Chapter Four
Soroya

The last few hours have been a blur. Analiese told us that she wants to bury Julian next to her parents in Saratov, Russia, so that's exactly where we have flown to. The trip here was silent, no one said a word. We loaded Julian's frozen carcass onto the ship and covered him with a blanket, none of us wanting to stare into those glassy eyes any longer. Analiese and I both silently cried while we flew to Saratov, but I had my friends and family here to comfort me, she had no one. She sat there alone, her arms crossed over her chest, her heart as heavy as mine. But even if I went over there to comfort her it wouldn't do any good. Nothing can console a heart mourning it's other half.

Analiese and Julian's parents are buried in a small graveyard next to a lovely little tree. According to her, it's just a few miles from where they used to live. The gravestones are simple and small, the inscription reading:

NINA IRINA REMINGTON
loving wife, mother, and friend
Born: November 12th, 1956
Died: March 15th, 1998

JOHNATHON ANTON REMINGTON
loving husband, father, and friend
Born: August 4th, 1957
Died: March 15th, 1998

I ask Analiese how her parents died, and she tells me that a fire started in their house and they were both killed. She and Julian were eighteen at the time. I remember when I talked to Julian about my parents while in HYDRA, there was always a hint of sadness in his expression. I thought it was because they were being held by HYDRA too, but now I know it was because they were already dead. It makes even more sense why Julian risked so much to save Analiese, she was all he had left.

We bury his body right next to his mother, and with some difficulty, we manage to inscribe a gravestone for him:

JULIAN ARMEN REMINGTON
loving brother and friend
Born: December 11th, 1980
Died: October 14th, 2003

Analiese and I both bury him together, and once Bucky puts the gravestone in place, all of us gather around his final resting place, paying respect to the man who died saving my life, the man who died a hero.

Analiese is standing alone, though Jade is close to her and trying to show her her sympathy. Jade's hand is linked with Sam's, and right next to him is John, who keeps glancing at me in concern. I have Alex and Bucky on either side of me, both holding onto my hand tightly.

It feels like he's dying all over again, it feels like the wound I've been trying to close up for two decades is being reopened. Wounds for Bucky are being reopened too. He had long since forgiven himself for what he did to Julian, but I can see that the guilt has returned now that he has seen Julian's body and had to help bury him in his grave. And even though Alex, Sam, Jade, and John didn't know Julian, they look very mournful and sad. I've talked a lot about Julian throughout the years, all of them know what he meant to me, what he'll always mean to me.

I glance at Analiese and find her expression like stone, as frozen as Julian's body now resting beneath our feet. I know what she needs, she needs some time alone to say goodbye, so I quietly gesture for everyone to step away, giving her some space. Analiese notices and nods to me courteously, kneeling down and touching the gravestone.

-

Analiese

I reach forward and touch Julian's gravestone, running my hand over the semi-neat inscription Barnes did, allowing myself to let my tears finally fall.

"I wish I could ask you why you did what you did, Jules," I whisper to him, wiping my nose on my jacket sleeve. "I want to know why you picked her over me. Soroya insists that you chose doing what's right over me, not her, but even if that's the case...why wasn't I enough? You used to say it was us against the world, that we were all that mattered, but that was just a lie..."

Feeling the tears come faster, I lean forward and lean my head against the gravestone, feeling a sob escape my quivering lips.

"I really want to hate you for what you did, I really do. It would make the pain of you being gone far easier to bear. But no matter how angry I am with you, I can't hate you...that would be like hating myself. You're my twin. As much as I want to spend this time yelling at you, I know that I'll regret it if I do, so I'll instead say that...I love you, Jules. No matter how much time goes by, no matter what happens, you will always be the only love I hold in my heart. I-I miss you." I say to him, pulling myself away from the gravestone and standing up, dusting the dirt off of my navy prison pants.

When I turn around to leave, I find Soroya standing just a few feet away, with the others waiting over towards the exit of the graveyard. As I walk past her, she kneels down to the grave just like I just did, getting her own goodbye in.

-

Soroya

"When your sister had me captured...I think I saw you. I was drugged up with LSD, but seeing you and talking to you felt so real. So if that was you, then you already know that it broke my heart when I found out you were the one that gave me my powers. But I want you to know that I've forgiven you for that, I know I would have done anything to help Alex, and you were trying to do the same for Analiese."

I stare at Julian's name written on the gravestone, feeling my chest ache as I continue to talk, like someone is pressing down on my chest.

"You didn't deserve this, Julian. I wish things had gone different. I wish you could have been there to see me become an adult, see me become an Avenger, be there with me when I got married."

Out of the corner of my eye I see a dandelion poking out of the grass, so I lean over and pluck it, laying it gently on the dirt pile covering his body, resting my hand on top of it.

"I don't want you to worry about Analiese. I swear to you that I will keep her safe and make sure she's taken care of. After all you've done for me, it's the least I can do. Not only did you sacrifice your life for me, but you were there for me when no one else was. When I had nothing, I had you. Even though you were putting up an act for a lot of our time together, I know that you did love me. I loved you too, Julian, still do, and I promise that I'll never forget the sacrifice you made for me. Never."

Another tear slips down my cheek and curves onto my lips, so as I touch my fingers to my lips and then touch the gravestone, I leave a smear mark behind. My sorrow filled tears leaving their mark on the final resting place of Julian Remington.

A hand touches my shoulder and I jolt in surprise, not having sensed Bucky walk over towards me. I give him a sad smile, which he returns as he kneels down next to me, turning his attention to the grave, linking his fingers with mine as he says to Julian:

"I'm sorry for what I did to you, there's not a day that goes by that I don't regret it. Despite being the one that stopped you from helping Lena escape, I am grateful that you tried. You were there to protect her when no one else was, when threats like me were around to hurt her. For that I owe you an unpayable debt. I promise that I'll protect her for as long as I live...as well as your sister."

I bring my hand up and turn his head towards me, guiding his lips gently to mine. His metal hand trails my face as he pulls away, sending goosebumps down my arms, warming me to my core despite the cold of his touch.

"There's something else I want to do before we go back."

"What's that?"

"When Alex and I were freed, we tracked down our mother's estranged sister, who had possession of all our belongings. The closest living relative of Analiese and Julian would have gotten their stuff when they were presumed dead, so I want to track whoever that is down."

Bucky glances at Analiese, who is standing near the rest of our friends, glaring at him once she notices his stare. He looks back at me and gives me a look filled with skepticism, unsure of my suggestion. "Sweetheart, I know you mean well, but Analiese is in prison and Julian is dead. She won't be able to keep anything she finds and it will just reopen more wounds."

I caress his face and brush my nose with his, arguing softly: "She would be able to keep some stuff, some books, pictures, things like that. Don't you remember how you felt when Olivia gave you what was left of your old life? It felt like you were given a piece of yourself back. It's how it felt for Alex and I too. I want Analiese to have that too. She was born here, her family is now buried here, it's important that she gets what's left of the people she loved and the life that was stolen from her."

I know Bucky doesn't like it, but he nods, refusing to push me any further on the subject. He knows that once I set my mind on something there's nothing that can defer me from it.

"We need to bring Foreman into Ross, John got a call from him and he's getting impatient. Why don't you contact Sharon and ask her to do some digging, I'll take Foreman to Ross."

"Take the others with you, this is something she and I should do alone. Once you're done with Foreman, come back and get us."

Bucky nods, even though I know he doesn't like the idea of leaving me alone with Analiese. But he knows I'm more than capable of handling her alone, so he doesn't voice any of his concerns. He stands up off the ground and helps me up as well, pulling me in for a tight embrace, my face nuzzled against his chest, his chin resting on top of head. With his flesh hand he soothingly rubs my back, and with his metal hand he cups the back of my head.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

I nod against his chest, clutching onto his waist tighter. "I'm just glad you're here with me. You always make things easier."

"I will always be here for you, that's the promise I made to you when I put this on your finger." He says, pulling back to grab onto my hand, smiling down at my wedding ring.

Despite my heart still full of mourning, I manage a smile, squeezing my husband's hand. "Call me once you reach New York."

He nods, bringing my hand up to his lips, kissing my knuckles and rubbing his finger across my ring. "Be careful, Lena."

"Always."