the first person i fell in love with was a blue-eyed demon who had a knack for making people laugh. he had a smile that lit up the room and would never stop singing. everybody you asked would tell you the same thing. he feels like home. the most phenomenal thing about him was, you could find him wherever you went. he was everywhere and he was nowhere. you could find him in everything he's ever touched, every street he's ever walked, every pair of eyes he's ever looked into. the world was a sheet of white paper and he was a carefree permanent marker. wherever he went, his mark remained. of course, nobody ever minded. his touch felt like the remnants of a rainbow sweeping across your skin but he only ever smelled like the color blue. he smelled a little more human than the rest of us. of course, nobody ever told him that. how do you look someone in the eyes and tell them that? he was a blue-eyed demon that saved lives without even knowing it. he made people smile even when they didn't want to and he had a gaze that could put anybody in a trance, i would know because i fell victim to those blue eyes more often than sometimes. he was a storm that i had no intention of escaping from, so i stayed and faced the damage. the kind of person who'd stay up all night to make someone happy, his words could drive a person to tears without even trying.
i was eleven years old when i fell in love with him. a time in my life when i love you was reserved solely for your family, because how could you possibly love someone who you don't know by blood? i love you was off-limits,  so all i could do was say thank you over and over again until the words lost meaning. thank you for making me smile. thank you for giving me purpose. thank you for saving a life. thank you for all the time and memories you've given. thank you for all the tears and laughs and revelations. thank you.
and suddenly the off-limits term was no longer off-limits. his words had, once again, driven me to tears and for the first time in a long time, i realized that my life was worth saving. i remember how the tears were streaming down my face, i remember how it was the first time i had cried in half a year, and i remember how i got lost in those ocean eyes. i was thirteen years old when i told him i loved him. but he never said it back.