*****

"Crying is how your heart speaks, when the lips can't explain the pain you feel."

*****

Devlin's past had been a very difficult one. He had seen gruesome scenes and passed through the most complicated situations but never once did he cry.

Devlin had been in the battle field, with less food and water, bullets and bombs flying here and there, loud noises from blasts and crying soldiers, he never cried.

Devlin had been through vigorous training. His body was pushed out of its limits. Sometimes he had fractured bones other times he had wounds from lashes from his seniors, but not once did he cry.

Devlin had once been caught by the enemy, tortured to give information, earning several bullet wounds and some permanent knife marks, even in all that he did not cry.

Not today though.

Today Devlin cried.

Tears streaming down his cheeks, his mouth choking some sobs, his eyes red and his nose running too. Why does the nose always join the league anyway?

Devlin stood up, dusted his back and started walking. To where, you might ask, but even Devlin himself could not answer since he was too deep in his thoughts that he did not realise that he was walking.

Nor did he even see that he was passing a sleeping Sharleen under a tree.

Ever since Devlin heard that Sharleen was soon to be married his only hope was that maybe, just maybe she felt even a quarter of what he felt towards her. Maybe she she was attracted to him and she just needed a slight push to see it.

Things don't always go the way we want them to, it dawned on him. All along she did not even like him that way. To hit the nail on the head, she loved her fiancee.

"I love my fiancee. Kevin is... everything." Her words kept replaying over and over again in his mind, stabbing his already shattered heart repeatedly.

She loves her fiancee... He thought.

Kevin is her everything... He thought again with a scoff.

Wait... Kevin???

Devlin did not even realise that he had stopped walking.

Could it be?

Could she be the one?

Was i trying to destroy my best friend's marriage?

Dreaded thoughts ran through Devlin's mind like acid. He did not even realise that he was shaking his own head in denial.

It cannot happen. This cannot happen to me...

Devlin was tired. Tired of thinking, tired of walking and tired of talking. What he desired right now was to be wiped from the face of the earth, but that was not possible.

The only possible thing was sleep. At least he could forget the world and all this pain, even though temporarily.

Entering a cab, Devlin gave the driver directions and gazed out of the window absentmindedly and waited impatiently for the drive to be over.

When the cab stopped, Devlin did not wait any longer. He took out his wallet and gave the driver a hundred dollar bill. Without waiting for his change or without even a thank you, Devlin exited the cab and into the house, leaving the back door of the cab opened for the driver to close it himself.

Inside the house, Dorcas, Devlin's mom, was getting her ingredients ready to prepare supper for her son and herself when the door bust open.

Dorcas was ready to scold her son when she looked at his face. His son looked much of a zombie and less of her son. She was sure he was not even aware that she was in the house as he walked towards his bedroom.

Dorcas was very confused. She could not understand any of this since her son was very happy in the morning during breakfast and moments after before he left to wherever he was going.

Dorcas could only hope that her only son was okay. With how out of it he looked, she guessed he would not appreciate being consulted at the moment so she let him be.

Devlin let out a comfortable sigh the moment he landed on his fluffy bed. He closed his eyes begging desperately for sleep to take him away.

With all the tiredness and emotional drain, he felt himself slowly drifting away... sleep did not disappoint him.

He smiled as he gave away to sleep.

Devlin slowly returned back to consciousness as he heard his bedroom door softly close.

Unknown to him his mother had been to his room thirty minutes earlier, just sitting near her sleeping son, looking at him and trying to figure out what the hell was eating him.

It was a couple of minutes past 8am, he realised. After freshening up, Devlin went downstairs where the sweet pizza aroma shockingly filled the room.

His mom NEVER ordered pizza. She loved cooking.

"Who are you and what have you done to my mum?" Devlin asked his mom jokingly when he spotted her in the dining room.

Dorcas saw the way his eyes were red and puffy and his voice hoarse. Devlin surely had it rough today. Even his smile did not reach his eyes. A fake smile.

"I kidnapped her, chopped her and used her bones as firewood for cooking this mouth watering delicacy." Dorcas simply said with a playful tone.

Devlin narrowed his eyes at her, "She was my mum! Now who would cook for me those new recipes?"

"Well, am happy to know that your definition of mom is a cook that provides you different kinds of food." Dorcas continued playing along while rolling her eyes.

"Oh. It seems you don't know my mum then. If i were you i would have kidnapped her and forced her to be my personal chef forever!" Devlin said in a serious tone.

"Devlin! You have thoughts of kidnapping me your mother?" Dorcas feigned hurt by his son's words.

"You killed my mum, remember? You are not her." Devlin said with a smirk plastered on his mouth.

"The stupid game is over! I am talking about your thoughts on kidnapping me!" Dorcas scolded her son.

"It was a game? I thought we were just saying the truth." Devlin's mouth formed an 'o'.

"I will show you truth you fool." Dorcas sprinted towards her son, not before grabbing a cooking stick from the kitchen and mumbling things like 'i cant believe my son would think of kidnapping me just for the sake of his tummy' and 'your tummy will be the death of you'.

The two played the cat and mouse game in the living room for some minutes until old Dorcas gave up and sat on one of the sofas while shooting glares at her son who was grinning a few steps from her.

Devlin knew his mother was trying to cheer him up. He was thankful, very thankful that at least for just some minutes his mind did not picture her.

In his mother's eyes, Devlin saw the concern and her begging for him to open up to her. Devlin just gave her a small smile as if saying 'trust me'.

There are some things someone has to experience and learn on his own and this was one of them.

After devouring their dinner, well... pizza, the two chatted for a while and they later retired for the night.

The following day Devlin decided to confirm his suspicion. For his own sanity, he wanted to know if the Kevin she was talking about was his friend.

After breakfast, Devlin drove to Kevin's work place. Lucky for him, the secretary let him in without much questions. His guess was Kevin had in prior informed his secretary about him.

Kevin had a small and simple but classy office. Everything was arranged in just the right places. The floor and walls were too clean that Devlin did not feel walking or touching the walls.

"If you have finished eye fucking my room would you please have a sit?" Kevin said, as cocky as ever.

Devlin rolled his eyes at his friend's comment and took a sit in one of the two visitor's chairs.

"You look like shit." Kevin observed his friend.

"Thanks." Devlin replied sarcastically.

"You are welcomed. Now spill." Kevin demanded.

"I did not come here to spill anything." Devlin sighed. "I came to talk more about you and the wedding."

Kevin glaced at his watch then looked back at his friend with a raised eyebrow. "Devlin it's still nine in the morning! Are you sure you did not hit your head at night or something?"

Devlin glared back at him as an answer making Kevin groan. "Fine, what do you want to know?"

"I want to know more about your bride and how you two met." Devlin simply stated. Deep inside him though it was not the case, he was far from composed.

"Am sorry man for not introducing you two sooner. We promised to stay apart until the wedding date." Kevin looked at his friend apologetically.

"But she is the best, with a good heart. You should see her man, you would like her automatically." Kevin continued cheerfully, with love evident in his eyes.

If you knew how much i like her...

"She is simple, nothing bitchy about her. She loves chocolate cake more that anything." Kevin said looking at a picture frame on the table.

Devlin followed his eyes to the table and saw the picture frame that was facing towards his friend.

Devlin did not know why her stomach was churning. He dreaded what he will see in case he took a look at the picture.

"What's the matter man? Are you getting cold feet? I thought i was the groom? You look pale." Kevin chuckled at his own joke.

"I have been to worse than a wedding. I am in the fucking army remember?" Devlin raised his brow at his friend.

He was acting cool but if his friend knew the internal battle he was having...

"Don't make me picture my best friend killing people. That's just... gross." Kevin made a disgusted face.

"Could you maybe... I mean..." Devlin tried talking but words seemed stuck on his throat.

Kevin looked at his friend trying to figure out what he was saying and followed his eyes to the photo in front of him.

"If you are done opening and closing your mouth like a fish you can take the photo and have a look." Kevin said after figuring out what his friend wanted.

Devlin's left hand slowly stretched at he took the picture and turned it towards him. The whole time he was not breathing, not that he realised it anyway.

In the picture was a laughing Sharleen with no care in the world. Her eyes glowed and her face brightened, she surely was having a nice time. Her hair and dress were swaying to the left when the photo was taken.

She looked sinfully beautiful.

"I took that picture on our first date at the beach. She looks beautiful, doesn't she?" Kevin asked his friend with a smile.

Why is my heart paining?

"She is." Devlin answered truthfully. He was still looking at the picture, still caught in a daze, even his answer was automatic.

The truth that he had denied for so long now dawned on Devlin.

Sharleen was not meant for him. She was his friend's soon to be wife. All he could do was to suck it up and be happy for his friend.

It hurt so much, it seemed unfair, it made his heart bleed, but what could he do?

It was fate, and this time it was not on his side.

"You love her?" Devlin asked. This was his last hope.

"I do. I love her very much." Kevin said proudly not knowing this was the last nail on the coffin carrying Devlin's love for Sharleen.

Devlin smiled at his friend. Like a goodbye speech, he said. "Then treat her well. If she is as special as you have mentioned then she deserves the best. Or else i will chop out, fry your dick and force you to eat it."

"What? You are my friend! You are supposed to say that to her!" Kevin exclaimed.

"Well, she is a lady so i can't threaten her." Devlin said as a matter of fact.

"Good to know you are not a sexist." Kevin said sarcastically.

Devlin just grinned while Kevin rolled his eyes.

After a moment, Devlin bid his friend goodbye and left. Reaching the parking lot, Devlin reached for his phone and called the someone.

"Hello sir." Devlin greeted as soon as the call was received.

"Hello too, son." The voice of his commander boomed from the other side.

"Is the chance on partaking the op still available?" Devlin asked.

"Direct to the point, i see." The commander chuckled.

"Learnt from the best, sir." Devlin replied.

"I saved a spot for you. I had this feeling that you would change your mind." Commander said after a while.

"Thank you sir. I wont disappoint you." Devlin said feeling relieved.

"I know you won't disappoint me. Now come immediately after the wedding, we have a lot to do." Commander said from the other side.

"I will be there sir." And the line went dead.

Maybe distance is all i need, he thought.

I just have to survive the wedding.

*****