When she asked them how long they'd be staying in Morath after two weeks, they told her they would leave as soon as they finished their mission.

When she asked them about their mission, they gave her a long explanation about murdering a group of Novyk who were confirmed to have launched an attack against a nusery in the outskirts of Doranelle.

And when she asked them how they'd traced the location of the Novyk, they'd told her that Kilax had given them two gifts.

She didn't ask what the other gift had been.

So Isabella trained, she ate, she slept -when her nightmares allowed her to-, she panicked only once every few days, and laughed. It was surprising, actually, how much she was enjoying the company of the Cadre; now that the air had been cleared, and now that she had accepted the differences.

She couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so much. Or talked. Because for three years, she had barely spoken a word. Not even one to others. And only some to herself, when she was sure she could not be heard, and when she knew her talking would not intervene with the strangled peace her invisibility gave her.

Therefore, she talked. And laughed. And listened. And...felt good. Better.

Fenrys took her to Benito and Isabella pretended as if that was her first time visiting. She threw compliments at everything, and Fenrys' chest was almost swollen like a bubble for puffing it out so much.

Gavriel insisted on giving her a tour of the town, and she listened to him, and all his historical facts and funny experiences he'd had at the settlement. Isabella's head had been dizzy with information, but she 'd had enjoyed it, regardless.

Some days, Lorcan silently followed her, while she did everything and anything. She didn't mind the silence, because she just enjoyed his presence. It was calming, she realized, to have such an intimidating looking male next to her, warning any threat away.

Rowan sometimes joined them in their silent walks, sometimes he was the only one by her side, sometimes they went to the forest and talked. Sometimes he merely used his magic to control a soft wind, and she enjoyed the caress of it. Even if he didn't know it.

~

Lorcan hated Morath. The females were alright, but he hated mortal towns. Because they reminded him of the mortal mother he had never met. And he hated to remember the faceless person who had given him life.

In conclusion, Lorcan hated many things.

So he settled for staying at the inn whenever he didn't feel the brotherly need to accompany Isabella in her ins and outs around the city. And that's what he did most days.

He took a sip of his beer while he eyed a pair of men who had been stealing glances his way since he'd taken his place in a table hidden mostly by the shadows of the building.

Lorcan wondered if he would have to stand and ask them to join him in his room, or if they would come to him, when Isabella's scent hit his nostrils. His face remained relaxed as, seconds later, she settled on the seat next to him. He raised an eyebrow in her direction before looking back at his possible double distraction of the day.

The sound of rustling and something being placed on the table caught his attention, and the two men slipped away from his mind as he gazed at the wrapped box in front of him.

He narrowed his eyes, suspiciously. "What's this?"

Isabella shrugged. "It's a present"

"I don't want it"

"You can't reject a present"

"I can, and I will: I formally reject that thing" He licked his lips and took a long sip from his drink. He needed it.

"Stop being an asshole and open it"

He was able to hide the choking sound that would have escaped his throat if he hadn't caught himself. Sometimes it was hard for him to remember how much she had changed since their visit to Kilax, and how even more she had changed -towards them- after they had confessed their earlier suspicions about her.

In reality, he very well knew they had also changed around her, but her growth was more enthralling than he could have expected.

Isabella had quite the strong personality when she thought the situation required it, and Lorcan couldn't help but wonder how much stronger it would have been if she weren't still hurting. She kept them all on their toes, she didn't take their bullshit; and she already had Gavriel and Fenrys wrapped around her fingers.

Not him, though. Or that's what he liked to tell himself.

And Rowan. Hehehe. She had him in a tight leash wrapped around his neck and heart, and she was completely oblivious of it.

"Lorcan" She called, and then pointed with her chin at his present. "Open the damn box"

She also liked to curse a lot. He didn't mind, he found it amusing, and he was quite proud of the fact that she had picked up some of his most frequently said insults.

Now, Lorcan was not an idiot, so he begrudgingly tore apart the paper roll and then the small wooden box. Inside, he found two trials of small glass bottles filled with black liquid. Ink.

He frowned at the sight, and then turned to look at her when realization hit him. "That motherfucker, did he tell you?"

Isabella seemed momentarily confused by his words before he followed her trials of thoughts, and she understood the meaning of his words without him needing to assist her.

She tilted her head to the side, "No, he didn't tell me a thing. I figured it out myself"

Lorcan snorted and snapped his head to the ink he used to dye his clothes.

"I'm serious," She insisted, and she did something quite sincere. "Did you really think I wouldn't notice you are the only one with black shirts?" He ignored her words, and she continued. "Especially when we are all given the same uniform"

"I buy my clothes somewhere else" He tried lying.

It was her time to snort, now. "I've never even seen you entering a shop since we arrived here"

"I'm a private person,"

"Yes, and a person who likes to dye his own clothes black because you're an emo"

His frown deepened, "I'm a what?"

Isabella shook her head. "Ignore it, emo king"

"What the fuck?"

He saw her fighting a smile, "Just accept the present"

"I was serious when I said I don't like gifts"

She shrugged, and based on the glint in her eyes, he knew she had already won. "Technically, I used your money to buy it, so it's not really a gift, just a delivery done by me"

He studied her features, and reluctantly sighed. "Fine,"

She patted his shoulder, "I knew you'd see reason, emo boy"

He growled lowly in his throat. "I may not know what emo means, but I'm hardly a boy"

She raised her palms in front of her, and laughed as she said, "If you say so,"

"I'm over five hundred years older than you, you should take me more seriously" He said, lightly.

Isabella nodded, "I should, but it's difficult to do so when I only see you brooding all day"

"I don't-"

"Oh, yes, you do" She showed him a sweet smile that made him wary. "But it suits you, so don't worry too much about it"

"I wasn't worried"

"Sure,"

Lorcan rolled his eyes. "You are insufferable"

She barely registered his insult. "Some may say the same about your brooding personality"

"I'm not-"

"Anyway," She interrupted him, "I also wanted to thank you for giving me those coins"

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and looked away. "Don't thank me. You haven't even used them for yourself"

"I don't think I will, either"

"Do it. It was a gift"

She looked amused, and...like a winner. "Oh, a gift. Exactly like what I gave you. If I accepted it, then you have to accept my present, too. It's a rule"

He bit his tongue, and closed his eyes for a moment to ask Hellas' for patience. "Fine," He grunted, already wanting the conversation to be over.

Her smile was wide, and radiant. "Perfect,"

He fell in a familiar, comfortable silence as he drank the rest of his beer and Isabella studied the rest of the people in the inn.

Lorcan considered if he should ask her...but, no. What good would it make? He wanted to know, desperately, but he wasn't sure he would like the answer. Especially knowing Fenrys' and Gabriel's fate.

And yet..."Can I ask you something?" He blurted out before he could stop himself.

She didn't even look his way. "Sure,"

He focused on his glass, and felt the presence of his darkness curling imperceptibly around him for support. "Did I really have a mate?" He hurried to add, "In your world. Obviously"

Isabella blinked, and her eyes landed on him. She didn't look uncomfortable, just...surprised. She nodded, "Yes, you did have one in the books"

He nodded absently, and looked away from her only to gather more courage. "And...what was she like? Or was it a he?"

Her head tilted again to the side, and the gesture was so Rowan-like that he had to blink away the thought. "It was a she," Isabella told him, slowly. "Her name was -or is, I don't know- Elide, and she was the only heir of Perranth"

"She was Lady of Perranth?" He asked, surprised.

"The one and only, the two of you eventually got married, and since you had to take her surname, you became Lord Lorcan Lochan" She didn't hide the laughter from her voice.

He wrinkled his nose. "It sounds stupid"

"It does," She agreed. "She was mortal" Her voice was lower, then.

"Hmn"

"Yeah,"

"What else did Sarah write about me?"

Isabella shrugged. "I can tell you what I remember. In the books you were one of the most powerful Fae to exist in centuries, nobody knew about your powers because they were unique, your mother abandoned you and you never met your father, you grew up in the streets of Doranelle until you became a soldier. After that, you rose in ranks and were blood-sworn to Bitch Maeve"

She spoke so fast that he barely caught all of it. "Huh. That sounds about right. Except for the last part. Who the fuck is Maeve?"

He didn't miss the quick look she shot him. "No one. I suppose she was also one of Sarah's inventions"

"Alright"

She looked nervous before she told him. "And I'm sorry about your parents. Life. I'm sorry it was so unfair. And I'm sorry she decided to share it with so many strangers"

He was amused. And a little bit touched. But he would deny it till death if she asked. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. It's not your fault. And I think we've both had unfair lives"

"I guess so"

He raised his drink, as if for a toast. "For a better life,"

She bowed her head. "For a better life,"

~

Isabella played with a napkin as she listened to Fenrys talking about his favorite type of fabric for tight trousers. The truth was that she was distracted. She had noticed the lingering eyes of many men and women on her companions since the beginning of their stay; but it was the first time that she noticed a pair of eyes on her.

She stole quick, nervous glances at the young man drinking alone two tables away from them.

Isabella wasn't sure how the attention made her feel. But something about the twist of her guts and the warmth of her whole body made her believe it was a mixture of both good and bad.

Lorcan left, that night, with two men for his room.

Gavriel was accompanied by a blonde woman.

Fenrys left the inn with a redhead at his side.

She didn't stay long enough to see who Rowan would leave with.

~

"You don't have to do it if you don't want to" Fenrys told her, clearly dubious of her actions.

"But I want to," Isabella said, the following night, before taking a long sip of her first alcoholic drink. Ever.

She coughed and wrinkled her whole face in displeasure. The liquid burnt her throat, and she could feel her temperature raising in response.

Isabella vaguely heard the chuckles of the males. "This tastes like shit"

Lorcan shrugged, "You get used to it"

"Well, it's not the best beer in our whole world," Fenrys started, looking at her as in between a proud friend and a worried brother. Cute pup. "But it gets better the more you drink"

"But, make sure to take it easy," Gavriel warned.

Isabella nodded, and reluctantly took another long sip. She wanted to be done with her glass already. It burned just as much as the first one, but at least she didn't cough that time.

"I really don't understand how you can drink this every night" She told them, even as she drank more.

Rowan chuckled, "You get used to it after some time"

She wrinkled her nose. "I'm not sure I want to get used to it,"

"Then don't. Nobody is forcing you to" Rowan said, while Fenrys raised a challenging eyebrow at her.

She drank more.

And one glass turned into two. And two into four. And by the time she was done with her fifth glass, she barely even noticed the guy who stood at their table and asked her a question. Or the deadly glares that all the males shot him.

"I think she's drunk," Gavriel announced to the group.

For whatever reason, Isabella laughed. "In mnot"

"Oh, she's wasted," Lorcan nodded.

"Youui, gfuckerst"

"Should we take her to her room?" Fenrys asked, concerned. "I'm not sure she can walk by herself"

"We shouldn't have let her drink so much. Even if she wanted to" Rowan said. His voice clipped.

"What's done is done" Was that Gavriel? Or Lorcan? She wasn't sure.

"Mlo khe paso, pasoo" Isabella sang before breaking into a loud laughter.

"Yeah, we should probably take her to her room"

"IDWDONTTBWANNAVGO" She protested.

She heard a collective sigh.

"Well, time to babysit"

~

Rowan assured the rest of the boys that it was okay for them to leave, if they wanted. He told them to enjoy the night, and that he would take care of Isabella.

She was almost passed out on her seat, and he had taken the space next to her in case he needed to catch her if she fell.

Her hair was loose, and scattered all over the table. He could see the sweat glistening her skin under the white shirt she always wore; and in the dim candlelights of the inn, she looked...darkly golden.

He sighed and rubbed his temples, maybe he should just take her to her room right at that moment. He didn't want to go against her wishes, but she was too drunk for her own good.

Just when he was about to stand up to gather her in his arms, she laughed and leaned back on her wooden chair.

Her cheeks were reddened by the alcohol, her skin glowed with sweat, and her eyes were unfocused and glassy. But she was smiling, so Rowan didn't say a word.

Her brown eyes moved to the table before she managed to focus them enough to see him. Her smile widened, and something in his stomach twitched. "Gossipt haqk"

"Huh?"

Isabella laughed, and instead of answering, she hiccuped.

"Do you want me to take you back to your room? You look tired" He begged for her to say yes.

"No," She said, and hiccuped. "I wbant two steay here"

He contained his sigh. "Okay,"

Not even a full minute passed, before she spoke. Her voice clearer, and full of longing. And it froze Rowan in his place.

"I miss Cardan"

Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.

He did it.

"Who's Cardan?"

Isabella hiccuped before answering. "My love"

He closed his eyes for a second, only one, and felt his own lips curved into a thin line as something close to grief settled on his chest.

"Your love" He stated, through gritted teeth.

"I blove him soo mach" And she pouted.

Was Cardan one of her ex lovers? One of those she had refused to talk with him about?

He willed himself to calm down, and opened and closed her hands before he began tapping a melody he knew as well as his own palm with his fingertips on the table.

"Cardan," His tone was flat.

"He..." She let out a dreamy sigh as she closed her eyes. And there was so much yearning on her face. "Heh uwas one of my first"

Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.

Again, he did it.

"First what?"

"Loves"

Was suddenly the scar of the time an arrow had almost pierced his heart suddenly flaring with pain? Or was it just his soul aching at her words?

"Uh,"

She mumbled something else, still with that pining look in her eyes, but Rowan was seeing red and blue.

"Bbut I- I oalso lobved Will"

Great. Another one.

"Who's Will?"

"My love"

"Huh,"

"He was my first love" And Rowan almost pierced his own hand with a knife just so he wouldn't have to see the real and deep affection on her face. Listening to it was enough.

"Will what?" He growled, lowly. He knew that guy Will was probably not even from their world, and yet...

"Herondale, of course"

Will Herondale, Rowan thought, get ready for a slow and painful death.

"I wrote about them" She mumbled some more.

And Rowan couldn't hear more, so he took her to her room, and then went back to the inn to pick up the pieces of his heart.

~

Isabella was suffering from an agonizing headache when she woke up. None of the males forced her to train in the morning, but rather during the night.

"You are lucky we even gave you all morning to recover" Gavriel commented.

All she could think of was that she was going to kill them in their sleep for forcing her to train at night. Because even though she usually stayed awake due to her nightmares, that didn't mean she wanted to run through a dark forest and sweat all over herself.

But, of course, she couldn't just tell them to fuck themselves -actually, she could, and she had already, but not when it came to training. That was too important- so she ran. And tried to keep her balance. And tried to punch Lorcan. And tried to slice Rowan with a knife.

It was a fun training lesson, after all.

Regardless, that was the reason why they were not in their usual spot inside the inn. Why they walked through the streets and past a dark street-end. Why they heard the sobs of a girl.

Why they heard her begging for them to stop. Begging for help.

Why they heard the sound of someone slapping skin, and then the unmistakable sound of flesh slamming against flesh.

Then, moans.

And more sobs.

For a second, Isabella froze in place. She felt colder than ever, and wondered if she was listening again to the sound of one of the soldiers raping one of the girls.

That was all she could hear.

It sounded exactly the same.

Her heart was beating too fast in her chest, she could only feel a strong pounding in her ears, she could not move a finger, and she couldn't breathe.

Next, a caress on her skin. Roaring wind. Rowan coming to her side and standing in front of her to protect her.

She heard the sound of footsteps, saw a flash of a girl on the floor with tears running down her eyes, her dress tored in pieces and two men over her.

At that moment, Lorcan and Gavriel moved. They had the two men pinned to the walls in a blink, and Fenrys was helping the girl stand up as he offered her his coat to cover herself.

Rowan and Fenrys left them in her room. Rowan took one more quick look at her before they left. Probably to finish those two men.

And Isabella stared at the broken girl sitting on her bed. She saw in her the faces and bodies of many girls she had seen being raped. And she forced herself to act despite the voices yelling in her head, and the fear threatening to take her back down.

She acted for the girls who couldn't.

For the girls who had been unlucky.

For the girls whose only flaw had been to be too beautiful.

For the girls who had cried for help and still being raped.

For the girls that managed to kill themselves in order to escape that hell.

For the girls who were, not even once, comforted.

For the girls who had taken it all when she had not.

For the girls who had sacrificed themselves.

And for the girls who had survived and still hurt.

Isabella strode to the bed, and softly whispered to the girl. In no time, the girl cried harder, and Isabella dared to hug her. When the girl leaned closer to her, desperate for any type of kindness and help, Isabella hugged her closer.

All while whispering it's alright I know it hurts they'll pay it's alright shh cry all you want it's alright you are alright.

~

It was almost dawn when the males came back. The girl had fallen asleep on Isabella's bed, so she was the only one to see the red stains on their clothes.

Rowan spoke. "It's been dealt with"

Isabella blinked.

"Is she alright?"

She blinked again.

"Isa?" Rowan whispered.

"Are they dead?" Her voice was rough. Faraway.

Somewhere in her mind, she registered the look Rowan and Lorcan exchanged before he focused on her again.

"No,"

Her hands were suddenly in fists, but her voice was still flat and small when she asked. "Why?"

"We thought you'd like to do the honors yourself. It's also be good for your training"

She looked up for the first time since they had come back at them. Firstly, at Lorcan's eyes. Then, Rowan's. In both she found honesty, and an anger that could burn the whole town in one go.

It was a mirror to hers, she knew.

Isabella nodded.

~

They had left their broken bodies in the forest. A soundproof ward around them so no one would come looking while they made them scream.

Gabriel and Fenrys parted to let her in as soon as they saw her.

Rowan gave her a dagger with wings in its pommel. It had words sketched along its blade that reminded Isabella of beautiful drawings.

It was light in her hand.

Their bodies were bloodied, she could see bones peeking here and there, bruises and swollen body parts already taking form; but they were still conscious enough to look afraid as she stopped in front of them.

She crouched, and her voice was soft as she told them. "Why is it so hard to understand a simple 'no'?"

Their eyes widened as she stood back up, and in a quick movement she had practiced hundreds of times, the dagger pierced their skin. Then, it went right into their rotten hearts.

Perhaps, she should have felt the heaviness of taking a life on her soul;

Perhaps, she should have felt her own heart rotting at the sight of the lives she had stolen.

Perhaps, she should have felt even a little bit guilty for murdering for the first time.

But all Isabella could think was justice justice justice justice.

For them.

For me.

And for those who will come.

~

Isabella came to a conclusion that night, as she laid in bed after taking the girl to her home.

She realized that could have been her.

She realized that it almost was her.

She realized she didn't want someone to stole it from her. She would choose how, when and who. She she she.

Especially not her first time. Not her virginity.

That would be hers. Because she would claim it, she wouldn't allow them to ever take it from her.

Ever.

And if she could help it, not again to anyone else.

It was an oath.

~

She could feel the worried eyes of the four males looking at her as she silently drank her beer.

It burned, but she was getting better at it.

Her eyes focused on the body of a guy who had interestedly been eyeing her all night, and she remembered her promise to herself. Her realization.

Isabella didn't even give them time to ask her where she was going as she abruptly stood up and walked to the guy's table.

He was smiling up at her, and she went straight to the point. "Do you want to fuck?"

Somewhere in her mind, she thought she registered a choking sound coming from behind her; but it was forgotten as the guy nodded.

She grabbed his hand and took her to his room. She didn't even look at them as she passed their table.

Isabella closed her door, and threw herself at him. She clung to his lips in an unprofessional, heated kiss.

It was also her first kiss, after all.

His response was quick and enthusiastic. His tongue twirled her own, and he moaned when she hit his lip. Hard.

She walked him to her bed, and took off her clothes as he did the same while lying on her bed.

Isabella laid atop him as she leaned down to kiss him again.

Before she could make a sound, he switched positions. His body was now atop hers. His skin was hot, as if with a fever, and Isabella felt all cold.

He traced her neck and breast with his tongue, lips and teeth. If he noticed her lack of sighs or moans, it didn't show.

He positioned one of his knees between her legs, parting them for him. His hand reached her inner walls as she sucked on her neck.

One finger.

In and out.

Then, a second finger.

"Damn, you are so tight" He moaned.

The irony, she thought.

Her hands remained holding the sheets as he stroked his erection once before he thrust into her in one painful go.

She let out a cry of pain, and he stilled inside of her. He looked down at her with worried eyes. "Shit. Was I too brusque? I'm sorry, I'll go slowly"

If only he knew, she thought.

He went slowly, and the pain subsided. His thrusts picked up speed and he thrust out to finish on her stomach before she could begin to feel any kind of warm pleasure.

He let out a content, pleased sigh and laid beside her.

"That was amazing" He told her, fully seated.

"Yeah," Biggest lie she had ever told.

~

The next night she chose another boy.

She took him, consensually, to her room.

He stripped her off her clothes himself, and she returned the favor.

It hurt less than the other, and it helped that he rubbed her clit as he moved in and out of her.

She didn't orgasm, but it was still better.

~

It was another guy the next night.

And the next.

And the next.

With time, and practice, she learned how to move and what position she needed to reach her orgasm.

And yet, she still felt empty.

~

Rowan saw her leaving with another man that night. And he felt pain. And anger. And jealousy. Anda wish to murder that man. And all the others.

"Stop me, Lorcan" He managed to choke out. "Stop me or I swear I'll stop her" Not from enjoying herself with other man, but from hurting herself.

Lorcan took him outside. And Rowan breathed the cold air of the night. He fell on his knees, and one of his hands found its way to his heart; where he could feel the mating bond thrumming.

He had told himself he would give her time. That she could do whatever she wished. With whoever she wanted.

But it hurt.

He hadn't expected the pain.

Worse than a poisoned arrow.

Or a stabbing knife.

Worse. So much worse.

~

Isabella eyed all the men in the inn. She didn't feel any particular preference to any of them that night, and she was tired of the emptiness that curled in her skin whenever they left.

So she eyed the women in the room.

And found one of them already looking at her. The woman tilted her head to the side, and Isabella arched an eyebrow. The woman smiled and stood up.

Isabella guided her to her room.

They undressed.

They touched.

Isabella had grown better at kissing and sex.

She'd had oral.

And a dick inside of her in almost every position.

And yet, that woman's tongue on her private parts was better than any man's.

She came.

Isabella tried to return the favor. And then their hands were on each other's inner walls, clenching their fingers, their tongues, they grinded against each other.

When the woman left, Isabella still felt empty.

~

Neither of them told her to stop. To think better of it. They just trained her, joked with her, and talked normally.

So she was surprised when she didn't even notice that they had finished their mission, and that they were leaving for Anielle.