Cana: Omg my dad needs to chill with hooking up

Comments:

Gildarts: I'M SORRY I JUST MISS YOUR MOM SO MUCH AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

Cana: Keep it in your PANTS

Gray: At least you get girls unlike flame brain

Natsu: EY

__________ ∙∘✧❀✧∘∙__________

Lucy: Cana here's a meme you can share with @Gildarts

Comments:

Cana: This is fucking everything

Gildarts: I

Gildarts: AM

Gildarts: SORRY

__________ ∙∘✧❀✧∘∙__________

Gray: @Natsu what's nine plus ten

Comments:

Happy: He ain't responding to that

Gildarts: TWENTY ONE AHAAAA

Laxus: You STUPID

Mira: @Natsu there's more jobs up

Rogue: @Natsu I'm tagging you just bc

Sting: @Natsu I saw Gray and Lucy making out

Gray: Now hold on a minute-

Natsu: WHAT TF FIGHT ME YOU ICE BITCH

Juvia: LOVE RIVAL >:(

Lucy: Okay that didn't happen

Sting: It got his attention

Gray: @Sting_Eucliffebars I fucking hate you

Natsu: FIGHT ME ELSA

Gray: I DIDN'T FUCKING KISS HER

Sting: Whoops, Lucy was making out with Loke

Lucy: ok ew that didn't happen

Loke: Are you sure, princess?

Lucy: Positive

Sting: Nvm, guess he just had a wet dream about kissing her

Loke: WOAH NO

__________ ∙∘✧❀✧∘∙__________

Natsu: I bought ten pounds of sour gummy worms

Comments:

Gapri: Wow that's asking for a free stomachache

Natsu: No, you dumbass bitch it was a $30.08 stomachache if I even get one

Gray: Who taught him math

__________ ∙∘✧❀✧∘∙__________

Max: life advice for upcoming holidays: save money by breaking up with your significant other

Comments:

Macao: You've never had a girlfriend

Max: Don't rub it in

Macao: Stalking Lucy's instagram doesn't count either just because she's hot now

Max: stfu

Natsu: Hot NOW?

Romeo: Y'all better just delete social media now

Max: Does anyone remember that day when Lucy was invisible? I made fun of her and said she'd never get a boyfriend but now look at all these guys chasing her

Romeo: They're a bit too late for that, including you dumbass

__________ ∙∘✧❀✧∘∙__________

Cana: You can't even get a hangover if you don't stop drinking

Comments:

Bacchus: That's right baby

Gildarts: Yeah until I fucking wreck your pretty face

Cana: You think my bf's pretty holy fuck

Gildarts: Bby not what I meant

Cana: I mean it's pretty cool I'm pregnant

Mira: WHAT

Bacchus: BABY

Bacchus: SCUSE ME HOLY FUCK

Cana: I told you last night but you were drunk off your asssss from that vodka

Lucy: I told y'all it was the hard stuff

Happy: Ooooooh I'm telling Natsu

Lucy: Go ahead lmao idc

Happy: Why're you ignoring him anyways???

Lucy: Don't ask

__________ ∙∘✧❀✧∘∙__________

Levy: I wish I looked like a snack but instead I look like I ate all the snacks

Comments:

Juvia: Juvia doesn't think so, Juvia thinks you're beautiful!

Lucy: Have you read a book on how to look like a snack instead of how to make snacks?

Levy: I fucking hate you

Lucy: Love you too

Lucy: Come to my apartment and bake some chocolate cake with me

Levy: Be right there

__________ ∙∘✧❀✧∘∙__________

Bickslow: Doesn't the term "staff member" make you laugh bc those two words both mean penis

Comments:

Elfman: That's fucking manly

Lucy: Is it?

Lucy: 6'8", 4"

Mira: LUCY OMG POOR EVERGREEN

Evergreen: Sheesh that's...tiny

Cana: Damn that was aggressive

Levy: Yikes

Gray: I don't get it?...

Sting: Are we supposed to even get it

Rogue: Idk

Yukino: Only we would understand

Natsu: Ok that was a sucky joke if I don't get it

Cana: Well some of us swallow, not suck

Elfman: HOE

Bacchus: Ok tell my woman that again and this time I'll fuck your face up

Elfman: I beat you in the grand magic games

Bacchus: That was like 4 years ago or some shit

Bacchus: She was roasting you for your height vs the size of your fucking DICK

Lucy: Finally a man understood it

Bickslow: So...

Bickslow: Anyone wanna swallow from my staff member

Cana: @Evergreen might wanna take you up on that now

Evergreen: CANA I HATE YOU

__________ ∙∘✧❀✧∘∙__________

Laxus: Accent marks and italics can make any word look beautiful

Comments:

Cana: Bonér

Cobra: Mürder

Happy: Fįsh

Freed: LÂXÛS

Laxus: Damn right

__________ ∙∘✧❀✧∘∙__________

Cana: Ok but on a serious note how much can a whale ejaculate?

Comments:

Kinana: Um...what?

Carla: What an absurd question!!

Lucy: It says the average whale usually ejaculates as much as 300 gallons of semen

Cana: Thanks

Lucy: You're whalecum

Happy: EW

Cana: Sorry

Cana: I needed it so I could use facts to make my boyfriend jealous

Lucy: We all know who that is

Happy: OK BUT I'M JUST WONDERING HOW LUCY KNEW THAT

Lucy: It was from one of your fish books you have at my apartment

Cana: DAMN

Carla: HAPPY

Happy: Wait

Happy: I didn't read that part!

Happy: hElP mE

__________ ∙∘✧❀✧∘∙__________

Happy: If Lucy wants to ruin my chances with Carla then I'll ruin hers with YouKnowWho

Comments:

Lucy: Lmao I never had a chance to begin with

Happy: What?

Lucy: Last night he said we'd always be "best friends"

Lucy: Hence why I haven't talked to him since

Happy: Oh

Happy: I'm sorry...

Lucy: It's fucking fine

Lucy: It was just after going out to dinner

Lucy: So tonight I'm going on a date with Gapri instead

Happy: It's not fine!

Lucy: JUST. DROP. IT.

Mira: NO THE SHIP, WHAT'D HE DO LU

Gapri: Can't wait for tonight ;)

Natsu: Hold up, WHAT?!

Gapri: Trust me, imma treat you right, baby

Natsu: Fuck you're not!-

Gapri: She's a lady in the streets, but she might be freaky in the sheets ;)

Cana: DAAAMN

Laxus: The internets gonna fucking explode now

Natsu: YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE NEAR HER

Gapri: Was she using your dick size as an example to roast Elfman earlier?
~1,735,930,927 people reacted to this roast

Natsu: Dumbass, she was using the difference between you and me just, always subtract the smaller number from the bigger 🤷‍♂️
~2,839,724,193 people reacted to the comeback

Laxus: Ok holy shit Natsu that's a fucking roast

Elfman: :/

Romeo: I didn't even think of that

Gapri: Stfu

Cana: Laaaaame

Bacchus: Did Natsu Just E.N.D this

Bickslow: BRO LMAO

Gray: Wtf is happening

Gapri: At least I didn't mess tf up on a date

Gapri: She'll scream your name on the battlefield, but she'll scream mine in bed

Cana: Ok wow I'm here for this

Sting: Shiiit

Lucy: OKAY SHEESH STOP I FEEL AWKWARD

Cana: Live a little, two hot guys you could fuck in bed are practically FIGHTING for you I'm fucking jealous

Max: And me

Lucy: Ok fuck you Max

Max: Nvm

Macao: Do women fight over me like this

Romeo: nO

Loke: I think it's time for me to sweep the princess of her feet now <3

Lucy: No

Loke: You still goin' out with him tonight?

Lucy:...Yeah

Natsu: Ok whatever Luce

Lucy: Why're you getting mad at me?!

Natsu: Because you're going out with this guy!!

Lucy: I can make my own choices

Gajeel: Shit

Levy: DON'T INTERRUPT

Lucy: I'm not the one who set our friendship standards

Bacchus: Oh shiiiiiit

Natsu: What?!

Mira: I'm crying

Mira: I'm CRYING

Gapri: She lookin' for somethin new

Natsu: Fuck you

Erza: WASN'T IT VALENTINE'S DAY LAST WEEK

Gray: Damn I'm not even the one fighting

Gapri: I'll tell ya how the night went, 'specially how good I can make her feel

Natsu: FUCK YOU

Lucy: Natsu, stop it

Happy: STOP FIGHTING I DIDN'T ACTUALLY MEAN WHAT I POSTED-!

Natsu: Fine

Natsu: Go have the "BEST" night of your life with a douchebag who doesn't know one goddamn thing bout you

Lucy: FINE I WILL

Natsu: He'll bring the wrong flowers and say they're for you

Lucy: At least it's a nice gesture

Natsu: He'll take you in a car and play meaningless music bout fucking from behind instead of walking for hours laughing about corny jokes

Lucy: There's other radio stations

Natsu: He won't watch how much you drink so he'll have an easier time getting to use you

Lucy: Stop

Natsu: He'll only look at you from the outside, not giving one FUCK bout who you really are

Lucy: Just stop

Natsu: He'd rather lay in bed with you rather than with you under the stars and look at the constellations your mother taught you

Lucy: PLEASE STOP

Natsu: So If that's how you wanna spend your night, go for it

Natsu: Don't come crying to me tomorrow just like all your other dates how nothing "worked" or he'd run off to another girl because he'd get bored of trying to get in your pants since you're hard to get

Natsu: Because you damn well know there's a guy here who never gets enough of you in the back of your head every time you go out

-Natsu logged off

Gray: Ok...

Mira: Lucy..

Lucy: I'm alright.....

Happy: NO YOU'RE NOT

Levy: I'm almost there Lu, don't worry

Yukino: We're all coming

Mira: Girls night?

Erza: It's bound to happen sometime

Cana: I'll bring the booze

Evergreen: I got the chick flicks

Gapri: Hey wait a minute

Laxus: Shut the fuck up or you'll be fighting me

Bacchus: And me

Gajeel: I'm craving to punch someone anyways

Gray: It's a nice change fighting someone other than flame brain

Gildarts: Count me in

Gapri: Nvm