Amelia's pov

"We can make it happen Em! Just give us a chance. Tell me what can I do to fix this." His voice was so small and his eyes had that little boy look, it was so difficult to speak to him. But I had to do this for me, for him , for us.

" Shawn, there is nothing to fix . Nothing is broken. We just belong in two different worlds. We don't fit in each other's lives. It's better we split."

"But.... "

" It's hard for me too Shawn. You know how much I love you. Don't you?" I asked with my lips quivering and my hands trembling.

" I know. I do too." His eyes were earnest as if requesting me to consider once more.

"We won't make it past high school and I don't want us to have a bad break up like last time and I don't want you to hate me for breaking your heart and I don't want you to look away if someday we accidentally meet each other. I want you to be happy , Shawn." I panted.

" We can be happy together ."

" You already know Shawn, we aren't happy together. Your ways , your principles.... make me unhappy. Inspite of telling for thousands of times to trust me, your heart isn't at ease when I'm with my male friends and you must have realised now that I can't be not doing anything. And to fulfill that void, you are trying too hard to make both ends meet. Still I'm not happy, Shawn. And the fact that. I'm unhappy even with you, hurts you and I can't see that hurt in your eyes. "

There, there I said it. He knew I was not happy with our new rules. No drinking with guy friends. No late night parties where I just wanted to drink under the table and forget my existence, but he was too caring to leave me on my own puking in the bushes and getting wasted. The thrill of driving fast was killed by his traffic rules and so was my will to drive my favourite car. I know why because he didn't want me to be killed.

He disliked too much partying. He was more of a 'I love my home. Home sweet home' kind of guy. And my empty home haunted me on almost all nights, forget the weekend ones.

His mom's pancakes was his weakness. He could have it all the time while I wanted to explore every new cuisine that existed in this world.

" I just wanted your welfare. Em! Are you listening?" He said , quite loudly , breaking my Em versus Shawn debate.

"I know and believe me, this is best for both of us. I .... I'm not meant for long term relationships maybe. I lack the emotional quotient you have, just like the intelligence quotient of your level and it's just that.... that....I.....I".
I didn't realise that I had started crying openly and battling for the much needed oxygen in the room.

" Hey.....hey... Baby..... Shhh... Shhh. " He cooed in my ear caressing my hair. His touch was enough to calm me down. The smell of him, like the clean laundry invaded my nostrils soothing me.

My mind already started making the list of things I would be missing about him.
His electric blue eyes, his smell, his smile , his laugh which made me feel accomplished in making the silliest of the jokes, his eyes crinkling at the corners when he would come running towards me after the varsity basketball match and would sweep me off my feet taking me in his arms and kiss me into ecstasy.

"Is that what you want?" He asked with that finality in his voice, breaking the flow of my mental list.

One part of me wanted to grab his collar and shake him and ask him why is he agreeing with this decision. He should have fought me , told me that I can't break this relationship on my own. It consists of two people. If both are willing then only they become a part of it. Then how can one break it on its own, without considering what the other would feel.

The other part was hurt that I am forcing this on him. His eyes were sadder than the last time we broke up.

I nodded unable to speak as my voice was caught in my throat.

" I just want you to believe that I won't trade any of my moments with you for the most precious of things in the world." He said.

His hands left me and suddenly I was aware of the warmth his presence gave me like a fireplace in the cosy drawing room on a snowfall day, like the hot chocolate with soft white marshmallows swirling in them and now I was cold like a homeless person stuck in a snowstorm.

"Me too. You are the best thing that ever happened to me in my life ,Shawny." I choked on my words and collapsed on his white tiled floor. It felt as cold as my heart was feeling now, making me numb.

He looked at me with so much pain in his eyes. I was crying as if he broke up with me and dumped me when I didn't want so . He was sitting there his back towards the headboard with his eyes boring holes in the hands clasped in his lap.
"Get up baby! You'll catch cold." He said in a weak voice without looking at me.

I nodded and stood up with wobbly legs and sat on the foot of the bed facing him. I should go out of this room now . What else was remaining to be said, but I was in no hurry. I wanted to make the most of this last moment.

As soon as my tears dried, a fresh slot was ready to flush my cheeks and I know it made him feel guilty. I could hear wheels turning in his mind seeking ways to make me stop crying.

"I... I think..." I said assuming courage to break the awkward silence except for my sobs. " It's nice we had patched up again after the last breakup rather than not meeting forever because this...this is more meaningful. Atleast you know how much I've loved you and how much you mean to me. Can I....can I ask a favour?"

He nodded." Please don't call anyone baby after me." He nodded again.

" And...and Sunbeams cafe is our place. Don't take any of your next.... girl..... girlfriends there."

He nodded again.

"And ..."

"Em!" He said with a plea in his voice I didn't know was in him. He searched my face for emotion. "Can I kiss you?" He said abruptly.

I was taken aback by his request.

I've read somewhere or maybe heard ( because I hardly read except for fashion magazines) that the books that we read take up a part of ours and give us a part of theirs.

The only book I read in last four years was Shawn Traynor. He was the kind who believed in self preservation who knew how to secure his heart from breaking but still he gave it to me against his better judgement and was possibly regretting now.

While I was someone who wore my heart on my sleeve. But now, I've understood I should hide my heart under my sleeve and let it come out little by little crawling, tracing my whole arm and then I should still keep it in a firm grasp of my palm before I give it to someone else.

Everytime I felt love and admiration oozing from my bodypores for him , I didn't hold myself back from saying I love You Shawn for a thousand times and neither from showing it in all ways possible.

Maybe he took that leaf from my book and wore his heart on sleeve for the first time, because Shawn 'King' Traynor didn't do things which were not meant for long-term.

I nodded looking into his eyes. His blue eyes, which were like two lagoons with the salty water brewing in them to break the dam and come out , met my hazelnut brown ones. It was so soothing like blue downpour meeting the parched forest land, blue oasis meeting the dry desert and quenching the thirst of the latter.

My body became certainly aware of the closed room. Each movement of our bodies towards each other was so obvious ,it woke up my self consciousness.

How do we kiss someone whom we are breaking up with right now?

I got the answer soon when he cupped my cheeks in his warm hands, and lowered his lips on mine.
The first touch of our lips was like a jolt of electricity running down my spine just like our first kiss but then it became more and more tantalizing and comforting.

In that moment, I realised that our lips perfectly fit with each other like a piece of puzzle . Hell! They were meant for each other and so did our tongues. Maybe our souls too. But the only thing that was not compatible was our self being.

Kissing him felt so natural , so spontaneous like it was the most right thing to do with my lips but I knew enough.

Kissing was still our best forte!

What was not was managing the aftermath of this kiss.