《Selena Arabella Calos》

I want to hate Alex for bringing him up in the conversation, but I can't really blame Alex for it because he doesn't know. He doesn't know what Adam did, and nor, as far as I'm concerned, will he ever. It's bad enough that Adam lost Alessandro's friendship, but he doesn't deserve losing Alex's, despite what he did to me. I would never have told Alessandro either, but he found out because he was the one who saved me from Adam.

I don't want to think about Adam, but I can't help it. Every time I close my eyes, that night plays in my head on repeat. I am there again- scared because the person I considered my best friend was not; heartbroken because he was the last person I expected would hurt me; and vulnerable because I lost my safe haven.

-

Two Years Ago

I was getting ready for bed after a long day at the beach when I saw a small rock hitting my bedroom window. I rolled my eyes, already knowing who I would see if I were to open my window and look down from the balcony, but I did so anyway.

"You know, one of these days, you're going to break my window," I said, looking down at Adam from my balcony.

He looked at me, grinned, but stumbled back and fell on the sand. I closed my eyes and sighed. He was drunk again. And yes, he was underage, but he did not care. On the other hand, I did care that he was drinking so irresponsibly because he could get himself hurt. I also cared because I knew what brought on his drinking episodes, and the reason was not pretty.

"Stay there. I'm coming down," I shouted at him in annoyance, and he gave me a thumbs up. Usually, I wouldn't have been so annoyed, but this was the fourth consecutive night he had done this, and he did not choose the alternative- coming to talk to me- before drinking.

I turned around and proceeded to make my way to Adam, not bothering to be quiet because no one was in the house. Jax was going to come later, but he did not mind Adam coming to our house in the middle of the night- in fact, he was used to it.

"Drink," I ordered him, placing a glass of water on the table in front of him, and he shook his head. I resisted the urge to hit him- he did this every time he was wasted.

"No," he replied adamantly.

"Why?"

"No," he repeated, and I hit my head on the countertop.

Arguing with him was impossible as is, but it was even more impossible when he was drunk- if that's possible. Also, having the same argument every night was a little exhausting- especially when I knew its outcome.

"Adam, I won't ask you again. Drink the damn water."

He glared at me. "You cannot tell me what to do. No one can!"

He took the glass of water in his hand and smashed it on the table, making shards of glass fly everywhere, including at me. I backed away in surprise and fear. He never did this. Even in his addled state, he always protected me, kept me safe- made sure his actions would never harm me.

Adam picked up a larger piece of the broken glass in his bleeding hard and smiled wickedly. "He was right. He was right. He was right! He told me that everyone controlled me too much. He told me you affected me too much. He was fucking right!"

Adam shouted, taking menacing steps toward me. I continued backing away from him, looking for a way out of the kitchen, but he was blocking it, and I was too scared to go near him. I didn't have my phone either, so I couldn't call anyone. And Jax, Jax wasn't at home yet. If Adam decided to hurt me, I wouldn't be able to protect myself- I was not strong enough- and no one would be there to protect me.

He looked unhinged, and that terrified me. My breathing was becoming shallower, and my hands were starting to sweat.

I closed my eyes for a second and willed myself to calm down a bit and try to calm Adam too.

I opened my eyes and held my arms in front of me as a sort of defence and a way to calm Adam. "No one is controlling you, Adam," I said in a soft, controlled voice. "I was just worried about you. You don't have to do anything you do not want to do."

Adam closed the distance between us with a long stride, backing me against the wall. "But you are. And I cannot let you. I cannot let anyone control me, or he'll win."

"Who are you t-" Before I could have finished my question, Adam placed the shard of glass against the side of my neck, pressing down.

I took a deep breath. He was pressing right above where my carotid artery. If he cut too deeply, I would bleed out in less than a minute.

I knew that any sudden moves could surprise him, and even if he did not mean to, he could kill me instantly. I slowly raised my hands and put them on his chest.

"Adam, please back away a little," I requested as calmly as possible, but he did not. So I tried to push him away, but he just stepped closer, trapping my legs between his and grabbing my wrists tightly in one of his hands.

"Goodbye, angel," he whispered in my ear as he started digging the shard of glass into my skin, and that's when I lost it. I screamed so loudly that my ears started aching, but it didn't affect Adam, who continued his actions- torturing me, killing me. "I couldn't bring myself to do this for the last week because of how I feel about you, but I can't let him win. I am so-"

I couldn't hear the rest of his words because I blacked out from the fear and pain of his betrayal and actions.

-

Present

I woke up later in the hospital, and Alessandro told me what had happened. Alessandro got there in time to save me, and Adam, upon seeing him, ran away. I begged Alessandro not to tell anyone about what had happened, and he listened to me, but that didn't stop him from beating up Adam. Jax arrived shortly after Alessandro, but he didn't know what happened either.

We stuck with the story that someone had broken into the house, and because of my parents' influence, no one asked too many questions.

I have avoided seeing Adam since that say. I miss him, even though I can never forgive him for what he did, especially because his reasons for doing so were that someone would win if he didn't. I have a good guess of who that someone was, but was losing against anyone, even that person, worth my life?

I get up from my bed and pace around the room. I have tried to forget what happened, but I can't- how can I when the person who did that to me was such a huge part of my life?

Sometimes I replay the night in my head and think of all the things I could have done differently so that everything that happened wouldn't have and I would still have my friend. I think of many things, but that ends up driving me insane.

A knock on my door distracts me from my thoughts.

"Come in," I say, knowing only one person could be here at this time.

"Are you okay?" Alessandro asks me as soon as he enters the room.

"Yes, of course, I'm okay. What about you?" I answer curtly, signalling to him that I do not want to talk about it.

"Lena," he sighs, walking towards me. "I know you're not okay, and I am aware that you might not want to talk about it, but you should. Now that he's here, in Kilanea, there's a pretty good chance you're going to run into him, and that's not going to end well, especially if you don't deal with what happened."

"I have dealt with it. I talked to Dr Greene about it."

Alessandro looks at me, exasperated. "And what did you tell her exactly? Because I know you didn't tell her Adam was the one to attack you; otherwise, he'd be in jail now."

I hug Alessandro. "I'm scared. I'm so scared. But I also want to see him. For some messed up reason, I miss him."

Alessandro sighs. "It's normal to miss someone who was a big part of your life, no matter how much they hurt you."

"I don't want to miss him, though; I want to forget about him."

"You will, in time," Alessandro says, kissing the top of my head.

I smile. "Thank you, Sandy."

"I will forever hate you for calling me that."

"Oh, I know."

"I hate you," he replies, but he's smiling. "Now, what happened between you and Alex?"

"He asked me to my parents' charity gala this weekend," I reply, and Alessandro snorts.

"And let me guess, like the dumbass you are, you said no."

"Stop being mean," I chastise him jokingly. "But yes, I initially rejected his offer, but he made me agree to it."

Alessandro squeals in delight like a fangirl. "I'm so fucking happy for you."

I need time to process it and think about how I feel about it before I can talk about it. I roll my eyes and decide to change the topic before he can ask me more about it. "How are you?"

"I'm better now. Raf is coming home because one of his friends is going through a tough time with something, and I'm sure Fabian will back off because of him. So yeah, there's that. Anyways, what are you doing tomorrow?" Alessandro asks me.

I blink at the sudden change in topic, but then I realise that that is precisely what I did a few moments ago. "Probably sleeping. I took sleeping pills a while ago, and I can feel them starting to kick in, and I'm sure their effect will last the whole day."

Alessandro laughs. "Have a good time sleeping. Bye!"

"You're leaving?"

"Yes. I don't think your parents will appreciate me staying with you all night."

I laugh. I can imagine Mother's outrage and Father's anger were they to discover a boy stayed in my room all night. And that makes me want to convince Alessandro to do it.

-

Even when I've had sleeping pills, I'm a light sleeper, so I usually wake up a lot during the night, especially when I hear a sound. And my family isn't exactly quiet. They wake up at 6 am every day and expect everyone to be awake. I usually wake up around that time to wear earplugs- even if I have only one or two more hours to sleep. So when I hear shouting outside my room at 7, I am not surprised.

I struggle to get my sleep-ridden self out of my bed to get my earplugs, which are on the other side of the room for some reason. That reason probably being the housekeeper, Victoria, wanting to clean up the mess that is my room. Anyway, that is when I notice the difference. Usually, my grandmother is shouting at the staff to work faster or get her something. And my parents are talking on their phones. But today, it sounds like they are arguing with someone, and there are some voices I don't recognise. I don't think my parents would entertain guests or business associates this early morning, so I know something is wrong.

I quickly grab my phone, turn on the torch, gently open my bedroom door and step outside slowly and quietly so as not to alert anyone of my presence. Our house is built like an old-fashioned mansion, with many marble statues, vividly painted tapestries and tall white pillars. I take a deep breath and hide behind a pillar, looking down from the balcony to see what is happening. I almost scream when I see someone pointing a gun at my father. What the actual hell? Our house has every bit of security available, so this should not be possible. I scrutinise the scene below and notice that the person holding the gun is wearing a guard's uniform.

Oh, my Lord. That's how they got in.

But why? As far as I know, my parents don't have any enemies or anyone who would do something like this, but I don't know everything.

I take a quick peak again, and I immediately regret it. One of the "guards" hits my father, and my father stumbles back.

Oh my Lord... are they going to kill us? They are, aren't they?

I try to take a deep breath, but I can't. My breathing is becoming shallower by the minute, and my vision is darker. I know I am on the verge of a panic attack, and I try my best to control it, but it isn't as easy as it sounds.

I cannot be weak when someone needs me. I don't care about how much I dislike my family. I need to help them. And I am doing this because I am selfish. After all, if I don't help them, I will feel guilty for the rest of my life.

I try to breathe normally and think. I first need to go to a relatively safe location from where I can contact the police. I can't do that here, out in the open, where they can see or hear me. I look around to see if anyone is watching, then run across the hallway and hide in the storage closet. I unlock my phone to call the police, but I realise I don't have a signal. How-

Oh, my Lord. They used a cell phone jammer. How long have they, whoever they are been preparing for this?

I'm thinking about other ways to help them when I hear someone's footsteps outside the closet, and I freeze.

I don't need to panic. I try and reassure myself. They probably won't check here because one, it's too small, and I can barely fit here, and two, its door is concealed, so only someone who knew where to look for it would find it.

I stop breathing when I hear the footsteps stop right outside the closet.

I catch my breath and close my eyes. They know. They know about this place which means they've been here before.

As soon as the door opens, I try to run out, but someone catches my arm and pulls me back. I close my eyes when I feel hot breath tickling the back of my neck.

This cannot be happening.

I shake my head and imagine my mother standing in front of me. What would she say?

She would tell me that this is happening, despite how impossible it might seem, and I should stop being a coward. I should be brave. She would tell me that people only see others' weaknesses when they let them- and I cannot let anyone think I am weak.

I take a deep breath to compose myself so that I don't do anything stupid, like try to run away or hit the person intruding on my personal space. I turn around and gasp when I see a pair of familiar dark brown eyes staring at me.

Oh, my Lord.

It's him.

It's Adam.

Is this why he came back?

"Did you miss me, angel?" He says, stepping closer to me and pointing a gun at my head. A cruel smile settles on his handsome face. He tilts his head to his right as he looks at me. No, the look is not the right word. He is studying me as if waiting for a reaction. "Aww... Don't tell me that you're still mad at me, angel?"

Before I know it, I lift my hand and slap him. He looks shocked, and I'm sure I do too, but I compose myself as quickly as possible.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I ask him angrily. Whatever fear I had, has been replaced with anger and hatred- hatred for the person I once loved. Hatred for the person I spent the last two years missing. Hatred for the person I regret losing.

"So you are still mad at me," he remarks as he puts his gun down and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. I push his hand away, but I can't help but notice the new tattoos covering his arm in the process of doing so.

I punch his face. "Don't you dare touch me, you bastard!" I snarl, but in return, he smirks at me.

I'm surprised he didn't react to me hitting him this time.

"You can't hurt me, angel. But I would advise you to not do that again because if you make one wrong move, you'll have one dead family member. We don't want that, now do we?"

I want to hit him. I want to insult him. I want to do anything other than listen to him. But the stakes are too high, so I shake my head, indicating that I will not try doing anything to him.

"Follow me," He whispers in my ear, then looks into my eyes and smiles. "You still are the most beautiful girl that I've seen."

I want to push him away, tell him to shut up, hit him again or at least shout at him, but I don't do any of those things. Instead, I do what he says and follow him, not because I'm submissive, but because I know him enough to understand that he will not hesitate in doing what he says. He proved that two years ago.

Adam looks at me as we walk downstairs. "Nice to know you still use your old hiding spaces."

He raises his eyebrow like he expects me to say something, but I don't; I just turn away from him. Now that the initial shock of seeing him is gone, I don't know whether I am more mad or sad. It hurts to see him again- not because of what he did to me- but because despite what he did, I still missed him. He was a big part of my life before. He was someone who could always make me smile, no matter how sad I felt. He was someone who I thought would always protect me. I never once imagined before that night that he would be the person I needed protection from.

I remember all the times he fought people who hurt me. I remember all the times he comforted me because the harsh things my parents had said had made me cry. How could he have strayed so far from that?

He suddenly stops on the first step and faces me. "Where is your brother?"

I am surprised by his question. If he had planned for this, which he probably did, he would know where my brother was. So why does it seem like he doesn't? Is it because of Jax's unpredictable schedule?

"I don't know," I reply while looking into his eyes because he knows that I cannot lie while looking into someone's eyes. But he doesn't know that I've mastered the art of lying during the past two years because I've had to lie a lot during this time. And many of those lies were told to protect him. He nods and starts walking down the stairs again, with me following him.

I try to think of ways out of the situation that I'm currently in, but my mind stays blank.

Stupid, selfish mind. Why do you only work when I don't need you to? I ask my mind.

Congratulations, you have officially gone mad! My subconscious taunts me.

My mother's eyes widen as she sees Adam and me coming downstairs. She can't say anything because her mouth has been taped shut. I look around the room and notice that my grandmother's mouth has been taped shut too, and somebody is aiming a gun at her. Despite the situation, I cannot help but think that that's an excellent way to shut her up. I look away from her and try to keep my face blank so that no one notices how scared or hurt I am.

If they see my fear, they will use it against me. I tell myself. That's a lesson I learned after years of interacting with my parents. When my parents see they have affected me somehow, they use that thing against me. I really hate them sometimes, but there's nothing I wouldn't do to protect them- including listening to the boy who tried to kill me once.

"Don't bring her into this!" My father shouts, glaring at Adam.

Well, that's a surprise. He usually never stands up for me against anyone. He believes that everyone should have the courage to stand up for themselves.

"You can't stop me," Adam says calmly, looking at my father blankly. "You know the conditions; agree to them, and he'll leave her alone."

What is he talking about? What conditions? Who's "he"?

"Your father is insane if he thinks I'll listen to those conditions or any condition. I don't follow orders from anyone." Father says proudly.

"Do you want to measure your pride against my father?" Adam asks him, raising an eyebrow.

What is going on?

"Your father will regret it if he makes a move against me."

I'm sorry, but isn't the move against you? I want to ask my father but refrain from doing so. I don't want the people with me to turn against me. Also, that would be a very dumb thing to say, considering the situation.

"You really don't understand, do you? We have the upper hand in this game. My father will torture Selena and kill her if you disagree with his conditions." Adam says, making me freeze.

Kill. His father wants to kill me. But if his actions indicate anything, so does Adam. I resist the urge to ask Adam if it's really his father who wants to kill me or if it's him.

He said torture too, and I'm hoping he's lying, but then I look at his face and notice that it is serious. Will they really torture me? My heartbeat quickens, and my breathing gets shallower by the second.

No, this can't happen. It just can't. I look at my father, which is difficult because my tears blur my vision. He won't let that happen, will he?

"If he touches a single hair on her head, then the only thing he'll get is death," my father says calmly, making Adam laugh. I would, too, if I wasn't the one being threatened with torture and death. My father's threat seems childish. How can my father threaten his children better than he can threaten a kidnapper or murderer or whatever Adam and his father are?

"I am taking her with me, and if anyone of you even tries to move, well... I'll kill her right here," He tells my family and some guards that just arrived.

Adam looks at me and mouths a 'sorry, angel' before injecting me with something. Screaming is the last thing that I hear before the world turns black.

-

A/N

I need to have more self control. My mind thinks that, my therapist thinks that, my parents think that and probably anyone who knows me thinks that. But I don't like control so good luck to everyone. I wasn't supposed to publish five chapters in under a week (with finals so close by) but I couldn't... control myself. 

I'm so sleepy. I haven't slept in 3 days. I don't even know what I've been doing- actaully I do. I have been doing random things that don't matter- vacuuming my drawers (which is a surprise seeing as how I am normally the messiest person I know), colour coding my closet and hanging picture frames (making sure they are exactly straight with the help of a ruler). None of it is going to last though, in a matter of days, my drawers will be a mess,  half my clothes will be thrown in randomly in the closest (or the couch) and the picture frames, gosh, those will probably not be as straight as they are now. I know all these things will happen, I just wish I could convince my brain of that before it decides to do these things instead of focusing on my overdue assignments and studying for exams. But I know my brain will never do what I want so at this point, I've given up.

I just realised I haven't had the snacks I got for myself hours ago and now they don't even taste that good. They were right next to me, and I was so busy making character aesthetics that I completely forgot about my food.

This is the end of my daily qouta of random thoughts. Hope you enjoyed them (and the chapter ofc). 

Bye☆