A/N: This really is just us being salty at Aph because holy shit are there issues with her stories. So, instead we wrote some dumbass gay Aaron and some barely-functioning bisexual Garroth. Also, this is kinda a fun experiment for us because we get to see how much better we've gotten at writing and working together. I hope you enjoy this crack-y idea that got treated seriously.

E/N: We've written this to spite Aph in full. There are so many major flaws in her writing. Regardless, we used to be big fans. Faking Zero was originally for Aarmau and was written back in 2018 on Wattpad. It was really bad. Here's a better version with a healthier pairing bc what senior dates a freshman?

"You're up early." Melissa commented as I came down the short hallway to the kitchen. She glanced over her shoulder and tossed me her once-over look, no doubt taking in my pajamas and bedhead. "Dude. No breakfast until you're dressed."

I sighed, "C'mon, Mel, please?" She turned back to whatever she was making (eggs?) and shook her head.

"Nuh-uh. Clothes before food." I sat down at the kitchen table anyways and leaned my head on my arms.

"You sound like mom." I muttered, and Melissa visibly tensed,

"Don't say that." She whispered, and the weight of my words hit me, I sat up,

"Shit wait, no, Mel I didn't mean, just that. . ." She shook her head, and I trailed off. "Fuck. I'll go get dressed." I stood back up.

"Don't forget your homework." Now you really sound like a mom. Not our mom, but a mom. I thought as I turned back down the hallway.

Back in my room, I picked up one of my discarded school uniform blazers, shaking it out and tossing it onto my bed. Picking a white button up from my closet, it joined the blazer on my bed, same with a tie and pair of pants (that didn't even crease properly, christ). I changed out of my pajamas, managing to button my shirt wrong before I collected myself.

I looped my tie around my neck and pulled on my fingerless gloves, they weren't uniform standard, but served a different purpose. I was a Ten, whoopie-goddamn-doo for me, right? No. The gloves had cutout palms, but the left glove was cut just so, and as such made my Ten look like a Zero, lowest in the hierarchy. Sure, people treated me like shit because of it, but at least I didn't need to deal with the connection to my father.

I'd stab someone if it meant I got to be unconnected from that asshole.

When I went back to the kitchen, Melissa was sitting at the table already. I sat down at the plate she had set out for me wondering, not for the first time, if this was what family was supposed to be. Melissa was really the only person I would call family, at least the kind of family that was always preached– mutual love and respect and all that shit.

I took a bite of the eggs, not minding that Melissa didn't speak. I wasn't a loud person by nature, any promise of that had been screamed out of me by age four. Melissa had gotten a similar treatment.

She finished eating quickly and stood up, putting her plate in the sink before checking her phone. She cursed.

"Crap, I gotta run, don't be late!" She said, pressing a quick kiss to my temple before

dashing out of the room. I exhaled, glancing at my watch. I wasn't on as strict a schedule as my sister and got to leave later because of it. I heard the shuffle of Melissa grabbing all her things and the front door slamming shut behind her. My sister wasn't unlike a hurricane at times.

Once I was done eating I put my plate with hers in the sink (one of us would deal later) and grabbed my bag, making sure to double check for all my homework and such. It wasn't a problem I often ran into, but I wanted it to stay that way. I pulled on my sneakers, fuck dress shoes, and was out the door just as fast as Melissa.

Technically, there was a bus that stopped rather close to me, but the school itself was also rather close, so I always elected to walk. It was only ten minutes anyways, and all sidewalk.

Stepping up to the gates of the courtyard, the wall of noise hit me and I bit my tongue. I had endured this for nearly every day of my high school career, but that didn't mean I hated it any less. What was nice, though, was that I was much less noticeable now. A lot of students who had tormented me for being a Zero had since aged out of high school (or gotten expelled), meaning there were less people who truly paid me any attention.

"Oh, hey! The low-level loser's here!"

Didn't mean I was left completely alone, of course. Heaven forbid. I glanced towards the voice and caught the eye of Garroth Ro'Meave, a stick-up-his-ass Ten and heir to the Ro'Meave Corp. I sighed, it was too early for Garroth's bullshit.

I didn't bother to indulge him by giving him an answer, not even acknowledging him. I just focused my gaze on the entrance. Legally the school had to let students in if it was after seven, even if classes didn't begin until eight ten.

"Fucking Zero coward!" Garroth's voice followed me through the doors, but I ignored it, the school was the emptiest I ever saw it early in the morning. Most students didn't like spending more time than necessary in the building, but it got me away from insults so I didn't mind.

The library was empty except for Mrs. Hansen, the librarian, who didn't pay me any mind anyways, so I took a seat and pulled out my book. I didn't mind just killing time; Melissa had recommended Gone Girl to me and I had yet to finish it.

The ever annoying buzz of the school bell cut through the silence of the library and I left for my first period class. English with Mr. Jones wasn't bad. It was boring, sure, and I hated English class on principle, but Mr. Jones was a good teacher. He didn't ever judge us on our numbers (which is more than can be said for most teachers at Phoenix Drop) and he liked seasonal activities more than most teachers past the first grade. Speaking of, as I took my assigned seat I noticed cutout bats and ravens, made of black construction paper, or maybe cardstock.

Halloween isn't for another week, what's up Mr. Jones? I wondered, tapping my pencil against my English binder. As the other English students took their seats I watched as Mr. Jones wrote something on the board, but I was at just the wrong angle and couldn't see the letters, just the orange and black of the markers he alternated between.

The your-ass-better-be-in-class-or-say-hello-to-detention bell rang and Mr. Jones turned away from the board, smiling as he stepped to the side, finally allowing me to read his multicolored scrawl.

"HOW IS A RAVEN LIKE A WRITING DESK?"

Trick question, I thought, That's from Alice In Wonderland, and Carroll didn't think of an answer, it's a nonsense riddle. I didn't dare say as much. It was a debated question, and Carroll had put out an "answer" but he had stated that it was a second thought. It was written to be a nonsense riddle. I'm sure Mr. Jones knew this— he was an English teacher after all.

"So! Who has an answer?" He asked. One of my classmates put her hand up, "Yes!"

"Um, 'because it can produce few notes, though they are very flat; and it is never put with the wrong end in front'?" She spoke like she was reading from a script, and as I glanced back at her I could see her cell phone underneath her desk. She had clearly looked it up.

"That is what Carroll put out as the 'official' answer." Mr. Jones made exaggerated air quotes, "but I'm looking for a different one!" Another student put their hand up, "Yes!"

"'Because the notes for which they are noted are not noted for being musical notes'?" Mr. Jones shook his head.

"Nope! Any other takers?" No one else had an answer. "Alright! I'll tell you!" He turned back to the board and wrote something below the riddle. When he moved again, I groaned.

"BECAUSE POE WROTE ON BOTH!"

A double meaning, almost attuned to a pun. There were a handful of half-hearted snorts and weak laughs from the class. More than several seemed to share my distaste.

"You don't need to think it's funny; I thought it was clever. Okay! Enough of riddles, the reason I gave one is, because!" He grabbed a book off his desk, "we're reading The Raven in honor of Halloween!" It wasn't a half-bad segway, I had to give him that much. He passed out copies of the poem, bound together with other Poe works, and began reading aloud.

As soon as the bell rang, I started packing up. The quicker I was out of this class, the quicker I was in my next class and the less time I had to spend in densely packed hallways. Avoiding those who mocked me for my "rank" had become one of my main skills— forget Math or History, I knew what hallways to avoid and when. I made to leave the room, but as I approached the door someone shoulder checked me. I grit my teeth as they laughed and left the room. Don't start a fight you can't win, I told myself, turning down a rather empty hallway. Don't make it physical. Walking through an unused classroom and using the door that connected it to a different hallway, I found myself in front of the math room.

Math was boring, but easy. Growing up in a business focused family meant that numbers had been hammered into my head since before I could string complete sentences together. I hated that my thinking had been altered before I could even think properly, but it did help.

I had a free period before lunch, and as such, I ended up outside. Yeah, yeah, students were supposed to be in the building at all times unless accompanied by a teacher. The worst they could do was give me detention, and I had long mastered the ability to appear invisible to authority figures; call it a survival tactic.

There wasn't a gym class out, so I sat on the bleachers and pulled Gone Girl back out, not in the mood to do classwork.

"What's this? Is the loser Zero breaking school rules?" I scowled at the voice I unfortunately recognized. I looked up from my book to meet Garroth's eyes. He stood at the base of the bleachers, expression triumphant.

"You're breaking them too, Golden Boy." His face twitched at the insult, and I felt oddly satisfied at his reaction. "If you turn me in, you have to fall too. What'll it be? My ass or yours?" Garroth shrugged, smirking up at me with his hands shoved into his pockets,

"Oh, I'm not gonna turn you in. Just wondering what a low-life like yourself was doing, you know, because there are better spots to hide." I fixed him with the coldest stare I could manage.

"Oh like you'd ever need to hide. C'mon Golden Boy, you can't fool me. You're just trying to scare me. Guess what? I don't scare." Normally I wouldn't have shot back at those who insulted me, but I knew Garroth would never escalate our interactions past verbal confrontation, so he was a safe bet to properly talk to.

"A Zero like you? Claiming bravery? Don't make me laugh, you're a coward. It's written in your goddamn destiny. You can't pretend forever." Not only is destiny bullshit, you and I share one.

"I'm not pretending anything. You're just not particularly threatening," I tossed back to him. He took one hand out of his pocket to push his bangs from his eyes, looking up at me with an expression I couldn't read.

"I don't need to be threatening, Zero. I'm just here to remind you where you belong."

"And where might that be?"

"Away from me and others who have futures." I stood up, shutting my book with an audible thud.

"Y'know, that'd be an easier task if you didn't constantly seek me out," I commented lightly as I walked down the bleachers. I clasped his shoulder as I came within radius of him, "just something to think about." His eyes widened, expression different, but still unreadable as I let go of him and kept walking. Garroth may have been an asshole, but he was right about one thing: there were better places to hide on campus.

I turned a corner in the hallway, realizing just a moment too late that someone else was trying to do the same thing and running into them. I stumbled backwards and the person I ran into, fell to the floor. A girl; the skirt's a dead giveaway.

"Shit, I'm sorry," I said quickly, offering her a hand. She brushed a stray lock of her dark hair from her weirdly cat-like orange eyes and smiled.

"It's fine!" She chirped, and seemed about to take my hand when she stopped, staring at my palm. "Oh my god, you're the Zero!" I pulled my hand back on instinct, I had offered her my left rather than my right, damn ambidexterity, and she seemed suddenly fixated on my number. She practically jumped to her feet, and I took half a step back.

The girl in front of me was a freshman, the iron-on badge on her blazer telling me as much. She had seemingly never learned when to keep her words in her head.

"Your number isn't in the center of your palm. What's up with that?" She asked, stepping closer to me, nearly reaching for my hand, I took another half-step back.

"What?" She blinked up at me. Christ, she was short.

"Your number! It's not in the center of your palm. Why's it?" I scowled.

"Get out of my way." The girl in front of me was really pushing my patience.

"Why should I? You won't tell me why your number is so... weird." I felt the corner of my mouth twitch in annoyance.

"None of your business. Didn't your mommy ever tell you not to stick your nose into other people's private lives?" Moving to the right, I easily side-stepped the freshman. In my peripherals she stood frozen in place, mouth open. Ha. First time a Zero dare insult you? Get used to it if you aren't gonna grow up.

I'm aiming to get to the end of the hallway where it connects to the main front area. There are always people in there, be it students, staff, or random visitors. No one wants to actually talk to the Zero in front of a crowd, especially during lunch. Of course, god forbid I actually get where I want. The ones above must take great pleasure in watching me suffer at the worst possible times.

"Hey, Zero! Answer my question!" I try to keep walking, but the little motherfucker steps directly in front of me. I meet her eyes, glaring to both intimidate and clamp down on my growing irritation. Good grief...

"Why should I have to answer you, freshman?"

"Be– Because I–" It was getting increasingly harder to control my anger.

"Because you're a Seven? And I'm a lowly Zero? I bet no one with a lower number has ever talked back." Her face was growing increasingly red. "Hn. Learn some respect. Now, if you'll excuse me." I finally shift my gaze to the far wall and push past her.

After finally rounding the corner and getting out of the freshman's line of sight, I relaxed slightly. The cafeteria was practically a straight shot from here, and no one ever bothered to bug me at lunch. They tended to have better things to do.