When he sleeps is the only time he isn't burdened with all of his troubles. He can get away from the what ifs.

I pray to whatever god there is that I'm not one of his what-ifs. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

*Alex* 

*Time skip-- Christmas Eve* 

I had been working for days, working on Thomas' gift. I wanted it to be as amazing as he was, which was showing to be hard to live up to. 

I glanced over at him on the couch. Everyone was in the living room. There was a peaceful quiet. Everyone was on their phones. 

I was on my laptop though. Typing and writing. But, mostly struggling. 

He was smiling down at whatever was on his phone. Probably a dog. Most likely a pit bull. Boy did he love pit bulls. 

I grin. He's such a softie. 

I go back to writing and attempting to make something worth his time. 

It wasn't too late. Maybe 8 pm. It was a classic Christmas scene. 

Ya know, stocking over a fireplace, bright Christmas tree, pine smelling candles and fire with Christmas music in the background on the huge T.V. 

"Who's up for Chinese?" Pegs was already on the phone with the Chinese place s we all just agreed. 

Angelica and Eliza stood up and walked with Pegs to the car to go pick up the order. Maria left to her room. Herc and Laf were talking quietly. Laf laughing and nuzzling his nose in Hercs neck. 

They are so cute. 

James was blowing his nose next to Thomas who was now worrying over him.  

"James, maybe you should go to bed early. And get some cold medicine." 

"I'm fine, Thomas. Why don't you go talk to your boyfriend?" 
"You sure you're okay?" 
"Yes." 

"Okay..." 

He walks over to me and plops down next to me. I quickly shut my laptop and gaze down at him. 

"He's sick." 

Sighing, I push my laptop aside and pull him into my lap holding him tight. 

"I know Tom. He'll be okay though. It's just a cold. Be more chill" 
(Haha) 

"I'm trying. I can't help but worry." 
"I can see that. Come on mom, relax." 

He groans and gives me a glare. 

"Don't start with this again. I'm not a mom friend."

"Aww, there's nothing wrong with it. I just think it's cute,  the way you worry and care for everybody." 

I smirk, seeing a blush creep across his face. 

He buries his face in my chest and wraps his arms around my neck. 

"Stttooooppppp."

I sling my arms around his back. 

"Okay, okay. I'm done teasing.'' 

We sit in a nice silence for a few minutes, before Pegs bursts into the house. 
 
"FOOD!" 

Thomas jumps and holds me tighter. 

Rubbing his back, I shift him over onto the couch and shoot a glare at Peggy. 

She shrugs and sets down the food on the coffee table. 

" What do you want Thomas?" 

"Just some sesame chicken with rice please." 

I nod handing him a takeout box. 

*Time skip* 

We finished eating and Thomas had his head resting in my lap. I was attempting to continue writing without him seeing but it was showing hard to do. 

I was failing. 

It was about 9:30.

"Hey, Tom, why don't you go take a shower and we can cuddle?" 
"Mhm. Sounds good to me." 

He starts to get up, but before he can get out of reach, I stand and reach for his hands and pull him back to me and kiss his cheek. 

"W-what?" 
"I haven't kissed you in forevverrr." I groan. He blushes. 

"Can I gooo?" 
"Yeah, yeah. But first!" 

My arms find their way around his waist and I kiss him. 

I can almost feel the heat radiating from his face. 

I smile into the kiss and place a hand on his neck to deepen the kiss. 

"GeT a RoOm!" James shouts from the couch. 

I pull away and flip him the bird. The rest of them start cackling and I can see Thomas getting uncomfortable. 

Guilt fills me. I hate when this happens. 

When I make him feel anything but happy. 

I growl at the idiot's int he living room and lead Thomas upstairs to our bathroom. 

"Sorry. You okay?" He rests his head on my shoulder as we walk and he nods. 

"It's fine. Just... a lot of unwanted attention." 

"Sorry." 

He shrugs and we walk the rest of the way in silence. 

My mind drifts to Thomas' mental health. And his stress and anxiety.
He's been more anxious lately. I wonder if he's really okay. 

And, I want to know if he's okay.

I don't bother to ask though. If it could make him cry or hurt him I don't want to. 

We continue walking up the stairs and Thomas fidgets with his hands. I hear him sniffle and I start to worry. 

"Hey, Thomas?" 

"Yea, Lex?" his choked up voice cuts like knives. 
"I'm here for you if you ever need to vent or unload your mind. OKay?" 

"really?" His voice his choppy. Like he's holding back tears. 

"Yes. Of course." I turn and hug him. He lets out a ragged breath and held back tears. 

"Thomas, have you really been okay lately?" 
"N o, nn-no." He barely manages to breathe out the word. 

"Thomas. You should've told me." 
"I-I'm s-sor-rry." 
"No, no. It's fine. Just know, you can come to me." 

He nods. 

I pick him up bridal style and carry him to one of our twin beds in our room. 

I spoon him and hold him tight. My head rests on his neck lightly and I help him calm down. Once I feel his breath even out I try to get him to relax more. 

"You excited for tomorrow?" I ask. He takes a deep breath and nods. 

"But, I didnt get you that good of a gift." 
"Nonsense. I'm sure it'll be the best thing ever. Besides you." He giggles (Hate that word)  
"Ha.. we'll see. How about you Lex? You excited?" 
"Yups." 
 
I don't bother to tell him how I'm struggling to put the finishing details on his gift. 

"Hey, how about that shower?" 
"Ha, yeah. Sounds nice." 

"Alright, then go." 
"Okay. OKay." He gets his clothes and a towel and leaves to the bathroom. I go back downstairs and snatch my laptop and start writing again. 

"Sorry about that whole thing." 
"Mhm." 

I was still pissed about that. 

"So whatcha workin on?" 
"Part of a gift for Thomas." 
"Ohhhhh." I shove Eliza off playfully. 
"Let it be Liza." 
"Okay, okay." She raises her hands in surrender. 

I continue my typing constantly looking up making sure Thomas doesn't walk in. 

*Time skip* 

Thomas never came down to the living room and I think he went to sleep. I went to bed early because tomorrow was Christmas. 

When I went up to Thomas and I's shared room he was cuddling up in his bed with his stuffed Eeyore and watching James Charles. 

I smiled fondly and walked up next to him. 

"Hey, Tommy." 

He looked up and smiled tiredly at me. 

"Hey, Lexi." 
"You should go to bed. You looked tired." 
"Mhmm." 

His eyes were already drooping. 

I smiled once again and curled up in bed next to him. 

I made sure he was comfy enough to fall asleep and that his phone was plugged in so he could listen to music. 

Before I could fall asleep a crash echoed through the house. 



A/N Hey...? Really sorry that I didnt update FOR FOREVER!!! I was traveling a lot and couldn't bring my laptop and I had to wifi. But, a whole bunch of chapter are being updated not only here but on my other book "Trying" another Jamilton story of mine. I'm going to be working really hard to get these chapter out to you all. SO I hope you enjoyed and if you didnt please give me suggestions on how to make it better or constructive criticism. Thank you for reading, commenting and voting and 
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