Chapter 15: The Star 

The morning was bitter, but the atmosphere didn't pair well to the cold. Sitting on an elevated sidewalk, I crossed my legs and observed the waves and gradients of pink hats, shirts, and shoes mingle through the blockaded streets. Underneath my purple hoodie was my purchase of this year's "Walk to End Breast Cancer" tee; the purple I wore for my mother. Her favorite color... I had to take with me as I planned to walk for her.

I wiped the wetness underneath my eye with my handwarmer, remembering how my mother wanted to come with me but treatment fell on the same day. Inside, I knew she was with me-- she always was in spirit. She was with me as much as the loved ones-- printed on shirts-- were as they rested in peace. I scratched my mouth, deep in thought over what it would be like to be at another congregation, marching over the memory of my mom.

The sense of community among strangers of a similar plight was comforting. It was a challenge to detect the pain, even with the deaths they endured and shared. And in betwixt all the communal support was the light of the survivors who lived with bright smiles. They were walking manifestations of hope and healing; they were stars.

They faced the proposition of death, and challenged it. My mother challenged it. Now, I challenged it.

What a quiet fight survival may be.

But today it was contested, before me, with a feeling that could not be denied. The morning was still bitter but the scene was not. I put my hands into my pockets and joined with the masses to cross the start line.

The runners had already taken off, and we were asked if we walkers were ready.

I am.

I thought I was attending the march alone, but that was a lie. With every step I could feel the solidarity of wanting a change. Strollers passed by and small children ran a distance in front of their guardians. Walkers dressed their dogs and puppies in pink and even apparel, happily joining their owners on the walk for a cause. Volunteers stood on the sidelines and cheered us on, and I didn't fight the joy that came through in the form of tears on my face. If I was going to keep crying, I wanted it to be because I was happy.

Am I happy?

Yes. I was happier than I was the day before. I was learning how to temper my broken heart, and it was easier to do when I had time to counter the sad with the good. I knew myself, I knew that couldn't let go of the past and how it affected me, but the strength of change was with me and all of those around on the streets. Strangers did not feel like strangers. We all came together because we wanted to work towards healing-- I just knew it.

Part of the process was accepting that my mother my fall to the hand of cancer. But I didn't have to be alone throughout her battle whether she was with me or not. The fight will never go away. It was a part of my life now, and I wasn't afraid to share.

Through another small set of applause, I heard, "Great job guys! Halfway there!"

Just then, vibrations went off in my pocket. I pulled out my phone and opened the message from Nico.

Good morning, Ada! Treatment went well, no surprise. We're going back home now. Please send pictures of the march, she wants to see and imagine herself there with you. Me too! :)

Without fail, I lit up and sent ridiculous photos of my face and the uplifting signs around me. I took my next selfie, though I paused before I could send it. Squinting at the image, my lips parted. Before I could turn around, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Faith?" I asked, with bugged eyes.

"Hiya!" she exclaimed before jogging up to me in dark hoodie, athletic tights, and her favorite pair of walking kicks.

Following behind her was Chester. It startled me to see him donned in workout gear instead of a swanky suit vest.

After a swift exchange of hugs, we stepped away from the current of marchers and I said with surprise, "I was just taking a picture of my ugly face and thought I saw Chester in the last one."

"Sorry, I ruined the surprise," he murmured to Faith.

With both hands, she touched his upper arm and shook her head, relaying that he did nothing wrong. My brow quirked.

"The surprise isn't that," I announced with a smirk.

"What is it then?" Faith proposed with a blush that went against her confident smile.

"It's--" I couldn't tease my friend as I had intended when I was cut off by another tap on my left shoulder. I turned, squinted, and exclaimed, "Renee? Chris?"

"Hi, Ada!" Renee cheered, before sweeping me into a gigantic hug.

Of course, she was adorned in bright colors; this time everything neon pink. Chris, on the other hand, was wearing dark, branded athletic wear and was sporting a pair of shades he claimed he couldn't remove due to Renee's outfit.

After the laughs and giggles settled, we kept moving along the march's path and I questioned them, "Wait, how did you all know I was here?"

Everyone's attention turned to Faith who then sniffed with leveled eyes as though she wasn't the obvious culprit. I hooked my arm around her for a side hug, but within seconds I inaudibly conveyed my joy. What she did was kind, but the moment I touched her, I couldn't hide the tears that reflected how grateful I was to not be alone.

At the end of the march, I had to sit down where I started. Faith joined me on the elevated sidewalk and watched me destroy my last useful tissue with my nose. I knew I might cry during the walk, but not enough to surpass two Kleenexes.

"Are you okay?" Faith asked with a heartfelt smile.

"Yeah," I chuckled. "Thank you, so much, for this. I didn't realize how much I needed the support."

Faith took in a deep breath, "Well I almost didn't do it, considering how personal this is for you. You don't talk about it very much, but I've seen how it's changed you every day since you told me about your mom. Despite the lack of expression over this painful experience, I hoped to get the message across that you have us to fall back on when you need us."

I reached over and grabbed her hand, "You know what all of you have taught me?"

Faith lifted up her chin, slyly awaiting my answer. I squeezed her hand and proclaimed, "The only thing that's real is love."

My close friend covered our hands with hers. "You're right. Everyone that came here to support you, loves you. Chris and Renee were not only easy to get a hold of but also they didn't think twice about my request to surprise you."

"You sought them out?" I gasped.

Faith smacked her teeth, "Of course! You don't recount how fondly you spoke of them in the past and how they basically kept your head attached to your neck?"

She was right. There was nothing but positive things to say about two people who could have left me out to dry. Faith and I looked over to see Chris and Renee chatting with Chester by a water table.

"I'm so glad you all came," I confessed with a smile.

Faith sucked in air through her teeth and added, "Actually, I feel like at least one more person is missing."

The pull in my stomach was inevitable. I turned to my friend and she returned a nervous shrug. "You still care about him, a lot, right?"

"Yeah, but I don't know exactly how he fits back into this equation," I admitted, pointing to myself.

"I don't know either, but I know he wants to try."

My confused look provoked her to go on and she divulged, "Last night... he reached out to me. To be frank, he found me at the club. I thought I would be more surprised to see him, but I wasn't. What was weird to me was how I didn't have my guard up like I might have imagined. He didn't demand me of my time and waited patiently to ask me one thing. He didn't ask where we lived or where you were at."

The disbelief on my face was apparent when I removed my attention from her to look out into the masses.

Faith finished, "He looked me in the eyes and asked if you were okay."

Why? You saw me earlier that day.

Yesterday's departure, after the café wasn't easy. Yes, the pang in my chest lingered after I concluded I wasn't sure where we stood. The problem was that we were still swimming. The waters weren't as calm as we had hoped, and it was getting harder to keep my head above.

Denying you wasn't easy because it's so hard for me to let go of you.

If I recalled correctly, Ezra was unsure as well on what he was feeling too. Though, imagining him being at the march with the rest of us created a warmth. There was no denying that despite my confusion, I wanted him around-- even if we said nothing at all.

I can't lie. I wish you were here too.

Scanning the stage where voices previously echoed from a podium, I caught the eyes of a green-eyed man in the distance. His hands were in his pockets as he leaned against the stage's leg frame. I didn't have to be close to see the little smile that inched across his lips.

Tenderly, I asked Faith, "And what did you say to him?"

"I said you were stronger than you were before, and it didn't seem as though I told him anything new."

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Number of hidden songs: 1

A/N: How would you feel if you were in Ada's position? What would you think after seeing Ezra smiling in the distance?