Chapter Eighteen

There's only one other moment in life where I remember getting this horribly drunk, and no, it wasn't at the club with Keith or with Luke. Back home in the states, I tried drinking my friend under the table for the sake of my pride. I ended up passing out on the ground thinking about cute kittens and golden crunchy hash browns. It's an odd combination but it felt right at the moment.

"Shit it," I groan. "I really want hash browns now." There's something about drinking and greasy food that makes me happy.

I just know today's going to be a terribly slow one. Now that things with Kade are rocky and I'm forced to make my own food. Well, I might as well curl up on the couch and die. That's a little drastic, but I'm in a dreadful mood right now.

My throat burns, a dry husk which leaves me feeling uncomfortable. I get up from the couch and walk into the kitchen. I grab a glass out of the cupboard and the water jug from the fridge. The cool water passing through my body is like jumping into a cold pool after a warm day.

As I turn towards the bench to place the glass down, I notice a piece of paper and my clutch bag resting on top. I slide the piece of paper out to read the short note scribbled across the paper.

"Thought you might require this." – Kade.

Screwing the note up, I throw it over my should, uncaring of where it lands. I grab my clutch and retrieve my phone. I've got a few missed calls and a message from my mother. At least they're missing me. I thought they'd forget about me.

I open the message from my mother and type back a quick reply – she's worried I've been mauled by drop bears from my lack of response. Then, I grab my things and head back to the bedroom.

My things are still scattered around the room and I feel slightly bad for the mess. I step over the clothing and towards the wardrobe. I change out my clothes and into something fresh and light. It's a playsuit which is colourful for the beautiful weather here.

"What to do, hm." I frown. "Anything, really."

Grabbing my white handbag, I stuff my purse, lipgloss, sunglasses, and phone inside. Whatever I'm doing, it's not going to be wallowing in here for long. I have the whole city to explore. Maybe I'll hit up the beach? Go shopping or just get lost in the beauty of the culture.

Running to the main section of the apartment, I hop inside the elevator and press a few buttons to get it moving. The doors ping opens when I get to the ground floor. I walk out and look around, only to find that the ground floor is almost deserted. I stroll onto the street and wander down the pathway. If I walk around long enough, I'll find something.

As I wander down the street, I look at my surroundings and bask in the warm glow of the sun. Nothing in particular catches my eye, just boring business buildings. Instead, my mind wanders to Kade's speech last night. My mind might be slightly fuzzy, but I get the logistics of it.

Tapping on the phone button, I press the device against my ear and wait. I listen to the dialing tone and then I'm directed to his message bank. Frustrated, I leave a message anyway.

"Call me, please." I hang up.

Just as I tuck my phone back into my bag, I get another call. I quickly check the screen, only to be disappointed when it's not Kade. Instead, I notice it's my mother calling. Perhaps she's not convinced with my message? I've been meaning to call her, I've just been caught up in everything else.

"Hi Mum," I cheer happily.

"Lydia, baby, how are you?" she asks.

"I'm really good. How's Dad and Kyle?"

"Both good, but you know." She huffs in annoyance. "Always fighting and stirring each other up." Hearing about the normality of my family makes me smile. It's nice to know some things are still the same. That couldn't be said for me.

"Send them both my love, then?" I giggle. "And that I miss them both."

"I will," she says. "Now tell about your holiday. How are things going?"

"They're great," I reply. "I'm seeing so much of Australia, it's really beautiful. You should really come and check this place out one day." As I wander around the streets, I make up stories about my time spent in Australia. Some of it deviates from the truth while a majority of it is fiction.

Once I'm finished talking with her, I hang up and walk into a nearby café. I jump straight into the line and read the small board hanging behind the counter. I consider getting breakfast, but I opt for a regular coffee with some sugar to sweeten the bitter taste.

When I get to the counter, I order the drink and take a seat beside another waiting customer. It only takes a few moments until I'm walking out with my drink. I put on the sun glasses and continue with my journey.

I sip on the hot coffee until my phone begins buzzing once more. I try not to feel too excited, but I look at the screen and smile when Kade's name appears on the screen.

"Here I thought you were ignoring me," I answer.

"I need to talk to you," he says.

"What do you want?" I ask.

The line falls silence, so silent, I have to double check we're still connected. My iPhone has the call mode on the screen and the minutes are ticking upwards. I press the device against my ear and wait.

"I don't want to bring you into my lifestyle," he finally replies.

"That's my choice to make," I defend.

"You're not getting a choice." This time the line cuts and I'm faced with silence. The silence is a slap in the face and it makes me angry.

"Well, stuff you, Kade," I angrily yell at the phone.

I shove the phone into my back pocket and storm away. I continue along until I get another phone call. I contemplate ignoring the call, afraid it's Kade, but end up accepting it.

"What, come to apologise already?" I ask. A part of me embraces that very idea of Kade begging me to stay.

"Hi Alessia, it's Beth," I hear instead.

"Oh, hi Beth, how are you?" I quickly change my tone of voice to something a little more upbeat.

"Where are you? I've been calling everyone. You're supposed to be auditioning today," she explains. "Should I schedule for another time?"

"I'm so sorry, I must have forgotten. I'll sort something out soon," I explain.

"Okay, but quickly." I end the call and then flick open my messaging app to Kade's contact. He's either going to send me on my way or help. At the end of the day, we said some things but I doubt he would send me off without much thought. I hope he'd make me stay, in fact.

"Beth. Alessia. Audition." - Lydia

Not even two seconds later, my phone is buzzing in my hands. My phone is really ringing off the hook today. I click on the answer button and wait.

"Lydia?"

"What do you want me to do?" I answer.

"Go to the audition and in return, we'll talk about last night." The prospect of getting something in return is nice - especially understanding what the heck is going through his mind. Maybe I can begin to piece this mess together and form some kind of understanding.

Even though I'm over being a puppet for Alessia, I still want to be here for Kade. I can't help think, if I'd just kept my mouth shut, maybe he wouldn't be pushing me out.

I end up calling Beth back in regards to the audition. If I'm going to make it there, I'll need a lift and some information. I hope the audition isn't too hard. I need something easy since I already suck at this acting job.

"Beth, can you send a car, I'm going to this audition." I turn around and start heading back to the apartment. Hopefully, I won't get lost on the way.

It's been a while since I took an acting class, probably back in the beginning of high school. I hope I do alright for the sake of this job. They seriously don't pay me enough for it. I run my fingers through my hair, repeating the same chant in my mind. I can do this.

I can be Alessia for a little longer. I'll shoulder the pain and make this work because he's worth it. I don't care if I have to break down the walls to make him see I'm worth sharing his world with.

*****