Chapter 3~ Recurring Dreams

I knew I was dreaming one of those recurring dreams where I could control it if I tried to, I could stop it alter it or do something so they won't haunt me forever.

But just like everytime, I found myself entrapped by it as if I was held on a chair with united ropes making me watch it play again. I could move, I could open my eyes anytime and say it is not happening. It was over and I was nowhere in that memory.

But just like everytime I chose to walk down that memory lane, again watching myself at fault.

It started back with something I won't ever get tired of hearing.

Aarav playing the paino

I was in my khakhi high school uniform passing by the corridor, the lane which had the big auditorium with the white paino in it and only one person can play it that melodiously to capture my attention leaving me enthralled and frozen to my spot.

With light steps, I reached the closed brown doors of the music room. My heart thudding in my chest I was sacred of getting caught. Though, I wasn't doing anything wrong but that little feeling of stalking and acting like I didn't know Aarav made me at wrong.

I laid my back against the wall by the big window through which I could steal glances at him playing the paino lost in the tunes his eyes closed,
his head angled back in serene
it bobbed softly to the slow melody. As if I could see them gliding out in sparkling form caressing his angel like features, so calm so pure it ached my heart to reach him.

I restrained myself my feet from rushing inside and announcing to him what I was dying to tell but I couldn't really make myself do that.

What if he didn't like me?
what if he had expected someone more beautiful?
Someone different and better than me?

Just these thoughts always held me back from confessing from laying out all my truths to him

So, I closed my eyes and inclined my head to the wall feeling this sad moment of separation with a hope of one day.

One day I will do that

One day I will be brave and courageous enough to clear all lies admit it out, who I was.

One day there would be no wall between us

My eyes burned back, I let out a slow laboured breath then gradually I let myself get drifted away by the music to one thing the one place that led us to it together.

The scene flickered to the other one when I was again walking down the corridor with my sketchbook against my chest. The only reason as to why I got myself in this art workshop was to get close to Aarav to listen to him play the paino, to steal glances with him even though he didn't know me. Or he thought he didn't know me. For him I was Selena, a smart and beautiful girl. The fiction girl made by my lies she was someone I could never be.

I got my entry in his school; St' Xavier by taking up the summer workshop classes. The renowned school with star students. The most talented ones.

Like always, during this time the hallway was empty people were busy in attending their respective activities. I expected to hear the melody the soft tunes of the paino when Aarav's fingers literally glided through the keys flowing unobstructed in a symphony like a breezy air in spring.

Rather, the corridor was swarmed in a dreadful silence my footsteps echoed on the linoleum floor. I wanted to turn back and returned to the activity area but this foreboding feeling of something was wrong compelled me to keep walking.

At this time of the day Aarav played the paino. It was at this time and he was regular, he always came maybe he was busy or maybe he didn't come to school today.

I started counting the obvious reasons for the absence of the music in the hallway.

My face fell, I didn't want to look at the music room and come face to the emptiness surrounding it or feel empathetic towards the bereft piano.

The loneliness we shared.

I turned around I was just being paranoid and anxious for no reason. I can survive a day without seeing him, of course I can. With that resolved I led myself back but my steps faltered when I heard low voice of someone in agony. Then lashing and hissing and cursing words.

Tentatively, I peered through the window glass the curtains closing the view I peeped when I found a sliver opening through them.

I spotted three guys in St' Xavier's sleek black slacks and sparkling white shirts rolled up to their arms. They were tall, leaned but muscular.

They were looking down at someone.

Out of them, one guy was crouched down probably saying something to someone who was on the ground. I squinted my eyes to get what was happening.

The two boys kicked the person on the ground and the crouched one laughed loudly his laugh echoing in the big music room, it sent a shiver down my spine.

I should leave this is none of my business I made a move to leave but my curiousity held me in my place, longer to clear the doubt, that Aarav was really absent today.

One of the three guys sauntered, their backs were to me so I couldn't see the faces of any of them. Anyway, I hardly knew anyone from this school the boy was speaking something and I was too far away to make out the words, in his hand he had something raised.On squinting, I noticed something of red color. Red thing, it was tiny yet when he raised his arm the metal gleamed when the sunlight from the opposite window hit it

Hearing aid

It was Aarav's hearing aid.

I followed my eyes at the person who they were beating, I didn't notice, I didn't want to see.. my fear pulled me back but it was Aarav at the mercy of their feet.

I should do something anything than being dissolved by shock on my spot. I took a shuddering breath stepping back felt the color drained off my face.

What can I do? Three against one?
It wasn't even fair
What if Aarav deserved it? No, no how can I even say this? Aarav has always been kind he didn't deserve beating from these guys, they were the bad guys here. But I really don't know Aarav personally what if he was involved in a gang or something??

I don't even know what the hell I was thinking other than taking any purposeful action!

The guy who was knelt down got up and stepped on with his shoes on Aarav's hand, brutally.

The cracking of the bones could be heard to where I stood. Aarav didn't let out a voice as if he seemed to stop moving for a moment.

I winced, in a frantic and desperate state to do something, I moved unconcerned about the direction my hand hit against the window loudly like a knock on it.

That guy turned around while his foot remained on Aarav's hand. I could feel him whimpering quietly.

Cold with fear, I whirled around too with such suddenness that my spectacles fell out of my face . ..Aarav's hands those skillful fingers ..he..

"Who's there?" A voice reverberated from inside the room.

I stumbled ready to sprint away before they see me as I made a dash to call someone for help and I collided with a body coming from the front at me

"In too much of a hurry? Love" He asked coolly walking towards me with his hands in the pockets of his dark slacks.

Faintly, I recognised he was one of the three guys and he must have had walked out to see who was there.

Unfortunately, he found me. I acted as if I didn't know I didn't see anything and I was just passing by the hallway

I blinked rapidly without spectacles his face appeared blurred. I struggled to note down his features they were sharp but not clear enough to recognise and get him caught for his crime.

I tried to get away from the other side but he walked swiftly there blocking my way.

"What? No introductions?" He continued taking an intimidating step towards me.

I stepped back fidgeting mumbling,"I didn't see let me go .."

How believable?

I was really good for nothing

My back hit the wall when he continued advancing at me like a predator cornering his prey. I squirmed wishing the wall could swallow me and save me from him. Something about that boy's aura and him was terrifying. He moved so gracefully, swiftly and lethally like a snake ready to attack his victim. And in this case I was the unfortunate victim, I gulped shutting my eyes when his face loomed over me. His minty breath hurting me softly.

I winced twisting away.

"Do you have a name?" He said like I was some nameless creature, drawing my chin to him.
The touch felt gentle and haunting at the same time.

I opened my eyes because the blindness of not knowing what he will do was scarier than keeping them close. I found myself staring into his light brown eyes.

Deep like abyss

He tilted his head in a way trying to understand me.

My lips quivered on their own accord they replied, "Se-r- ra"

thinking he would leave me alone then.

I still couldn't make out his face clearly. He lightly brushed his hand through his hair then with an uncaring grin he leaned in quickly, I squealed in surprise and horror taken aback when he brought his lips to my ear he said in a smooth and light voice, "run Serra you didn't see anything" my heart beating loudly against my chest against his and I knew he could hear it when his lips curled up against my earlobe in a mocking smile. My hands curled up in fists remained by my side felt like they were made of lead, I was finding hard to raise them and push him away.

"You didn't hear anything" he said I drew a sharp breath feared I would forget to breath again, when I felt cold sensation against my left ear. He drew away as swiftly as he cornered me. I glared down at the ground at his shiny black polished shoes .

Him standing there cooly with his hands in his pockets as if nothing happened.

I glanced at him my breathing laboured my mind a chaos of actions, responses, fight, swirled around pushing me to chose anything and react do something rather than watching him with a stupid stupor. Out of all I chose flight when he simply walked in the music room to carry on what I interrupted without giving me a second glance as if I ceased to exist after he knew I was no harm more than a fly.

Pathetic and useless.

I stepped away from the wall with curled fists clenched tightly I ambled ahead without looking back . Just walked away to hide somewhere to wallow at my cowardice self. Aarav's hearing aid in my left ear felt like a hard reality slap in my face proving how worthless I was for him.

Then the scene flickered to the one where I was running with all my life my hands desperately trying to reach him and catch him but my hands grasped nothing but air. My body hit against the metallic barricade, I stared down in the river the circling disturbed pattern in it expanding all over on the blue surface of it until it was still, swallowing him.

I got up gasping for breath throwing the blanket off my body. I heaved holding my head which throbbed so badly. I felt cold to my finger pores. Turning blindly in the dark I reached for the glass of water at the bedside. My shaking hands made the simple task tedious, clumsily I dropped it before my fingers could grasp it. It slip right out of them, the breaking of it echoed in the quiet room.

I stared at nothing just taking a moment to feel it, to make me realise that I was out of the dream, awake not held between the tornado of nightmares and captive by those haunting brown eyes.

The light filled the room. I blinked as if I was back and now awake.

"Bad dream?" My roommate Divyanshi asked with a glass water held out in my direction.

I accepted it quickly, my eyes turning at her bed that was covered with crumpled blanket. I forgot she was also there.

I pursed my lips feeling abashed and a little annoyed at myself for waking her up, disturbing her sleep, but not everyone has the luxury of peaceful sleep.

I was jealous of her for that.

I took a hasty sip of water hating myself more, keeping it aside I answered with a smile, "worst of all"

"Oh" she said, eyeing me with confusion whether I was joking or serious,"I also have nightmares you know.." she said slowly shifting back when I get out of bed.

Sleep was now pointless. I glanced at the watch 4: 45 am. I decided to dress up and leave for the mess there I could catch up with my leftover worksheets yet to complete.

Mentally, I was going through my today's schedule while gathering my clothes at whatever I laid my hands on, from the small cupboard. Which both, Divyanshi and I shared.

Divyanshi followed me standing beside me also taking out her clothes from the cupboard she didn't mind at all that I wasn't participating in the conversation.

"You will call them stupid if I told you.." she said lowly.

I pulled out a green top which says I hate boys, I shoved it inside replying, "I don't think nightmares are stupid they are quite a serious issue"

"Aren't they? Tell me about it! Mine are recurring ones"

"They are mostly recurring ones" I told picking up a yellow tee with pink flowers.

When did I buy this?

Why did I buy this?

"I dream same thing over and over again that I am playing the Violin" Divyanshi said shuddering.

I spotted white hot pants in the heap of clothes. "Now that's what you call a nightmare" I lifted it with my index finger turning to her.

She had jumbled up our clothes.

She took it with a sheepish look similar to her brother. I felt odd thinking about him and noticing little little things about him.

Anyway, I was observant by nature.

"Lovely..do you like play poorly in your dream?" I asked turning back to the cupboard with a pretend concentration as I tried to find my clothes which wasn't actually hard, all grey and black ones were mine.

"Nope, I play like I used to play melodiously, beautifully and just like I used to play like my life depended on it... like it was the only purpose of my life" she told with quite emotions that made my head turned to her.
I observed her, her light brown eyes looked distant I looked away before I start noting how similar were they with....

"And you don't play it anymore," I guessed.

"I don't play it anymore..two years since I left it" She said sadly, coming out of the trance

"Why?" I asked without realising I might be prying and this could be her personal business.

She shrugged acting nonchalant, " it is just.. I don't like it anymore it brings back bad memories I don't want to remember them" she told as if it was all easy to speak out when I can see how much it was hurting her talking about something that she loved so much doing and couldn't continue it anymore. Her stiff shoulders shrugged again when I stared at her blatantly with pity.

"So is forgetting them easy....?" I asked after a painstaking silence.

"It is when you don't have to remind yourself constantly to forget them" she suggested, this time she snatched back her another hot pants from me quite roughly.

I nodded stiffly understanding it to some level but not why she gave me a hostile glance

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You know it doesn't hurt at all if you vote rather it brings happiness