Ivan may have carried me. I may have walked. With all the pounding in my head and the constant fade to black, I wasn't sure.   One moment I was cradled in his arms on the cliff. The next, I lay in a bed alone, while Ivan took to the shadows in the corner of the room. And there was silence—lots of it. Enough to make me wonder whether under the pressure of Maris’ wrath, my eardrums had burst.

Ivan exhaled and disproved the notion. “How do you feel?” he murmured so quietly, I nearly mistook it for a thought. But then he lifted his eyes to me, negating that thought as well.

I looked into those tired silvery pools until his echo faded into the walls. Was I better? No, I wasn’t ever going to be better—ever.  Not until we found out where the veil was and secured it away from Xanthus. But even then, I’d always be running, hiding, fighting. It seemed that I would only be better once I was dead.

Gathering his answer from my silence, Ivan pushed away from wall. I tensed, but thankfully he didn’t near me. Hands behind his back, he looked down to each step he took as he moved in a straight line the length of the room. The weight on his shoulders was heavy, and it pressed on my chest until it hurt to breathe.

“I placed a seal on her,” he spoke into the open space in front of him. “It won’t hold for long. She’s gotten stronger,” he said regrettably. Picking up a blanket that was draped on a nearby chair, he twisted it in his hands. “Much stronger.”

Thinking of Maris' strength and of all the things I’d done under her quiet influence, I turned my head away from him, ashamed. “I know.”

A rustle caught my attention. Turning my head,  I saw he made to come near me, blanket in hands. The look I gave him stopped him in his tracks. He couldn’t come closer. 

His lips drew to a tight line, and his gray eyes darkened. “You’re shivering.”

I swallowed, unable to think of what to say that would keep him from coming closer. What could I say when all I wanted to do was run to him while at the same time run away? I remained still, imprisoned by indecision as my nails dug deeper into the sheets. Pressing my lips together to keep them from trembling, I shut my eyes against the sight of him, against his smell, against everything I wanted.

In the black of my closed eyes, I heard his approaching footsteps. When he stopped beside the bed, I clutched the sheets tighter, wanting to disappear. Part of me wanted to look at him, but the other half feared he’d see straight through me and directly into every illicit kiss I’d shared with Kheelan.

A warm finger trailed down my jaw, just as the first tear seeped through my lashes. After all I’d done, feeling how his hand trembled against my skin undid every latch of my composure. It tore open fissures of pain as he wiped away the tear.

"Look at me, Charlotte."

Against every effort, I leaned into his touch. I knew how soft and gentle it could be, but I never remembered it feeling so right. Obediently, I opened my eyes and met his stare with every truth I had.

“I kissed him. I kissed Kheelan,” I confessed.  “And I’m hurt because he never cared for me. I'm hurt because I love you, more than I can stand. I’m hurt because I’m losing my mind, and as much as I want you here, I wish you’d never come back.”

He brushed beside me, cradling my arms with a gentle firmness that tore me apart. I knew what he was going to say.

“Don’t say it!” I struggled against him.  “Don’t apologize! You’re not supposed to say sorry, or hold me like this. You’re supposed to hate me for what I’ve done. Or I’m supposed to hate you for not being there when I needed you! But I can’t.”

I fisted his robe, wanting him away, yet I drew him closer.  "Tell me that you hate me for what I’ve done, please. Or make me hate you, because I can’t take this guilt. Tell me that you killed Gwin, that you branded her because you wanted to and not because you were forced to. Tell me that you came back because you had to, because of duty and not because you love me.”

He slid a hand behind my neck, the other brushing damp hairs from my cheeks. I should have moved away. I didn't deserve his touch, or his love. I couldn’t. 

The mattress dipped as he shifted closer. “I can’t say that I killed her, because I didn’t. I can’t say that I branded her because I wanted to, because I didn’t. But I can tell you why I came back. Yes, I did come back because I had to." His lips a breath away, he confessed, "Yes, I came back because of duty.”

A moan left me before I could cage it in my throat. I shut my eyes as the pain of his words. Something I always knew, but never expected to hear from his mouth.  Around me, the room grew smaller and conspired with the blankets that suddenly felt as if suffocating me. They twisted around my legs as I tried to kick them off, as I tried to get his hands off of me.

Overpowering me, Ivan gripped my wrists and pinned them down against the mattress. He came above me, straddling me to keep my legs still against the kicking.

“Damn it, Charlotte! Yes, I came back because of duty—because as the man that loves you, it is my duty to protect you, and I didn’t! I failed you. I failed to protect you from the most important thing: yourself. I should have been here—“

“No! You are not doing this, let go of me, let go of me,” I cried as his eyes darkened to a grayish black, and he dug his fingers deeper into me. Not to hurt me, this I knew. But to hold me still as he declared,

“I am not letting you go. I am here and I never should have left. It burns me to know he touched you, that he kissed you. It kills me to know that you let him. I wish I could hate you—I should hate you for betraying our trust, for not waiting for me. Why didn’t you wait for me?” He shook his head as if to rid the pain away.

Releasing my hands, he cradled my neck and drew closer to my lips with manic whispers. “Come hell or come Xanthus, Charlotte, I am not letting you go without a fight. And I will be here until the moment Maris is out of your body and you can choose with a clear mind and clear heart who you want to be with. No, I may not know your favorite color, or your favorite food. But what I know is that I love you. Regardless of being forced together by fate, I have loved you in life and in death and will die again for you. I swear to you I will.”

Before another word, he gathered me in his arms and kissed me. As tears spilled from my eyes, he swallowed every sob. As my walls crumbled, he absorbed every tremble.  Not wanting any more secrets, I opened every ounce of my soul for him to navigate. The way Kheelan kept me out, I allowed Ivan in, to the point I could no longer differentiate our heartbeats, our bodies, or thoughts. In face of every memory—of every indiscretion with Kheelan, Ivan kissed me still.

There was a world to save. There was a veil to protect. But to save them, we had to save our love first. Come hell or come Xanthus, come Maris with rains of fire or Kheelan with promises and lies, we surrendered to each other. And through tears of regret and forgiveness, I loved him, and he loved me. It was this love, this manic, crazy love that ignited a flame in my blood that burned away all of my sins.

We didn’t sleep after. We just lay in complete quiet, enjoying the sounds of each other's breathing. Curled at his side, I fiddled with a small vial that hung on a chain from his neck. It was filled with a burgundy liquid that looked very much like blood. I’d thought to ask what it was, but instead rolled it between my fingers as I got lost in thought, replaying each of his words in my head. I was determined to commit every syllable to memory.

It hit me then, “I never told you about my concerns, about us not knowing each other, our favorite colors and foods...” I lifted my head to look in his eyes. Guilt still waged its war, but I held his gaze as best I could through the pang of blame in my heart.

He trailed a finger down my spine. “You didn’t.”

“Elena,” I murmured, my face growing hot. I shouldn’t have been upset that she told him, but it reminded me of just how stupid I’d been. Of the dumb things I’d held onto to justify cheating with Kheelan.  Laying there with Ivan, it all seemed so trivial.

“Don’t be angry with her. When I arrived and saw you sleeping with him…” His eyes grew distant, and he looked to our hands instead of my eyes. “I didn’t know what to believe. You look so much like Maris that I didn’t know what to think. My mind told me I’d lost you to him and to her, and I just wanted to hurt the both of you. I went to Elena needing someone to keep me from doing something I’d regret.” He paused, his jaw tense. It was a frightening thought, but I didn’t blame him.  I kept to my silence remembering how Elena’s memorium felt, how it hurt seeing him make love to her, and how I wanted to hurt them both.

After a moment, he cleared his throat. “Mainly, I needed to know if I was too late. If she knew whether you loved him. If there was a chance you still loved me.”

“What did she say?”

He chuckled. “That I was an idiot. That of course you loved me, but that you didn’t know me. She said you didn’t love Kheelan, but that you knew him and you found safety in that. Unlike how we were thrust together, you and Kheelan had a chance to grow.”

 “Forget about anything I said back then. That was just me being stupid, and I was confused, and…” I blew out a breath. If he only knew how weightless I felt there with Maris bound by whatever seal he placed on her, he would have understood how much she’d affected me.

I lowered my head onto his chest, curling into him, wanting to merge our bodies into one so he could feel with all his heart when I said, “I’m so sorry.”

He tilted my face upward. Cupping my cheek, he slid a thumb along my skin, wiping away tears that hadn’t yet fallen, but soon would. “We’re both at fault. We were thrown into this, and never had the chance to talk, to learn anything about one another, except the things we needed to keep us alive. It was foolish to think we could stand strong when our foundation was so weak. You had time to get to know Kheelan. We haven’t had that chance. But now is our time. “ He kissed me once. “So tell me everything there is to know about you. I want to know. I need to know.”

My throat dry from his confession, I nodded into our embrace. “Okay,” I rasped, knowing more than ever I wasn't going to let him go again. “What would you like to know?”

His finger trailed down my back, as the gentle tune of his breath rustled my hair. “Your favorite color.”

“Blue,” I said after a moment, pressing a light kiss on his side.

“Mine is black,” he said, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. “The same way I drink my coffee in the morning. Two sugars, and more warm than hot.”

Night fell over Coleck, and we’d yet to leave the bed. We found home there, talking over trivial things such as favorite movies, books, foods… In the end we spoke of anything at all, just to keep our feet from ever touching the floor. If they did, it would prove to us that there was another reality outside of that bed, outside of each other. I wasn’t ready to face reality yet. Neither was he.

I sat wrapped in a blanket, leaning against the headboard while staring down at him. His eyes were closed, his breathing rhythmic and calm as if the past year hadn’t ever happened. As if we were normal. It was a good feeling, even if it wasn’t real.

I brushed his hair back from his face, admiring this man that I’d nearly lost. As I stroked his jaw, a little smile curved his lip upward.

“I wish I could stop time right now and live in this forever,” I confessed softly, not wanting to disturb the quiet too much.

He hummed. “That would be dangerous.”

“Because of Xanthus, I know.” I rolled my eyes and lay down. “Way to kill the romance, Romeo,” I murmured, meaning to roll over, but his hand on my hip stopped me. He opened his eyes and turned to face me. There was a new gleam in his stare. Somehow, even though we were in the midst of our most dangerous time, in that moment, Ivan looked more at peace than I’d ever seen him.

“What I mean is if you stop time, I’d never let you start it again.” He kissed my bare shoulder. “But at least we’ve had today.”

Joining our hands, I let out a breath. “I’m sorry. It’s just… I’m not ready to give this up. Is it selfish that I want more of this, more of today, every day? Just the two of us, forgetting about what’s on the other side of that door, forgetting about the world?”

Ivan shook his head and smiled. It was a sad smile that told me though he wanted the same thing, it was all a far-fetched dream. “Until we destroy the tree, we won’t be able to rest. “

My mouth opened and shut a few times. “What—why? We’ve been searching for this tree, only to burn it down?”

“Within the tree is the location of the veil. If we destroy it, Xanthus won’t ever know where it is.”

“But I will. I may have no intentions of telling Xanthus, but the danger will always be Maris. The last time she merged with me so effortlessly, I didn’t even realize it. If I know where the veil is, so will she. It will give her more of a reason to break free and fight me for this body, just so that she can tell Xanthus.”

“Then you handle her like you’ve done before.” He shifted closer. “I’m here now, and I will help you as best I can. But after we destroy it, you won’t have to worry about her.  When the time comes, you will know what to do. For now, I just need you to trust me, okay, Juliet?”

“Juliet? Who is—“ I quieted, seeing how he twirled the vial in his hands, remembering how I'd called him Romeo...

I met his eyes in question. His unwavering stare back was my answer. He had a plan and that vial was part of it. More, this plan had a chance of succeeding. The fact he’d let me into his soul, but asked me not to question him on this meant we had to keep it from Maris. For our sake, I didn’t ask any more. “I do trust you.”

I twined my hands in his hair and brought him to the crook of my neck. Inhaling his scent, I kissed his hair lightly, letting the silk strands run through my fingers over and over again. “So what now?”

He blew out a breath that tickled my collarbone. “We gather what we need and leave. I’ve spoken to your mother, and Elena knows the plan. The Great Mother will lead us to the Tree. We will guard it as you go inside. Once there—”

My hand paused mid-stroke “You’re not coming in with me?”

“I can’t. Maris was the key. Since she is within you, only you will be allowed passage. It will be up to you to destroy it from within using all the elements used to create it. It's going to demand a lot of you, which is why I must remain outside. Xanthus will know exactly where you are, and where the tree is, and he will come.  Elena and I will join The Resistance to buy you as much time as possible.”

I realized he hadn’t mentioned Kheelan. My stomach contracted, but I swallowed to keep down the discomfort. If Kheelan wasn’t mentioned, then he wasn’t part of the plan.  It was better that way. I needed to start making my life away from him.

“When do we leave? Xanthus is probably to Gri’ah by now, it’s only a matter of time before he gets here. I’m surprised he isn’t here already by my little stunt earlier.”

“Well, there was an added advantage at Maris slipping out for that second. That was her rage, and her powers. Xanthus isn’t tracking her, he’s tracking you.  By the time he realizes that, we’ll be at the Tree. That’s where he’ll pick up on your powers, but hopefully when that happens, you’ll have destroyed it.”

I buried my face in his hair, giving it a moment to settle in. The Tree. Xanthus. War. With the Tree gone, and Xanthus defeated, the war would be over and we would be free.  If only it was as simple as it sounded. If only it wasn't so terrifying.

But frightening or not, I kissed his head lightly. “I want to leave now.”

Ivan sat up.  Cupping my cheek, he scrutinized my face. “Are you sure? Maybe you should rest,” he said, a small smile tugging at his lips. “I didn’t exactly let you sleep.”

“I’m not complaining.” I turned my face into his hand, kissing his palm. “But I can sleep when this is all over.” Meeting his eyes, I lowered his hand from my face and laced my fingers through his. “I’m ready for this to be over.”

Ivan stared for a moment. He leaned in and kissed me--one last kiss before our feet touched the floor and we stepped back into reality. When he pulled back, he nodded once. Hand in hand, we set our feet on the floor ready to face the end. But we were together and we had a plan. More, we had each other. Together, we were ready for anything. Come Xanthus, or come the world.

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Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter :)