a/n - for some reason wattpad wont let me load the picture for the top. So this chapter is in Nate's POV.

***

"Lie back on the bed, please."

Breathe, Nate. It's all for that little baby.

I've been repeating those eight words over and over again ever since I stepped foot into New York General Hospital. It was my turn to get tested to see if I was a match for the liver transplant. My turn to find out if I was going to help save a life. Because a world without that baby in it was a world that I didn't want to live in.

I meant it when I said I wanted to do this. There was no hesitation on my part when it came to that. But when I was faced with shit like this-with hospitals-I got scared. And I was so fucking scared right now.

Even though I wasn't blood related to the baby, she was family. Helpless and innocent. And Uncle Nate was ready and willing to put on his hero cape and save the damn day.

But the hospitals...Fuck. Ever since the whole Afghanistan/coma thing, I made an effort to stay away from hospitals.

It was the memories. The memories of everything that happened in this very hospital still plagued me. I tried to work past it. I even started seeing a damn therapist. But what I went through wasn't something that was easy to shake.

"This won't take long," the nurse said as she applied those sticky pads to my chest. Next was the electrodes. "Once we get these connected, we can start the EKG."

"Sounds good."

That was a lie. It didn't sound good at all. In fact, it sounded fucking horrible. But I gritted my teeth and powered through it. The actual test didn't hurt. Neither did the needle stick for the blood draw. None of this hurt. It was the memories. Those motherfucking memories.

Breathe, Nate. It's all for that little baby.

Karma volunteered to come with me. It was more like she insisted, actually. But I told her I needed to do this on my own. Kinda like one of those face your fears type thing. Unfortunately, at this moment, I was regretting that. This whole testing thing took longer than I expected. I was so ready to get the fuck out of here and go home to my girl.

"Here we go, Nathan. Ready?"

"It's Nate," I corrected her. "Yeah, I'm ready."

Karma was the only person who called me Nathan, and it was going to stay that way. When we were teenagers, I hated it at first. But when we finally got together way back when, I started loving the way my name sounded when she said it.

Or moaned it. Or yelled it. Any fucking way was good for me.

The nurse pushed a few buttons on the machine. "Nate. Okay, just relax. We're going to start now."

Relax? Yeah, sure. 'I'm right on top of that, Rose" was what I wanted to say. But it would have been smart-assy. So I shut up and reminded myself that I was willing to do whatever it took. Even if it meant keeping my anxiety in check while I waited for this to be over and done with.

The EKG process didn't take long, thankfully. They already did the blood work, tissue test, and physical. This was the last test on the list for me today. Then I was the fuck outta here.

"Okay. You're all set." The nurse started detaching all the electrodes and removed the sticky pads from my chest. "Someone will be in touch with you regarding your results."

"Thanks." Faster than humanly possible, I jumped off the bed, got dressed, and headed out the door.

People whizzed by me in the halls. Fucked up leg aside, I hauled ass towards the exit. Of course, it wasn't that easy, was it? Because when I passed room I-305, I froze. Still facing the EXIT sign, I tried willing myself to take another step forward.

Move your ass, Nate. So fucking close. I was so close to leaving through those double doors and going home to the woman I loved. But fear had me paralyzed.

"It's the memories, isn't it?"

The sound of Ayden's voice had me looking over my shoulder. "What the hell are you doing here?"

We hadn't talked since last night at Down the Rabbit Hole, where I yelled at and shoved my best friend.

"You know why I'm here." He took the few steps needed to stand in front of me. He must have had bigger balls than me, because he turned his head and looked into the room where I laid in a coma for weeks. "I haven't been able to come by this room either since it happened. I think about it every time I come to therapy, but I stay on the other side of the hospital."

Even though he never said it, I knew he still blamed himself for what happened to me. "It wasn't your fault, Ayden. You saved my life."

A corner of his mouth lifted. "Let's agree to disagree on that one. And to answer your other question, Karma was worried about you. I heard her telling Lanie you came here alone, and I knew how hard this would be for you."

"I'm not a fucking child, Ayden. I'm fine."

"Fine? You aren't fine, Nate. Neither of us is fine. We're fucked up because of what happened to us, and we're going to deal with it in our own way. But that doesn't mean we can't lean on each other." Ayden's voice came out rough when he said this next part. "I can only talk to Lanie and my therapist about so much, Nate. You were there with me. It was you and me out there. There's no one else who completely understands that hell."

Shit. I'd been so wrapped up in my own nightmare about what happened, and with what was going on with Ryan's daughter, that I'd only been thinking about myself. If I looked back on it, really looked back on it, Ayden had it a little worse than I did.

When we were stuck out there, I was unconscious through most of it. He wasn't. Over and over again he saved my life. My heart actually stopped a few times. I couldn't imagine what that was like for him.

"Look, Ayden, I'm sorry. I've been kind of lost in my own world lately. It hasn't been easy. But you're right. We were over there together. And I'm sorry about last night, too. Hard times right now."

"I hear you. And it's all good. I love you, too, brother." He clapped me on the shoulder. "Now let's get the hell outta here. You got a worried girl at home waiting for you."

***

It was quiet when I stepped into the house I shared with Karma. Ever since I moved in here with her, it's become ours little by little. My stuff was mixed with her stuff. Of course, she had the bigger side of the closet, but I didn't care. It felt right. Like this is how it was supposed to be all along.

What didn't feel right was the silence. It shouldn't be this quiet. Karma's little VW Beetle was in the driveway, so I knew she was here. And whenever I came home, there was either music or some reality show that she liked playing on the TV. Never this. Never silence.

I checked the kitchen first. No sign of her. My eyes went to that picture hanging on the fridge. The one where Karma tried to force me to smile while Lanie snapped the picture.

"Hold still so I can take a picture," Lanie whined. Like she always did.

I was sitting next to Karma and covered my face. "I don't do pictures, L. You know that."

Karma nudged me with her shoulder. "Come on. For me?"

When I looked at her, I kept my expression stern. Like I wasn't falling for her puppy dog eyes. Truth was, I was a goner for this girl and would probably do anything she asked me to.

As if I wasn't weak enough, she placed little kisses to my lips.

"Aw," Lanie cooed, "you guys are so cute. Now, come on! Let's do this."

"No," I groaned and turned my face away.

But Karma didn't take no for an answer. Instead, she grabbed my chin and kissed me just as the flash went off.

My thoughts came back to the present as I stared at the picture. God, that felt like another lifetime. We were just a couple of kids who were head over heels in love with each other. We had our issues, sure. But not like this. We didn't have pain and loss like we did now.

I left the kitchen and headed to our bedroom. When I got to the doorway, I saw her. She was standing in front of our dresser, looking down at something she was holding. My chest tightened. I knew what it was, and I knew what she was thinking about right now.

Walking up to her, I slid my arms around her waist, and her eyes instantly met mine in the mirror. Just like they always did.

"Hey, gorgeous."

"Hey. How'd it go?"

With a shrug I said, "It was okay. Glad it's over and I'm here with you."

Her expression told me she knew I was talking shit. But she didn't pry. She never did. She accepted as much as I wanted to tell her, when I wanted to tell her.

My eyes dropped to the bracelet in her hands and I couldn't help but smile. "Do you remember the significance of that bracelet? Besides it being your mother's, of course."

"It's the bracelet you brought me that summer back in 2007. The one that accidentally ended up with Lanie's things. That was the first time you came to my window."

Karma's mom gave it to her on her sixteenth birthday. She wore it frequently when we were dating. After getting back together, I didn't see it much since her mom died. I didn't need to ask her why. Her answer would be the same as mine.

It was the memories. Memories were a powerful thing, sometimes making us slaves of our own minds if we let them. They could make you feel some type of way. Happy. Sad. Scared. Heartbroken. Lately, for me at least, the memories have been making me feel paralyzed with fear. In Karma's case, I would guess they made her feel guilty and regretful.

She slipped the bracelet on her wrist before turning around in my arms. I squeezed her tight, more to my benefit than hers. "Tell me again, Nathan."

Shit. Karma was worried about the risks of surgery if I was the match to the baby. Especially the fatal one.

"I'm not going anywhere, baby," I whispered. "I promise."