Sa gulat ko ay hindi halos ako makagalaw. Ngunit nang kalaunan ay pumikit na rin para damhin ang halik niya.

I couldn't take it anymore. I was trying to hold back but here he is, pulling me to the abyss with him.

Ang daming tumatakbo sa isip ko. Maraming tanong. Katulad ng...

Bakit niya ako hinahalikan? May gusto ba siya sa akin? Hindi ba siya naguguluhan lang? Nadadala ng pangangailangan? Nalilito? Nasanay lang? Pansamantalang naliligaw?

I hate this. Because it feels so different at hindi ko rin alam kung bakit. I loved Ken, nakatatak na iyon sa isip ko, but my heart wasn't like this before.

My tears fell, ngunit agad ko iyong pinalis. And before I lose my sanity, I pushed him away gamit ang buong lakas ko. He fell on the edge of the bed.

Nang humiwalay kami sa isa't isa ay napahawak ako sa labi because I tasted something from it.

A taste of vodka.

I chuckled without humor. So he's just drunk? Did he by any chance mistaken me for someone else?

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko.

"Don't kiss me as if you like me, Laz. I don't like it." I uttered and turned my back to him.

I heard him sigh. "Right, I shouldn't like you. You're stubborn, you're damn rich, you're a brat... hindi para sa akin, malayo sa tipo ko," tila natatawa niya pang sabi.

Damn, I felt stabbed. Hindi ko alam na ganito pala ka sakit na marinig sa kanya iyon.

Humakbang na ako palabas ng kwarto because I don't want him to see me cry, but before I could do that, he said the words that just made me crazier.

"But I like you already, what should I do with it..." aniya, tila nanghihina habang nakaupo sa paanan ng kama.

My body trembled. What is this...

"L-lasing ka lang." I muttered, convincing myself so bad that he's just really drunk.

Because once I acknowledge his feelings, I know there's no turning back anymore. Hulog na talaga ako 'pag gano'n.

"Yeah, I drank. But I know what I'm saying. I'm perfectly aware of it." Aniya.

Hindi ko na alam ang sasabihin ko. I should go, right? But I couldn't move my feet anymore.

"Gusto kita, Kelssey. It sounds so wrong but feels so right. I know that you're not for someone like me, but I don't want you gone." He uttered, his voice full of sincerity. Or I don't know, baka baliw na nga ako.

"So please... stay." He added.

I closed my eyes and tried so hard to fight with the urge to hug him within me. I know I'll get hurt pero bakit gustong-gusto ko pa rin. Something inside of me is telling me that it's just once in a lifetime and that I shouldn't let it pass.

Napakuyom ako ng kamao habang pinipilit na ihakbang paalis ang mga paa ko. Palayo sana sa kanya pero tangina, natagpuan ko ang sarili ko sa harapan niya.

He immediately hugged my waist.

"I don't want to let you go. I'm sorry." Aniya at sinubsob ang kanyang mukha sa tiyan ko.

"Matulog ka na, lasing ka na." I managed to say as I watched him.

Tanga na nga talaga ako dahil hindi ko na natulungan pa ang sarili ko.

Inangat niya ang kanyang tingin at muli akong pinagmasdan gamit ang kanyang mapupungay na mga mata.

"Okay, I'll sleep." He whispered and I almost shrieked when he pulled me to the bed with him. Niyakap niya ako, his lips touching my hair.

"Lazarus." Tawag ko. Bilang pagprotesta sana but it didn't sound like it.

"Hmm? I would really love sleeping if you're this close to me." Aniya at hinalikan ako sa noo. "Good night," bulong niya bago pumikit.

Gusto ko pang reklamo sana pero hindi na ako makawala kaya hinayaan ko nalang. Strangely, I was able to fall asleep easily.

I had a really good sleep with his arms around me, ngunit nang magising ako ay wala na siya sa tabi ko.

It felt empty. However, that emptiness was immediately filled when the room opened, revealing him.

"Good morning," he greeted me and I immediately looked away.

"Kumusta tulog mo? Did you sleep well?" Dagdag tanong pa niya and I suddenly hate na bigla siyang naging talkative.

"I did." Tipid kong sagot at bumangon na.

Pumasok na ako sa CR para maghilamos at nag toothbrush.

I was busy brushing my teeth when he suddenly went inside and hugged me from behind.

"Galit ka ba sa akin?" Malambing niyang tanong and I almost choked.

Damn, lasing pa rin ba 'to?

"I'm not drunk anymore and even if I am, I'd still do the same thing." Aniya na tila nabasa ang isip ko.

I should be really careful around him.

"Lazarus, this is not a joke." I managed to say after I finished brushing.

Tumango siya at seryoso akong tiningnan sa salamin, pakiramdam ko naman ay bigla akong nanghina dahil sa tingin niyang iyon.

"Yes, I know. And I'm serious."

I sighed as I realized that it's not something I can run away from anymore... because I think I'm already beyond that. Ang tanging magagawa ko nalang ngayon ay maging matapang.

Nilingon ko siya.

"You said you like me. So what now?" I asked, trying so hard to mask my emotions.

Lazarus leaned and cupped my face.

"Liligawan kita." Aniya at hinalikan ako nang marahan sa labi.

Pumikit ako para damhin iyon.

"Get ready, we're leaving at 10." Aniya nang humiwalay.

"Babalik na ng Manila?" I still asked even though I already know it's the case.

"Yes, but we'll go somewhere else first before going back."

Tumango ako.

We did what he planned. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung saan kami pupunta. Hindi ko na rin namalayan dahil nakatulugan ko ang pakikinig ng music sa biyahe. Nagising lang ako nang maramdamang tumigil na ang sasakyan.

Kinusot ko ang mga mata ko at tumingin sa labas. There I realized that we're in an elevated area, overlooking the province.

I looked at Lazarus who's now looking at me.

He smiled. "This is my haven here, I always go here whenever I want to be alone."

He went out of the car at pinagbuksan ako. Kumunot ang noo ko.

Tila nabasa naman niya ang iniisip ko.

"Come on, we're going to eat lunch. I have a small hut here."

Hut? Bahay-kubo? Whoa.

"Okay."

Bumaba na ako at sinundan siya. My heart was beating so fast, suddenly, naeexcite ako that I'm alone with him.

Damn the swing of my mood, parang kahapon lang tumatakas ako sa kanya.

"I cooked your favorite dish earlier." Aniya at inilapag ang isang tupperware sa harap.

I smiled. No'ng nakaraan pa 'to, I really feel touched. Hindi ko nga maalala na sinabi ko sa kanya ang favorite dish ko, but I guess he's just really observant.

"Salamat, you really cook adobo well." Nakangiti kong sabi.

Natawa naman ako dahil parang bigla siyang naoffend kahit na compliment naman ang sinabi ko.

"There's no need to praise me like that, just be honest with me."

I pouted. "Honest naman ako ah. Masarap naman talaga."

I smirked. Pero mas masarap sana kung ikaw.

I saw him raising a brow at me. I giggled. Ang naughty ko naman sa naisip na iyon.

Nang matapos kumain ay pumwesto ako sa may bintana ng kubo because it feels refreshing to feel the wind as I watch the view from afar. Parang gusto ko nalang tuloy tumira sa kubo niya.

Sabi niya maliit lang, pero hindi naman. Malaki na nga siya para sa isang kubo, pwede ng tirahan ng isang buong pamilya, ang ganda pa ng interior, bet na bet ko.

I smiled as I looked at Lazarus smoking outside.

Damn, why is he so hot? Simpleng white t-shirt and denim pants lang ang suot pero ang lakas ng dating. Bagay na bagay pa sa kanya ang kanyang clean cut hair.

Aaminin ko, I'm really attracted to his physical attributes. Like bro, who wouldn't? But that's not just that, I like him more because of his mindset and all the unexplainable things about him. He makes me feel that I'm at home whenever he's with me.

I know it's strange and corny, but I feel like I already found my soulmate in him.

Lumingon siya at nagkatinginan kami. I smiled. Ilang saglit lang ay nakita ko na siya sa tabi ko.

"Are you okay? Is something wrong?" He asked.

Umiling ako. But he didn't look convinced at all.

I sighed. "Wala, naisip ko lang. Bakit mo ba ako nagustuhan? E sabi mo 'diba malayo ako sa tipo mo?"

His face became serious. "Kailangan ba laging may rason?" He asked back.

Napataas ako ng kilay. "I know that line. But isn't it absurd? Hindi ba't talagang may rason naman behind everything? Kahit isa lang, ganon."

Hindi siya sumagot. And for a moment, I got scared... na baka hindi naman talaga niya ako gusto.

He looked away. "Y-your smile..."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "My smile?"

He nodded. "Everytime I see your smile, I feel relieved. It cheers me up. It makes me feel like I have another reason to live."

My lips parted, suddenly I didn't know what to say.

"I realized that I can't continue living without seeing it everyday." Aniya at hinawakan ang pisngi ko.

Ngumiti ako at hinila siya papalapit sa akin para mahalikan nang marahan.

"Then I'll keep smiling for you," nakangiti kong sabi.

Is it wrong that I feel really happy right now? In fact, I'm ecstatic. Kasi pakiramdam ko may bagong purpose ang buhay ko.

"You should," he uttered and pulled me closer for a passionate kiss.

I kissed him back with the same intensity. I moaned when I felt him cupping my mounds as he showered me wild wet kisses.

"I will never let you get away from me, baby." He whispered when he pulled away to catch his breath.

Tumango ako, nanghihina. But damn, can't he just keep on kissing me?

"I'd like that." I answered as he delved for another mind blowing kiss, that pulled the sanity out of my body.