Nine

Face down in the dirt,

          she said, "This doesn't hurt",

          she said, "I finally had enough."

I live in a single flat. It's small and it barely has furniture. One big space for living and dining room and the kitchen is open. My bedroom with one toilet. It's enough for me and I honestly don't need more for now. It's all I can afford and after tonight I doubt we'll get that deal with the record label. When I left the bar I didn't see the agent around. He probably ran when the fight started. I don't even know when we'll have another chance like this one. 

I ruined things for everyone, didn't I? I blew up our chance with the label. I got her in trouble. I think I got my jaw broken. I'm sure I cost Arnold some clients. I ruined furniture. And for what? Nothing. She's still with that asshole.

So when I'm finally home and I realise how stupid I was, how I left myself be driven by rage, I feel beyond ashamed. I'm disgusted at my own reflection. I'm a mess, dried blood all over my face, an ugly bruise on my jaw that's all swollen, some cuts on my brows and lips and I still taste blood in my mouth. And let's not talk about my ribs, they hurt like hell.

How can she manage to walk after he beats her up? Even breathing hurts.

With a heavy sigh I peel off my clothes and I realise even those have blood. I take a long shower, mostly letting the water wash away the blood, the pain and the shame for what I did. I'm no better than that idiot. I don't deserve her either. This wasn't the way to solve things, if so this only made it worse. I see it now.

But a part of me likes to think that it did make a difference. That she'll see what is really happening and stop it. And as the water runs down my body I can't help imagining, filled with hope, what happens when she gets home with her boyfriend.

He's still mad and ashamed for what I said, for the looks on everyone in that bar. And he picks it on her. He pushes her against the wall even after all what he already did. He takes his hand to her neck and puts their faces an inch apart. He's practically breathing fire, like a dragon before it burns its prey to ashes. She's trembling, scared to death that this time he'll gone too far. She's sore and she can't control the tears and as I imagine that my guts twist and I gag but I don't throw up. I take deep breaths, trying to calm down. But my imagination keeps running wild.

In my mind I see how he grabs her and pushes her around, making her hit every surface in the house, breaking every ornament they own. Pictures, vases, bowls, everything. Nothing survives and she's already bleeding, pieces of glass buried in her flesh. And he doesn't stop, no matter how much she cries and begs him I stop. He doesn't. He's blinded by rage.

He pushes her against the dining table and she slowly slides down to the ground and stays there, lying broken and exhausted. She doesn't have a bit of strength anymore. But she remembers what happened this night, the way I stood up for her, the things I said. She remembers the humiliation and the burning pain that she still feels.

"She deserves better," she hears in her mind, my voice claiming that so vehemently.

"I deserve better," she mumbles still feebly lying on the floor.

"What did you say?" he snarls and she takes a deep breath, pushing herself up, repeating the same words over and over again in her mind.

"I deserve better. You don't love me and I won't take this anymore. It's over," she says firmly but still shaking and the shock in his eyes is priceless.

"That's what you say now but we both know you'll be back, crawling like the bitch you are and you'll let me fuck you because that's all what you want!" he shouts and she shakes her head. It's not true, she doesn't even want him anymore. She's always scared of his touch. She's always been scared of him but it's over this time. She deserves better.

"No, I won't come back. It's over," she says more firmly and standing straight, her jaw set and even the tears stop falling. "I'm done with you."

And with that she walks away to go for her stuff, but he sprints after her and grabs her wrist roughly. "You ain't going anywhere unless I say so."

"Watch me," she defies him and shoves him off with strength she didn’t know she had.

But he tries to grab her again and that's when she gets scared and realises it won't be easy. He won't watch her gather her things and walk out on him. She has to run. And that's what she does. She pushes him and runs away as fast as she can, barely making her way out of their house, to the street and she doesn't stop until her lungs burn and her legs can't take her any farther.

I open my eyes by that moment with a sigh because I know no matter how much I want her to walk away from him and look for her own happiness, she won't do it. I mean, even after what happened today she begged him and promised it wouldn't happen again. She's not leaving him. I have to give up. It's just so hard.

I turn off the faucet and get out the shower. Everything hurts so I move slowly. I don't want to imagine how much worse it's going to be tomorrow.

I don't want anything, so I just go to bed but the moment I lie on the mattress I hear the bell. Confused and with a loud groan I get up again, hoping it's none of my band mates making sure I'm all right. I don't want to deal with them now.

But when I open the door I only see her, shivering, hugging herself and made a complete mess. She's not wearing the uniform, which was what she had on when that idiot dragged her out the bar. She's in her normal clothes, her dark hoodie up. I don't see blood but I see the bruises forming already.

"W-what... How?" I stutter so confused.

"I-I ran away and I didn't know where to go. I couldn't take anything with me so I... I went to the bar and… my clothes and… Arnold gave me your address because I… I have nowhere else to go… and…” A sob escapes her lips and she hugs herself tighter. "May I… stay over tonight? It's only for tonight. I just don't have anywhere else to go and… please," she whispers and I'm still blinking, not believing what I'm seeing.

"S-sure. For as long as you need," I reply dumbfounded but stepping back so she can walk in.

She looks so lost and fragile, like she's about to break down and I don't know what to do now.

I close the door behind her and she looks awkward. I don't know what to say but when I hear her sobbing I react by instinct. I approach and grab her in my arms, offering all the support I can.

"Are you okay?" I ask and I close my eyes when I realise how stupid that question is.

She hugs me tighter, hiding her face in my chest before she speaks. "I'll be fine…” and in a whisper she adds, making me ever so happy, "I've finally had enough."

And that’s the first step for a better life.

+ + + +

We don’t immediately start a relationship. She’s too broken for that. She doesn’t immediately fall for me or realise she always loved me. But I’m by her side all the time nonetheless as she picks up the pieces of her life and starts all over again. I never leave her alone. I support her and help her to believe in herself. She’s not ready to love someone new and I don’t mind if she never loves me back, I’ll still want the best for her.

But she slowly falls for me as I teach her that a good love is possible, that she can be cherished. With loads of patience, care and tender she learns to love again and now she smiles honestly. With time, she’s learnt to be happy… happy with me. And I would never allow someone to wipe that smile of her face again. That’s my promise.

The End

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Thank you for reading this story. I hope it helped you to realise some things. I hope it opened your eyes. I hope it made a difference. Please, share the message. You never know who might need to know it's possible to get out of one of these relationships.

That said... Please, please, never allow someone to treat you badly. You are worth so much more, you deserve someone who loves you and cherishes you. Believe me, waiting is worthwhile.

Bel, xx