She knew what she had to do, she found her task to be absolutely necessary in order for her to continue being with all of them in a comfortable, peaceful way.

So after Lorcan announced that he was going back to sleep and practically collapsed on his bedroll, Isabella sat down close to the ashes of the fire Gavriel had made and waited for Rowan to come back.

The smallest of signs in the sky were indication that dawn was approaching, and with it the beginning of an unavoidable new day. The stars were still visible, but had been reduced to barely shining dots, overshadowed by the sun and all it came with it.

Isabella had been deep in her thoughts when she noticed the sound of rustling leaves and incoming steps. Neither Fenrys or Rowan were speaking with each other, but as she gazed upon them, to the arm resting on Rowan's shoulder, to the curve in his mouth tilted upward despite him rolling his eyes, and Fenrys' overenthusiastic gestures, she realised that the kind of bond they shared did not need of words to be appreciated.

As soon as they took notice of her presence, they stopped in their tracks. She had imagined how Rowan would look at her after their kiss -with eyes wide and full of regret, mixed with uncomfortability- but the reality of him once again proved to be independent of her thoughts. Different. Better.

He flashed her a true smile, and made a quick movement with his head that she understood was a question. Should we go back deep into the woods? He seemed to say.

A liberating relief transformed her face and produced a smile in return to his, she nodded, and went to his side wordlessly.

"Right, you do you, act as if I'm not here. Ignore me all you like, it's not as if I were your friend too" Fenrys muttered, loud for all of them to hear, for he was dramatic like that.

Isabella laughed a little, but continued to follow Rowan back into the woods. He took a turn she was unaware of, and guided her to a different part of the forest. He stopped right as they reached a clearing, where a bunch of different flowers were slowly tilting upward toward the sun to fully bloom.

She stood in front of him, with her hands hidden behind her back, sweating and shaking. Embarrassed. Ashamed. But oh so full of hope and determination. She opened her mouth to speak, and quickly closed it as he opened his too.

"You first," He told him right at the same time that she said, "I think-"

Rowan shook his head, "Sorry, you can go first,"

Trying to avoid beating around the bush and ignoring the main and only reason why they had not yet taken a rest for the night, she complied. "I believe I owe you an apology" He frowned at her words, and opened his mouth to object, but she held up her hand, stopping him. "Listen to me first, please," He nodded, even as his frown deepened with guardedness.

She took a deep breath -as she gathered unimaginable courage- and carried on. "You deserve an apology because I know that if I had not kissed you, you would have never kissed me "

-

Rowan was not sure he knew where the conversation was going, but he knew that he already disliked the beginning of it. However, she had asked for him to listen, so he would. He would have time to tell her that she was wrong, so utterly and remarkably incorrect, because Rowan was aching to kiss her.

"-but because you are kind and thoughtful and such a good friend," Huh, Rowan was starting to hate that word. "And I took advantage of it because I was hurting and lost and so confused and-" What? She sighed, tugging and pulling at an invisible thread from her pants. He felt like it was his own heart. "I guess that what I'm trying to say is that I love you, Rowan"

Oh. Oh.

For the first time in his immortal life, he had a clear picture of what heaven looked like: it began with the detailed way in which the first rays of sunshine created a halo around her head, followed by the way her long hair cascaded behind her back as a few wild strands of it moulded themselves to the beauty that was her face, it went on to the glint in her eyes, and ended with the shape of Isabella's lips telling him she loved him.

His heart stopped in his chest as he gazed at her, a thrumming in his ears matching the powerful emotions threatening to wreck him.

The image took his breath away. It dulled his senses until all he could focus on was her, forgetting about wars, self-doubts, fears, and even the thoughts that told him of how he should actually be worrying about the destination of her words.

But he couldn't. All he wanted to do was kiss her and tell her how he felt for her, how his whole soul seemed to gnaw at him every time she so much as looked at him, how his heart burned whenever she smiled at something he said; he wanted to tell her about the dreams and plans he had for them, and how none of them mattered if they were not to her liking, that he would do whatever she wished for; she only needed to say it.

"The same way I love Fenrys, Lorcan and Gavriel, because I cannot lie and pretend that I haven't come to love all of you as my friends, perhaps even family, if you would have me" Isabella chuckled at that, the sound raspy and forced. Nervous. Shy. "Which makes what I did embarrassingly worse because I don't want to ruin our friendship and I would hate for there to be any misunderstandings or awkwardness" Her big eyes blinked at him, all glassy and innocent and sorry.

Rowan's head cleared as he blinked, registering her words, the real meaning behind them, and so he bit his tongue until he tasted blood and strangled his heart until it was back in the darkest of corners. Hidden. Inaccessible. Friend.

Yes, Rowan detested that word.

Also, he wanted to die.

Perhaps there was a tree around here strong enough for him to hang himself, for there was no way he could survive the pain and embarrassment he was experiencing.

"So," She tucked one strand of hair behind her ear, and he cursed at himself because his fingers itched to do just that. That should be him . But that was not what she wanted, that was clear. She had rejected him so thoroughly that he wasn't sure there was a part of him left to reject. "Yes, you deserve an apology. I'm sorry. I promise I won't do it again, I need to learn to deal with my emotions in a healthier way, and not by losing myself in tears or bodies and kisses. Don't you think so?"

He forced himself to speak. "I guess," When he realised how curt his response had been, he tried to amend it. "Although I know a lot of people who do and used to do that" Himself included.

Isabella nodded, as if she already knew it. "I know, but I need- want to get better, and so my healing journey begins with finding healthy coping mechanisms"

"That's great," It was.

"Does that mean you forgive me?" The uncertainty in her voice was genuinely painful for him to hear, did she truly not know that there was nothing she could do that he would not forgive her for? Even if she were a mass murderer or enjoyed stealing babies' candies, he would clap and cheer her on.

Rowan managed a reassuring smile to calm her nerves. "There is nothing to forgive," He murmured.

Isabella sighed as if there was a heavy weight she had rid herself off. Had the kiss been such a misery for her? While he had felt an immeasurable amount of elation, she had only felt remorse. An ugly taste settled on his mouth at the realisation that he had been nothing but a delusional male.

Yeah, there had to be a tree for him to choke himself.

"Thank you," She said, her cheeks tinted the faintest of red as a smile blossomed across her features.

At least he had made her smile.

The chuckle he willed himself to let out twisted his insides, but it only worked to widen her smile as she laughed, too. Then, she took careless steps closer to him until her body was plastered to his, her arms around him in a hug that stole all the oxygen from his lungs -funny, was that how his enemies felt when he did so with his magic? He truly was merciless-.

Rowan lifted his arms, controlling himself as to not shake as he brought them around her body, engulfing her in all of him. He breathed against her hair taking in her scent, memorising it and finding at least a little bit of comfort in it. Her face was nestled between his chest, close to where his heart beat for her, and he wondered if she was as tentative to it as he was to hers.

But he already knew the answer. She was not. Because he was her friend .

Bah, it truly was a disgusting word.

Nevertheless, for only just a second, he wondered what would happen if he still found courage -and a lot of selfishness- and confessed to her his mind, if he bare his soul to her so she could see that it only spoke her name.

The fantasy was so strong that a powerful urge to do exactly that overtook his senses. Only intensified by his instincts, that were screaming at him to take care, to make her want him, to shield her from everything.

It was disorienting. Overwhelming. Uncontrollable.

Words were on the tip of his tongue when she pulled away, a beaming smile as she looked at him and left her arms hanging at her sides.

He could not do it. He couldn't . Rowan could not bring himself to shatter her wishes with his own egotism. She did not deserve it.

So he smiled back at her, and went back to their camp. Perhaps leaving that clearing where now his grandest desires lay in pieces on the earth would make it easier for him to move on.

Although that was just another wish.

-

It took Fenrys two days to finally stop sending pointed looks her way and for him to at last confess what he wanted to say.

Night had fallen, and Isabella could only be grateful for the normality following her kiss with Rowan. Nobody had made a single comment about it, -not even Gavriel, who she knew was aware of absolutely everything that had happened despite 'sleeping' while it occurred- and her friendship with Rowan was the same as it had always been.

Perhaps grateful was not a word strong enough.

But Fenrys...he had behaved as usual, respecting her and Rowan's wishes, but it had obviously been too much for him, because for two days he had looked at her as if waiting for her to do something. She had no idea what she wanted, but knowing him, he wouldn't wait long to voice what was on his mind.

And so that night, after Lorcan and Rowan had gone to the closest town to buy more ink for Lorcan's shirts -even thought the male insisted it was not for that-, and Gavriel had taken his animal form and scurried away to protect the perimeter, that Fenrys took the seat next to her.

She kept her eyes trained on the knife she was sharpening, one of Rowan's latest lessons and her homework. It was incredible how amazing the weight of a knife could feel on one's skin.

The male coughed, but Isabella kept to her work. He coughed again, and when she didn't say a word, he cleared his throat so loudly that she was sure he would have a throat-ache the next day.

"Don't ignore me, you know I hate it when people do that" Fenrys told her, his head high and only looking at her from his side eye.

The tips of her lips curved inward, "Did you, now?"

"Isa!" He chastised her, throwing his arms in the air. "Stop being so cruel?"

She blinked, "Cruel?"

"Yes," He nodded effusively. "How much longer do you plan to keep the gossip from me?"

She shook her head at him, truly confused. "What gossip?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the one involving you and a certain male with surprisingly shiny silver hair?" He said it as if it were so obvious she was dumb.

Panic had her stiffening in her seat. "You already know what happened. I have nothing to say and even if I did, I do not want to speak a word about it"

Fenrys rolled his eyes, moving a little bit closer to her, as if ready to whisper all of his secrets and waiting for her to do the same. "Of course I know what happened, I was there -well, not really, but you get it-"

The work in her hands made a louder sound as she quickened her movements due to her sudden nerves. "What is it you wish to know, then?"

"All the dirty details, of course" She smacked him in the head. He pouted, "Please, Rowan would not tell me anything"

Her chest warmed at his words, thankful for Rowan's private thoughtfulness. "And what makes you think I will speak when he has not?" She arched a single brow to fully convey her intentions regarding that topic.

He smiled, sweetly, innocently, which was an incredible achievement, for his eyes betrayed all the mischief he carried with him, "Because we are friends, of course"

"You are friends with Rowan, too," She pointed out. "And for longer, may I add"

He waved a hand, as if such things were of little importance even though they both knew they weren't. "But we both know Rowan can be a prick sometimes," His sweet smile returned. "And you, my dear, dear friend, are not"

"Huh,"

"Therefore, I believe you should tell me everything. Please, do not spare a detail," He urged her on.

She patted his back. "I admire your talent for trickery and your interest in gossip but I will not utter a word. In fact, I wish we could all pretend it didn't happen"

He studied her face, and she was amazed by how much people tended to overlook due to his careless and easy-going personality when Fenrys had a sharp sense for noticing things even when they didn't.

"Are you truly going to remain silent?" He asked, incredulously. She nodded, and Fenrys stood up abruptly. "I cannot believe you," His words were loud and he sounded...betrayed.

"What?" She wondered aloud, once again confused.

"I know you spoke with Lorcan about what happened, with Lorcan for Gods' sake, the male has the empathy and skill for giving advice of a rock! How could you go to him instead of me?" He was wildly exclaiming with his hands up and down.

"Fenrys, this-"

"No!" He held up a hand, signalling for her to stop. "I cannot believe you have betrayed me. I thought we were besties ," Isabella immediately regretted teaching him the existence of that word. "Besties who tell each other everything, besties who do each others' hair, besties who ask each other about clothes and life"

"I'm sorry you feel that way" She told him, humouring him in his dramatics.

He sniffed, despite the fact that he was not crying. "I don't know if I can forgive you,"

"Let me guess, you would forgive me if I told you of details that do not exist,"

He shot her a look, "Of course,"

She snorted, "Not happening,"

"Fine," He strode off, but stopped before he could disappear through the woods. "But I hope you know that it's your fault that our friendship has suffered such a tremendous blow" She recognized it as his last attempt at twisting her arm.

"I think I'll survive" He sniffed once again before leaving her alone.

Merely seconds later, a lion appeared, and sat down on his hind legs, the animal seemed to be holding back his laughter.

"Has he always been like this?" She asked him.

The lion shone for a second with a bright light before it deemed and revealed Gavriel sitting on the floor in front of her. The male was smiling, "Ever since I've known him"

"I thought adults were supposed to be serious, especially one as old as him,"

He shrugged, "He seems to be getting worse as he ages,"

Isabella snorted, "I think all males do,"

"Ah, you wound me" He joked back.

She snickered and let her haze fall back on the knife in her hands when he spoke again, "Although if you do wish to tell someone the full story, with all the little details, just know that I'm always here if you need me,"

Isabella groaned, "Gavriel, not you too"

The lion did not seem apologetic at all as he shrugged, "Travelling can be boring, we must all find something to entertain ourselves,"

-

It took them only three more days to reach Banjali.

Isabella didn't need to know the place to know they had arrived, for she felt it on her skin. Magic.

It was nothing like the electric sensation of Rowan's wind, or the cold shadows of Lorcan's spellworking, or the warm veils of Fenrys' and Gavriel's enchantments. The magic surrounding the war camp was choking, as if Isabella were a second away from taking a step to the side and jumping in water just to drown herself.

She must have made a face, because Rowan explained to her. "It's part of the magic put in place to prevent innocents from approaching or enemies from daring to cross our border,"

"I feel like I want to vomit," She confessed.

He placed a hand on her lower back, soothingly. "It will pass, once you enter and accommodate yourself you'll see that you will get used to it in no time"

"What am I supposed to do in the meantime? I'm not sure if I want to run away, find a knife and stab myself or vomit until I pass out"

His expression grew serious, "Yes, that's exactly what it's supposed to do. But worry not, Lorcan and I will place a shield that will keep the magic around you to a minimum so that you can manage normally as long as you adjust,"

"Oh," She blinked, "That's extremely kind of both of you. Thank you,"

"It's either that or let the magic drive you mad," He joked, "I will not let all my time spent teaching you how to fight go to waste because of this place"

"Of course not, that would be such a shame," She poked his side.

"Indeed," He grinned.

The sound of screams in what Isabella could recognize was the Old Language of the Fae were heard above the roaring of the wind. She could not see anyone from her place behind the gigantic gates awaiting to be opened, but the creatures inside must have had a way to see them because none of her friends spoke a word before the gates began to slowly drift open.

Isabella peeked a little at what awaited them inside.

Stationed Hell indeed.