Jamal's POV.

My breath hitching as I threw my towel at the locker. I swiftly took off my shirt and wore a new one. "Jamal what were you doing back there?!". Coach Noah aggressively barged in, his brown eyes dilating.

"Coach, he's not only at fault there". James, my best friend said.

"Don't interfere James". He scowled at him.

Coach Noah has been my role model and a father figure in my life, hence I lost my Father when I was little as my mother was never in the picture and he adopted me because my Father was his best buddy. Simple at it seems, it wasn't to me because it comprised of all the obtrusive hindrances that doesn't contradict with my mindset.

The image of a vulnerable three years old boy whimpering over the departure of a parent with a heart filled with despair over the return of the other, howbeit sensing the relish of hope and being shouldered anew. The glimpse of hope seemed to gloom when the person holding you up and brushing off your cascaded tears tend to make you slouched.

I sighed. "Coach, I don't know what got into me..".

"Of course you don't, after all your practices are in vain, I don't even want to talk to you right now". His hands slumped.

"Coach!". James chipped in.

"Don't! This is your last match Jamal, I have to replace your name off the list".

Perhaps it was my first match and last chance for me after being suspended for having a bloody fight at my previous match with one of our opponent but this moment was likely the end of me playing again.

At some point, I wasn't surprised at the Coach's decision over whatsoever I encountered but the feeling of being a burden to someone who over the years held unto you, when you thought you have a shoulder to lean on, it was unbearable feeling maledict in their life or any other person's and the life itself at the end becomes inane.

I clutched my hand. "Do whatever you want!". I spatted and walked out.

I walked aimlessly out of the school, breathing heavily, hopped in my Toyota, and drove off. I Parked my car beside the bridge, hopped out, crossed the path to the bridge rail. I jumped on the rail avoiding the skeptic glances from the drivers, sat on it as my legs were swinging above the deep blue ocean and the cool breeze disheveling my hair.

I sat there for awhile, thinking of how my life was twisting unforeseeably, as the mindset of dreaming about stars, chasing the butterfly and giggles becomes gloom, filled with melancholia. But I know not of any way to stop that distressful, heart aching feeling but to think of ending my life at the moment.

My phone's ringtone jolted me and I checked to see James calling. I switched off the phone, dropped it beside me and just closed my eyes, listening to the swashing waves, serene haven sensation and inhaling the oceanic breeze.

My life was nothing close to perfect, feeling ailed at how my life turned out from a boy following the steps of his coach, to having no purpose. The tunnel which was said to have light at the end was brimmed with not a single ray of light but darkness. My heart clenched as I thought of ending my misery and struggles, to release myself into the ocean, to seize the word Life away.

"Are you going to commit suicide?". I heard a voice right beside me and I hastily peeled my eyes open whilst fixing my sitting position, sighing at the realization of still being Alive.

"What?!". I asked as I watched the slender figure, with pointed nose, long lashes, aligned eyebrows, smiley cheeks, and bright ocean blue eyes whilst familiarity washed over me as she was the lady I was partnered with at history class.

She beamed heart meltingly, looked away, gently propped herself up the rail and sat beside me, swinging her legs. "I'm Annah". She said still swinging her legs not looking at me.

"Jamal!". I murmured silently watching her as I didn't know why I felt a dote on life just by looking at her whilst her eyes lit up, she beamed at me and turned again.

***

"Can you tell me why you want to commit suicide?". She asked after a long silence.

(Well, I'm fed up with being a miserable orphan, who lost a mother figure in his life at the age of 3 added with the loss of his Father as his coach was nothing close to filling that part, plus losing his only hope of being a basketball player) but I just kept mute instead.

"Do you know how many people wish to live longer?". She asked again.

I sighed after a long silence. "Chronic", I muttered not loud enough for her to hear but from the slight change in her demeanor Indicated that she heard me. I continued instead, "You know, some people are lucky enough to never encounter a tragedy in their lives but some encounter a lot going wrong, bad, and terribly worse". I sighed, unsure of why I was telling her that but she kept mute for a second just gazing down the water.

"And some chronics choose to never give up". She uttered with a relic of smile.

I turned my gaze to the far end of the water where it may seem like that'll be the end of the sea but if you drop the thought of giving up and move farther on, you may experience a lot more adventure and more living who strive to begin another day. Perhaps it may sound somewhat like my life at the moment, but it felt so hard to drop the suicidal thoughts and strive for a new beginning.

"Well, should I tell you 5 reasons why you should be Alive?". She asked again. I turned to her, looked at her side face for awhile and shrugged. "I really want to pass my assignment, so just be alive till then".

"What?!" I asked amazed.

She laughed hard loosing her balance a bit, which I tried to hold her but she hastily regained her stance, smiled at me and turned again. I turned my own gaze towards the sun in thought of how a person could be carefree or maybe I was the only one cocooned in such misery.

"I'm just kidding, by the way, I can't really make the research alone, so I will like it when you change your mind and be a better partner". She stated, beaming her heart melting smile.

"Okay". I agreed, perhaps I had been nothing but a jerk to her, not to her but to many people in my life whom at some point were the inception of my gaiety which I could never mutter again.

"I'm sorry about the previous day". I said.

She creased her eyebrows. "About what?".

"Uhmm.. Pushing you without apologizing".

She beamed. "Well I'd have pushed you down here before talking". And I raised my eyebrows. "I wouldn't do that, besides, first reason for you to be Alive is because, I would be filled with guilt of not being able to stop you from commiting suicide, probably lack the capacity of doing the assignment without my partner and... it would be unfair for both of us to fail history". She stated stifling a smile.

I shrugged "and what are the rest of the four reasons?". I asked.

"I will tell you soon". She dangled down the rail. "We will meet up at the library tomorrow?". She asked dubiously, narrowing her eyes which seemed she was daring me not to do anything silly which made her look funny anyway. I nodded whilst she beamed, walked to her car and sped off.

I bounced down the rail, straightened my shirt, walked to my car and sped off whilst I arrived at my condo, dropped my keys on the locker. I strode into my study, draw out my journal box which I piled up my journals, pictures and stuff ever since I was little.

Flipping over the bunch of letters I naively wrote to my mom thinking she would return and read them sometimes, writings of how my days went back in highschool, how I studied hard, played basketball, places we go with Coach and exceptionally telling her how much I missed her but at last it was all in vain when all the dreams of her coming back was impossible and the thought of missing her altered to something resentful.

I dropped the letter at the side, thumbing the journals till one photo captured my gaze. The one and only photo of an infant me clinging on my mom, barely focusing on the camera, my mom whose face wasn't much clear but smiling broadly right at me and my dad, clasping his hand onto her shoulders also grinning heart meltingly at the camera.

To any person who sees the photo would thought that, that was the typical picture of a beautiful Family and happy one, with no knowledge of the tragedy that lies behind it and the agony that grew on the little boy's smile.

I wiped off my already teary cheeks, placed the picture back to its position and before I could close the box, my gaze fell on the locket in the inner box, which was the only memory left of my mom. Perhaps I had never got myself to check it as I was always running from the reality that she was gone and never coming back, albeit that turned out to be true after spending ages without her.

I gently took the locket which was a heart shaped one and I reluctantly opened it. It wasn't of a picture but a tiny written memento likely from my dad to my mom. 'Sophia/Khalid' the clearer part of the memento written, albeit my dad's name was Khalid and this locket indicated that my mother's name was 'Sophia'.

*****

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