Congratulations to all the winners!

I copy and pasted usernames right from your forms, so if I tagged anyone wrong, please let me know so I can fix it asap! Copy and paste errors happen, so if you don't see yourself in the reviews, please let me know.

Please do not argue with me. Remember this is for fun and all personal opinion. I don't give harsh feedback, just honest feedback. You're of course entitled to your own opinion and you can disagree with everything I say if you want, but that doesn't mean you should be rude to me. Remember I'm judging by myself, so please be respectful. Ask questions and discuss, but please no hate or arguments! Remember I'm giving a reader's perspective.

The reviews are specific but not as detailed as my main reviews because best concept is one of the mini categories.

I say that but they're still over 6k words long 💀💀💀

If you have any questions, please let me know! Prizes will be distributed soon! Best writing style and best protagonist are the next two categories I'm judging.

ATTENTION: My bestie, Seamlesslove, just started a new contest called The Wings Awards. She is an excellent judge and host who, like me, is dedicated to giving quality feedback and a good experience to all participants. Oh, and her prizes absolutely slap. K-pop fanfics and original stories are both allowed in it, so you should go check it out! Just please make sure you carefully read the rules. She's doing a lot for the community, so please make her life a lil easier by following the rules and payments before submitting an application!

3rd Place

Slice of Death by Artemis_writes25

Thoughts:

This is an absolutely fantastic concept with such an intriguing story it hooked me right from the blurb. The whole concept of Death being a mother and father to these kids and physically appearing as a mom or dad depending on the kids is really really interesting. In general, the entire village and the interactions the kids have with Death subverts expectations in a natural way that doesn't feel like you're forcing it for shock value. Death him/herself is such a fun character to read about, and I really loved it.

This may be the concept that personally appealed to me the most, and I think it was such a creative idea. I'd be curious to know how you came up with it and what the process of fleshing out this idea was like. Seriously, kudos. Really interesting concept that will pull anyone in just by reading the blurb.

I have a couple of critiques.

There is way too much exposition in the first chapter, and within that exposition, it jumps around a lot. It goes from Death being a parent to talking about Zola to talking about Remi's place in the village. Almost the entire chapter is exposition, and while the concept is interesting, the first chapter's job is to hook readers in, so if it's all exposition, it can be tiring to read and unengaging. You tell us all there is to know about the village and don't give us a chance to figure it out on our own. I would recommend doing more showing over telling and using the first chapter as an opportunity to introduce the plot and the characters' relations to said plot. Of course you can give exposition and worldbuilding, but I would strongly recommend not doing it to the point where it's the entire chapter.

Even after chap 1, there's still a lot of exposition and information told to us instead of shown. Many times you blatantly tell us what characters are feeling, what their personalities are like, their likes/dislikes, their backstories, etc. That's why I so strongly recommend doing more showing over telling. It's okay to do telling, but overusing it can hurt engagement.

For example, use Ahmed. You have a new character there, so I don't see why you wouldn't use him as a way for the audience to learn about the world, that way the exposition feels natural. You can have Zola and Remi give info to Ahmed with cute scenes where they're bonding, and it'd also add sadness due to Zola's upcoming departure. With just that small tweak, now you're naturally giving us exposition, fleshing out the world, and introducing the characters in a more emotional manner.

I overall think the concept is very good, it could just be stronger if you showed us information instead of told us everything. By using less telling and exposition, I think the story would have more emotion. I hope that makes sense!

2nd Place

The Other Land by AutumnsWhisper

Thoughts:

The Other Land is a mysterious and fun concept that deals with the dark side of Peter Pan. For a story that has dark Peter Pan in the tags, I wasn't expecting you to take the time to really flesh out characters before getting into the meat of it. Alex becomes very fleshed out within the first two chapters, which was a pleasant surprise. The tension between her and Aunt Marietta was very engaging and I really liked their first scene together.

I really like this idea of taking Peter Pan and exploring the darker sides of that story, yet in an original way. I think the plot is solid so far and I'm excited to see more! I really hope you continue this. In general, I'm excited to stalk (not in a creepy way I swear-) your account since you write Star Wars fanfics and I adore Star Wars. You're a creative writer with interesting ideas, and I hope I get to read more of your work soon.

I have two critiques for the presentation.

The flashback in chapter 1 was a little hard to follow. It felt like it kind of came out of nowhere, and it was confusing where it started and ended. One could assume it ends when it returns to regular font, not italics, but a label or a transition sentence to show we're coming out of the flashback could be beneficial. The flashback was only two short paragraphs, so that's another reason I felt it was unnecessary. That was something I felt could have been in standard description instead of using a whole flashback and pulling us out of the timeline/moment.

I would suggest using less incomplete and unnecessarily cut sentences. As a style choice, I'm not a huge fan of it. Like, "A petite redheaded woman attentively trailed after with a clipboard. Clad in a crisp blazer and pencil skirt" (chap 2). I didn't see the purpose of splitting those two sentences instead of combining them with a comma, making it a cut up sentence. Incomplete and cut up sentences are fine to use, though for clarity, I would recommend using them very carefully instead of in moments where it feels unnecessary.

1st Place

Bulletproof Season 1 by Pll017

Thoughts:

The concept is very solid and I like the idea of it being an anthology in a whacky setting. Neverland is fleshed out and feels real, the presence of a character like Maleficent is powerful and intimidating, the characters engage with one another in an interesting way, etc. The concept is balanced out by an intriguing, well-paced narrative that gives us a lot to work with in terms of its word choice and characters. Overall, the concept is very unique and feels like something anyone can get into.

The only recommendation I have is to be careful with your sentences and how they connect. There were times there were long sentences that ended up losing their meanings because they went on too long and didn't connect to the first part of the sentence. Okay, that was a mouthful, let me explain what I mean with an example.

From the first part, "For example, while the island would usually roam with happy teenage boys running amuck at their leader's command or lovely teenage girls in leather jackets marching on the streets of the islands, complete with pirates causing mischief, but today it was completely quiet with nothing but its visitors: the trolls."

This sentence got confusing because it went on for a while and, speaking of, the use of the word "while" made the "but" in the phrase "but today it was..." unnecessary. That's what I mean when I say it doesn't connect with the beginning of the sentence since the "while" and "but" don't connect with one another. I would recommend reading sentences out loud, particularly if you have a long sentence, to make sure the beginning connects to the end. If you read that sentence out loud with and without the "but," you'll see it makes more sense and flows better without it.

Honorable Mentions

Aursea by crowandquill

Thoughts:

The world of Oraelia is very interesting and has a solid core concept that drives the narrative forward. The characters have a strong presence that matter to the plot, the plot doesn't have any holes or inconsistencies I noticed so far, and the chapters end in a way that raises the tension and keeps readers engaged.

The concept is complex and has many moving parts revolving around the fantasy genre and the city of Aursea. The magical elements of Aursea are handled with care and make sense to me, which means that by extension, the worldbuilding made sense to me. It's a short story as of now so I don't have too much to say until more of the plot is revealed, but I think this book has a solid start with a nice hook, intriguing characters, and a great concept that matches the genre.

The concept is overall good, just three critiques for the presentation.

Like the concept, the word choice is overall good, but I would suggest being careful about being overdramatic. There were some lines that came off as a bit much or a bit unrealistic and it pulled me out of the moment. Like, "Throwing back her head, she howled..." The use of "howled" made me think she was literally a wolf howling at the moon, and it just felt a bit much for the moment. If you were going for animal imagery since they often compare her to an animal, I think that's a clever idea, though I don't think "howled" works in that situation because now the reader is imagining her getting beat up but literally craning her neck to howl, which kinda doesn't make sense considering they're beating her so I doubt she'd have that mobility in the first place. I hope when I explain it like that, it makes sense why it came off as a bit much and unrealistic. So that's what I mean when I say some word choice felt like it was trying to do too much when downsizing or using other synonyms could have been beneficial.

Sometimes the text can drag a bit and get hard to read. Be careful with walls of text and using multiple paragraphs (sometimes back to back) to say things that have already been said. Like the "Thank you. I should have said thank you" at the end of the prologue. Her desire to say thank you was just established less than three full paragraphs prior to that, so I felt having both was unnecessary since you were repeating the same thing in very similar wording. Repetition can be a very effective tool, but that moment didn't come off as purposeful repetition, in my opinion.

Lastly, while on the topic of walls of text, most of your paragraphs are very, very long. Even the dialogue is long. I read on a big HP laptop, and many of the paragraphs take up 3/4th of the screen. If that's how long they are on my laptop, imagine it on phone, which is what the vast majority of Wattpad readers use. There's nothing inherently wrong with long paragraphs, but using so many of them back to back can get very draining on the reader. Though it is better in chapter 2 than in chapter 1, it still happens in chapter 2. I'd recommend breaking up your paragraphs more, and like I mentioned in the previous critique, consider what absolutely needs to be in the story. It's where the phrase "Kill you darlings" comes from. Even if there's a scene or paragraph you wrote that you love, if it isn't doing much, if anything, for the story, then I'd recommend moving it, shortening it, or cutting it completely.

Alright! It's Mercy... by Precious182021 

Thoughts:

One of the most powerful emotions a human can feel is grief due to the complexities that come with it and all the symptoms that range from rage to sitting in a corner and staring at the wall with no emotion on your face. Grief has strong potential to elevate a story and make for an interesting character study. In Alright! It's Mercy..., the author explores the mind of RJ and how the sudden loss of his wife impacts his emotions.

I really like the characters so far and I enjoyed reading about the struggles RJ goes through. Even though there are only two chapters out, you've already covered multiple emotions that occur during grief. While I do have some recommendations for the flashbacks, the second flashback in particular show the cracked memories that plague someone's mind while dealing with grief. You also have the intense sadness and big outburst of tears in chapter 1, then the quiet descent into madness in chapter 2. With just two chapters, you've managed to cover quite a few emotions, which is impressive.

So far, the concept is solid and I really like what you're setting up.

I have some critiques for the presentation.

This may seem like a strange recommendation, but I feel like the first chapter would work better as a prologue. By that I mean the flashback. I've never really been a huge fan of flashbacks in the first chapter because, more often than not, they take the audience out of the moment. They also make it harder for the audience to attach themselves to the main character since we're seeing one part of their life then immediately going back in time before we can learn anything about them. So that's why I would suggest having that flashback as a prologue then letting chapter 1 only be in the present timeline.

To explain in a little more detail, starting with the emotional high of the hospital then immediately going into a flashback made me forget all about the emotion packed into the beginning. It felt like the flashback either wasn't needed or would have worked better as a prologue instead of taking the audience out of the engaging scene at the beginning. It just felt oddly structured, is what I mean. It was hard to get invested since we went from high emotion to two kids meeting. By the time we get back to the present for the last three minutes of the chapter, the emotional beginning is already lost on us since we spent most of the chapter with kids in a relatively light scene. When I break it down like that, I hope it makes sense why the first chapter was a little hard to get invested in.

I feel similar about the flashback in chapter 2, though I'm more okay with the chap 2 flashback than the chap 1 flashback since we have more time in the present timeline to explore what RJ is feeling before we're taken to the past.

The flashbacks have interesting content, I just felt the first one especially was placed in an odd spot that brought me out of the moment. As for the second one, the second I felt was much better since we got time to see the present timeline and the present time section ended in a satisfying way before you brought us to the flashback. Still, I felt the flashback could have been its own chapter or a little shorter to move the plot along a bit faster.

Also be careful with word choice. Your word choice is overall good but words like "doting" and "sigh" are overused.

Overall, I think you're onto something really, really interesting. Exploring a man who moves away then finds a new life while on the verge of mental death is super engaging. That was a mouthful, but I think you get what I mean haha. It'll be interesting to see more of his internal conflict and more sides of grief as the narrative continues, but from the two chapters published so far, I think you've done an effective job setting the stage for what's going to come.

REVIEWS:

Hiraeth by impostor_1109

Thoughts:

Grief is honestly one of my favorite concepts and I myself write about it all the time. The way our minds and bodies go through so much during periods of intense grief is as fascinating as it is depressing. I think the central idea being grief is very interesting and I like how you're setting it up where one sibling is the cold yet determined one and the other is the lonely one who desires warmth/comfort. Having those polar opposite sides of grief clash in the form of siblings is a fascinating concept.

I have a few recommendations for the execution of the concept. I would recommend slowing down during the statement part in the first chapter simply because that gives us (the readers) a chance to really see what happened in a natural way since when police want statements, they want as much detail as possible, so it wouldn't be hard to believe that the siblings would give detailed statements informing the police of even the tiniest things that could help. The statements portion is only one paragraph long, which is why I recommend that, that way we can get a better grasp on the main event in a natural way.

For example, near the end of the first chapter, you give exposition about Lucas Harrison and Sarah Parker. By combining that with the statements, the exposition could feel more natural and also add more emotion since Althea is speaking the information instead of thinking it, that way you can add things like voice cracks, facial expressions, body language, etc.

Grammar doesn't really impact this category so I'm not going to go over it too much, but I will suggest breaking up your paragraphs more. They're very long, and there's nothing inherently wrong with long paragraphs, but sometimes they're too long because you put multiple people talking in the same paragraph.

So, like this: "Hey," Jimin said. "Hey," Raven said.

When a new person is speaking, I would strongly recommend giving them their own space to speak since it helps the audience know who's speaking without you needing to tell us, and it's a lot easier to read. So, using that same example, this is what it would look like:

"Hey," Jimin said.

"Hey," Raven said.

Like I said, the grammar doesn't impact this category that much, but I thought I'd bring that up anyway since that can help with the readability of the story and, by extension, help readers understand the core concepts and themes.

This is another small recommendation, but if you write a story like this in the future, I would recommend showing the process of the main character going from very emotional to coldness a little more. Althea going from really depressed over her parents' death to cold is 100% believable since that happens when you're experiencing grief, but I would've liked to see more of her cold actions since by mid chapter 2 Brian is calling her heartless when we haven't seen any examples of that yet. In chapter 1, she was rather warm to him and brought him food and comforted him.

I can understand him being mad and blaming her in his grief because, again, that's something believable and something that happens during the grief, but we're also told in Althea's POV that she's cold (so even she thinks she's cold), but we haven't seen many examples of actions that show her being cold. The only thing she really gets is saying something coldly, but there aren't many actions and lines to back it up. Do you see what I mean now that I break it down like that? It goes from Althea bringing her brother food and comforting him to him saying she's heartless and not only heartless but a b word. To show this, maybe you can show her not talking to him all day like Brian mentions in his POV. Maybe have him try to talk to her but she brushes his attempts off. Not only does that add more context to Brian's emotions, but it also shows us how Althea is becoming shut down and cold. I hope that makes sense.

Overall, the concept of grief is interesting and I think you take it and execute it in a way that's entertaining to read about and it makes the reader engaged. All I would recommend is tweaking the presentation so the concept shines through a bit clearer and in a more emotional way.

Fateful Collison by Hells07Dealer

There were a few things about the concept that I liked. I especially like the concept behind Y/n's character. For example, the opening paragraph was an interesting visual, and I like Y/n's backstory. Her being a runaway bride and the story beginning with that is a very interesting premise that makes for a good hook.

While CEO stories risk being cliche by default (since there are so many), I think you did a good job spicing up by putting things like Yura in the mix. Tying back to Y/n, she has a fiancé despite not wanting one, which makes for an interesting take on love that I don't think I've seen another CEO story explore.

I've always been of the opinion that it's fine for a story to have cliches because the cliches aren't inherently bad, it's about the execution, and I think you overall executed the CEO concept with more originality than most CEO story writers. Y/n isn't just the passive girl who gets a crap ton of money from Namjoon. She pushes back, but not to the point where she becomes over-the-top or annoying.

Overall, I think the CEO concept is executed well and the backstory of Y/n is interesting.

My main critique is the pacing since it feels like the other characters, and even Y/n despite her backstory, aren't fleshed out much.

You could benefit from spending more time setting the scene and allowing the audience to get invested in what's going on. For example, in the beginning we get one paragraph of setting the scene before the crash happens, and we aren't given enough time to understand the surroundings to now be thrust into the core conflict of the story. Similarly, at the end of chapter 1, we're told "they made their way to a technologically advanced space filled with computers and screens," and that's all the information we get about the room before the chapter ends.

In general, the pacing is a bit too fast for my liking. Y/n gets hit and there isn't much time taken to talk to her about what happened. She becomes Yura's tutor rather quickly and we don't see the boys and her really having many conversations to slow the pacing down so we can process her getting hit and treated. Chapter 3 could have been stronger if it focused on Y/n's relationship with the boys and with herself. In my opinion, that chapter could have been stronger if we learned about who Y/n is or at least saw more interactions between her and the boys without Yura interrupting.

And then there's a two week time skip. I don't really feel anything when Yura begs for Y/n to stay because I don't know anything about Yura, Y/n, or the boys. Slowing down and taking a breather to understand who these characters are is imperative for a character-driven story.

Another example is in chapter 5 it says, "The memory of Yura tearfully confessing the taunting she faced from her schoolmates about not having a mother resurfaced in Y/n's mind." When did this confession happen? I reread chapters 3 and 4 just to be sure, but I didn't see any confessions. Was this skipped over?

That's what I mean when I say I feel like I don't know much about the characters. Some of the most important scenes in their development are taken out and instead told to us instead of shown. I would strongly recommend showing the scene of Yura confessing to Y/n that she was bullied.

I still like the concept and I think it's a unique spin on the CEO genre, I just recommend slowing down and giving us more time to process what's happening before moving to the next thing, that way we can understand how these characters interact with the plot, themes, and each other. I hope that makes sense!

Meant to be Together by Emapilid

I'm a sucker for any story involving rivals. Many writers say a story is rivals or enemies to lovers, then the characters don't really have a strong reason for disliking each other, making it come off as unrealistic; however, your story does not have this issue because Taehyung actually has a pretty solid reason to dislike Jungkook: disappointment and jealousy.

Taehyung's hatred of Jungkook stems from Tae's father pressuring him and constantly comparing him to Jungkook. Naturally, resentment for Jungkook built up over time. When you're compared to someone, it's easy to start disliking them and feeling bitter toward them even if they didn't personally do anything to you. Heck, you could have never had a single conversation with the person you're being compared to but still become bitter and angry because we don't like being compared to others. It makes all our struggles and ideas feel less impactful.

All of that is to say I really liked how you gave us a solid reason for Taehyung's disliking of Jungkook, which formed a believable rivalry between them. Considering that's the core of the narrative, it's imperative to nail that, and you did. I 100% believed them and their relationship, and I found myself feeling bad for Tae while also feeling bad for Jungkook, which is great.

So I overall like the concept and I think you got a bunch of the core stuff right, I just have some recommendations for the presentation to make it more emotional and understandable.

I would recommend not using script format for dialogue, especially since it's improper script format. What I mean by that is you write dialogue like this:

Hyung- oh boy first you tell me the earthquake thing.

That is not proper script format. Technically, script format is this:

HYUNG:

Oh boy, first you tell me the earthquake thing.

Names are capitalized so actors have an easier time finding the dialogue, and it's center aligned to separate it from important cues and information. Though for book standards, I think it's fine to do just: Hyung: Oh boy, first you tell me the earthquake thing. However, the dash is a little off and improper formatting.

I'd suggest changing dialogue to standard book format for two reasons. One, script format is hard to read and most readers dislike it as it takes away the emotion of a scene. Standard dialogue formatting flows much smoother and you can incorporate more speech styles and emotion into the words. Two, the script format makes scenes feel less engaging since you're telling us who is speaking, not showing us. It's the golden rule of show, don't tell. That's why I recommend avoiding script format unless you're specifically writing a script.

It's odd to have the book be in standard book format but only the dialogue is in script format. It's even more odd because there are some chapters where you do standard dialogue, so I'm a little confused why it's a hybrid between script format and book format, especially when it's only dialogue; there aren't other areas of the book in script format, which makes it more inconsistent if it's just dialogue in script format. Even if you don't want to change the script format, I would suggest sticking to one: script or book format. That way, it stays consistent and the readers can easily read it. By hopping back and forth, it can confuse readers and make the book harder to read. I hope when I explain it like that, it makes sense why I'm suggesting the change.

I would also recommend doing more showing over telling. For example, we're told how Jungkook feels about his mother and we skip over her dialogue. We're told about Taehyung's father's disappointment in him, not shown it. His disappointment is summarized instead of shown in a scene. We don't get to see any of his disappointment until chap 5, but it's important to show characters and their relationships early in the story so readers can get hooked on them. We're told about Mina and Jungkook's confrontation, not shown it. When we're told information about characters and their relationships and not shown it, it makes it harder to connect with what's going on and who the characters are. That's why I would recommend doing more scene (showing) and not as much summary (telling).

Lastly, I suggest editing chapter 1 since it's written in a completely different style than the rest of the book, and since there aren't many chaps published yet, it's noticeable when one chapter is very different. It's not a huge deal, but still something I'd recommend so readers aren't thrown off when chapter 1 is written one way but the rest of the story is written another.

Overall I think the concept is good and you nailed the most important part: the rivalry. To strengthen the presentation of the concept, I would recommend doing more showing over telling. Otherwise, great job.

Seams and Shadows by kth_disneyfanatic

The concept is interesting so far and has an engaging world built around it with clear locations and even language to make the scenes feel more alive. Not many Wattpad writers make the setting really feel like it matters, but you don't have this problem. The setting feels vivid and real, and even though I'm not the type of person who can read then imagine scenes in my head, I was able to get a pretty clear picture of where the story was happening and what everything looked like. I also almost applied to RISD, so it was nice to see some RISD representation in this story, I don't think I've ever seen it mentioned in another fiction before haha.

That may not seem like it relates to the concept at all, but I actually think it does. Based on the way setting matters so deeply to Yan, I think the setting is part of the concept. I think it represents the state of Yan's life and what she's doing. For that reason, I thought I'd mention how much I adored the locations in this narrative. I could be totally wrong, but based on the way Yan's life varies depending on where she is, I thought it was super interesting and related to the concept of family. Speaking of, that's a perfect transition to family.

In general, the core concept of family and the complicated relationship Yan has with hers is very intriguing. It piqued my interest to see all her feelings about her father and brother, and I must admit I'm a sucker for drama between family members. Yan as a character is pretty engaging so far, and I'm excited to see where you take her from here.

I have a couple of critiques.

Sometimes it feels like you're unnecessarily dragging scenes out, which slows the pacing too much. For example, we don't need to see Yan paying the taxi driver. You already established that the currency is different, so I didn't see a purpose in having an entire paragraph dedicated to paying. If you wanted to get to the paragraph where she's holding the coin, you can do that in one sentence simply by summarizing she paid and have her glare at the coin after. Another example is the fog in chap 1 being described I believe 3 or 4 separate times.

I know that seems like a small thing, but those kinds of small things add up and impact pacing, especially with only one core chapter published.

The characterization sometimes doesn't come across the way you wanted it to, like Yan seeming power-hungry instead of the cynical you said you were going for. She refers to the office chair as hers as if claiming the position of power and laughs at the irony that gave her power, both of which come off as her being more interested in power than anything else. And even outside that, she doesn't seem that cynical to me. For example, she has vibrant rainbow dye in her hair (described exactly like that). That seems the opposite of someone who would be cynical. If you were going for the rainbow hiding part of her, that's fine, but I still don't think it shows she's cynical, especially considering rainbow is a symbol of hope. If you were going for an oxymoron there, as a reader, I didn't really think it came across that way.

The timeline got a bit confusing at times, like with the history of the stolen necklace and there being a prologue but still a lengthy flashback in chap 1. So the time is jumping around a lot. It jumps three times between the prologue and the first chapter and the flashback in the first chapter. That's not inherently a bad thing, though for the beginning of the story, I typically recommend not using flashbacks (especially since you already have a prologue) since they can distract the reader and pull them out of the moment. For me, jumping around so much did pull me out of the moment a bit. I was still interested in the story, though some more grounding in the timeline and really focusing on one timeline before jumping to another could be beneficial for the beginning of a narrative. The prologue is fine since that's the purpose of a prologue, but you're already going against the norm by having the prologue be set in the future and not the past (most are set in the past), so we're already adjusting to that new timeline idea, then we also have a flashback in the first chapter. I hope when I break it down like that, it makes more sense why jumping around three times was a bit much for the beginning of the story.

Overall, I think you have a very engaging start that has a lot of potential. I can tell you did your research to make the scenes feel more alive, and I appreciate that. All I recommend is making the timeline a little more clear and tightening the pacing. I hope that makes sense.

Our Hyung by _joonation_

I really like the idea of the brothers and their relationship being the core concept of this story. It's the idea that drives it forward and gives the readers something to attach themselves to. I mentioned it in a past review, but I still like the inclusion of the first few chapters being a repetition of "Not a disappointment." It's eye-catching and stands out from other Wattpad stories. It shows you're unique and have creative ideas and aren't scared of showing them, which is awesome.

I think Jin and the Yoonjin relationship is the strongest part of the story. You already know I think the last few chapters are really great and show the emotional side of Jin and Yoongi's relationship exceptionally well, but I figured I'd repeat it here for sake of the review. Jin's emotions are realistic and made me feel really bad for him. I just wanted to give him a hug.

The family bond and also the darkness within the family is interesting to read about, and I really like stories that have a family at the center of it and all the drama happens surrounding them. There's a lot of tension, particularly later in the story, and I think you did a good job bringing your ideas to life. So, all in all, you did a good job showcasing your concept!

There were just some issues with presentation that I already went over with you in my review shop, so I won't go too too in detail here. I'm judging based on the whole story, so I have to mention the script format since it's in about 60% of the story, and that makes the emotions not as strong as they could be. However, since you already corrected that for the later chapters, I'm not going to make it a big deal or anything, but it is something to mention since it is important to the emotions in the first half of the narrative.

I also told you about being careful with walls of text and making paragraphs too long since that can really hurt the pacing and make it hard for readers to invest themselves in the story, like in chapter 93, which is the chapter I think I referenced in my review as well. Most of that chapter is one paragraph, which was a bit confusing since multiple people are speaking in said paragraph and there was also a lot of information revealed, so having some space to breathe could have really helped. Pacing is super important for the presentation of a concept and the emotions attached to it, hence why I'm bringing it up again here.

I would also recommend tweaking the grammar errors I mentioned in the review shop since there were some sentences that were confusing due to them. Punctuation errors, excess spacing, some awkward sentences, etc. With those tweaks, I think the concept could come across much clearer since the audience will be able to read more fluidly. Grammar doesn't impact this category too much though, so it's not a big deal.

Overall the concept is good and the relationship between Yoonjin was a great driving force, particularly for the ending of the story. All I recommend is tweaking the presentation so the emotions come through a bit stronger and the sentences are a bit easier to read. I hope that makes sense!

Welp, those reviews took a while. It's 5 a.m., I need to sleep. Goodnight!