Excuse: seek to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offence); try to justify.

///

The chilling wind whipped against the crown of my head as I wondered why we were sitting here, of all places. Our knees were brushing against each other constantly, and the heat of the summer mornings was ignited in the touch. My fingers were spindling against each other in apprehension, I had waited for this moment my entire lifetime.

Most teenage girls would secretly hope to have a perfect moment. Maybe it was a kiss, being reunited, or even graduating.

My dream since eternity had only been for clarity. The yearn for the answers in my fingertips had reached an unmeasurable amount.

The numbness ceased as pressure was applied to my shoulder, "Need more comforting?"

I shrugged myself away from Davis and then gave him an uncertain glance.

"What?" He asked, not hiding his insulted tone.

My head moved back and forth, "You found out that I had a disease before I did, do I want to share this with you?"

Davis leaned back and then analysed my face, "Are you already forgetting why you sought me out?"

He was right. He was the closest I had to comfort, because he was the one who knew my situation from experience. Well, he was the closest.

My response appeared through the tear of paper as I retrieved the lined material.

"Want me to read it out?" The carpet crumbled as he moved closer to me, peering over my shoulder.

"No." It was almost a whisper, but it was strong enough to motivate me to proceed.

As the paper unfolded beneath my coordination, I mentally stabilised myself for something better than nothing.

The handwriting was completely unfamiliar, but the deep green ink had always been etched into my mind. He hadn't lost the habit.

Ava,

For years I'd drafted explanations, but I knew that none of them would ever be good enough for you. Eventually, I decided that after you turned seventeen, I would give myself the chance to share my reasons. What you do with these words is entirely up to you, but I have establishments to build with you.

They say that when a heart breaks, it doesn't break even. It's true. Everyone thinks that I really had an easy situation, leaving the people I loved and starting something new. It still hurts me, knowing that I've missed out on all of you, there are so many questions that I wish to ask.

"I'm sorry, but no," Davis interrupted the voice in my head with an irritated tone, "He can't start touching the subject of pain, he doesn't know a shit about the mental and physical pain you have."

I bit my lip, distracted and more concerned about the words of the boy next to me. Why was the epiphany that Davis and I were reading at the same pace more important?

"I didn't realise he was such a ghost in my emotions." I sighed, "I really do distance myself away from things, to the extent where I'm not sure what I feel."

Davis didn't reply, he only dropped his head onto my shoulder, allowing both of us to concede more words.

Marriage was a whirlwind for me, I had no idea of the commitment that was soon to approach. Living with a mental and physical bond to a partner was something you grow to love, but before I had the chance, you came into the picture. My Ava, when you entered this world, your mother and I were more united than we had ever been.

However, after your newborn time, things never fit back into place. I had a child who could have the world to herself, but there was a distinct longing in my heart. I wanted to finally prioritise myself, and pursue my own ambitions.

There were always bills to pay, and the money only came through my old gruelling career. I eventually realised that to pursue my writing, I could only put my heart and mind in it if I was alone. My words are a passion within me that I never had the strength to destroy, and they possessed me to the point where I gave in.

I finally followed my one true dream, but it came with the catastrophic-

"I can't read anymore."

I was stiff, and maybe I sounded like a robot because I was still pursuing the concept that my feelings didn't exist.

Davis pulled the sheet away from my wary grip, crumbling up the material in a resemblance to my appalled face.

"Tell me what you're feeling." He had a firm way with his words, which was a sudden difference.

As the boy turned opposite me and intently searched into my face for answers, I unlocked the barrier of thoughts.

"It's so pitiful, how he stacks up all these excuses about following his dreams. All he's doing is sugarcoating the fact that he never felt sufficient love for Mum, and the fact he stayed with her was because I appeared so quickly."

Now, I wasn't shaking from anxiety. It was anger, "How the hell can he assume that isolation will help him become an author? Does he really find satisfaction in words, rather than a complete family?"

I shuddered and wiped away the streaming waterfall that had sprouted from my eyes, letting the tears dampen my skin.

I was grateful when Davis used his arms for comfort, drawing me into a joint emotion to remind me that I wasn't as detached as my father. His voice was muffled against my head, "I can only see him as a coward."

It really hurt.

After all this time, I had only found that he was purely selfish. Scarred and tainted with his own selfish thoughts. Sharpened maliciously with selfish desires. He was selfish.

My emotions couldn't deny it any longer, I was completely disappointed.

I pulled away from Davis, and covered my face with my palms as the sobbing eventually ceased.

I wiped my eyes roughly and met his gaze, "What hurts more is that he says he wants to ask me questions, but instead, he attempts to clarify his choices with a hobby."

"He doesn't deserve to have information about you. He doesn't deserve you, Avacado."

I looked back up at Davis, and everything just seemed so twisted.

Here I was, feeling so shitty about this man from my past. Yet through all this, in the present, there was still someone who was desperately trying to save me.

"What? Did I say something stupid?" Davis's eyebrows furrowed as he cautiously asked for an explanation.

I chuckled lightly, aware that my voice probably sounded like a snotty child, "No, not this time."

Leaning back against his comfortable frame, I closed my eyes and prepared to rub away my father, "Let's not go back to him, okay?"

I could literally hear the gulp that proceeded after I had moved my body closer, and could securely feel the tension of Davis, who finally answered with a startled, "Y-yeah."

It was gentle, until he moved.

Davis was the first to recover, stretching his body before offering a hand to pull me up, "Let me get you home."

I gladly accepted, looking forward to falling into my own bed and closing my eyes, right after I had taken care of my medication for the night.

~

"Your dad is really nice, Mimi completely adores him." I smiled softly at the recent memory, as we passed through the dimly lit streets.

"Yeah," I could practically hear his smile, "That kid is nearly as bright as my dad's bald head."

I chuckled as our conversation brought life to the asleep road, "It's not that bad."

Davis snorted, and I smiled at the sound, "It's fine Avacado, I make up for it."

As he pointed to his hair, we both laughed, our voices mingling in a serene unison.

We were silent until I came to an extremely bright street light, one that shone like a planet in a world of stars.

"Wow," I halted as I stepped under it, closing my eyes and laughing at the flashes of light that tried to unveil my forced lack of sight, "Imagine all the bugs attracted to this one brightness."

I could have moved to my own accord, but the night's darkness only entered my vision because of the breathing that was mere inches from me.

His eyes were beside mine, like two allies. Our noses could tap each other if either of us decided to initiate a further movement. More importantly, if that initiation happened, then each of our pairs of lips would become one.

I scanned over Davis's face, hesitant and almost scared, "You're beautiful, Ava."

I wanted him to end this. I wanted him to stop liking me. I wasn't worth it. I would only hurt him, I had already proved that with Jesse. I wasn't support.

My throat tore dry, "I'm not, Davis. I ruin things, and I don't deserve your feelings."

It was as if he was impatient with my excuses, which was ironic from our prior experience. "I don't care Ava, I love you."

At that precise moment, I felt a wound that had never hit me before. A pain that truly could decease my soul. It was damage.

Whether I could return his emotions or not, what was the point? One day, I would have to depart, and it would be too early. I couldn't imagine leaving my life so quickly, but imagining the people I would leave behind was worse.

I couldn't bear the both of us being torn away to never meet again, which was why I stalled like a complete fool.

"Give me some time."

~

"I think you should keep your options open, don't fret about writing back." Dina advised as we walked through a corridor, scattered with people.

"I didn't think it was possible, but now I hate him more." I remarked as my eyes led themselves to a figure.

"Wow Ava, it hasn't even been twenty-four hours."

"I'll note that tone." I sent her a sheepish smile as we approached both Woody and Davis, in what seemed like a hefty confrontation.

"Why is it any of your business? Does one walk automatically create a relationship."

Davis's edgy tone caused Dina and I to halt in unison, backing away behind the array of lockers. We exchanged a mutual glance and the conformational nod decided that indeed, eavesdropping was acceptable.

"Look at you getting so frustrated, did I hit a weak spot?"

I bit my lip, hearing the menace that dripped like venom in Woody's voice for the first time.

Would I have noticed if we were being spied on?

"Leave me alone, and more importantly, Ava."

We heard the smash of a locker and Dina mouthed, "Drama llamas."

"I don't think I will."

I frowned, expecting Davis to share his fist with Woody's spite. If he didn't, then I should.

"I have some conditions." The tone of this interfering brat was almost as low as his sense of moral.

As my best friend and I eased our ears to focus on their speech, we were disrupted by a cheerful, "What are you guys doing?"

I processed Sasha's face for a fragment of a second, rushing to clamp my palm over her mouth as Dina flapped her hands in angst.

The bell joined into our disruption as the blonde flapped us away, complaining about how I had smeared her nude lipstick.

"Well it's not exactly pleasant for me." I raised my eyebrows, wiping my palm on my tights.

"Will you two shush!" My best friend growled under her breath, nearly as intimidating as her older brother.

Sasha and I obliged, and after realising that the ringing had ceased, the only word I gathered from behind us was, "Deal."

"Well whatever you were hoping to hear, it's not Ms Hernandez yelling at us for being late!" Sasha warned, beckoning us to our class, "We also need to discuss my fundraising stall."

As we departed from the sudden scene, I felt an uneasy emotion slide into my stomach, like slime. It was uncomfortable, and hassled my insides, making my throat feel tight with anxiety.

Something bad was going to happen.

A/N: Wow I've been in college a week and I'm already planning to drop Politics (yay). I know that life's gonna hit me like a truck, but I just have to accept it, so updates are going to be weekly if I'm lucky.

Anywaaaay, I really liked this chapter because...ummm...Davacado? I also found a David IRL whilst I was at a desert parlour, and there's this guy in my English Lit class who could literally be Jesse's personality, kinda.