Conciliate: stop (someone) being angry or discontented; placate.

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"Ava! Open this door!"

The pounding threatened the thin walls in my mind, and I would have given away everything to fall completely numb. I hated the complete tangle of thoughts in my mind, and I especially despised the fact that I wasn't able to do anything about it.

I was useless.

I turned to my side, glancing at my arms, the tally had increased.

Fresh slits were surrounded by the familiar swelled red skin that appeared consecutively. The small trickles of scarlet faded into patches of colour beneath my fingertips as I rubbed the self-destructive wounds.

It was ironic, but after an evening of slamming myself with personal insults, I had hoped that I wouldn't be able to feel.

"Ava!" She was pressed against my door, and I was slunk across the parallel side, "You can't spiral back to this, you know you're worth so much more. Let me in."

I wanted to, but I was paralysed with torment, soaked in my own tearful catastrophe.

"Ava?" It was now a fearful whisper, "You're all I have, please. Speak to me."

My lip trembled, like a shudder exposed to ice. "How can I make choices that affect my future, when I won't have one?"

I felt the gesture of Mum dropping to sit against me, the wooden material creating a refraction as we closely avoided each other.

"Honey, you can live beyond the age of thirty. What do you expect to do with your life? You can't just isolate yourself because everything will end. That's beyond our control."

I bit my lip, aware of the depth that I was drowning myself into.

"You don't want a job? A partner? A family? Aspirations? We're all going to die, and if we shy away from opportunities, death will only be a regret. You don't know when you're going to die Ava, you could quite possibly outlive me, it isn't in our hands."

"Why can't everything just turn out right?" I uttered like a dim light, hugging my arms to myself.

"This is life Ava, and we can't filter out the problems. We have to address them."

"So what do I do then?" I exclaimed in frustration, tears burning my skin, "Should I go and see Dad face to face? Should I tell Davis that I can't reciprocate his feelings? Acknowledging my disease hasn't made it better!"

"It hasn't?" Mum held a strict tone now, "So you're telling me that you still lock yourself in your room after school each day, excluding yourself away in misery?"

I bit my lip, tearing at the flesh in foolishness, "I-"

"I know you Ava! And I know that accepting this new burden has already helped change your perspective. A few months ago, if I was to tell you that you'd be participating in a fundraising event, we'd both laugh."

"Facing it directly can be a tormenting difficulty, and the results can be disappointing, but what have you got to lose? As much as we hate it, he's already gone. Davis is already prepared for the worst, so why don't you spare him the suffering?"

"I'm so scared that it will end like Dad." I finally confessed, "And I'm not prepared for that, especially if I'm the one leaving."

It stung me like an excruciating hornet, because one day, all these people would have to just acknowledge my lack of existence. And I would be the one causing that emotion, the feeling of absence.

"How will you know if you don't try?"

I couldn't answer, because I had nothing better to return.

"Let's play a game of would you rather, Ava." She sounded pleading, as if I was the straw that would make or break a camel's back.

"Okay," because, did I have anything better to do?

"Would you rather live now, or be dead?"

The sound of my mouth parting ushered away the upcoming silence, "Live."

"Would you rather never experience love, or experience it?"

The sound of saliva trickled down my throat, "Experience it."

"Would you rather be happy with what you have to spare, or spare your happiness?"

My heart was solidly pacing inside my chest, the caging ribs clearly infuriating it more.

"Be happy."

When she asked all the quiries thundering in my mind, it was as if they were easier to acknowledge.

"And would you rather stand up and fight these malicious thoughts, or sit down and let them contaminate you?"

I shuffled my feet, jumping at the tingling sensation that eminated from my lack of movement. Staggering upwards, I heaved myself to lean against the door once again. The transition pried open my mouth,"Stand up."

"So tell me, love, would you rather open this door, or maintain that useless barrier?"

My fingers were already scurrying for the lock as my body was triggered to fall onto some support, not an idle surface.

"Open." I whispered, pulling the handle down and determining the ignition.

Falling into the arms that awaited me, I cried in desperation for comfort.

~

I bit into the cola bottle, chewing in thought whilst gazing at the departing sun.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Ken softly murmured, his voice attempting to coax me away from my detached contemplations.

I broke away from idle staring and swallowed the sweet, "I'm fine now, trust me."

He sighed, but there wasn't anything else I could assure him with. Compared to hours before, I was better. I would only be cleared after confronting my issues.

"You didn't miss any juicy drama." The change of subject offered a new tone to the room.

I smiled, "Are you gonna tell me what Mr Traylor's news was?"

"Depends," He shrugged tauntingly, "You might not be prepared."

I lightly punched his arm, "I assure you Mr Liu, I've had worse news."

"Well," Ken lowly muttered in order to create some deranged sense of suspense, "Three people in the club made it to the next stage."

I bit my lip, "And they are?"

"Rafael..."

"Ken!" I exclaimed, "Did we make it or not?"

"Well I thought you would be more happy for Rafael, but yeah, we did."

I blinked at the casual revelation, wondering why he had decided to stage his words so particularly.

"We did?"

"We did!"

At his confirmation I burst out in a foolish laugh, leaning into Ken's arms as we congratulated ourselves with completely random sounds.

I ran a hand through my straggled hair, "That's the best news I've had in a long time, I can't believe it!"

"Well believe it," He placed his large hands on my shoulders, "Because we have to prepare for the next stage."

"Which is?"

Before he could answer, I heard a faint sound and rolled my eyes, "Momo! Come here you attention seeker."

Having received my permission, the kitten scrambled into the room, jumping onto the sofa and eyeing Ken suspiciously.

"I'm not that scary." He remarked, insulted, as she delicately avoided him to move to my lap.

"Well there was that time when that girl tried-"

"Hey! She was being racist!" The tall boy defended himself as Momo warily turned her back to him, curling into a ball and awaiting my hand.

I grinned, "Well, if all of us were like you, then there would be a lot less racists in this word."

"Reason four-hundred and nine to love Ken," He glared at my pet, "Which someone doesn't seem to understand."

"Anyway," I nudged him mockingly, "Tell me the theme!"

Ken flicked my head, "It's rebirth."

"Rebirth," I repeated as if it would inspire me, "That's tough, because all I can think of is a butterfly emerging from a cacoon."

"There are a lot of obvious natural connotations to the word." He nodded his head.

I yawned and leaned back, "When's the deadline?"

"A month from now, but we have to show our submissions to Sir in a fortnight."

I bit into another cola bottle, "I'm thinking of parallel sides."

"Mirroring?"

"Yeah, to visually show a juxtaposition. Past and present. Then and now. There and here."

"You," He snatched the third sweet from my hand, "Are deep."

I glared at him, "Better than a thief!"

Ken simply tossed it into his mouth as I gasped, "That was the last one!"

My hands moved to instantly flurry an attack, "Fury Swipes!" I yelled.

"Bide!" He shouted back, proudly standing unaffected by my infliction.

Ken finished off the move by jumping off of the sofa, and grabbing my ankles as I winced and wriggled for freedom.

"Get off!" I groaned, bursting into laughter as he pulled my furious cat and I away from our comfortable position.

"Use Scratch!" I commanded Momo, but she settled for a hiss, before travelling out of the living room and up the stairs.

"What the hell was that?" Ken laughed, sitting back next to me.

I frowned, "Don't eat the last cola bottle again, Ken Liu. Don't."

"I make no promises, Ava Lockhart."

I rolled my eyes, "As if my hair wasn't gross enough already."

"It's a shame I'm no expert like my Mum." He raised his eyebrows and gestured for me to give him my hair.

I moved in the opposite direction warily, "I think I trust a brush more than you."

Ken smiled in amusement, "Fair enough."

It was a real shame he hadn't picked up his mother's skills... "Hold on!"

"What?"

I pointed at the confused boy, "What if your mum could help us with the stall? She would be amazing!"

He bit his lip doubtfully, "I don't know how she'll feel in that environment."

"There's no harm in asking, right?" I glanced at him hopefully, "Maybe the change of atmosphere might give her a chance to be happier."

"Really?" He sceptically gazed at me, "A hustle of Secondary schoolers are exactly what will cure her desire of being detached?"

"Maybe it's the idea of making people happy?" I murmured to myself, "The money is going towards orphans, and the entire event itself is to give us some faith in humanity."

"Maybe." He remarked, though still not completely convinced.

"Ava!" I turned my head to the left as Mum called for me, then glanced at the time, sighing.

"I'm coming!"

I stood up and stretched slowly, then offered Ken an apologetic smile, "Excuse me for a while, my nebuliser calls. Again."

I advanced to the kitchen, where to my surprise, Mum had set the machine up. Normally I would have proceeded to do it myself, because she believed it would become more of a routine for me.

This was probably a little gesture of support after yesterday's emotional eruption.

"Thanks." I tweaked a small smile, looking up at her.

"No problem, better?"

I nodded my head, "Better."

Mum grinned, then motioned to the table, "You can eat something solid after that, but keep the Cheetos for me, I'm going to have a nap."

I chuckled, "Yeah, sure. Have fun."

As she moved into the living room to bid Ken farewell, I switched on the machine, giving the mist a chance to appear.

My mouth was familiar with the uncomfortable object as I slowly initiated the breathing objective. For the next few minutes my mind only focused on exhaling and inhaling, prioritising the movement of substances.

The minutes really ticked by slowly, but after the process had finally ended, I gladly removed the mouthpiece for the last time.

"You're strong, Ava."

I nearly dropped the attachment at his voice, but as Ken entered my vision I shook my head.

"I'm not. I cave in all the time, I doubt myself and I push people away."

As I continued detaching all the segments, Ken declared, "You're still here, right?"

"Just about." I softly sighed, turning to face him.

"I'm glad we came to know each other, Ava Lockhart."

Those words made me blush in embarrassment and pride, because it had been a long time since I'd been honest with myself, to another person.

"Ditto."

A/N:

Wow, twenty chapters!

I really underestimated how much homework would be thrown at me whelp.

Anywaaay, this chapter was quite dark in the beginning, so it ended with a bit of cute friendshipness. I hope it was okay, tell me what you think!

Also, I have no Internet and rely on data at home...So once the college gives me an Ipad, I will utilise their Wi-Fi *halo*

Baii for now xx