{THIRD PERSON POV}
"I'm looking forward to this."

"I wonder what Fairy Tail has up their sleeve."

The curtain goes up. Levy is standing center stage, dressed in a plain dress. Surrounding her are Lucy, Taurus, and Jet, who insisted that he wanted to be a part of it too. Aside from Levy, the rest are in cow costumes... even Taurus.

"Lucy-san, you look a-MOOO-zing!" Taurus exclaims, dancing with hearts in his eyes as he admires her skin-tight black and white bodysuit.

"M-Moo." Lucy whispers self-consciously.

"What half-assed acting is that? Put your udders into it!" Jet snaps, trying to act like a cow and actually acting more like a dog.

"That's sexual harassment." Lucy mutters darkly.

"Once upon a time," a gentle voice wafts across the stage from sound lacrima in the ceiling, silencing the audience, "in a rural area possibly far away, there lived a poor family with one young daughter. One day, the girl's mother asked her to go to town and sell one of their cows for money for supper."

Levy appraises the three cows. "Sorry, Lu-chan. You're probably worth the most money."

Levy locks a collar with a chain around Lucy's neck. Seeing Jet's broken-hearted expression, she feels guilt-tripped into taking him as well. Taurus disappears in golden light.

"Levy took the cows to the market, where she came across a peddler who offered her three bean seeds in exchange for one cow."

Droy hurries onto the stage from stage right. He looks like exactly the type of peddler you shouldn't trust. Droy eagerly hands Levy three seeds, imbued with his plant magic.

Levy is about to hand over the chained Lucy, when Natsu drops from the rafters. He's in his usual vest, not even a costume.

He looks upset. Natsu grabs Lucy's chain and pulls her away from Droy.

"I don't understand."

"Is this part of the play?"

"Oh Mavis, kyaaa! I mean—ahem. One of the cows was stolen by a thief, but the girl managed to sell the other."

Frowning, Natsu throws the blushing and trussed up Lucy over his shoulder and leaps offstage.

Jet clings to Levy's feet for all he's worth, crying, but Droy drags him away.

"When the girl got back home, she planted the three bean seeds immediately. Lo and behold, a magic beanstalk grew!"

Levy raises the bean seeds above her head and spikes them at the ground.

"So violent!"

The plant magic activates and a beanstalk grows up into the rafters, where the rest of the Fairy Tail guild is hanging out.

They start throwing down gold coins and jewels, all fake of course.

"From the beanstalk rained a mountain of treasures! Curious, the girl climbed the beanstalk to find where they came from."

"She looks uninterested in the gold."

"Lisanna, throw down the big guns!"

"On it!" Lisanna calls from the rafters. Books begin to rain down. Levy's eyes light up.

"A treasure trove!" She points up. "Skyward!"

Levy grabs the beanstalk and begins to climb. Once she's about halfway up, Mira chimes in again.

"She climbed up and up, until she eventually came upon a giant's layer, where two giants lived... in a PLATONIC relationship."

Erza and Gajeel walk onstage. Levy shimmies back down to stand in front of them.

Gajeel clears his throat. "G, I, H, I! I smell the blood of a little shrimp. I'll use her bones as toothpicks—"

Levy interjects. "No, no, no. You're supposed to say, 'be she alive or be she dead, I'll grind her bones to make my bread.'"

"She's correcting the giant?!"

"But then I'd starve."

"Did you know shrimp have an open circulatory system? Their blood is clear, called hemolymph. It's contained in a cavity called a hemocele. Shrimp transport oxygen throughout their body using hemocyanin, versus hemoglobin in humans."

"Oh, really?" Gajeel scratches his chin.

"The giant is listening to her?!"

"Yes." Levy nods. "In other words, I'M NOT A SHRIMP! My name is Levy. Get it right, Gajeel!"

"But you're so tiny, I think Shrimp suits you. Gihi." Gajeel snickers.

"They already knew each other?!"

"I suppose I'm looking for treasure. Got any?" Levy sighs, remembering the actually story they're supposed to be acting out.

"So blunt!"

"Of course he won't answer honestly!"

"Gee, sorry. We're flat broke." Gajeel scratches the back of his head. He doesn't know the story. Levy just rolls with it.

"Of course you are! Cloud flooring makes great insulation, but everything always falls through it. Make your floors out of less liquid and more solid, then maybe your treasures won't rain down on my family's land. I ask that you take better care of your precious books! They are babies!" She stomps.

"Books are babies, books are babies!" Bickslow's five babies make a cameo appearance.

"I-I-I-I-I am a giant! This is my Giant Armor." Erza stutters stiffly, face turning blue. She requips into a familiar yellow garb and turns to Levy slowly. "It is v-v-v-very destructive!"

Erza requips a spear and slashes horizontally. Gajeel tackles Levy and they duck in time, but the spear slices everything; even the walls and the beanstalk.

Erza literally cut the building in half horizontally. The beanstalk falls.

"Wasn't that the girl's only exit?"

"And so the girl was trapped with the two giants forever. But it was okay, because when one of the giants saved her from falling, they realized they loved each other. The two of them will now kiss, so somebody please grab Macao before he ruins it again."

"Mira!" Levy protests, blushing.

"Kiss, kiss, kiss!"

"Kiss, kiss, kiss!"

Levy quickly pecks Gajeel on the cheek. Fully unsatisfied, he scoops her up and kisses her full on the lips in front of everyone.

The audience cheers, and there's a crash as Mira faints in the sound booth.

"And they lived happily ever after..." Mira mutters in a dazed, semi-conscious state. The audience cheers and wolf-whistles.

"Fairy Tail came through again!"

"I love this!"

"I wonder what's next?"