Hey,

What a week! First I was on holiday and once I was back it was like all hell broke lose. Anyway, back to the story. Another chapter that set my heart racing. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Oh, and please listen to the song! :-) 

Lara

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Chapter 54

The room was a replica of something she might have encountered many centuries past. The first clue was the old, weathered wooden table that sat in its center, a set of golden candle sticks with half burnt white candles on it. Fire flickered and crackled in a rustic stone hearth, turning the room into a living, breathing shadowland.

He was leaning against the stone wall with his back to her, one hand placed on the mantle above the hearth. His head was lowered, as if he was staring into the flames, watching them intently. He was wearing dark brown trousers, a white tunic and a dark red gambeson. Long black hair spilled over his back like soft silk.

Even without seeing his face she knew it was undoubtedly Alexander. Only ...

She frowned. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something about him was different. It wasn't the clothes or the hair. What was it?

He turned and she saw.

This wasn't the head vampire. It was Alexander as a human.

Their eyes locked and all of a sudden it was hard to breathe. For the first time, those azure-blue eyes were not veiled. One second, one look was enough. She understood. The motion she'd seen under a soft blanket of different shades of blue at times was hidden emotion. In here Alexander was showing whatever he felt on his face.

She couldn't look away. Couldn't have if her life depended on it. He was staring at her as if he'd been waiting for her for a long time, as if she was some sort of guest he welcomed in his home. No, even more than that.

Why was he looking at her like that?

Fear loomed over her like a growing shadow. She shook her head. She couldn't. And she wouldn't.

Better to get back into that place again. That place where no one could touch her. Her vision trembled and drifted apart, slowly dissipating. A feeling of disorientation, paired with a perverse sense of freefall settled in.

She blinked against it, forced her eyes open against that new sensation of having gotten lost.

She was sitting on a stone floor, her back pressed against a stone wall in a chamber that slowly, but surely got familiar enough for her to recognize it. It was her very own fortress. That place she liked to retreat to most. In here she had no curled hair, no make-up on her face. Nothing to hide what she really looked like – neither on the outside, nor on the inside.

Only, this time she wasn't alone.

Alexander was towering above her, blue eyes fixing her. He lowered himself, crouching, until they were face to face. He lifted his hand, cupping her cheek with his palm. She stared at him, drank in his hair, the face, the blue eyes. She couldn't have moved or backed away if she wanted to.

Atoms moved, grinding against each other, deep inside. Mortar and stone rumbled and parted with a loud crack. And all of a sudden it was hard to breathe.

* * *

"Anna," the word was soft, a caress of velvet on skin.

I looked at him, at those eyes. No matter if human or vampire, I would always see myself in this ocean of blue. No matter how many lies I tried to tell myself, this would always be true: Somehow I and Alexander were alike. Only that, when I first met him, I was too blind to see it. Then, for a long time I denied it, refused to understand.

That motionless, bland face he carried was as much a weapon as it was a defense mechanism. I never perfected the head vampire's bland face, but, like Alexander, I was wearing a mask – every single day of my life. And he'd seen it from the start.

Like him, I wasn't emotionless. Like him, I did whatever I could to hide my true feelings.

Like I, Alexander was hiding in darkness and shadow, keeping a part of him locked inside. And we were both lonely in there.

My chest hurt, a knife twisting deep inside every time I breathed.

Pain. And more.

His hand moved on my cheek, glided down to the side of my neck. Long black hair fanned his face like liquid silk that begged to be touched. His skin had more color, cheeks slightly flushed. His red lips parted. His eyes were alive with motion, a stormy sea that told stories I longed to get lost in.

"Now that I found you, I will not let you go again," he said softly.

Found you.

I stilled. The words reverberated off the stone walls and came right back at me. Found you. The words echoed in my head, dull and hollow. For the second time this night it felt like my throat was closing up. The sensation of free-fall caught me unawares.

Found you.

Someone else had said that. In here. In the fortress of my mind.

No.

I looked at the chamber, eyes darting from left to right until they got stuck on that corner that led into a dark hallway. The entrance to my home. My core. My mind. The vision rose like a dream: shadowed outlines of a figure standing there. It was there, then gone.

And all of a sudden I knew. Knew with certainty that someone had been here. Other than Alexander.

The blood in my veins slowed, icy, shell-shocked.

I broke the kiss, tore away from Alexander violently and stumbled forward, turning away from him. Thrown from the vision inside my mind into reality, I was unbalanced, discombobulated and blind. My eyes searched the parameters, peered through the blue-tinged haze of the Blue room. Blue cushions, blue rose bushes, blank walls. Things that were real and palpable. Not my fortress.

I couldn't see any traces of the shadowy figure I'd seen at the entrance to my core, but I still felt its presence, like a set of cold, bony hands pressing down on my shoulders. As if it was still there, watching. Waiting.

"Turn around," Alexander said from behind me.

Alexander.

I closed my eyes. He said he would never let me go. Part of me wanted to turn, go back into his arms and never leave. Another part of me wanted to keep running and hide from his gaze. I could admit it to myself, dammit. I was scared, so damn scared of getting closer to Alexander. To anyone. Had always been.

Found you.

The words echoed around me, haunted me like a solid presence or a set of cold hands, resting on my shoulders. Alien, hostile eyes. Watching. Learning. My eyes snapped open. That nagging feeling just wouldn't go away. Someone had been in my mind, no, had torn into it. It had to have been a vampire, maybe even more than one.

I swallowed, mouth parched up and sticky. It was hard to breathe.

In my mind. My home and my fortress.

What if?

What if whoever it was got to me? What if he or she had messed with me and I didn't even know? What if he or she was messing with me right now? Had they forced me to go rogue, messed with my head so that I did the unthinkable? Was that why I turned rogue?

Found you.

A different time. Another voice.

Goose bumps marched up and down my spine, like an invisible memory brushing its bony fingers along my skin. Something about that voice had been alarmingly familiar.

My eyes went to the black oil-like curtain. This was the only way out.

"Anna," Alexander's voice was soft. "Turn around."

I looked up, uncertainty and indecision making the motion slow and tentative. The memory had to be there, somewhere in my mind.

What happened?

I knew where I had to go, if I wanted to find out what happened. But...

The great three witches help me. Alexander.

I couldn't do it with Alexander around. If a vampire, whoever it was, got into my mind and was still messing with me, I was a danger to anyone close to me. Particularly Alexander.

I closed my eyes. There was something else. I still had a promise to fulfil. Medici and I had a bargain. A bargain that involved me doing something Alexander would never let me do.

"Turn around." He'd come closer. So close I could feel his breath, an elongation of his overwhelming presence.

I squeezed my eyes shut. I wasn't sure I could do this. Not with all these emotions that had broken free. How could I just walk away now? After what Alexander had shown me?

But you have to.

Found you. The words tumbled down my throat and right into my core. Cold flames licking against skin, freezing me from inside out.

Yes, I had to.

"Give me the artifact," I said, my voice flat – a total antithesis to how I felt. Thoughts, feelings and voices were tearing me up inside. And I had no idea how long I could keep them in.

"I said, turn around, Anna," Alexander said.

"You said the small favor wouldn't cost me any time. I did what you said. Why are you stalling? Give me the artifact. Now." I turned around and looked up, forced myself out of my body and let my eyes get void, like I'd been staring at an imaginary spot too long and now my eyes were unfocused and tired. "Or did you think it would change anything?"

The sound of my voice combined with the words were enough to turn my mouth into an abyss of ash. I didn't see or hear anything, couldn't make out much from that numb place I was in. Only that Alexander had gone still. Very still.

For a long time he remained silent. I could feel his gaze on me, the power of the grave stretching out and out.

Then he was gone, had vanished with the vamp speed I'd never get used to. I held myself still, not daring to move. It was all I could do to remain where I was, lock myself in that place I needed to stay in. I had to get out and away from him, fast.