Long chapter Hope you enjoy!!

I want to forgive him, but it all comes rushing back whenever I see him. When I see him and don't remember all the bad from him, then I'll forgive him That will take time. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


*Alex* 

Classes start today! I have debate, law, Criminal Justice (idk go with it) Creative writing and English. All classes that I absolutely love. s

Getting up I take a quick shower, dry my hair and put it in a side part. There isn't much I can do with it seeing as I have a short bob like hairstyle. 

Going out to the small kitchen I see Samuel, he is against violence. I already don't like him. I shuffle past him making toast and to the coffee maker. I silently wait for the coffee to be done being made as I scroll through my phone. 

Most of what I'm seeing on social media is a bunch of drunk idiots at Madison's party last night. I see one picture that catches my eye. I'm assuming as sober Thomas smiling at his phone. The light is bright against his dark skin in the dimly lit room. 

He has a nice smile. 
And so does that cute guy standing next to him. OMG! Who is he!!??? He can hit me up ANYTIME! 

Uh hum... 

Coffee's done! 
I'm slowly pouring the hot coffee into mug when Herc leaps out of his room and screams. 

The coffee goes flying. the HOT coffee goes flying all over..... me. 

"OW! What the frick Herc!?"
"Sorry, Alex. But its the first day of classes!!! The first day of college!" 
"RElax Herc. Now I gotta change!" I groan out.
"Chill. I design clothes. I can help you." He winks at me and barges into my room. 

Here we go. 


*30 minutes later* 

"Perfect!" 

I'm in black skinny jeans an almost skin tight purple v-neck shirt, white vans, (D*** Daniel!! sorry.) and a white beanie. 

I have to admit that Herc gots style. 

Don't tell him I said that. He will have too big of an ego. 

"Thanks, Herc." 

I check my phone and 

8:23

"CRAP! I gotta go Herc, my class is at 9." 
"You have plenty of time." 
"I know, but since my coffee spilled, I'm just gonna stop by the cafe." 
"Okay, okay. Whatever you say." 

With that, I'm out the door and on my way to the cafe. 

I walk by Thomas' dorm and hear yelling. 

I know. Nosy me. I push my ear against the door and listen in. 

"Thomas I don't see why you cant forgive him! He is trying so desperately to make it up to you." 
"All he did was apologize to me. That doesn't fix s***!" 
"I know. I know. You've gone through a lot. It' no easy to just forgive someone who has given you so much pain. I  know. Thomas just gives him a chance." 
"Whatever. I have a class at 9. I have to get ready." 
"Thomas, is that a yes or a no to what I said?" 
"It's an I don't know." 
"THHHHOOOMMMASSS...." 
"I'll think about it. " 
"That's all I ask. " 


With that, I sprint down to the cafe and order two coffees and carefully sprint back up to Thomas' dorm. 

I knock and wait. 

Please be Thomas. 
Please be Thomas 
Please be- 

"Hey, Tho-" 

The door slams in my face. 

Umm... 

I knock again. 

"Hey, Thomas." 
"Hey, Alex." 
"Here." I hand him the coffee. He looks confused. 
"Well, the coffee from home taste like crap so I brought you some good coffee." 
"Thanks?" 
"Who's at the door Thomas?" 
"Uh, Alex." 
"ooohhhh. Alright nevermind." 

"Well uh, imma go. I have a class at nine and it is ... 8:49." I slowly start to walk away before I am joined with Thomas.

"What class do you have?" 
"Oh, uhhh, creative writing. You?" 
"Debate." 
"Oh, those classes are close."
"Yup." 


We continue to walk in silence. 

"Oh, well. This is me." Thomas inches past me towards his class door. 
"Oh, well, bye Thomas." 
"Uh, bye Alex." 

I continue to walk another 3 minutes before getting to my class at 8:56. 

I sit down and go through the usual boring first-day crap. Rules, expectations, blah blah blah. 
I look over and see John is in here and smile at him. He glances over and returns the smile. 

I turn my attention back to the teacher who is still yapping about 'welcome to college, not as easy as it looks, arent free, you are not adults yet' all that crap. I zone it all out and just write.

*Time skip to free period cause nobody cares about school crap* 

*Thomas* 

This morning was really weird. I mean first I'm arguing with James and then Hamilton gets me coffee and walks with me to class. 

Then I see him again, during my free period in the cafe. He is eating the smallest grilled cheese sandwich I've ever seen, sipping on coffee and reading a book. 

I walk up to the ordering counter and order a small club sandwich and a coke. 

"Name?" 
"Thomas." 

I walk away and sit on a bar stool. I take out my laptop and start to work on some stupid debate crap. First day and I get a 6-page essay. 

who would've thought?! 


About 5 minutes into working my name was called out. 

"Drink for Thomas." I shot up from my seat and quickly got up and paid for my drink. As I was walking back to my seat I felt Hamilton's eyes on me. I didn't bother making eye contact. I just walked back to my seat with my head down. 

I decided to text James once I was seated. 


MakinMac- Why do you care if I forgive him or not? 
SickandSassy- Because I'm trying to look out for you. You make a friend outta him and you'll feel a lot less depressed knowing that you don't have to worry about him turning on you. Besides he is trying. 
MakinMac- I guess you're right 
SickandSassy- It would be a weight off your shoulders. I know this burdens you. 
MakinMac- So what if it does? 
SickandSassy- Then you'll really be happy, Thomas. 
MakinMac- I'm trying okay? I'm trying to be happy. 
SickandSassy- It will get easier if you forgive him. I'm not saying you have to talk to him all the time to be his 'bestie' I'm saying forgive him. All you went through is why you are so strong now. 
MakinMac- Why are you always right? It's not fair. I want to be right.
SickandSassy- Lmbo😂 You'll get there. 
MakinMac- whatever. I gtg. Bye Jemmy. 
SickandSassy- bye Thomas. 

I glance over at Hamilton. His head is low, he hasn't touched his small as crap sandwich, bags under his eyes, and is actually quite fit despite being scrawny looking. He shifted his hands and his sleeve dropped down. I could see the all too familiar pale white scars, tattooing his wrist. Dozens of them. 

He cut himself? you wouldn't expect such a confident smart funny and happy upbeat being to be depressed and cut himself. It seems unexpected. I guess that was the perfect cover. No one would expect it so no one would bother checking or even thinking twice about it. 

I would have done the same, but I know better. I myself, have stared down at my own scars before, feeling ashamed because I know it would hurt my friends. But that didn't stop me. Not until I got help. 

I've seen those scars line my arms. You cant tell me those are cat scratches. 

I wasn't sure if I should walk over and talk to him about it, stay where I am or talk to his friends. 

Too late. 

He looked up at me and followed my gaze. He instantly rolled his sleeve back up and shifted his position to where his sleeves would roll up.

I got up and sat down in front of him. 

"what are t-"
"I go out in the woods a lot. There are animals..." His voice trailed off. I knew he was lying. 
"Alex..." I rolled my own sleeve up and pushed it into his view. 

"I know your lying, I know what self-harm looks like. " 
"So... what if I do? " 
"I'm not gonna stand by." 
"..." 
"Come on." 
I pulled him up from his seat, ignoring his objections. 
"Thomas..." 
"Just follow me." I took him to my car that was parked by the small cafe. 
"Thomas, where are we going?" 
I stayed silent. I drive to that oh so familiar place. 

"where here." 
I got out and walked inside with Hamilton at m heels. 
"Thomas, why are we here?" 
"I'm not gonna stand by." I repeated, but in a more caring voice. 

"Thomas! Why are you back?" 
"My... friend." I saw him freeze at the fact I called him a friend. 
"Oh?" 
I simply took his arm and rolled his sleeve up. She gasped at the many scars and nodded her head knowingly. 

"I'll set you up with your usual therapist. " 
"Thomas, I don't need-" 
"Yes, you do. Some of these are fresh. And seeing how you aren't already seeing a therapist I'm assuming your friends don't know. " 
"How do-" 
"You have very protective friends Alex. Like mine. I know that therapy doesn't fully help, but it gets you on the right track to recovery." 

He looks down and hesitantly nods. 

*Alex* 

I don't understand. He wasn't supposed to be helping me. 

"Why are you doing this? Don't you hate me?" 
"No. I don't hate you. Even if I did, you expect me to just stand by? No. I've been in this place. Still kinda am. I was miserable and judging by your obvious lack of sleep and lack of food, you are miserable too, despite how you act around your friends." 
"That's not an act! I am like that. Always." 
"Only with your friends though. when you're alone... that's a different story. You are rotting inside Alex." 
It was silent for a while. Before I spoke up. 

"T-thank you." 

I was trying to hold back tears. Thomas is too kind of a soul. 

It stayed silent from then. Even after we got the appointments set, and the drive home. Silent. It was a good silence. I silence I needed to process things. 

"Alex, before you go... I forgive you." 

Immediately I'm overcome with relief and joy. I choke back sobs.

"Really?" I manage to croak out. 
"Yes. I needed to forgive you for myself as you needed me to forgive you. No more guilt okay?" 

I nod and look up at this kind person beside me. 

"Thank you." I whisper out before walking into my dorm and rushing to my room. 

I collapsed on my bed. I stayed straing at the ceiling, thinking about all that had happened in the past 2 hours. 


*Thomas* 


James was right. A weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could only hope Alex would be better now that he no longer needs to feel guilty. 

Like I said, I did this for him just as much as me. 

I hope I don't regret it. 


A/N HHHHHHHEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! Hopefully, a new chapter later today if I work hard enough and another 2 tomorrow. Again, I leave for a camping trip Tuesday and don't come back until Saturday so please forgive the lack of updating. But I will write non stop once I'm back. Thanks for reading and BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!