Chapter 20 ~ Havoc

I bit my lip nervously trying to wonder how the scene actually looked from his eyes.

I withdrew my eyes away not able to meet his filled with hate and pain, which I shouldn't be responsible for because I didn't do anything wrong. I never did anything wrong to deserve his wrath and betrayals, I told myself to shut off the urge to explain to him to see his playful grin.

My eyes landed on the broken phone the one Sahil gave to me and I forgot it in the apartment when I left.

He walked to it and crumbled it with his foot all the while eyes on me boring holes then he kicked it hardly, I flinched and he continued damaging it when it was already wrecked.

His head whipped to Dhruv when I couldn't lift my eyes and meet his in this state without feeling like I caused this reaction out of him.

Dhruv was glaring back at him matching the hatred. Sahil appeared like he was minutes away from strangling Dhruv's neck then it quickly flickered to a calm expression left us perplexed wondering if he was the same person?

He shook his head slowly, drawing his hands in his pants pockets, laughing it off like there's something really funny about this whole situation. His laugh was dark and sinister sending chills down my spine.

He turned around swiftly, disregarding our presence and left inside without giving a second glance at my way.

My legs wobbled, if not Dhruv beside me I would have fallen down with fear of what did I do wrong? How will he retaliate to that and just thinking of going inside back to him scared and fuzzed me, painfully pulled me towards him.

How can someone desire storm?

I didn't have any choice my clothes, my essentials were right in there, I needed them before I leave for my home.

I needed to meet him properly after 48 hours of without seeing his face once.

He ruined a part of me that cruelly ached for him to get more hurt.

"You shouldn't probably go near him he is in a destructive state right now" Dhruv advised carefully.

"I have my things in there" I said quickly, was it an excuse to go near him? I didn't know but I can't just leave like that.

I didn't know why I missed him this much now that I saw him. Like the sight of him drove me insane and destructive too.

"I can get you for that" Dhruv offered stiffly, I observed how hard it was for him, he covered it adding,"gotta check on Faisal too"

"Dhruv..." I started, "my mom wants me home by tonight" I said my voice came uneven with holding back what I wanted to say.

I know him, I know how to deal with him it is not the first time.

Dhruv studied me then unwillingly nodded seeing how determined I appeared, "you are just going in there to get your things and come out the very instant?"

"Yes" I lied.

"I am believing you on that"
He left eyeing me with suspicion or worry. with his friend in the car they had something urgent to check on related to racing stuff.

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I stationed my trolley bag against the wall by Sahil's room. The one with quotes covering down the entire door. I read the one that caught my attention at the moment.

When is a monster not a monster?
Oh, when you love it.

I gulped my insides quelled with so many emotions everytime I looked at his door and quotes on it, it felt like things were right in front of the world's eyes yet still people turn their eyes blind and deliberately choose to be ignorant enough to not understand.

Faisal and Soumya, were in the courtyard far away from the corridor, the bedroom area, though their laughing sound echoed in the overall dead silent apartment. They were playing cards unaware of when Sahil left or returned. I can understand, he was a storm in the form of light breeze.

I entered carefully in the apartment to not disturb them, Soumya for the first time looked real happy in Faisal's presence, without looking for it in someone else who only knew how to snatch it away from others.

I knocked on his door, cold with tension and dread.

Like, I expected he didn't say anything.

I turned the door knob and entered.

It was pitch dark in his room, no lights were on. I stepped in hesitantly, turning more unsure now that I couldn't even make out anything.

I gasped when something was aimed at my way, the only moment I felt it presence when it struck loudly against the opposite wall.

"Sahil?" my voice croaked, I took another step then flinched when for the second time like a glass shattering sound was swallowed by the heavy silence in the room. My breath hitched because it just missed me by mere centimetres distance. I could feel the air with that shot and it's shattering into pieces near my feet.

I tried hard to see where he was in the darkness? And where were they coming from? he was residing in the darkness and they both covered each other so well leaving no clue to what was happening?

Was I just walking right into abyss?

I glanced nervously at the ajar door wanting to get out sooner. Nevertheless, taking a shaking breath and curling my fists,

I said, "Sahil, I know you are here," I walked with unresponsive legs not acknowledging my fear.

A shrieked escaped my mouth when the glass shattered right beside me scaring me so badly. "I want to say" I whispered continuing, my voice cracked my entire body shook I took another step inside the darkness, simultaneously the aim swishing in the air passed by my cheek the crumbled glasses falling and brushing off my shoulder.

I swallowed a scream when I jumped agitated and shaken off, "stop it Sahil" I requested. "I am going -" then there was series of the shots raining towards my way, I turned my face away though none ever touched me, all missing by a hair breadth away and this made it more frightening and nerve wrecking. I clasped my ears I can't move an inch when they came at me from everywhere, I wanted to beg him to stop it. I bit my lip hardly to not say anything. He wanted me to scare me off. And I was already past that stage.

I dropped down on my haunches covering my head above me, crying silently on realising how it felt to be trapped and lost in the darkness where everything felt coming at your way. It coiled your insides with gut wrenching fear of getting hurt by every shot. I can't move, I can't say anything just stumbled around in this darkness with fear that has no bounds and every missed hit, hit deeper that it would actually do.

"You see this you feel this Serra, this is exactly my life right now in this darkness breathing fear of getting hurt every moment, instead of them missing you they always struck right at me right through me, everytime " He said his voicing coming above me he was there, there in front of me and with me, the thought filled the gaping hole he left me in.

I was holding my body so tightly that I was sure it left scars. I lifted my head blinded by the lights, I squinted taking in the room with sea blue walls. The floor was covered with broken photo frames some small some big, holding every joyful moments and all were of Sahil with his family with his best friends with Dhruv...now all shattered and broken.

My lips wobbled, I couldn't look at him without flinching. His hands were bruised and were bleeding like me on the inside.
He reached towards me and knelt. I crouched wishing the wall could swallow me in and save me from this havoc.

His face twisted in pain and immense sorrow, "Serra-

I laid my head on my arms facing in the opposite direction to the wall, "this will give me nightmares Sahil you only know how to give me nightmares"

He punched the wall over my head hardly I could hear the cracking of bones, his head held down in shame. I felt soft droplets rolling down on my upwards tilted forehead, I stared straight motionless into his wet eyes.

"I am sorry" he whispered hollowly, "this isn't your fault, the sight of you with someone else tore me more apart than it was possible"

My breath hitched.

"I have no right but it felt so wrong so unbearable I wanted you to feel that too. How hurt I was when you stabbed me with no idea of lifting the knife, your one shot at me felt like umpteenth of them struck mercilessly"

I looked away those eyes and him they fool me everytime, they hurt me everytime and knowing all this, I yearn and get drawn towards him. Still, need and think of him constantly. It drove me crazy, he drove me crazy.

I brushed off the hair on his moist eyes caressing his cheek, he leaned into my touch I found myself tugged in his way by an invisible string. I couldn't stop myself from kissing at the corner of his lips that lost their smile long back than I had noticed. He grew still suprised, he tried to pull me into him but I had withdrawn away immediately and said,

"I am going home Sahil, I can't keep up with this anymore I have no will in me to bear this further on," I got up my legs were weak and unresponsive Sahil reached for me protesting, I raised my hand strictly saying don't, he nodded and looked down with fisted hands.

I looked back at him wishing he could be like himself, defiant and uncaring about what I want.

He stayed there glueing his eyes at the ground at the shattered pieces of glass. I scolded myself for waiting, waiting for him to stop me and make me change my mind like I always do in his case.

He shifted back and turned his back to me when I still didn't move.

"Sahil you didn't follow me today, so did that phone you gave me had a tracker?" I asked.

His silence was the answer.

"I am going home" I said again.
I lifted my chin wiping my eyes, I walked out.

He lied when he said he won't ever change, he was changing

He was changing by letting me in the darkness

I just feared of being stuck in it, while I lend my hand to walk him out

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