctor or process anything he was saying once she saw her mom like this. 

"How long until she wakes up?"

"It depends on the patient, but it shouldn't be long. Maybe an hour or so. Possibly a little longer. Once she wakes up, she'll be groggy and probably in a great deal of pain. But we can manage that with medication." 

Jamie reached out and clasped her mom's hand. God. Cherise looked so frail like this. Not like the strong, fierce cancer survivor we've come to know and love greatly. I wish there was something I could do for her and Jamie. 

"I'll give you guys a few more minutes. Then you can see her again once we move her to a regular room." 

With a small smile, I nodded to the doctor. "Thanks. We really appreciate this." 

Once the doctor gave us a little privacy, it was just me, Jamie, and Cherise. I stood beside my best friend and didn't say a word. I was here for whatever she needed. Even if it was just my presence. 

"I was so mad at her," she whispered suddenly. "When she told me she was really doing this, I was so angry with her, Danielle." 

My eyes went from my friend to Cherise. "I know, Jamie." 

It was all I could say. I wasn't offended that she didn't want her mom doing this. It wasn't that she didn't care about my daughter, she was just afraid of losing her mom. And I completely understood that. 

"When she wakes up, I'm going to apologize to her, Danielle. I'm going to apologize and tell her I love her. And everything is going to get back to normal." 

Three Days Later

Thankfully, my daughter had a very successful surgery and was resting comfortably in the NICU. She was awake and alert and was healing beautifully. I wish it was the same for Cherise. 

"You said she would wake up in an hour. Three, tops. Not three days, doctor." Pinching the bridge of my nose, I tried to keep my anger under control. "We need to know what's going on here." 

Before the doctor could respond, Jamie emerged from the bathroom. "Doctor? Is she awake now?" She ran to her mom's bedside and frowned. "But I thought—" She looked back at the doctor. "What's going on?" 

The doctor moved to stand on the other side of Cherise's bed. And his expression wasn't a good one this time. "Jamie, we've been monitoring your mom very closely over the past few days. As we told you yesterday, she isn't breathing on her own. We still haven't been able to get her off the ventilator." 

Jamie blinked at the doctor, clearly not following what he was trying to say. "Okay...but she'll be able to get off it once she wakes up." 

The doctor glanced to me before looking back to my friend. 

"Why did you just look at Danielle? What's going on? And what aren't you telling me?" 

Dr. Moore cleared his throat. "There's no easy way to say this, Jamie, but there hasn't been any brain activity since she came out of the surgery." 

Jamie looked down at her mom before squeezing her eyes tight. "No. That can't be. She's going to wake up. I know she is. She said she was going to be fine. So...so she has to wake up." 

I wrapped an arm around her before saying softly to the doctor. "Say it. She needs to hear it." 

He met her stare and said the life-shattering words very carefully. "Jamie, your mother is brain dead." 

***

I know! I'm crying, too! Poor Cherise 😭 I have another update for your tomorrow!

Xoxo

🖤