Thunder strummed, and I awakened, no longer able to sleep through the noise. Lightning flashed through black clouds that pushed over endless gray skies. At a time, I would have rolled my eyes, and huffed about how stormy days depressed me. But then and there, as the winds groaned past, I didn’t know how to feel. Whether millennia of storms, or centuries of sunshine, what would it change? The nightmare that was my life would continue long after storms were dragged out to sea and the sun dipped into the horizon.

But in all the dreariness, there was a silver lining—literally. Through the mist, icy gates towered in the distance. Nestled between two snowcapped mountains, the arched entrances of Gri'ah glistened, reflecting the torch flames that scratched the fog like red fingernails.

I let out a slow breath.

"Sleep well?" The rumble of Kheelan's voice against my ear jarred me from thought. Our horse trod to a slower gallop, and I nodded against his chest, still gazing out to our destination.

Kheelan followed my eyes, and then looked up to the sky. “Let's hope this rain holds out. If we don't have to stop for shelter, we should be there by sundown.”

I let out a small laugh. “Sundown? When did the sun ever rise in this place?” The horse beneath us whined as if agreeing and complaining the fact.

Our entire journey to Gri’ah had been under a vortex of gray. The last time I saw the sun was back at the crossing between the human and Fae realms. In one of the many towns we’d passed, a storekeeper told us told us that as of recent, the days had grown darker and colder, the sun staying away for longer periods each passing day. It’d been three weeks since he'd last seen the sun. That had been two weeks ago.

My smile withered.

“I liked that smile,” Kheelan said, brushing windblown strands of hair from my face in gentleness only he possessed. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

I arched a brow. “You’re asking me? Since when did you Fae ever believe in privacy? Why don’t you just read my mind and find out?” I taunted him and laughed harder when his eyes narrowed, the corners of his lips twisting to a dangerous smirk.

“Will I find anything mischievous?”

I leaned back, smiling widely. “Why don’t you find out?”

Lifting a hand, I pushed back the hood of his cloak and looked up to the turquoise pools that had over the past two weeks become my personal blue skies. A cool wave flowed through me as I opened my mind to him, and let him navigate freely through my many thoughts.

Kheelan grinned. “You like me unshaven, and think I have nice lips.”

I gasped, and yanked the hood of his cloak further down his face. Kheelan’s laughter rippled around us, the air seeming to warm up a bit. It felt good, but not as great as it was to hear Kheelan laugh. It was even nicer to know I was the one who’d made him happy after having caused him so much pain.

After we managed to stop laughing and ignore Elena’s sideways glances, I rested my head against his chest, as he spoke the truths of my mind. “You’re worried about going to Gri’ah, and don’t understand why I chose for us to go there.”

I bit my lip, a bit ashamed that I doubted him. It sounded much worse when said out loud than it did as little whispers in my head.

“I’m still in your thoughts, you know?” he said softly, and ran a hand down my back reassuringly. “I chose Gri’ah because it’s one of the minor kingdoms, and extremely remote. It’s six weeks from Hillenia, and even almost twelve from Niarr—The Unseelie Kingdom. I wouldn’t have chosen it if I didn’t think you’d be safe, and far away from any threats.”

“But what if word gets out about what happened with Mirad? Won’t someone wonder where he is? And what of the rest of the Fae that were with him?” I forced myself to take a breath lest another round of questions fired out. “I’m just worried that being in Gri’ah may not be the best choice right now.”

Kheelan shifted uncomfortably, and twisted the reins once more around his hands. “It’s our only choice right now, and word won’t get out about Mirad. He’s dead, remember?” His voice was neutral, yet beneath me, I felt his muscles tighten.

I didn’t say anything, and let the gentle rocking of the horse beneath us fill the awkward void between us.

Kheelan exhaled. “Look, I don’t plan on us staying for very long. Two—Three days tops. We need somewhere safe to regroup and look through everything Ivan’s left for us.” I was the one that shifted uncomfortably that time, but Kheelan didn’t notice. “And if we have any questions about any of his notes, Gri’ah’s sages will be at our disposal, as will the Temple libraries. It’s the ideal place for us to be right now, when we don’t even know what our next move is.”

I wrinkled my nose, hating that he was right. We’d been riding through days and nights for two weeks straight. There had been no time to plan, much less look through countless books and notes.

Kheelan looked back to the Gates of Gri'ah, and our horse trod to a stop. “It is beautiful though, isn’t it?”

I broke our connection before answering. "It is," I admitted uneasily, and that was the problem. The more beautiful a Fae, the more deadly. Gri'ah's beauty was a promise of certain death. I shivered at the thought, and Kheelan tightened his arms around my waist. The sound of his heartbeat charmed a smile onto my lips.

"Wait until you see inside. Ivan was always fascinated by the architecture--"

“How long did I sleep?” I cut him off. Kheelan fixed me with a confused stare, the sudden change in subject a bit abrupt.

A questioning line creased his brow. “Fifteen minutes, maybe…"

“Sure beats the five minutes she slept yesterday,” Elena broke in, her horse letting out a snort as she drew up beside us.

I’d been relegated to riding with Kheelan after nearly falling off my horse a few times in sleepy drunkenness. That’s another thing about the Fae. When not using glamour, their energy is never ending. Sadly, being only half Fae guaranteed me two days without sleep before my body collapsed. But, there was no way we could stop so I could sleep. Not when there was a world to save.

Elena dismounted and drummed a finger on her chin. “And let’s see, the last time you ate was?”

I scowled at her, and with a shrug she walked away smiling. Kheelan shifted me forward to adjust my cloak around my shoulders. He dismounted and I groaned, a chill replacing the warmth I felt when against him. Helping me down, I made to walk when Kheelan took a gentle hold of my arm.

“You didn’t answer her question.”

I tacked my gaze on the unhemmed edges of his collar, wordless. A soft hand cupped my cheek, tilting my head up. Kheelan’s gaze was searching, thoughtful. “You’re pale, and you’re not sleeping. Did you at least eat the almonds I gave you earlier?”

I bit my lip trying to think of the best way to tell him I’d let them slip out of my hands along the way. All that got me was a minute long stare, irritation flashing across his wintery eyes. He dropped his hand from my face and walked away in equal silence.

"Always so damn stubborn," Elena hissed under her breath. She was settled beside a tree, using the last of our light to look through the duffel bag my father—well, the closest thing I had to a father—had prepared for us. I had to hand it to Tom; he knew how to pack for an expedition. It was unsurprising though. Tom was used to running. He did it with my mother before arriving in Shongopovi. Tom made sure we had small, yet resourceful supplies in case we needed to cook, and small snacks for quick fuel—hence the almonds.

On a flat rock, Elena set aside the stack of notebooks Ivan had left for us, along with ziplock bags full of vials, and of course, books. Ignoring her comment, I reached for one of the notebooks and lowered onto my knees. Flicking through the pages, I forced my shaking hands to steady. Seeing his writing hurt. Worse, seeing how it deteriorated from smooth curved lines, to frantic scribbles toward the latter pages, I remembered the night he died. I shut the book, only to find Elena’s seedy eyes fixed on me. The bag of almonds in her hand, she extended them toward me.

When I shook my head, she tore Ivan's notebook from my hands. “Kheelan is trying his best, you know? You’re not making it any easier.”

“I’m not hungry. What’s the big deal?”

Holding my gaze, Elena extended a hand into my hair and held up the patch of red locks staining the white blond. It was so much like blood stained snow. More alarming was that yesterday, there had been considerably less.

Her look darkened. “The seals that are keeping Maris in are corroding, and she will continue to seep out, whether you like it or not. On earth it was a mere bother. On this side of the veil, it can prove fatal if she gets enough control. One slip of her power, and she’ll call to Xanthus.”

Elena was right, but strangely enough, I’d forgotten about Maris. Strange because having the spirit of a dead faerie locked inside of you isn’t something you forget. Ever.

I tossed my hair over my shoulder, and out of her reach. “I have it under control. My Fae is stronger now.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that you’re still half human. Your Fae side may function fine without sleeping, or eating, but it also needs to be controlled. Your human half can’t do that if you’re exhausted and starving all the time. There needs to be balance between the two. The more you run your human vessel down, the harder it will be to control your powers…and Maris. You have to do your half. The kind of seals needed to bind your type of powers is an ability Kheelan doesn’t have. The only one that can is Iv—”

“I know,” I snipped through clenched teeth.

“Good. So you’ll be wise to remember that he isn’t here to bail us out. Ivan—”

"I know! And I said I have it under control." I shot to my feet, and sanded the small pebbles and twigs from my jeans when Elena jerked my wrist into her hold, her grip firm.

Sylphlike, she drew closer, her black eyes fixed on mine. "He used to say the same thing you know? And look at us now."

I yanked my hand back, a slew of curses on the ready when her grip tightened.

 “Did you hear me? I said Ivan used to say the same thing. Ivan. I-van.”

All words died on my lips. My breathing hitched, my heart skipped a few beats. The falter in rhythm jammed all words in my throat. Elena’s eyes flicked to the wrist she held. She shook her head slowly, and uncurled her fingers from my hand. My skin was nearly transparent.

A dark, almost disappointed gleam sparkled in her eyes. “Under control....Right.”

My heart pounded. Emotions had gotten the best of me, and my Fae took advantage. I swallowed back my anger, and the powers that welled in my stomach until my hand regained its elasticity…its humanity. Tearing the bag of almonds from the floor, I walked to Kheelan before I said anything—or better yet, before I jammed my fist in her face. I did make mental note to do so later.

Kheelan stood by the muddy bank of shallow pond, the canopied branches of a tree hiding him in its shadow. A rogue ray of silvery light broke through the trees, falling on him in even shades of twilight and dawn. It was cold, but a slow heat crept to my cheeks. I never denied it. Kheelan was breathtaking.

He dipped his hands and splashed water on his face. I walked up behind him, and our gazes met in the reflection. We stared in silence for a moment before I plucked an almond from the bag and slid it into my mouth. After some crunching, I forced myself to swallow. Kheelan broke our stare and looked down to his hands, wringing them out fiercely.

Standing, he stared out to the darkness beyond the trees. “I don’t want this to be a fight between us at every turn."

I stepped closer, looping my arm around his. “It’s not a fight.”

He chuckled bitterly, his jaw clenched. “You’re right, it’s not. In a fight, both sides struggle with a fair chance at winning. But I’ve already lost, haven’t I? I lost the moment we met.”

I took a deep breath, not pretending to understand. “Look, I know you're worried. But like I told Elena, I have Maris under control—”

“You don't get it do you?" He shook his head slowly, lowering his eyes to the frigid waters. "When you were sleeping before, whatever was happening in your mind had you so scared. You screamed, and cried, and all I could do was hold you….”

He turned to me for a moment, before looking back out to the pond. It was long enough for me to see the frustration in his eyes. His voice lowered to a helpless pitch that hurt. “How pathetic is that? Holding you was all I could do.”

Lifting my fingers to his face, the stubble of his chin tickled my fingertips. I tilted his head down to look at me. "It was just a bad dream."

"It's not about the dream, Charlotte. It's about me wanting to protect you from the things of this world. But seeing you there, in my arms, so defenseless, and fragile, and human…I realized that as much as I want to, I can't ever protect you from the most important thing. You. I can heal you if anything ails you, or injures you. I can defend, and fight—die for you if the world comes crashing down around us. But, I can’t protect you from this. You’re breaking down inside, and all I can do is watch you wither, and watch myself fail.”

Kheelan raked a hand through his hair and stepped back. "I get it, Charlotte. I get that nothing is in your control. I get that eating, sleeping, and denial are. But running yourself down isn’t going to accomplish anything. It won’t change what you have to do, and it won’t bring Ivan back."

I flinched, and tacked my gaze on the stagnant waters. I wasn’t ready to go there yet. Hauling in deep breaths, I steadied my voice. "Okay, then I'll eat something and I'll sleep. Consider it done."

I spun to storm off—

"This is what I'm talking about. Do you want to sleep? Do you want to eat? Am I ticking you off?"

I stopped in my tracks, and gripped the tree for strength…from anger or from pain, I didn’t know. Kheelan’s crunching steps drew close behind me. From the corner of my eye, I saw his hands hesitate, but finally grip my upper arms. I closed my eyes against the warmth of his breath that stroked my ear. "You haven't cried. You haven't been angry…You haven't even spoken his name."

I whirled and met his stare, but said nothing.

"Please Charlotte, if you're angry, then be angry. If you're sad, then breakdown. Just as long as you feel something—anything! Keeping it inside is killing you slowly—"

"I don't have the luxury of breaking down! And if I do, what will it change?" I tore out of his hold, no longer able to breathe.

 Kheelan reached for me, but I shifted back. “No. You're right.Nothing will bring him back because he chose not to be here and he isn’t going to leave Xanthus and Kala'el's side because it's his duty. It doesn't matter how much I cry, how much I scream—he will always choose duty over me. He thinks I can save this world and make it out on the other side, unscathed and alive. But I'm already hurt. I'm tired, and bitter, and I hate him because it was so easy for him to leave me alone."

"You're not alone. Elena is here, I am here—"

"You're not him!"

Kheelan stiffened, and the pond suddenly froze over. My heart seemed to have frozen too. I wish I could have taken those words back, but looking into Kheelan’s proud, yet wounded stare, it was too late. I stepped closer to him, so he could feel my soul when I said, "You are everything I could ever want, but you're not him, and I hate that the most.”

My voice broke, and I didn't cry. I grieved. Not just for Ivan. Not just for hurting Kheelan. My tears were those over a life that was a lie. A life I wish I could have back.

Kheelan slid his arms around my waist and drew me in. Having him that close, I looped my arms around his neck, needing him closer.

“I’m right here, princess,” he whispered against my hair. He was. He’d always been. From the moment a band of psycho tribesmen tried to kill me because I was a Faerie, Kheelan saved me. When the man I loved rejected, scorned me, Kheelan held me. I hurt him, and he still comforted me…

Forcing my voice to steady, I stood on tipped toes, and drew close to his ear. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No,” he said, his warm breath fanning my cheek. “You should have because it’s how you felt. I don’t want you holding anything back from me, regardless of how hurtful it is. I know I’m not Ivan. I’m not pretending to be. I just want to keep you safe.”

He sighed, his hand smoothing up and down my back. “I know it hurts that Ivan isn’t here, and it feels like he abandoned you. But just as I’m here because I love you, he isn’t here for the same thing.”

I knew he meant that Ivan’s reasons for not being here were because he loved me. But shifting back down, our faces inches apart, all my mind heard was—

“You love me?” I breathed.

Kheelan stared at me, intent. His hands melted from around my waist, stopping at my hips, before he released me. My heart gave a little flop of fear. Had I said something wrong? Misunderstood his words in some way?

Before I could retract my question, Kheelan reached his hands over our heads, and picked a white flower from the twisted branch. He looked down at the wintery petals, conflicted. I probably should have left, but entrenched, I needed to hear his answer.

Slowly, Kheelan closed the space between us. I tried to breathe. I couldn’t. Not through the fierce pounding of my heart, and the cold sweat of expectation making me shiver. Sliding his lilac gaze to mine, Kheelan lifted his hands and weaved the stem of the flower in my hair. Unhurriedly, his hand glided down the length of my hair, first along the blond, and then into the red. He hesitated, and let out a long, slow sigh. Feeling the warmth of his breath, my heart pounded so hard, I thought I heard my ribcage crack.

The hushing sound of his sigh echoed in my ear, each reverberation growing warmer as it dug deeper. My knees weakened, and I clutched his shirt, my breathing hitched. A wave of images unfurled in my mind like déjà vu, Kheelan’s exhale throwing me deeper into the pit of foreign memories. Staring at him, all I saw were flashes of a flower just like mine, only it was red. Someone held it dearly, but then the sound of laughter crept into the waking dream, and whoever held the flower, released it. It floated down slowly, but I never saw it hit the ground as the distant sound of Kheelan’s voice dragged me back to reality.

“Charlotte? Are you okay?” he asked, his eyes narrowed, concerned. I nodded; all words still cowered in my throat.

I took a breath, and opened my mouth to speak when an acidic screech sliced through the forest, cutting me off. A charred smell followed, riding in on the wind.

“What the hell was th—” I never finished, instantly swallowed up in black. Kheelan shadowed us the short distance back to the horses. Lithely, he climbed on, and in one fluid tug, swung me onto the saddle behind him. I secured my arms around his waist, his heartbeat racing under my fingertips.

“Kheelan, what is that?” I panted.

“Migols—Palace wraiths trained to hunt humans. They’re not supposed to be outside of the palace gates,” Kheelan said over the horses anxious stomping. The wraiths piercing yells echoed through the trees, closer this time.

“Like the bounty hunters?” I asked. “We can fight them—”

“They’re a bounty hunters nightmare, and they only die by the fire of a fire wielder,” Elena amended dreadfully, twisting the reins in her hands. I understood then the crap we were in. I was the only fire wielder in the group, and I couldn’t even use my powers lest Xanthus’ sages track me down.

We had to run, that much was clear. But how many were there? Where were they? Why did they hunt humans? I was half human, did that count? My mind shot off questions faster than I could process them. I focused on one question. “How far is Gri’ah?”

“Close, in that direction,” Kheelan said, and I felt him stiffen as he looked straight ahead. A chill of dread strummed down my spine hearing the tightness in his voice. I unearthed my head from his back, and dared look over his shoulder.

My nerves splintered. The will to breathe: gone.

An ominous black fog blanketed the ground, blocking our only path to Gri’ah. Elena lifted her hand and shot a gust up toward the trees. Light cracked through the waving trees and cast its light on the demon mist in front of us. Under the light and no longer able to shadow, it slowly warped and split, materializing slowly into ravenous dogs with eyes of red coal. They scraped the earth with fiery claws and stared at us, hungrily. Fire rippled beneath their skin, their fur like millions of bloodied thorns.

One of the beasts snapped open its jaws, hundreds of salivating fangs dripping purplish ooze that sizzled when hitting the ground. He roared, and I flinched, burying my head in Kheelan’s back until the scream ended.

A menacing silence settled around us, when suddenly the forest began to tremble all around us, a low rumble approaching. A chorus of growls exploded, clearly a response to the wraiths call. The forest exploded, all creatures fleeing in one direction—away from us.

“Take her to Gri’ah, get her safe!” Elena screamed, her hair already whipping in her powers. Her horse reared, and with a scream Elena tore toward the cloud that shot toward her in equal intensity.

Kheelan’s eyes clouded with fear as he looked over his shoulder. “Whatever you do, do not use your powers. And for the life of you, Charlotte, do not let me go.”

I shook my head frantically, holding him tighter. I’d never let him go.

With a roar, Kheelan dug his heels and spurred the horse toward darkness.

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