Chapter 19 - Fear
Zuko walked back to camp, a spring in his step that wasn't there before. Things were starting to look up. In the two weeks since he and Kara had left Sen behind, she'd spoken to him as little as possible, and degraded his plan whenever she could. But now he was going to prove to her that he wasn't just some useless prince.
Her main point had been that they had no way to get to Ba Sing Se, because the Fire Nation had set up a blockade. But now Zuko'd found a way- there was a hidden ferry that took people across the lake; that was how they'd get there.
Now she'd have to acknowledge that he wasn't useless!
And soon they'd be in Ba Sing Se, with Uncle, and he would fix everything. It didn't matter if Kara hated him. She'd come around eventually- she'd have to. There would be a new life for them in Ba Sing Se. A new hope. And maybe, someday, Zuko could forget about his former life- he could forget that he was the prince of the Fire Nation, and that he had no honor.
The hardest thing to forget would be the truth staring him in the face. It didn't matter if Kara came around. It didn't matter if she started to like him, if they became friends as Zuko so desperately wanted.
The moment her memory returned, she would hate him again, with more fury than before. A part of Zuko hoped that he was wrong- that she wouldn't hate him. That she'd understand.
After all, she had saved his life.
She'd fallen to her 'death' to save him, and her last words still haunted him. There is good in you, Zuko. Zuko didn't know if she'd been right, but he was beginning to see that maybe, just maybe- she could be.
The Avatar didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore except protecting Kara. Except helping her- except making her stop hating him.
Granted, Zuko hadn't been having much luck with that lately. But he'd keep trying. He'd always had to fight and push and it had made him strong. He was the very definition of determination. And he would get through to her, no matter how long it took.
With a slight smile curling his lips, Zuko stepped into the small cave that they'd camped in the night before.
Kara sat before the fire, drawing a brush through her waist length hair. Zuko sucked in a breath- the firelight flickered off the drops of water still caught in the chocolate strands; she must have just gotten back from the stream he'd found that morning.
She was arrayed in starlight- she was beautiful.
Not for the first time, Zuko felt the almost overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around her. To bury his face in her soft hair and inhale her scent, and never ever let her go. Not for the first time, Zuko suppressed the urge. She hated him already.
The last thing he needed was her thinking that he- that he what? Liked her? Of course he did. He'd have to be dead not to. She was smart, beautiful, kind- well, not to him, but she was to other people. She was one of the bravest people Zuko'd ever met, and he couldn't help but like her.
But he also knew that he didn't really know her.
She wouldn't let him- no matter how hard he tried to get to know her she pushed him away.
Zuko slowly unclenched his hands, firming his jaw. That would change, he'd make sure of it. He knew what she thought of him, but he'd make her see that she was wrong. He had to.
He cleared his throat, stepping fully into the cave. She jumped and whirled around, glaring at him.
"Don't you ever knock?"
Zuko flinched. Her words were like a whip- always lashing at him with stinging pain. It was even worse when her words mirrored moments from his past.
"No."
She made a disgusted sound in her throat and turned away, jerking the brush through her hair viciously. Zuko fought them memories for a moment, breathing deeply as Uncle had taught him.
After several minutes, he relaxed, and moved to sit across the fire from Kara. She ignored him. She'd long since discovered that constantly glaring at him wasn't going to make him let her go.
That was what she wanted more than anything.
Kara wanted to leave him; she didn't care where she'd go, just as long as it was away from him. She'd told him that often enough that he believed her.
But Zuko couldn't let her know how much that hurt him- how much it pained him when she let him know that she thought of herself as a prisoner.
Zuko cursed himself for the irony- if things had gone according to his original plan, she would be his prisoner.
His hands began to fist again, and with supreme effort, he stopped them. She couldn't know the effect she had on him. It would give her too much of an upper hand, and that was something the Fire Prince could not afford.
With practiced nonchalance, he leaned back against the rough rock wall, suppressing a curse when a protruding rock pressed painfully into the back of his head. He shifted slightly, as if stretching.
"I found a way to get us to Ba Sing Se."
Even though Zuko tried to keep the gloating out of his voice, the lighting that flashed from her eyes told him that he hadn't succeeded. Oh well.
"Oh really."
Kara's voice dripped disdain. She didn't believe him.
Zuko smiled. "Yeah. There's a ferry that takes people across some lake. We'll use it." He smirked as she ducked her head, obviously hiding her anger that he'd won.
Her next words, however, crushed that assumption. She was laughing at him. "Oh really."
Zuko sat straight up, glaring at her. "Yes, really. You wouldn't know about it, being from so far north, but-"
He stopped as she snorted, letting out a low, derisive laugh. "Everyone knows about about the ferry, Zuko. This is the Earth Kingdom. News like that travels fast, especially if it involves sticking it to the Fire Nation."
"If you knew about it, why didn't you say something before? We could have saved all those hours we spent trying to find a good map!"
She laughed. "Because it doesn't matter. We can't use the ferry."
Zuko wanted to strangle her. "Why not?"
She looked up, and even her eyes were laughing at him. Every muscle in Zuko's body was clenched, trying to keep from hitting her. He was trying to control his anger issues, and she was being difficult!
"Well I don't know about you, Your Highness, but I don't have an Earth Kingdom passport."
Zuko stared at her, confused. "What?"
She sighed. "You can't ride the ferry without a passport. It's why Aki and I didn't do it a long time ago. She couldn't afford a passport, and I can't get one because- well, I just can't get one. So unless you have two authentic Earth Kingdom passports with our names on them, we're not getting on that ferry."
Zuko lurched to his feet, glaring down at her. "Well then you'd better come up with an idea, because I'm all out!" He kicked at the fire, sending flames leaping into the air.
She jerked back, glaring at him. Zuko hated the fear that sprang into her eyes. Immediately he was across the room, kneeling beside her, brushing the sparks from her clothes. She batted him away.
"Leave me alone!"
He backed off, towards the entrance. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"
"JUST GO AWAY!"
Zuko slammed his fist into the wall of the cave, relishing the pain. He stood outside the entrance for a long time, glaring out over the low, rocky plain that stretched below the cliffs.
He didn't know what to do.
He hated not knowing what to do!
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