If anyone missed the last update then please read it, It has Their kiss and Shubman's realization of love.

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Shubman's reaction by the end of the chapter (don't skip):

I find myself in my Mumbai flat. Partly because I wanted some time alone, but also because the BCCI event next week is in Mumbai.

We only returned from England yesterday, and since then, I haven't spoken to Ishan. Am I experiencing withdrawal symptoms? The past few months were filled with cricket matches, tours, and events, so I hardly had to be away from him.

It's pathetic. I'm pathetic.

I head into the kitchen to make myself some coffee. As I grab the coffee, it instantly reminds me of the day when Ishan showed me how he likes his coffee. He isn't a black coffee person; he likes it with milk and sugar.

He showed me how he prepares his coffee, which was interesting, but then again, anything he does is interesting to me.

He let me take a sip from his coffee, and it was really good. Now, I'm craving it.

Instead of my usual black coffee, I start making my coffee the Ishan-way. I pour the hot milk over the creamy mixture, and it looks delicious. Grabbing my phone from my room, I stroll into the living room. Sitting on the sofa, I start scrolling through news on my phone, but my focus is hardly on it. Lately, all my brain can think of is this one particular 5 feet and 6-inch tall man who probably doesn't give a shit about my feelings. Or maybe he does? I don't know.

Before I can take the first sip of the coffee, the doorbell rings. I set the coffee mug on the table to check it, and as I open the door, I see Nia and Darshan standing there with some stuff in their hands. Nia is breathing heavily..

I step aside to let them in, both of them dumps the stuff on the table. Darshan leaves quickly, but Nia stays, still breathing heavily. "Water," she manages to say inbetween her breaths.

I hand her a glass of cold water. After gulping it down in one go, she asks for more. After downing another glass, she plops down on the sofa. "Why isn't the lift in your building working?" Her breathing starts to normalize.

"I don't know. I didn't even realize it wasn't working," I say, noticing her narrowed eyes. "You haven't been anywhere?" she questions.

"Not since this morning," I reply, taking a seat in front of her.

She relaxes herself and leans back on the sofa. "I should join the gym."

"Yes, you should," I agree.

She gives me a glare.

"What are all these?" I ask, pointing towards the stuff they dumped on the table.

"They are fan gifts," she answers.

"Oh."

She then sits up straight, her face morphing into an excited expression. "You know what? For the BCCI event next week, I think it would be fun if both of you wear matching outfits." She taps something on her phone. "Boyfriends should be twinning," she adds.

I sigh. "I don't want to continue it." Her head snaps a bit too fast, and I'm afraid she might have sprained her neck.

"But we can't do that, we have ODI World Cup (khada hoon Aaj bhi wahi) coming later this year, we can't afford any negative PR before that." She pauses, a bit hesitant to say anything further but then she continues anyway "we can do something after that, like release some statement."

"No," I protest. "I don't mean that... I mean... I mean..." I struggle to find the correct words.

"Yeah?" she prompts me to continue.

I bury my face in my hands and speak in a low voice, "I don't want the word fake to be there."

Silence.

I glance up to confirm that she is still there, looking at me with confusion, and then slowly the realization dawns upon her. "You mean... you have feelings? For him?"

I nod slowly.

She clasps her hand over her mouth and squeals. SHE LITERALLY SQUEALS.

"Oh my god, oh my god, for real?" she asks me excitedly.

Whatever reaction I was expecting from her, this one wasn't one of them.

"My ship is sailing!" she exclaims joyously.

"Huh?"

"I already see the chemistry between you two. It's a shame that it took you so long to realize."

"Well, in that case, it's more like your ship is sinking because I am the only one with feelings."

"And why are you so confident about it?"

I explain the whole thing to her, how we helped Ellisa and how Ishan kissed me, and how he never mentioned it afterwards. She enjoys every bit of it.

And when I tell her about the kiss, her eyes go comically wide. "You two had your first kiss!" she exclaims, clearly ecstatic. "I'm sad that so many people witnessed that, but I didn't," she says with a mock hurt expression. "I can't believe I missed all that drama. I should have been there."

"Yeah, so you could have made us both marry each other right there," I scoff lightly.

"Of course."

Now her whole demeanor changes, and she looks pointedly at me. "Did you tell him?"

"What? No... How can I when I know the feeling isn't mutual?"

"How can you say it so confidently? In my opinion, you should definitely tell Ishan about your feelings. He deserves to know." A smile spreads on her face. "And who knows, he might feel the same for you?"

"Not possible."

She tries to say something, but I cut her off, changing the topic. "How is it going with Darshan?"

She rolls her eyes. "Fuck him."

With a mischievous smile, I retort, "Well, that's your job."

_____

The BCCi even went smooth and we are currently in Hyderabad for the tri series against New Zealand.

The first match ended up in our favour, after the match, I went out with shreyas and and miyaan.

After returning to the hotel As I enter in my room, I see him sleeping in an awkward position, his body twisted uncomfortably on the bed. He must have dozed off while waiting for me. One hand is loosely gripping his phone. Gently, I retrieve it from his grasp and notice that the contacts are open. My name is at the top of the list, indicating he tried to call me before sleep overtook him. A quick glance at my own phone reveals two missed calls from him - it had been on silent.

I place both phones on the side table and turn my attention to him. Carefully, I ease him onto the bed, ensuring his head rests on the pillow. I straighten his leg, which had been draped awkwardly over the other, and once he is lying more comfortably, I tuck him in under the comforter.

After changing, I switch off the light and slide under the covers beside him. The window is open, allowing a gentle breeze to flutter the curtains, and moonlight streams in, casting a beautiful glow over his face. A few strands of hair resting casually on his forehead.

He looks so serene.

As I watch his chest rise and fall rhythmically, Nia's voice swirls around in my head: You should at least tell him. He deserves to know.

Confessing to him wasn't on my list, especially after seeing how he behaved so normally after the kiss. It was as if it hadn't meant anything to him. Secondly, what if he doesn't feel the same for me? Whatever we have between us could be ruined. What will he think of me then? Will he be disgusted? Or will I see pity in his eyes? Even thinking about these possibilities makes my stomach churn.

He is too precious for me to lose like this. Even if I can't have him all to myself, at least he'll be my friend, at least he'll be my fake boyfriend if not my real one.

This is exactly why I've never been interested in any kind of relationship. They make you need things you were perfectly fine without. And the funny thing is, I'm not even in a relationship with him.

I gingerly cup his face with one hand and gently caress his cheek.

I can't confess in front of him, but I can confess to him now. He doesn't have to know, and maybe, just maybe, saying these things to him even if he is asleep will make me feel better.

"I want to say something, or more like confess something," I whisper, waiting for a reaction. But none comes, of course, he is asleep. So I take a deep breath and start pouring my heart out in the form of words.

"I don't know when it started, but it did start. There was always something about you. You came into my life being this adorable ball of sunshine that you are, and I couldn't help the feelings that I began to develop for you.

It started small - your laugh, which I found melodious, your voice, which I wanted to comfort me in my vulnerable moments. Your touches, which began making me feel fuzzy and warm inside.

Then it grew into something bigger. I found myself disliking when you gave your attention to anyone for more than ten seconds. I know it's silly, but it is what it is.

When I saw you hugging Mayank that day, it didn't settle well with me. Yet, I never dwelled on those feelings, convincing myself that it's normal to feel this way for a friend whom you spend practically all your time with.

But it wasn't normal; it was something else. Something more than friendship, more than just mere jealousy.

I realized what it was when you kissed me that day. It was so sudden that my mind went blank for a moment, but as your lips moved against mine, everything started making sense to me. And the realization hit me like a train.

Everything made sense in that moment, a lot of sense."

All this time, I keep caressing his cheek with my thumb, his chest still rising and falling in the same rhythmic manner.

"Maybe I am being selfish here, okay, I am being selfish here, but I don’t want anyone else to have your heart, feel your touch, kiss your lips, or be the reason you smile.

I want to be the cause of your blush, the one who makes you smile the widest. I want to kiss you so long that you start to get embarrassed and hide your face in my chest.

But sadly these are just my fantasies.

Sometimes, I’m afraid you can read my eyes and see what I feel for you. When I first saw you sitting in that restaurant, I never, not even in my wildest dreams, thought I would end up falling for you."

Confessing to him while he lies next to me, fast asleep, wasn't on my list, but here I am.

I carefully plant a soft kiss on his forehead. "Ishan, I lo----" I hesitate, my heart pounding in my chest. "I really like you, Ishan," I finally say.

I should have felt relieved to confess to him, but to my pure horror, he slowly opens his eyes, and I quickly shut mine.

~~~