Chapter 20: À la française

I swallowed hard shadowing Ezra into the plane. I wasn't scared of flying. I was intimidated. This feeling never left since he asked me to be in another part of the world with him. At first, instinct told me that he was bullshitting, but I knew that wasn't true after he shared a vulnerable fragment of himself– a piece of fragility that may never be answered. When he told me about his mother, I never doubted that he wouldn't stop looking for her. However, I didn't anticipate that the next time he went on his pursuit he wanted me to be on the plane with him.

My anxiety over agreeing to go with him kept me up at night for the three weeks following up to this day. That uneasy grip choked like a vice when Ezra stopped us in the business class cabin.

I gawked, "What the..."

With one look at the contemporary privacy seats, my quavering hand was against my forehead. The seat not only took up an entire aisle but also could recline 180 degrees as a bed with soft pillow. My personalized seat had a colorful nook with a set of noise-reducing headphones where I could store any of my little entertainment goods. I saw USB chargers, lighting adjustment options, and a little HD touchscreen!

Well... it's not little because nothing is little in this shit.

I understood why he didn't let me put any money towards the tickets. Could I afford it? Yes, but only if I was willing to sacrifice my part of next month's the rent... and eating. The luxury overwhelmed me, especially since I did not look the part. I had on a black suede baseball cap, an older black down jacket with a fur trim, black skinnies, and my favorite classic Vans. I was surprised the flight attendant walked right by me instead of shooing me into coach, despite Ezra leading me in by hand. He and I didn't match. In fact, we didn't look like we would know each other with him in a finely textured jacket and slim trousers. He even made the gray slip on Vans, I compulsively gifted him, look ten times more expensive with his whole getup.

"Ezra... seriously?" I gawked looking around before pointing into my seat.

Instead of answering me, Ezra he let go of my hand and silently offered to take my carry-on. He didn't look me in the eye when I handed him my backpack. I wasn't surprised. Ever since he picked me up from the apartment an hour ago, he's been distant. But only with words.

He never turned away from me. In fact, until now, I always felt his bodily heat. Like a form of protection, I rarely left his peripheral. I wasn't going anywhere, but I saw his fear.

As he kindly put my bag into my compartment for me, I tried. "You okay?"

"Mhm."

I was startled by the male flight attendant who questioned out of the blue. "Sir, would you like for me to put your bags away?"

With his distant eyes, he took a quick and harsh survey of my seat before giving his attention to him.

Then, Ezra swiftly checked his watch. "No, it's alright. Is it possible to get her fruit bowl as soon as possible? She hasn't had her lunch yet."

I was going to argue his request, but then I knew how that argument would turn out so I lowered my contesting finger and closed my mouth.

"Of course," the delightful face answered. "I'll pair it with her champagne as well, if that's alright."

He nodded, he disappeared behind the business class veil, and Ezra proceeded to put his bags above his seat. Even knowing what was coming, I was not ready for "business class" treatment. I knew the flight attendant's grin stemmed from the look on my face of the bubbly offer with my fruit bowl.

"Thank you," I whispered, ogling the popping frenzy of golden bubbles before looking around to confirm to myself that I was actually on a plane.

He continued to carry a bright smile as he moved onto Ezra's seat. Ezra must have waved him off because the attendant was already moving to the next passenger. I turned around in my seat, knees in the cushion. Ezra was seated and twiddling with the HD screen attached to the back of my curved seat.

My hand up to my lip as I whispered, "Psst, Ezra."

"Hmm?" He continued to poke at the screen.

I smirked and looked off to the side, "You're gonna be mad at me."

"Why?" he grumbled, looking down at his phone in his other hand and back to the screen.

I flared my nostrils and smiled harder, "Cause I'm not hungry."

His attention broke from the tablet and was now on my face. As soon as I had him, I dropped my smile and lifted my brows.

His eyes were heavily lidded, "You didn't have breakfast nor lunch, how could–"

"–because I'm nervous."

It was an honest answer, and I knew he believed me because he slowly put his phone down and removed himself from his seat to step into mine.

Standing, in front of me, Ezra cleared his throat and crossed his arms. "Why don't you try–"

"That's not the question you want to ask me," I interjected.

His eyes shifted from me again, and he dropped his fists by his sides. I extended my right hand to him and he looked down. My first two fingers carefully broke one of Ezra's tight grip. He didn't resist, and permitted me to cling to his hand. His clammy palm was of no surprise. His direct lack of eye contact didn't faze me either. It all made sense, but I had to break the habit of doing what got us in trouble in the beginning– assuming.

Suddenly, I lifted up my left leg and initiated, "Look."

Tugging at the pant leg around my calf, I slightly pulled the fabric up. There around my ankle I revealed my anchor socks. I circled my foot around and stuck out my tongue.

Ezra rubbed his fingers his lips before doing the same with his thumb and forefinger to closed eyes. I was proud to encourage some warmth in his face.

I took in a deep breath and broke the silence, "Do you regret this?"

Still, Ezra refused me a direct answer.

With jest, I lifted my brows and scooted forward in my seat, "Well, the plane isn't in the air yet, I can just take my backpack and–"

"No," he firmly interrupted, gripping my hand tight with edgy, wide eyes. "Ada tell me the fucking truth. Was asking you to come with me asking too much of you?"

For the last three weeks, I knew he wanted to ask me this question. Whenever he mentioned the trip, he would be surveying my face or whatever part of me was fidgeting. Of course, I fought through the anxiety and forced the excitement I thought I should have. It was no lie that I was willing to accompany him, but it was also true that I was very scared. Ezra and I spend as much time as we could together with dinners, Netflix, and naps. There was a shared exhaustion between us, but we tried to push through it.

I smiled and I rested my back against my seat's cushion again, "Here is the fucking truth. I'm terrified."

He drooped his shoulders and implored, "Why didn't you tell me."

"Because I thought about it before I first answered you, and I thought about it every moment afterwards too. I'm choosing to be here with you. We can do two things at once– be scared and be brave."

He took in a deep breath and looked out of my window.

I begged. "Don't try to hide that you're scared too."

He knelt on one knee in front of me, never letting go of my hand. He lowered his voice. "Trust me, Ada. I know it would be selfish of me to expect you to be fine with all of this. I promise, I'm not using you as a crutch anymore. I just need... want you by my side. I know I'm terrified, but it's not only because of you."

"Seeing your family?" I suggested. I squinted and tilted my head as I scanned his face.

Ezra shook his head. "No."

"What is it?"

I watched him cock his jaw before he sighed and confessed, "It's the little boy in me."

My face didn't move. Ezra's attention was direct, but his piercing green gaze was ineffective. "Do you expect me to talk you out of this feeling?"

He closed his eyes. "For a moment, I was hoping you might, ma chérie."

"Well, I won't. I refuse."

I released my hand from his and caressed his cheek before gently scratching his beard. He turned and smeared his face into my palm to exhale.

Leaning close to his ear, I kissed his temple and whispered, "The very reason we are on this plane is to help you resolve this feeling. After all we've been through, we know better than to run." 

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A/N:

We've finally reached the end of Fade! It took two years for twenty chapters, but I had to take the breaks I needed from writing the book. Outside of my schedule, the emotional gravity of what I was going through was intense, and a form of healing was through writing about many of those feelings throughout the chapters. I wasn't always ready to face them. Regardless of of the personal milestones I achieved, the grief still came in waves. All in all, I was very unhappy in 2016 and have been trying to recover since January of that year. However, I will say, the only way I was ever going to finish this book was when I knew I was in a better place, and well... we did it! I can't wait to mark complete on this work because it means more more than simply finishing another Wattpad story. 

Plus, now... I focus on planning out book three ;)

Thank you for following me on this rollercoaster of a journey. The support is indescribable, and know that I appreciate every bit of time you share with me on my stories. If you want to know what to expect in the final book of this series, feel free to ask me questions here, Twitter or Instagram (@mayenwrites). I plan on dedicating chapters to readers again, and if we engage it's VERY likely that I will dedicate a chapter to you ~and read one of your stories~!

Love you all!
Mayen <3