Yana and I just sit there, tongue-tied. 

"How did I not know this for 13 years?", I choke out.

"You were barely 3 so you don't remember all this, but you were very excited for the baby", my dad says softly.

"I cannot believe you hid this from me for all these years!"

"It was a very painful time for us, we didn't want you to go through it too", my mum finally says something.

"Yea, by not telling me I could have had a brother or sister. You used to tell that I know everything about you guys, and here it is, something I didn't know for 13 years", I get up and rush to my room. I think about calling Liam and talking to him but decide against it, because he has had such an amazing day and I don't want to ruin it by calling him. He needs to spend time with his parents. I put on my earphones, play my depressing playlist, close my eyes and lay down. I don't know how long I lay like that but I know at one point my mum walks into my room, stands at the doorway for sometime before going back. I don't know why she would not want to tell me, but I am not ready for another round of screaming or crying. Emily calls me sometime before I fall asleep but I ignore the call, because I don't want to burden everyone with my problems when everyone looked happy. We are all getting together tomorrow to Alina again.

I wake up 4 hours later with 2 missed calls from Liam and 1 missed call from Emily. I add them both on a conference call to talk to them together.

"Who died?", I ask in my hoarse, sleepy voice.

"You died! Where the fuck were you!", Emily screams through the phone.

"My ear Em, I was sleeping, geez", I say now almost awake.

"Yea for 4 and a half hours?"

"Yess"

"I don't understand your sleep pattern Nyra, who sleeps at 5 in the evening?"

"Me obviously, my sleep does not ask me 'may I come now?'. We have holidays!"

"Well we were scared considering you never sleep during this time", Liam says.

 "I was tired today", I say and sigh into the phone.

"Did you immediately sleep after coming home? I told you to text me once you reach home and I didn't receive that text either", Liam reminds me. It completely slipped my mind in all that talk. I apologise to him and he scolds me for scaring him. I almost tell them but hold back and hang up telling my mum is calling me for dinner. They both hang up and I actually go down. Not because I want to talk to them but because I am hungry. I have my needs. Everyone is already at the table when I come down. I have no option but to sit down with them. No matter how angry we are with each other, we have to eat dinner together, I am not allowed to take my dinner to my room. Indian family rules.

We all eat our food in silence, my parents giving each other sneaky looks. I try eating as fast as I can so that I can go back to my room.

"Chew your food properly!", my dad comments. Yes, that is the first thing he says. I slow down my speed.

"Are you gonna tell us why you hid it from us?", I say finally.

"Yes, we have thought over it and we think you need to know. Depression is such a serious problem and people don't have information in India and at that time specially. Many people have suicidal thoughts during that time, and many do end up taking their lives. You kept your mother going, she decided to live because of you, to give you a better life. She beat it and came out of it. We didn't want you to know, because we thought we were protecting you from the sadness. It was a very low point in all our lives. And then Yana came and everything seemed to fall back in place and it didn't seem right to remember that time again and again when we have a very beautiful life now. But that doesn't mean we don't think about what happened or what our family could have been like. We just wanted to protect you guys", my dad finishes. I mean I understand his part of protecting me but that is not his choice, I did deserve to know that I would have had a brother or sister. 

"How long were you in depression mom?", Yana asks. She has been quite this entire time, not a single word.

"I was in depression around 8 months. Luckily your dad and I both were educated enough to know that I needed to see a therapist and I could get through it faster.", my mum answers this time. "I mean I knew miscarriage runs in the family and yet we decided to go ahead and get pregnant but that is the best decision we have taken", she places a hand over both Yana and my hand.

"Miscarriage runs in our family?", I ask shocked. I know its too early for me to think about it but I always had this image of my future in my mind, me a dancer living in a small bunglow with my husband and 2 kids, a boy and girl. Yea but I should not focus on that right now. My mum nods. We complete our dinner and I want to say I love you before walking up but I am very awkward. I was never taught to express love and I don't think I ever will be able to.

I am surfing through Instagram when Liam calls. 

"I already told you I am sorry! How many more times do I have to tell you?", I yell at him, irritated. I know he called to tell how pissed he is I didn't message him and how scared I got him.

"Who told you I called you for that?", he asks confused. Oops.

"I am sorry, I just thought so. What's up?"

"I knew something when we were talking and now you irritated for no reason. What's wrong?"

"I had just woken up and you guys were yelling at me, so I got pissed. Nothing's wrong"

"Don't lie", I knew he would see through me, even on the phone. I sigh and finally tell him everything that happened through the day. Yes, he gets furious at me for hiding. We have a little quarrel over this but at this point these small quarrels are nothing new. We like to argue over things, that's how we became friends after all.

                                                                 **************************

A/N

Hey guys, during this pandemic it is very normal to feel lonely and left out. If you ever want to talk to someone and let it out, my messages are always open. I am always ready to help, whatever it is.

Instagram- _yami_18107(you can message me here too)

Do vote and comment how you like the book. 

XOXO