Melchour
I took another deep breath as the cold wind swept across the balcony, sharper now, pressing against my skin. Below me, the tall grasses swayed with the gusts, moving like waves under the open sky. The night stretched wide, lit by the glow of the moon and scattered stars—each one casting a gentle gleam over the quiet landscape.

The moonlight brought with it a memory—Anna. The way it touched her skin that night... the way she smiled beneath it. It was etched into me now. For nights, her image had haunted my sleep. Her laughter, her quiet gaze—they wouldn't leave my mind.

I tightened my grip on the Bible in my hand. I needed clarity. I needed God to speak.

In the stillness, I lifted my heart in prayer. I couldn't go another night in this confusion.

God... You said in Your Word that before I was even formed in my mother's womb, You knew me. And I know Your thoughts are higher than mine... Your ways are far beyond my own. So tonight, Lord, I'm not asking for what I want—I'm asking for what You want. Show me Your will.

A quiet peace began to settle over me, slowly but surely. Like a blanket drawn over my soul. His Presence was near—I could feel it. And with it, a sense that whatever He had planned... it was good.

Something stirred in me, pushing me to open the Word. I let my fingers find their place and opened to the book of Psalms. My eyes fell on the passage—one I had read before, but this time, it struck something deeper.

"Delight thyself in the Lord, and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart."

It was as though King David himself had spoken those words straight into my spirit.

I stood still for a long moment, the verse echoing in my heart. I didn't know what would come next. But I knew one thing now for sure—if I kept my eyes on the Lord, He would take care of the rest.

Even the desires I hadn't spoken out loud.
Even her.

Johanna
"Anna!" Mercy's voice called out just as I stepped outside the school gates.

"Yes, Mercy?" I turned toward her beaming smile as she jogged over to me.

"Did you hear? The professors in the English department were talking about your speech last week! I didn't know you could preach like that!"

I couldn't help but smile. "It was all the Holy Spirit, Mer. Ever since I came to know Him, I just can't help but talk about Him—He finds His way into everything I do."

A familiar joy welled up inside me. Being able to speak about God publicly—openly—was something I would never stop being thankful for. I knew some people thought I was just another overly religious girl, but in my heart, I knew it was the most meaningful thing I'd ever done.

"I know, right? I seriously can't wait for the day I get baptized in the Spirit too. The way it empowered you gave me goosebumps!"

"You will, Mer. I really believe that. When your time comes, you'll be empowered the same way." I smiled at her.

"By the way... I heard you're going with Melchour again this Saturday? One of our partner churches has their anniversary, right? You must be excited!" Her playful smile returned.

If only she knew the mix of dread and nervousness I felt every time I thought about being alone with him again—not to mention the look Geneva would give if she saw us.

"Uh... yeah. I didn't expect it, but Pastor Fernando said he's officially assigning me to go with him," I answered, lowering my gaze.

"Well, if you ask me, you two work really well together."

Did we really? Because if Geneva was right, someone like me—someone ordinary—could never possibly match him.

"Not everyone thinks so," I murmured.

"God knows, and so does Pastor Fernando. Trust me."

"It's only because of His grace. Please keep me in your prayers, okay?"

"Always, Anna."

Her words made me smile again, but in my heart, I whispered another prayer.

Lord, be with me when I'm with him again... please, steady my heart.

⸻

I let out a sigh of relief when the church finally came into view. Two hours of walking felt like forever.

"We're close, Johanna," Melchour said.

"Thank goodness," I panted. The distant sound of a guitar and drums grew louder as we neared.

An elderly woman stepped out of the church and made her way toward us.

"Oh, Pastor Melchour, my child! It's so good to see you again—it's been a year since you last visited!" she exclaimed, pulling him into an embrace.

I smiled at the sight. They must've been close.

"Oh..." she released him and turned to me with curious eyes. "Is this your wife, child?"

I felt my face burn as she looked between us.

"Oh..." I heard Melchour chuckle. "I'm afraid not yet, Aunt Louisa."

My eyes widened. Not yet?

"U-uh... no, ma'am, I'm not his wife," I said quickly.

"Ah," she replied, still smiling with what looked like amused curiosity. "Well, everything's ready now, so come in, you two. By the way, I'm Louisa. I oversee the Mothers' Ministry here."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am. I'm Johanna Dumay."

"Lovely to have you, dear. I hope the long walk doesn't scare you off—we'd love to see you again."

Her warm smile made me feel welcome.

"Of course, ma'am. I'd be glad to come again, if I can."

"Perfect! Well then, we'll be starting in ten minutes. You can go freshen up first."

We both nodded, and she headed for the platform.

"She's quite the mother figure, isn't she?" Melchour whispered.

"Yes, she reminds me of my grandmother..."

"Oh really? That's nice."

"Well, I think I'll go freshen up now," I said, giving him a quick wave before heading off.

Still, his words from earlier lingered in my mind. Not yet?
Sweet Jesus, why does he say things that make my head spin?

⸻

A cold breeze brushed against my cheeks as Melchour and I walked toward the pastoral house.

"That message was so powerful, Manung," I said. "And the congregation was so responsive—it was amazing."

"All glory to Him, Anna," he replied with a gentle smile. "That church is always full of energy."

"I wish all churches were like that," I sighed.

"That would be a blessing for us pastors," he laughed.

The warmth of the room was a welcome relief from the cold.

"Where is everybody?" I asked, scanning the place.

"I think Pastor Fernando's here, but he probably went to sleep already. It's 11 p.m., after all."

"Oh, right."

"Would you like some coffee?"

"Please, that sounds perfect."

"Alright," he said, heading to the kitchen.

"Here you go, Anna," he handed me a mug. "I'll go freshen up a bit. Enjoy your coffee."

"Thank you."

Warmth spread through my body as I took a sip. I wandered to the couch and was drawn to the light streaming through the large window behind it.

It had been a long time since I last gazed at the stars.

"Maybe I'll step outside for a bit," I whispered to myself.

Coffee in hand, I slipped out the door and headed toward a small pavilion beside the house. I'd never really explored this part before. The moonlight lit up the glass-walled room, making the white and pink flowers around it glow softly.

It was beautiful—breathtaking, even.

I slowly walked to the edge of the room, letting my eyes trace the sky.

"Fascinating..." I breathed.

The moon reminded me of that night. The first time I walked with him. A night I'd tried so hard to forget—but couldn't.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

I jumped at the sound of Melchour's voice behind me. As I turned, my foot caught on a stone and I stumbled forward—glass shattering, coffee spilling.

I braced myself for the pain—
But it never came.

Strong arms caught me before I hit the ground.

I froze. My heart raced as I found myself in Melchour's arms, too stunned to react.

Why now?! Why this?!

I tried to pull away, but his arms only tightened around me.

"Just for a moment," he whispered. "Just for a little while... let me stay like this."

His words stopped me cold.

What was he saying? Why did it sound... sincere?

I looked up—only to meet his gaze. Deep, intense... almost longing.

"What are you—" I stammered.

For a split second, I lost myself in those eyes.

Then I looked away. I gently pushed him off and stepped back.

No. This can't happen.

This wasn't real—it was the moment, the emotions, the atmosphere playing tricks. I couldn't fall for him. I shouldn't.

"What's wrong, Anna?" his voice was low.

"I... I can't do this," I whispered. "This is a mistake. I'm sorry... you deserve someone better. Someone not like me. You know my past. I don't have anything to offer."

"Anna... what are you talking about? You're the only woman who's ever made me feel this way."

Part of me wanted to believe him. But I couldn't.

"I'm sorry."

The urge to run overwhelmed me.

So I did.

"Johanna, wait!" I heard him call after me.

But I didn't look back. I couldn't.

My chest ached with every step, tears streaming down my face.

I couldn't let myself believe I was enough.

Because deep down, I knew I wasn't.

And that truth... hurt more than anything.