L U E L L A

I FEEL WRECKED. That's the first thought that comes to my mind as I start to regain my subconscious when I wake up. My eyelids, my head, my neck, my whole body feels heavy and sore as hell. I groan, but my vocal chords scream in defiance at the effort. God, how much have I had to drink last night? I bet Alex was pissed at me.

As last night's memories come rushing back into my exhausted brain, I remember Cindy going to dance with some guy and when I was left alone...somebody came up to me. He tried having his way with me against my will. Then...nothing. Blank.

I shot up in bed, eyelids lifting themselves up in a flash as I tried to adjust my eyes to the brightness of the room.

Holy shit.

I don't remember ever being in a room like in this in mine and Alex's flat, not even in Cindy's or Chandler's. I start to freak, then. There's no way I was so drunk I went back with the asshole... Right? I quickly get the heavy duvet off me, only to find my dress was still on, which was relieving but did nothing to calm my nerves. Looking around the room, I couldn't see anybody else but me. It was just a plain, sad room.

I swung my bare legs over the bed and rolled off, resting my feet on the cold carpet as I took my heels between my fingers and started to tiptoe my way outside the bedroom, hoping there isn't some mass murder or rapist-and I didn't know which one was worse-waiting for me outside. On my way out of the room, I found another door against the wall, it was opened and apparently led to a bathroom as I could see a mirror placed on a sink counter.

Wow, I look like absolute shit.

I dropped my heels and started trying to tame my wild blue hair in a bun before I realized I don't have my purse with me, so I had to manage with no hair ties. I skipped washing my face, because it'll take an hour or two taking all last night's makeup off, and I would very much like to get out of this place sooner than that.

It was noticeably quiet, and much brighter outside when I walked out, the reason being the large floor-to-ceiling windows that looked over the city underneath. But when my jaw drops, it's not just because of the shockingly beautiful view, but it's because of the shockingly present person sleeping on the couch.

I almost bolt out the door at the sight of another human being in this unrecognizable place, but that's before I take a glimpse of his face.

No fucking way.

Last night's events slowly come back to me as I stare at the restless body laying on the couch in front of me.

"Hey, you look familiar."

"Harry..."

Oh, my God. Harry. It's him, it really is him. How is he here? Why is he here? Why am I here? Oh, my God.

First instinct is to run out the door, never turn back, pretend this never happened. But before I could think twice, he stirs and yawns, fluttering those bright green eyes that haunt me in my dreams open.

His sleepy face freezes when he sees me standing there, and I feel my heart stop functioning, my lungs freaking out, my face losing color. Then, his lips curve up to form a strange smile, as if he remembers why I'm here, and he slowly sits up on the couch before standing up. My feet are glued to the floor as I stare shocked at him.

Harry.

I haven't seen him in...what feels like forever. I hate him. I hate him, so why is my heart racing? Oh, because I spent the night in what seems to be his flat. In London. Holy shit.

"So it wasn't a dream," Harry mumbles a declaration, as if he'd come to a great discovery or conclusion or realization, his voice a little groggy from having just gotten up. He's dressed in a black tee and grey sweats, and I hate...I fucking hate how he looks so familiar. So heart-wrenchingly familiar. His hair is...short. The chestnut curls that I used to be so accustomed to weren't there anymore.

But his face was pale and he had dark circles under his eyes. He was a bit taller and a little skinnier than I remember him being last, but never losing his lean posture that all the girls at LU would die for, willingly. His emerald irises were glistening with something I couldn't quite decipher, but the way the dimple on his left cheek barely indented when he smiled fondly, dreamily, like he actually still thinks he's dreaming deep into his sleep, made a chill slide through my bones.

Not only his voice, but his presence-so near, so close, not in Lancaster but in freaking London-sends a chill down my spine and throughout my whole body. I blink, not knowing what to say to that. Not knowing how to breathe after that. Not knowing how to move on from that.

It wasn't a dream.

"You're real," Harry says, another conclusion he seems to have gloriously come to, but my tongue is tied into a million knots.

Luella is clawing at my throat, fighting to come up and run over to the boy-man-she's so much missed. Luella is a fool. I'm not Luella, I'm Faith.

I raise my eyebrow at him subconsciously, still confused and surprised at his presence. I looked away, opening my mouth to say something but failing, too many feelings and emotions pent up inside me-inside Luella, the one who has those feelings deeply infested in her bones-I don't know which to decide to let consume me. But I can't let a feeling consume me when Harry is right in front of me. It will wreck me...again.

"Oh, er, this must be confusing," Harry realizes and I look back at him as he ruffles his hair-short hair, a habit he'd kept over all this time. "You passed out last night...at the pub? And I didn't know what to do, I don't know where you live, so...I brought you here."

My eyebrows furrow and I clear my throat before I say, "Oh."

Harry pauses for a moment before he chuckles nervously. "Oh?"

"You didn't try to come onto me last night, did you?"

"What?" Harry sputters and I raise my eyebrows. "No, Luella, that wasn't me. I took that prick off of you-"

"It's Faith," I cut him off. He freezes, lips parted. I ignore that and what memories that brings up and say, "I have to go now."

"Wait. Faith?" He shakes his head multiple times, eyes lost as he rakes my face for any emotions.

Little did he know, I buried those away a long time ago.

"It's either you're Luella's long lost twin or something, or..." Harry trails off, frowning in thought. I raise my eyebrows at him, trying not to look too much into his too familiar eyes to avoid any more memories to slap me in the face.

"Listen, Harry. Thanks for being my Knight in Shining Armor or whatever last night," I remember falling all over him and I shiver at the memory. He must think I'm still the pathetic little Luella he used to know. "But we can pretend this never happened, and we can both go back our separate ways."

His face fell, but he didn't let me read into it anymore before he composed himself quickly and hardened his features. "You're going to pretend like this isn't the first time I've seen you since-"

"Since I broke free?" I blinked confidently, watching him gulp but continue to stare back at me, like he's begging for a reaction, for a breakdown, for something. But I'm not going to give him that, not anymore. "No, Harry. I'm not going to pretend alone, we are."

The look on his face was enough for me to look away and walk out, leaving him there...again. But this time, he didn't call my name, asking for me to come back. Maybe because he finally had enough of it with me. Maybe because he didn't know what to call me-Luella or Faith. But he can't call me either, because Luella is gone and Faith is not his.

The tears that streamed down my cheeks and rolled off my chin were a lot for the people on the street to take in, in addition to my appearance. I probably looked like I was taking the walk of shame, with my heels hung to my fingers loosely as I cried silently.

I sobbed when I got home and realized the flat was empty. I neither had my purse, and consequently, nor my keys. A huge sigh escaped my lips in exhaustion as I turned back around and made my way to the pub. It looked like noon, so surely at least one of the guys would be there.

God, Harry.

Damn you and your stupid short hair and bright green eyes. Damn you for making me cry for the first time in a really long time. Why do you have to ruin me? I have done so much, worked so hard to try to forget about you, buried the Luella that used to be madly in love with you, so I could finally be freed of the pain you brought me. I tried so hard to mend the pieces you crashed back together after you'd broken me.

Only for you to be back, in freaking London, and happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Where the hell have you been?" I hear Cindy accuse as she sees me entering from the back door of Wanderlust. I sighed, grateful someone I know is here. I'm glad I'd wiped my tears before I could hear any more accusations, Cindy is fueled up on her own.

"I left my purse here somewhere," I say, avoiding her question. Because what the hell would I say?

Oh, I've just spent the night at my ex's, whom I ran away from after he turned out to be not really my lover, but a part of a greater conspiracy started by the woman who I thought was a second mother to me. But hey, how was your night?

As tempting as it is, I don't think so.

"Faith..." Cindy trailed off, her tone a warning. "Where have you been last night?" She repeated.

"Drop it, Cin." I sighed again, holding my temples. I really have had a lot to drink last night. "Have you seen my purse? I think I had some Advil in there."

She narrowed her eyes at me warily as she spun around and rummaged through a box before she walked back to me, handing me my missed bag of belongings. "You're lucky somebody handed it in at the Lost & Found."

"Thanks," I rummaged through it for Advil and took out my phone as well, already dreading the amount of missed calls there will be from Alex. Cindy handed me a tall glass of water and I thanked her again, swallowing the two pills of Advil back.

"You don't need to call him back," Cindy flinched as she peeked at my phone screen. I frowned up at her and she explained, "He's here. And he's gone crazy looking for you, quite literally."

"Oh, God," I muttered. "How bad is it?"

Before she could say another word, the door of the pub slams open and there stands Alex. Sweating and frantic, his eyes almost instantly landed on me as if he sensed my presence. His expression changed from worried to relieved to angry in a matter of seconds. I could feel Cindy back out of the scene, but I still heard her whisper, "Uh-oh. Good luck."

"Where the fuck were you?" Alex took two sudden strides towards me I almost jumped in my seat.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Shit, Alex, get your voice down."

"Do you know how many times I've tried to reach you? Where's your fucking phone, Faith?"

"Apparently I have twelve voicemails, sixty messages and about a hundred missed calls," I noted from my phone's notification center. "That's a lot, Alex."

"Damn right it is!" He raises his voice and I give him a look. He clenches his jaw harshly and steadies his voice a bit when he speaks next. "Can I know where the fuck you've been?"

"Alex," I looked him calmly. "Calm the fuck down. I was at some friend's house. I was drunk and couldn't find any of you around. I couldn't find my purse either, because apparently someone had dropped it off at the Lost & Found. So I couldn't get to the flat, I stayed over at a friend's place."

The lie had so smoothly slid out of my mouth that I almost believed it myself. My heart was racing at the possibility of Alex finding out I was at a guy's house, let alone be it my ex. He was an overprotective guy, to say the least. That could be a huge understatement.

"What friend?" Alex frowned, still suspicious.

"Not someone you know," I said, which was true. But he doesn't need to know any more than that. "Can you stop acting like a raging gorilla now?"

"Was it some fucking dude?"

"Alex!" I said in a warning tone, hoping he'd drop it. Besides, I was having a really horrible headache.

"Fine," He grumbles as he nears me. "You look like shit."

"Thanks, asshole." I rolled my eyes.

"And I'm not being a raging gorilla, I was just...insanely worried about you." He says, glancing at my lips then up to look into my eyes. The intensity of his darkened ones thrills me and makes me forget all about my upsetting and confusing morning.

"You can use the word jealous every now and then, you know," I pointed out, smirking in amusement as I circled my arms around his neck.

"You already know I'm only a raging gorilla whenever I'm away from you," Alex says and I laugh, shaking my head at him before connecting our lips together and letting that feeling consume me.

Alex was good. Our whole relationship didn't have a name, but he treated me like I was his and I was glad I was anybody's but someone who's a part of a twisted conspiracy to 'right' my life. Alex was real and open. He kissed me, not because he was looking out for me, but just simply because he wanted to kiss me. He held me just simply because he wanted to hold me.

Indeed, he could get too jealous over me and it was increasingly getting a bit possessive as time went by, but I really couldn't care about it too much. Because I think Luella would, except I'm not Luella. I'm Faith.

Luella is too familiar, Harry is too familiar, feelings are too familiar. But Faith isn't and Alex isn't, working in a pub isn't, being the complete opposite of what's familiar is not familiar. And I found comfort in that.

And it really shouldn't matter to me that Harry is in the same city, or that there's now a larger possibility that I might run into him-again. It shouldn't matter because Harry himself shouldn't matter. Luella doesn't matter, as well as her feelings don't.

Because these are all familiar things that are too dangerous and toxic for Faith to get close to. For me to get close to.

Because I'm Faith, and Luella is long gone now.

note:
taylor swift's look what you made me do goes with this chapter so well. "the old luella can't come to the phone right now. why? oh, 'cause she's dead." uhhh, i mean!!!

help:
anyways, i was curious, do you guys like harry's POVs or should i let luella (faith¿?) take the spotlight now that they had finally met???
i'm still undecided. let me know what you think in the comments below!

i appreciate all your votes and comments.
love, ness. xx