A/N! I CHANGED THE COVER AND TITLE DONT BE ALARMED! STILL THE SAME STORY! 
Alright back to your regulary scheduled program. 

  "Can we skip lunch?" I ask, wanting to stay here more than go to lunch.
"Sure. Whatever you want. "
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

*Laf* 

I waited patiently with Herc, Eliza, Angelica, Peg, John, James and Maria. (Peg's new 'friend') 

"When vill they gets here?" I asked getting a little more impatient. 
"Chill Laf. Knowing them, they went to the lake. Probably arent coming." James spoke up nonchanlantly. 
"Oh..." I was kinda dissapointed. Thomas said they would come. 

"It's fine Laffy." Herc said, placing his hand on mine. I smile back at Herc. He always seemed to calm me down. 

"Alright. Lets order then, shall we?" 
Nods of agreement went around the table as I called over a waiter. 


*Alex* 

Thomas and I laid back staring at the grey sky. 

HOLDING HANDS! 

My heart was still pounding. I cant believe I did that while we were walking here! 

"I feel kinda bad not going to lunch with Laf..." He trailed off, the grip on my hand getting slightly tighter.

"It's okay. He's overdramtic sometimes but he'll be fine." 
"I still feel bad. I told him I'd go, told him we'd go. ANd here we are..." 
"Thomas, relax. It's not a big deal." 
"But what if it was for somethhing really important?" He said, as he sat up, letting go of my hand much to my displeasure. 

I sat up too shifting around a bit to look  at him in the eyes. 

"Thomas. Calm. Down. It's not a big deal. I'll text Laf and tell him we had a change of plans." 
"But we're already  really late." His voice was now lowered to a mumble aalmost as if he was talking to himself. 

It was strange. He was making a bigger deal out of this than it really was. Lafprobably doesnt care by now. I'm 1000% sure Herc calme him down. 

Maybe Thomas doesnt like going back on his word... but why?

"Why are being like this Tom?" The nickname seems to jerk him riht back to reality. 
"Because...it's rude to go back on your word. You never go back on your word because you dont know what it could do to a person." His eyes got more franticc as he spoke on. 

There's something more that I dont know about. 

"Thomas?" I placed my hand on his shoulder, my other moving his downward facing head upward to look at me. 

"Thomas whats going on?" 
"I--It's nothing." 
"Obviously not.." 
"It's nothing! Okay!? You dont care and you dont have to know, besides it'd be a bother."  I wasnt really shocked by his sudden outburst. I probably pushed him too far. The last part was more mumbled to himself than to me. 

"Thomas look at me." I said in a firm voice, but not too harsh. He looked at me with glass eyes. 
"It's not a big deal, Laf doesnt care. It's okay to go back on your word a few times. Your a good person and you rarely go bck on your word anyway. It's okay." 

He nods but I dont think he believes me. 

I want to know why this is effecting himm so much. 


*Thomas* 

Look at me. Having a mental breakdown over ssomething so little and ruining what was suposed to be a nice trip to the lake. 

I'm so selfish. 

I told Laf I woud go and ten I didnt to stay at the lake which I'm now ruining too. 

I ruin everything. 

I'm such a- 

"Thomas listen to me..." Alex's voices cracks through. My vision focuses on him. 

"Breathe." 


But I have better things to focus on. 

Like what I'm gonna do when I get back to the dorm... 


I have work. 

I have work.....

Shoot I'm late! 

I try to focus my mind on standing up and running back to the cafe. 

But I cna only focus on how much of a screw up I am. 

I cant even rememebr to go to work or to get up and run to work. 

I'm so stupid. 

Why cant I do the simpest things? 

Where is Alexander? I dont hear his voice anymore. I'm scared. I dont hear anythign except for the familiar ring in my head...getting louder and louder until its too much and I give up on focusing on anything else. 

How did something so simle and insignificant trigger this? 


Memories. 

Horrible memories of being abandoned over and over again. Being promised that we would spend some time together but then being left behing again and again and again and again until they never came back. 

Nobody came back. 

Maybe I shouldnt have come back that one time. I shouldve taken my chance when I had it. 

I put all my life on this one person but. The only one I had left but they left too. 

The only people who ever stayed were the ones who hated me. But they stayed. 

And they told me what he did. 

Taunted me whenevr they could. But they wouldnt leave like he did. 

Why did they stay?


Why didnt he stay? 

Why do I bother to stay? 

"THOMAS!? Please! Your scaring  me!" I'm snapped back. The ringing disappearing. 

Alex stared at me with fear in his eyes. 

"Thoams please, try and talk to me! Thomas take a deep breath. Try and tak to me please." 

I try to talk, I try to breathe but my throat feels dry. I cant focus on my focus on my breathing. My mind is everywhere else. 

How did it get to this. This escalated to quickly. 


I feel cold hands on my face. 

My eyes focus and I'm staring back at Alexander's chocolate eyes. 

"Thomas....please...please...breathe.." His voice wavered practically begging. 

I take in a ragged breath, barley getting any air. 

"Good. Keep going." It wasnt good. Not good enough. It never is. 

Stop brain! 

"Thomas...breath." 

I take in another ragged breath. 
"Good job Thomas. Keep going." 

I coninue taking deep breaths and Alex keeps encouraging me. Telling me I'm doing a god job. But I'm no. If I was doing a good job I wouldnt be in this position. 

After I dont know how long I dont have to focus on my breathing, although I'm still takeing really shagged breaths I dont have to try as hard to take them. 


"Thomas, can ou try and telk to me?" 
"I-I'm I'm oka-okay." I choke out barely audible. 

He tackles me in a hug. 

"I'm sorry."  his voice is barley audible, choking out his words. 

I cant say anything. I dont know how to say that this isnt his fault. That he's why I came out of it. 

We stayed like this for a little while. 

Alex hugging me tightly, laying on top of me while I loosly handg my arms around him with my back against the cold ground. 

When he finally released me he didnt hesitate to start asking questions.

"Thomas why, why did that happen?"  

I didnt want to tell him. 

He doesnt care.. 

He doesnt need to know...

I dont want him to know....

"I dont want, dont  want to tell you." I mumble out. 

"Thomas...please..." He looks at me with begging eyes. 

"No." 
"I'll tell you why I cut myself." 


That I wanted to know. 

But do I want to tell im about my life before he came into it? 

"Fine." 

A/N- Heck yeah cliffhangers suck dont they! Welp. Ya'll boout to know why out Tommy boy is messed up! It's about to get scary deep and scary sad. PREPARE FOR SOME SAD SH*T NEXT CHAPTER BUCKOS! Alright well hope you enjoyed thanks for reading, commenting and voting and 
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