The Office: Stayin' Alive {NaLu}
This was inspired by the one and only most iconic scene of tv history, the First Aid Fail in The Office. Just stay tuned for the little twist at the end ;)
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"So, assessing the situation, are they breathing?" The short-haired whitenette asked, pursing our her lips.
Some workers from the Fairy Tail Office were having a meeting, or more so like a small session on how to save a person's life. Lisanna was in charge of today's presentation, so she'd brought a dummy in to practice.
The attractive young man in his early twenties shook his head and propped up on a knee. "No, Lisanna, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs." He said, running a hand through his pink locks.
"No, that's not part of it-"
"Where are they?! Y'know what, if we come across somebody with no arms or legs..."Natsu started, a questioning look on his face. "...do we bother resuscitating them?"
The question passed over everyone's heads with no thought or emotion to respond.
"I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?" Natsu asked, glancing around.
"I would wanna live with no legs." Droy popped in, a stupid smile on his face while eating a few MnM's.
"How about no arms?"
Droy wrinkles his nose, but Natsu responded.
"No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Droy. You don't do anything." Natsu shook his head, a small snort coming from someone in the back that somehow thought his snarky comment was hilarious.
Droy blinked twice and slouched in his seat.
"Alright, so let's get back to it, since you're losing him." Lisanna sighed.
Gajeel just gave a boring blank stare, clearly disappointed at how most of his co-workers were that stupid.
Natsu repeatedly pushed both hands down on the left side rod the dummy's chest at a past pace, still feeling as dumb as the life-sized doll he was 'supposed to be saving.'
'This is so fucking stupid, all I learned is the mouth-to-mouth way, and I NEVER plan on doing that...' Natsu's thoughts groaned, rolling his eyes to look at all of his co-workers' robot stares.
Except one, her gaze was focused on her slim fingers sketching down notes on the pad sitting on her exposed silky long legs, her mini black skirt barely on her thighs, hugging her hips. His eyes couldn't help skimming her hourglass figure again, her golden waist-length blonde hair in a high ponytail, her plump lips curving into a smile-
Wait, a smile?
Natsu's face reddened to see Lucy's cocoa brown eyes meeting his, lightly giggling at probably how stupid he looked.
Another thought crossed his mind, and it was more distracting than being caught red-handed.
'Guess she's an exception.'
Lucy was one of the newer workers here, and by God did she sweep almost every man off their feet when she first walked in six months ago. She was intelligent, more so in fact beautiful inside and out, humble and sweet with the occasional sass, the perfect figure that any woman would kill for.
Natsu wasn't ever the guy to fall hard, but she made him stumble the first time she passed him. Literally. He'd mistakingly stared at her as he kept walking, tangling his feet up in cords near someone's desk and smack right into Gildarts office door so hard he smashed through the wood.
When she'd come running back to help him, he'd made the worlds worst corny pickup line in history of human existence.
"I hope this isn't what it felt like when you fell from heaven because I definitely felt some pain falling hard for you."
She started laughing, a pure smile spread on her lips, extending a hand. "Lucy Heartfilia."
She'd been the first person he fell for, both metaphorically and physically apparently.
The heart-pumping got faster, the clicking of the dummy's chest the only sound in the room.
Lisanna clapped her hands together. "Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of one hundred beats per minute." She smiled at the co-workers, trying to engage them.
They all sat in their chairs with the same boring expressions, wishing they could be anywhere else.
Lisanna's smile crippled, the corners forcefully turning upwards.
Natsu stopped and sucked in a breath. "Oookay, that's uh...hard to keep track..how many is that per hour?" He glanced around, hoping someone would lend a hand. He barely graduated high school and survived college, and calculating while trying to save someone's life?
He wished he'd be the person dying at this point.
"How's that gonna help it?" Gray butted in.
Natsu's lips formed a line. "Uhhh, I will divide and then count to it." He mumbled, not sure about what he said himself.
"Right." Gray nodded, a confused look on his face before shaking his head, hearing Juvia giggle next to him.
Lisanna cleared her throat before awkwardly tucking a strand behind her ear. "Okay, a good trick is to pump to the time of Staying Alive by The Bee Gees. Do you know that song?"
Natsu grinned and nodded. "Yes, yes I do. I love that song."
Lisanna almost sighed in relief, internally celebrating that this was getting underway until he start to sang.
"First I was afraid, I was petrified~," Natsu sang, pumping twice on the dummy's heart area, being cut off from Lisanna shaking her hands.
"No, it's ah, ha ha ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive." Lisanna rolled her eyes as the numskull pinkette male and a few others finally understood which song it was.
"Ah, ha ha ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive," Natsu repeated, some co-workers nodding their head while he pumped to the beat.
"Ah, ha ha ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive." A few more voices horribly sang, their pitch horrendously off-harmony and not close to the key. Someone started clapping the beat from the back.
Another started humming from the side, grabbing everyone's attention.
"Well you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man: no time to talk," Gildarts started to sing, snapping his fingers and pumping his head to the side. "Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around since I was born!"
Bisca stood up and started to dance, tugging on her husbands arm, Alzack, to bust a few moves as well.
The other co-workers started snapping to the beat, a few more entertained smiles lighting up on their faces.
"It's alright, it's okay, you can look the other way." Gildarts lead, more voices joining into the rising jumbled out-of-tune choir.
Natsu laughed and stood up, pumping a fist and completely bagging the plan to practice saving the dummy.
"RO DO DO, R-R-RA DO DO! Da da da da DA-DA-DA!"
A bunch of numbly voices sang, not even knowing half the words as Natsu and Gildarts starting busting out some fancy moves right next to Lisanna, who was horrendously cringing.
"STAYIN' ALIVE, STAYIN' ALIVE!"
"Yeah, okay, you didn't maintain a hundred beats per minute!" Lisanna screamed, cutting off the song entirely and giving a nasty look to the two men that had now stopped dancing.
"And the ambulance didn't arrive cause nobody called 911," She sassed, glaring at Lucy, who was covering her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. "So you lost him."
Lisanna looked up at Natsu, her hands open towards the dummy figure laying on the floor. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and made a bitter face, not giving one shit.
"Okay, he's dead. Anyone know what we do next? Anybody?" A voice called out, clapping his hands while walking to the front of the room. "Lisanna?"
"I have no idea." She dumbly stated.
"Anyone else?"
A hand raised in the air. "We bury him." Mirajane spoke with a smile.
"Wrong."
Mira furrowed her eyebrows in confusion along with everyone else as they stared at the blue-haired man.
"Check for an organ donor card, if he has one we only have minutes to harvest." Bickslow demanded, intensely looking at the office members.
"He has no wallet, I checked." Macao added, earning a few eye-rolls. Of course he'd be the one to check for the dead man's money first.
Bickslow tapped a finger against his chin, puzzles for a few seconds to figure out where to take the situation next.
Natsu clapped. "He is an organ donor."
"He is?!"
"Yeah." Natsu only said that to keep the situation occupied so he wouldn't have to do anything.
Bickslow dropped down to one knee, rolling up one pant leg. "Gimme some ice in a styrofoam bucket!"
A few people gasped to see a knife strapped tightly around his calf, covering their mouths as Bickslow grasped the weapon and held it steady above the dummy's chest.
"Here we go." The knife-welder licked his lips, inhaled a sharp breath through his nose and stabbed the dummy in the center of the chest a few times, letting out a few grunts.
"Bickslow!" Evergreen screamed along with other co-workers, some starting to shriek from his madness.
"What are you doing?!"
"Bickslow!"
"Oh my GOD!"
"We search the organs!" Bickslow let out a snarl as he pried open the dummy's chest, his hand digging through the plastic. "Where's the heart?! Precious heart."
"I'm not feeling well, I need to sit down." Laxus gurgled, barely keeping himself from stumbling to a chair.
Elfman, Evergreen and Freed helped him into a chair while Natsu and some others walked over to make sure he was alright.
"Are you okay?" Natsu asked before turning around to hear rat imitation noises, almost regretting that he did.
Bickslow turned around with a piece of plastic rubbery material on his face, his eyes bulging wide in the sockets of the dummy's cut out face he wore.
"Oh GOD! BICKSLOW!" Evergreen screamed with everyone else, some people disgusted to glance down at the now torn-apart faceless dummy that really was far more than dead itself.
"That's fucking gross!" Gray shouted as Bickslow leaned against the wall, striking a few creepy poses like it was Halloween night to scare off children,
He'd more so scare Satin himself at this rate.
"Oh my god."
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"Tell me why you had to cut the face off the dummy." A man with brown hair and glasses spoke, completely profound after hearing about the situation that occurred no less than an hour ago.
Bickslow folded his hands on the large table, acting as professional as possible. "I didn't think it was very realistic in the movie, and it turns out..." he raised his eyebrows to make his point. "It's pretty realistic."
The man sighed, his hand moving in the air as he spoke. "We had to pay for it, cost us thirty-five hundred dollars." He exaggerated, his side manager nodding his head in agreement.
"Five thousand three hundred dollars for a dummy?" Natsu gapped, shaking his head.
The two men were silent, gulping at the brutal truth.
"Well okay. Look, this is why we have training. We start with the dummy, and learn from our mistakes, and now Bickslow knows not to cut the face off a real person." Natsu explained, both him and Bickslow nodding their heads to show their knowledge of 'learning from a mistake'.
A few moments of silence passed by before the two men let them off the hook.
Natsu and Bickslow fist-bumped after walking out, heading back to the office by barely escaping alive.
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"They're both idiots, Natsu not knowing math and Bickslow just being stupid." Gray said, tapping his fingers against the edge of Lucy's desk.
Lucy stopped typing and looked up at Gray, already knowing that Juvia was practically fuming from her desk across the room. "Ripping apart the dummy was...excessive, but it's not like you have anything to say, nobody knew what to do because Lisanna was teaching it."
Ever since she'd taken a job at the front desk in front of the office doors, Lisanna had nothing but bitterness towards her. She wasn't rude to her face, but Lucy saw the behind-the-back things and glares.
Look, all Lucy was trying to do was pay her rent and earn some money, not some bullshit.
The doors swung open to reveal the two men in glee, surprising everyone.
"This dude got off the hook!" Bickslow cocked, strutting back to his desk in victory.
"Yeah, or else Makarov would be pissed at you." Evergreen sneered, flipping the birdie towards him.
"What the hell did you say that got him free?" Gray bitterly asked as Natsu hung his coat on the rack, standing up a bit straighter and casually leaned against the front desk and peeked over. "I've just got a way with finessing my words, no need to thank me."
"Keep that attitude up and you'll find that it's bullshit stuck up your ass." Gray turned his back and walked away, a smirk on his lips.
"Yeah, it's the bullshit that got me the job that pays more than yours." Natsu dropped back, imagining the man's smirk wiped clean off his face as if it never existed.
Gray shook his head and went back to his desk across from Natsu's, having no comeback this time.
Natsu wore a prideful but lopsided grin, broadening his shoulders and smoothing out his white work shirt, leaning over the top of the front to see Lucy biting a smile and a few laughs back.
"You know that was a good one." Natsu reaches over and tapped the computers screen, finally breaking the last wall before she started laughing.
"To be honest, I found that whole scenario earlier the best part of my day." She ran a hand through her ponytail and looked up at him.
"Oh really? What was your favorite part?"
"Either you not knowing how to practice saving a dummy's life or your singing and dancing."
Lucy practically radiated with giggles as Natsu face dusted blossoming pink, of course not minding it one bit.
"It was easier to take notes on dance moves rather than saving someone."
"Oh you know what-!" Natsu hummed and shook his head with a rosy-red face, barely holding back from climbing over, no matter how unprofessional that was compared to their job.
Lucy waved a hand in the air, managing to add one more comment. "I know now that taking singing lessons from you wouldn't be so great either!"
"Oh my god." Natsu slammed his head down, but still peeking with a smile to see Lucy laughing to the point of slipping out of her chair onto the ground.
Now it was his turn to start cracking up, neither noticing all the attention they were receiving.
"Can you guys do that somewhere else?! Maybe Natsu can man up for once and ask for a date!" Gray anxiously shouted, speaking the jealous minds of many others.
While Natsu chuckled at Lucy climbing back on her chair, Max slyly slithered over to the front desk and propped his elbow on it.
"Well, I can tell you that I know how to save a life, so me taking you out would be better because this dumbass can't do it on a fake doll." Max smirked, upping his posture game to impress.
Natsu's jaw clenched, and a switch was triggered when the dirty blonde sent a wink.
"That's the chicken way of saying I-don't-go-to-the-gym, you can't protect someone. The person who always gets credit in the end avoiding the fight, how cute." Natsu fired back, puffing his chest out and straightening his body from slouching on the counter.
Max gulped to see Natsu practically hovering over him. He was the complete opposite of a muscular body, sharp jawline, perfect messy hair, tall and toned physique with piercing eyes.
Neither man realized to notice Lucy approach behind Natsu, more than a full head shorter than him to be exact if she didn't have heels on.
"You're sexy when you're protective," Lucy whispered in his ear wish a smile to match, letting her hand trail from his shoulder down his back until his belt before pulling away.
Natsu's face took a three-sixty turn from badass to pure deep crimson faster than his heartbeat skyrocketing, spinning around to see the gorgeous young woman grabbing her purse.
"Wh-what'd you say?" Natsu gapped, staring wide-eyed.
Lucy bit her lip, definitely knowing she had an effect on her favorite handsome co-worker. "Nothing, just grabbing some lunch." She winked, flipping her long hair over her shoulder.
Natsu watched her hips sway, momentarily gazing at her before she walked out, realizing the invitation.
"Fucking move!" The salmon-haired man shoved Max out of the way and sprinted to his desk, his hands frantically rummaging through the top drawer to grab his keys since he hadn't needed them before, Bickslow had drove.
"Can you calm the fuck do-"
"Abso-fucking-lutely not!" Natsu cut off Gray, slamming the drawer shut and tripping over his chair before sprinting and slamming the door open.
Damn, she's probably already gotten on an elevator and was on her way down right now, considering they worked on the tenth floor of the building.
Bitch, he could not wait that long.
"Fuck it." Natsu said, taking the alternative trip down all the stairs praying his handy footwork would cover the ground faster to make up time.
He laughed at the fact that going to the gym has its perks, and Max definitely didn't have the tools like himself.
After reaching the bottom floor, Natsu looked around to see her nowhere in sight, a smirk growing as he quickly caught his breath and leaned against a wall.
A few minutes passed until the elevator doors dinged and propped open, some people stringing out of them in a hurry.
Lucy clicked her heels in rhythm, her purses lips curving upwards to surprisingly see him waiting for her instead of the other way around.
"Wanna repeat what you said upstairs?" Natsu smirked, cocking his head when she approached him.
She pretended to think, tapping a finger on her lips. "Hmm, about grabbing lunch? I guess you're invited, I wouldn't want you to run all the way down to go back up again. Wouldn't you be tired?"
Oh, so she wants to play that game.
He leaned close to her, hands deep in his pockets. "That's not a word in my vocabulary, I'm never tired of you." Natsu husked, catching her off-guard.
He had her, at least he thought.
"Didn't you say you were good with words? I thought you'd have a better vocabulary than that." Lucy touched her finger against his chest, her lips forming a victorious smile before spinning on her heels and walking towards the exit.
Natsu stood flabbergasted, lips slightly parted with his cheeks flushed, not hiding the fact he was checking her out.
"Damn." He whispered under his breath, shaking his head while catching up to her.
Guess he had a lesson or two to learn from her, and he wouldn't mind if they were private meetings instead.
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