"I want to get tested."
"Me too."
"Same here."
"Where do I fucking sign up?"

One after another, my friends and family members spoke up, offering to donate part of their liver for my little girl. I had Jackson text them to meet me here at Down the Rabbit Hole after hours. Danielle stayed at the hospital with the baby.

Everyone showed. But that wasn't a real surprise; even if it was the middle of the night. Some of them were in pajamas and looked like they rolled right out of bed. Others were dressed in regular clothes. But they were all here.

"Can we go now to sign up?" Jamie asked, sitting on one of the tables. "I'll go right now."

"Me too," Lanie added. "I want to go now."

Ayden pushed the stroller up to stand next to his fiancee. Little Nate was resting inside, sound asleep. "Slow down everybody. First they got to do blood typing. They need to see if one of us is a blood match. And if we are, then the next step is tissue typing. And a physical. Basically a battery of tests. It's not as easy as you guys think."

"You saying you don't wanna donate?" Nate snapped from where he was leaning against the bar. He put his hands to his chest and said, "I'll fucking do it. Right now."

"That's not what I'm saying, Nate. I'm just saying that we all need to be realistic here. It's going to be a fucked-up process and we're going to hear a lot of shit we don't want to hear. But don't for one second think I don't want to help save that little girl."

Karma whispered something I couldn't hear to Nate before she spoke up to all of us. "Alright, guys. Let's just take a deep breath, okay? Everyone's emotions are a little heightened right now. We're all a little upset."

Audible deep breaths were taken all around the empty bar. Lanie wiped at her eyes. Harper clung to Jackson like a life preserver. Nate had his eyes closed as he tried to tamper down his fear of the situation. Cherise pulled a tissue from her purse and dabbed the corners of her eyes.

Fuck. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be with my wife and daughter in that goddamn hospital room. But I needed my friends now. Out of the bunch of us, there had to be someone who was a match. Someone who could potentially save my daughter's life.

Then again, a part of me felt guilty for even hoping that one of my friends was a match. It wasn't like I was asking to borrow money or a fucking ride to the airport. And it's going to take a big surgery and a part of their fucking organ.

"Tomorrow," Jamie said suddenly. "We can all go down tomorrow and start getting tested and go from there. We can't do anything tonight."

Agreements were spread among the group. Each one ready and willing, itching to be the special match. But there was that damn catch again. Even if one of them was a match, that didn't mean it was going to be a smooth ride.

Ayden's thoughts mirrored my own. "It's not surprising that everyone here wants to be a match. But you need to know the risks."

"Risks?" Nate scoffed. "What risks?"

"He's talking about the surgical risks," Karma said softly, as if talking to a child or trying to calm down a wild animal. Basically any way necessary to keep Nate from losing it. "Just like any procedure, there's a risk of complications. Some of them serious."

"She's right," Ayden said. "None of you might want to hear it, but a transplant surgery can have risks like allergies to anesthesia. Nausea. Pain and blood clots. Pneumonia."

"I think we can all handle that," Nate said.

Ayden was in Nate's face in an instant. "There's also the rare risks. Like liver failure and death, Nate. It's not a fucking walk in the park."

"Yeah?" He shoved his best friend in the chest. "When's the last time you went for a walk in a goddamn park, Ayden?"

"Don't push me, Nate."

"Or what, huh? Gonna hit me, brother?"

Karma stepped between the best friends and took her love's hand. "Nathan, I need you to take me outside to get some some air."

When he didn't break his glare with Ayden, Karma reached up and stroked his cheek. "Baby, please? I need you to do this for me."

It took a little more coaxing from her to finally get Nate to lead her out of the bar. No one seemed offended by his outburst. It was like Karma said, emotions were heightened. Especially mine. Nate's lost a lot of people in his life. Shit, he almost lost his own life. He was scared. We all were.

For a second, I thought of mom. Not Priscilla. I thought about Everly. Like everyone in this room, she would be the first to offer her own liver. Hell, her life, for my daughter. I was feeling her absence now more than ever.

"Every decision we make is one more piece to the puzzle of our lives. If we make the wrong choice, we won't like the picture that the puzzle will eventually represent."

How right she was about that. Every choice we made had consequences. Each one I've made in my life has led me here. Now. Does that mean it was my fault this happened to my little girl? No, it didn't. But I'll be damned if I didn't do everything in my power to make sure she lives.

Some how, some way. She was going to make it through this. She was going to have a sweet sixteen and date someone I hated and thought she didn't deserve. Then I was going to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day.

Parents aren't supposed to bury their children. Their children are supposed to bury them.

***

I poured another scotch but didn't take a drink. Instead, I swished it around in my glass. After our little meeting, everyone kinda started drinking or crying. Some did a little mixture of both. My friends were spread out in the bar. Each one sitting with their significant other.

Nate rejoined us a little bit ago. Even though his eyes were red and his hair disheveled, he seemed to have gotten a handle on his emotions. He kept his distance from Ayden, though. Smart move.

Those two were the very definition of brothers. After serving side-by-side as Special Force officers in the army, they had an unbreakable bond. But that didn't stop them from butting heads and wanting to kick the other one's ass from time to time.

Jackson walked up to the bar and sat on the stool. "Pour me one."

Reaching to the right, I grabbed a glass and poured some of his favorite bourbon in it. Without speaking a word, I set it in front of him.

"More."

I poured some more.

"Thanks." Grabbing the glass, he drank all its contents. His eyes slid shut as the bourbon slid down his throat. Once he swallowed it all, he met my stare levelly. "You're thinking about her, aren't you?"

I nodded, knowing he wasn't talking about my daughter.

"Why aren't you talking? Talk to me."

Shaking my head, I took a gulp from the bottle this time. "What am I supposed to say, Jackson? Everything I say or think or feel makes me want to throw up. My daughter is lying in the NICU, pretty much fighting for her life. And you want me to talk? Fuck off, Jay."

"Don't talk to me like that. I know what you're feeling. I feel it, too. I'm losing my bloody mind over this." Jackson ran his hand over my face. Just like I've been doing a lot lately. "That might be your daughter, but she's my niece. My fucking niece, brother."

Fuck. I closed my eyes briefly. Well didn't that make me feel like a sack of shit. "I'm sorry, Jackson. I guess we're all wound up pretty tight."

He sucked his teeth. "Yeah, well Karma warned us, didn't she? No worries, brother. I'm just trying to make sense of this. Same as you."

"But there is no making sense of this, Jackson. How is there any sense to be made by my daughter needing a liver transplant?"

Silene hung between us for several minutes. Everyone in this room has either lost someone or has been through hell and back. And this was another fucking hurdle we had to jump over. A huge-ass fucking hurdle.

"I wish she was here for this," I said softly so only Jackson would here. "I need her optimism and support, Jay. I need mom."

Jackson cursed under his breath and wiped at his eyes quickly. "I know. Me too. But she's here with us, Ry. I feel her every day. If she was here, she would tell you that everything happens for a reason and that, no matter how fucked-up, it was all going to be okay."

I stared at my brother for a moment. Then burst out laughing. Everyone's head snapped in my direction. They probably thought that I lost my damned mind. Maybe I had.

"No offense, Jay, but you don't sound anything like mom."

"No? Who do I sound like then?"

I shrugged a shoulder. "More like Mary-freaking-Poppins."

The bar filled with laughter. And for a split second, it felt good. Because it was clear that within all of the darkness that surrounded us right now, there was a little bit of light.

But something inside me had me believing that the darkness wasn't going to be gone for long.