We all rested and waited until the food will be delivered.

Dumating si Pastor dahil inimbitahan din siya ni Dake to join us sa mini celebration namin.

I just don't expect how Christians do it. We started with an opening prayer then a very inspiring message from the Pastor. At ang tumataktak talaga sa akin is yung sinabi ni Pastor at binasa niyang verse na, 'Our labor for the Lord is not in vein.'

It means everything we do if we do it for God will be worth it, all the effort and sacrifices. All the sweats and body pains. God sees it and in due time we will reap a harvest out of it. Walang sayang dahil lahat ay may dahilan.

I am not into God and Christianity pero this message felt convincing. There is a conviction inside me to believe it and to live it. At may kakaiba akong tuwang naramdaman inside. It really felt different. Hindi yung happy ka lang because of the successful program. Pero iba siya talaga. I remember my past, all the pains and all that I have been experienced before and from my childhood but still I am happy. I am really happy. At sa tuwa ko ay nanginginig ang buong katawan ko and I don't know where it came from. I feel excited.

The pastor asked everybody to reflect from the finished program.

Some started to reflect from their experience and how they relate it to the message. Medyo kabado ako dahil this is my first time at di ko alam ang sasabihin ko. I tried practicing in my mind what to say.

Until my turn came.

"Ikaw iha? Anong reflection mo?"

I was hesitant pero tumayo parin ako.

"I-i don't k-know what exactly to say."

Nanginginig kong simula.

"Pero I have to be honest na ang experience kong ito ang kauna-unahang pinakamasayang nangyari sa buhay ko..."

Then bigla nalang nangilid ang luha ko. I have to pause para mapigilang mahulog ang mga luha ko. Then continued again.

"I was unlucky with my childhood, marami akong bad memories from the past. There are times I hate myself because I cannot blame anybody else except myself though I know that I don't have the control of what happened to me. But I still hate myself and I find no purpose and no meaning to this world. And yea, no one showed that to me. I have one, but he's dead. He was my father... "

Then I have to pause again. I tried wiping out my tears na hindi pa naman nahuhulog, hopefully I could stop it from falling. Ayukong pinapakita ang kahinaan ko. Though I don't know why I am opening my life to these people, but I really felt sincerity in their eyes and how warm they are to me.

"Helping others is the least I could do, dahil I, myself need a help too. I admit that now. I always felt a strong woman, I can do what I want. No one can turn me down. I build that character as I grow older with those experiences. I live with it. But this experience was very special. Sobrang saya ko and gaya nga ng sinabi ko it's my first good memory and I will surely not forget about it..."

Then a pause again.

"Yea, I am not telling you all of these to gain sympathy. And I don't know also why I am sharing those to you. I'm just happy, really really happy today. Happy ako na nakatulong ako. I just found the meaning of my life. I want to believe your message pastor. I really want... "

I felt awkward sa last sentences ko.

" Just open your heart iha, let God work in your life and see what he can do for you."

Napatango lang ako pero I could still hardly believe that God had something for me.

Siguro nga mahirap akong konbinsihin dahil I never seen it a reality. But if time permits I want it to experience. Miracle na nga kung mangyayari pa ito sa akin.

" T-that's all."

Pahayag ko at naupo na ako. They clap and I saw sympathy and concerns in their eyes. Para akong nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig and now regretted what I just shared.

Sa loob-loob ko ay inaaway ko ang sarili ko kasi basta ko nalang inopen ang sarili ko sa lga taong hindui ko pa naman kilalang lubusan. At isa pa, i hate it to think na Dake heard it all and seen my drama sa buhay. Gusto ko na lamang lumubog ngayon sa kinauupuan ko.

Natapos din ang reflection time. After n'on ay prayer time. I heard the pastor pray for me. At ngayon ay nagsisisi nanaman ako why I let go off my guard. And finally, kainan na.

Marami ang lumapit sa akin telling me that I could always count on them. I appreciated it pero hindi lang ako sanay. Of course Sandy knows everything from my past kaya tinapik tapik na lamang niya ako and she whispered telling me, how brave I am.

After n'on ay hindi na ako naging komportable sa lahat ng nangyari sa mini celebration.

At hinatid ulit ako ni Dake sa bahay pagkatapos nun. I tried acting normal na parang walang ginawang kadramahan kanina.

"Thank you Dake. See you sa lunes."

Pahayag ko dahil nga papasok na ulit ako sa coffee shop.

"Yep, see you."

Maiksing tugon bago nagpaalam.

It was a good yet shameful experience. Now I am hating again myself for letting go off my guard at ang masaklap pa doon is nandoon pa si Dake. He heard everything. Nakakainis.

--------------

Wait for my next UD. Thankyou for reading
💕💖💖

Assi 💚