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Chapter Sixteen: First Light
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Trigger Warning: this chapter contains sexually explicit material.

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"Again?"

Eawynn's voice came out shrill. Her eyes were wide as she stomped through the yard to follow Finan.

"Where Uhtred goes, I go." He retorted with a groan. He was not in the mood to listen to her snap at him about something out of his control.

Eawynn should have known better. This was the life of a warrior. Could she deal with the constant worry her whole life? Wondering if whether her beloved would come home from his journey or if he died in battle a hero.

"It's so soon. Too soon. After Gisela..." her voice died down as she failed to come up with words to say. She looked down at her feet and took in a deep breath. "I guess my joining you all is out of the question." She wasn't asking - rather stating the facts. She knew Uhtred would want her to be here with the children. Just like Finan, she followed Uhtred wherever he went. If that meant living in Coccham, taking care of his children, while he gallivanted across Wessex to fight for the crown - then so be it.

"I'm sorry, Wynn. I know you want to come, but you and Hild are the only ones that Uhtred trusts with his family." Finan glanced back to Eawynn, making sure that she was still following him. She was. She was hot on his heels and the moment he stopped walking she looked up just in time to stop her own legs and not crash into him.

"You do not have anything to be sorry for, Irishman." She shook her head and glanced over to where Skade was, sitting on the ground resting her back against a bale of hay, her hands tightly bound before her.

"She is a witch?" She spoke again, looking back at Finan and noticing the uneasy look upon his face.

"A seer, Uhtred says. She placed a curse on him, Wynn. That is why he is not letting this go. We have to find a way to end it."

"You honestly believe this? Our God-"

"Yes! I believe it. You didn't see the massacre in that church. It was..." he bowed his head solemnly and clutched the cross he wore around his neck.

"Okay. I believe you. That will be the last we speak of it." Eawynn nodded and gently slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow. "You leave tomorrow?"

"Aye. At first light."

Eawynn stayed silent and continued walking with Finan until they made it to the hall. "I'm going to see if Uhtred needs anything." She spoke softly, her hand not leaving Finan's arm as she turned to look up at him. "Will you-"

"Be at the alehouse with Sihtric?" Finan finished her thought with a smug grin. "Aye. I will be there."

"Just so I know where to find you before I retire for the night. I don't want to miss saying goodbye." She told him as the corners of her lips tugged up slightly. She leaned up and pressed her lips against his cheek before turning from him without another glance.

She made her way into the hall and paused when she noticed Osferth standing there beside Uhtred.

"Lady Eawynn, please. Come in." Uhtred nodded to her in acknowledgment.

"I do not wish to intrude. I can be on my way, lord."

"Nonsense. Join us. Please."

Osferth sat down across from Eawynn and wiped away the remnants of the tears he had just been crying from his face.

Eawynn helped serve the two men whatever the kitchen had been able to cook up. She knew Uhtred barely touched anything since returning home but that he needed his strength.

"You must eat, Lord. You need your strength. Finan says you are to leave at first light." Eawynn gestured with her hand to the bowl she had just placed before him before setting another one down in front of Osferth.

She finally took her seat again and only began eating when Uhtred obliged her directions and started sipping at the stew.

They ate in silence and once Eawynn had cleared away the mess, she lingered in the back as she listened to Osferth toast to Lady Gisela. She stepped forward when Osferth asked Uhtred if it was okay that he prayed for her soul, slipping her hand onto his shoulder with a reassuring smile down at him. The tears in his eyes broke her heart more than it already was and she couldn't bear to watch him in pain.

After Osferth left the hall, Eawynn sat down beside Uhtred. "When will you stop running for Alfred?" She hoped Uhtred didn't take offense to her question, though she could sense that he was slightly irked with her having asked it in the first place.

"For as long as he needs me." Uhtred admitted with a soft sigh. "I do not like it, but I am a man of my word."

"I know you are." She smiled and reached forward to take his hand in hers. "Which is why I wanted to say that I know you took me in because of Gisela. Now that..." she paused and closed her eyes as her head bowed down slightly, "now that she's gone, if you do not wish to allow me to live here in Coccham, I-"

"Do not finish that thought, Lady Eawynn. I promised you my protection and I will not take it back." Uhtred gave her hand a squeeze before he got up from the head of the table. He looked restless and she wasn't sure what he was going to do next. "Besides, Finan would never forgive me." He leaned down to press a kiss to the crown of her head. "And plus my children adore you."

Eawynn allowed herself to laugh as she turned to look up at him. "Yes, and Finan can be quite persistent. I don't think you'd want to find yourself on the wrong side of his friendship."

"He loves you, lady. You know this?"

Eawynn looked away. Although she knew Uhtred could see the warm blush rising on her cheeks, she could not bear to look him in the eye during such a heated conversation. "I fear that I am no longer able to love him the way he wants me to." She finally admitted out loud. She quickly wiped at her face, hoping that the warm tears she felt forming in her eyes would not fall and simply vanish into thin air.

"I want to." She finally brought her attention back to Uhtred before she continued, "So badly, I want to be with him. I'm terrified that I am no longer what he wants. Or needs, even."

"Lady, Finan cares deeply for you. He has been in pain as you have been in pain. He will wait for you as long as you want him to."

"I feel as though my soul is disfigured, just as my physical body is." Eawynn looked down and sucked in a deep breath. She stayed this way for a moment before she jolted at the touch of Uhtred's calloused hands.

"Your soul is just as beautiful as your body, I do not mean any disrespect." Uhtred laughed at her widened eyes as she stared up at him in disbelief. "Sigefrid may have damaged you, but you have rebuilt yourself tenfold."

"Thank you, Uhtred." Eawynn squeezed his hand before she stood up.

Although the pep talk was brief, Eawynn knew this was exactly what she needed. With each passing day, the world around them was changing. Finan, as he so bluntly stated before, would go wherever Uhtred went. As long as Uhtred swore his oath to King Alfred, Finan would be by his side. The bond between them was that of a brotherly bond. A love, really. Eawynn would never try to come between that - not that she could even come close.

She took her time with walking through Coccham. Hands folded neatly before her as she moved with purpose. She heard him before she saw him, a small smile appearing on her lips as she realized he was singing to Sihtric and Sihtric was drunkenly cheering him on in return.

"Wynn." Finan abruptly stopped his tune as he spotted the girl standing behind Sihtric with a smile lifting the corners of her lips.

"Oh, please, do not let me stop you. I was enjoying this."

She took the spot beside Sihtric and took a small swig of his ale. She scrunched her nose in disgust, still not a fan of the heavy, bitter drink. It took Finan a few minutes to gather his bearings before they started back up again.

This was what she would miss. Not only the training with the men she now considered her family, but the down time they all shared. The small shred of happiness that was found even when they had all lost so much.

"Let me walk ya home." Finan nodded to Sihtric as he walked off, hand in hand with his wife.

"How noble." She teased back, giving him a slight bow before she took his arm once he offered it up, and started back home.

"We leave at -"

"First light. Yes, you have told me so already."

Eawynn stood in front of the door to her home with her back facing Finan. She was frozen in time, unable to look up and back at him. The nerves were beginning to eat away at her insides and she was about to put an end to the so-called plan she had concocted during her walk from the hall to the alehouse.

"I wish you did not have to go. With each time you leave, I worry that it will be the last time I get to see you." She admitted boldly, turning around to face him now. The bewildered look upon his face helped calm her nerves. It was a weird sensation. Just one look in his eyes, the crinkle between his brow and the lines surrounding his eyes - and that was all it took.

"I'm sorry, Wynn." Finan stepped forward and gently cupped her chin in his hand. "I wish that we did not part so often. I wish we did not have to part at all, if I'm bein' honest."

Eawynn smiled warmly up at him. She slipped her hand around his wrist and gently tugged her chin free from his grip. "Let us not part, then." Her voice barely was above a whisper. She watched him, waiting for the gears in his mind to click into place before she leaned up closer to him. One hand stayed around his wrist as the other snuck along his chest before meeting his face. "Until first light, that is."

"W-what?" Finan stumbled over his words as his eyes fell shut. The moment her hand touched his face, his legs felt as though they were still in mud. He couldn't move, he could barely think. He wasn't sure he was understanding her appropriately and did not want to assume.

"Come inside, Irishman. Before I lose my confidence and change my mind."

Her lips pressed against his cheek before she pulled away completely and turned back around to enter her home. She had already made it inside completely and sat down on the edge of her bed to remove the boots that now felt too tight around her feet. The room felt smaller as she tried to steady her breathing.

The moment Finan stepped inside and closed the door behind him, latching the metal lock that he and Sihtric had bonded for her to use - especially when they were gone - Eawynn felt her stomach begin flipping upside down. Butterflies fluttered around incessantly, the tips of her fingers becoming numb as she watched him take short strides over until he knelt before her with a tentative smile.

"I-"

She immediately reached forward and pressed her finger against his lips.

"I know." She told him, a nervous smile forming on her lips as she assumed the words he was going to speak.

Finan slowly reached down and let one hand wander beneath the hem of her skirts, taking his time to skim her skin and ensuring that she was comfortable with this. As she smiled down at him, seemingly urging him on, as she reached forward to gently brush hair from his forehead.

His hand moved further up her leg, gently tracing circles and scraping his fingernails against her as he moved closer to her hip. The moment his fingertips touched the scarring, left behind from her captivity, Eawynn flinched. She felt sick and immediately pulled her eyes away as she grabbed at the edge of the bed frame.

"Hey, hey," Finan quickly pulled his hand out from beneath her skirt as he moved to cup her chin and pull her face up so he could look at her. "I want to see ya. Eawynn. All of ya. But only if ya want me to."

With one quick blink, a tear escaped her eyes and she immediately brushed it away. "I'm hideous, Finan. Sig-"

"Do not speak his name." Finan interrupted her gruffly. "He does not get the honor of his name leaving your lips."

She nodded silently and took his hands in hers. "If you do not wish to be with a tainted woman, Finan, I understand."

"Are you deaf?" Finan growled lightly, his hands pulled from her grasp so he could cup her face and bring her close to him. "I want you more than I ever thought possible. You are not tainted. Not to me. Never." His lips found hers in a gentle kiss and when he pulled back from her, he stood up and brought her along with him.

He took a step back and shed his weapons before removing the first layer of his armor. Eawynn watched, trying to ignore the warm sensation growing between her legs. Once Finan had removed his tunic and stood before her in just his loose set of trousers, Eawynn stepped towards him. She reached forward and let her fingertips brush along the scars that littered his chest and shoulders.

He allowed her to do as she pleased, allowed her to take her time inspecting his own scars before she was ready for more. She gently placed a kiss to the center of his chest before she took another step back.

Her fingers, though moving slow, moved with purpose. She unlaced the front of her dress enough that she was able to pull her arms out and let it pool around her feet. She stayed still, breathing in and out deeply before she shed the thin shift that had been hiding her nakedness.

The cool air hit her bare skin and covered most of her flesh in goose pimples as she stared up at Finan. Finan stepped forward slowly, taking his time in meeting her by the bed. He wanted to take his time. He wanted to make sure that she wanted this and had ample amount of time to back out and tell him to leave.

He felt vile at the knowledge that he had thought of humping her for far too long. The image of her naked body on display before him already began to send him into a frenzy, all of the blood in his body seemingly filtering directly between his legs. He knelt before her and let his lips brush against the scars along the outside of her thigh, gently holding onto the other thigh to keep her in place.

A soft gasp escaped her lips at the feeling of Finan's lips against her bare thigh. His hand crept up slowly until it gently cupped her backside to hold her against him. She squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed the nausea that fought its way up her throat. She fought the disgust, the only feeling she could feel when she had been ravaged by Sigefrid.

This is Finan, she thought to herself. Her hands rested on the tops of his shoulders as she finally opened her eyes and looked down at him. "You call the shots, Wynn. I am here for ya." He whispered against her thigh before he slowly stood up and removed the rest of his clothing.

She stared at him, taking in his naked form with a blush upon her cheeks. She followed him onto the bed and let her hands cup his face the moment he leaned over her. "You are too kind, Finan. Are all of you Irishmen like this?" She asked, gently pressing her lips against his before she pulled back to look up at him, awaiting his response.

"Just me." He replied teasingly, gently moving to rest himself between her legs. He had never moved this slow, but he knew he would do whatever he had to in order to help her feel comfortable with him. He was not joking when he said that she called the shots. Every move he made, he would gain her approval.

"Again, how noble." Her hands moved to his chest, taking through the tufts of black hair that sprout out from his skin. She shifted slightly beneath him, parting her legs so he could fit between them on his knees.

"Tell me what ya want me to do, Wynn."

Eawynn let her hands continue to wander along his chest before she found his face and leaned up to kiss him softly. "I don't know how to speak in these situations. I don't know what the right thing to do or say is."

Finan shifted one arm behind her head as he pressed one finger to her lips. "Just be yourself. Tell me what you want from me. What you need from me."

"You." She told him flatly. Her fingernails scraped along his scalp as she pulled him further down so she could kiss him again. "I just want you." She whispered against his lips as she could feel the slick heat spreading between her thighs as the weight of his length rested against her.

Finan kept his lips pressed against hers as he pulled his hips back to align himself with her entrance. He had never moved this slow before, but knew what he must do to protect her at all costs. It had been some time since he had humped a woman, knowing that he did not want to disturb the relationship he was building with Eawynn.

The moment he entered her, she pulled back and let out a gasp. She thought she would begin to panic, and though there was a small part of her that wanted to, she only tightened her grip on the sides of his neck as he moved carefully, slowly prying her legs further apart as he finally bottomed out inside of her. His breathing had already began to quicken, the tightness of her muscles contracting around his cock as he stayed inside of her.

Eawynn, quite obviously, had never known such delicate touch. She pressed her head back into the bed as her muscles loosened slightly to accommodate his size. The moment her eyes opened she met his gaze and smiled. "I'm okay." She told him, seeing the worry in his eyes as the tears that had been threatening to escape her eyes finally broke free. She was not crying out of sadness, but out of relief. Relief that she could let another man touch her. The thought of this intimacy had once terrified Eawynn but the loving look in Finan's eyes was all it took for her to feel confident in her decision for it to be him.

He began to pump his hips into hers, a soft groan escaping his lips at the sensation washing over him. He leaned down to kiss her, desperate and starving for the feeling of her lips against his own. "Wynn," he whispered in the same breath as a moan, trying his best to maintain his composure.

"Finan, I-" she cut herself off as her arms wrapped around his neck as she pulled her lips from his only to attach them to the side of his neck as his hips continued their gentle assault. The feeling of fullness was overwhelming and Eawynn could feel something brand new, a tight coil turning and turning in her lower belly. She felt like the coil was acting as a dam in a river, the pressure continued to build higher and higher until she burst. The sensation was not something she had ever experienced before, her hands tightening their grip on Finan's shoulders as she came undone beneath him.

It was an overwhelming experience, the tears flowing freely from behind her eyes as his lips found hers in a comforting embrace. His hips continued pumping until he found his own release, which spilled inside of her. He peppered her lips and jaw with gentle kisses, pulling back slowly as he looked down at her, "please don't cry, Wynn." He whispered, a sense of dread forming inside his chest. Worry started clouding his mind, bringing the thoughts that he hurt her or that it had not been a pleasant experience for her.

"I'm sorry. It's not you. I mean, it is you. I'm just happy." Eawynn whispered, her lips pressing back up into his gently before she laid her head back down and watched him pull out of her, moving himself from between her legs as he collapsed on the bed beside her.

Finan wrapped his arms around her protectively from behind, his face gently nuzzling into the back of her head, breathing in her natural scent with a soft, elated sigh.

"How long until first light?" Eawynn turned to lay on her side, watching Finan with a small smile.

"I don't want to spend my last hours with you sleeping."