Ezra's p.o.v

I was afraid to open my eyes but I did. I looked around me to see that I was on a hospital bed and Kanan was sleeping on a chair beside me. I looked at his hands. He was holding something. My note book. That means..... That he knows everything. What am I going to do now? Does he hate me? Does he think that I'm weak? Pathetic? Useless? Will he abandon me? Suddenly I remembered that on the Ghost, before I pass out,  he called me son. Did he mean it? Or it was just an illusion because of the blood loss? Probably the second one. How can he care about someone like me? I felt years rolling down my face. I heard Kanan groan and I whimpered when he opened his eyes. I closed my eyes and looked down, waiting to be yelled, shoved or punched but instead I felt two warm arms around me and a hand forcing gently my head to lay on something soft. I opened my eyes to see that Kanan was holding and my head was laid on his shoulder. I was doing my best to hold back my tears. Kanan tightened his grip on me.

"I thought I lost you. I was so worried. Please don't do that ever again!"

That did it. I broke down right then and there.

"Why didn't you told me about your condition. I-I could have helped" I heard Kanan said and I cried out.

"I-I-I though that *gasp* you-you *sob* *sob* would c-care" I said and buried my head deeper in Kanan's shoulder. He shoved me away from him. Oh no, he's mad at me. But then he puts both of his hands on my shoulder and his forehead against mine's.

"Ezra" he said as some tears escaped his eyes. "I will always take care of you. As far as I might be, dead or alive, I will always care about you no matter what. Promise me that you'll never forget that"

"I promise" I said as my voice cracked, the tears never stopped falling from my eyes.

"Now, can you tell me why you did all of this?"

Oh no. This question. The question that I'm so afraid of.

"I-I" I tried to say but no words could come out of my mouth.

"Is it something I did Ezra, or someone of the crew?"

"N-No of course not. You-you guys did nothing wrong. I-its me" I felt a pain in my heart and I whimpered. Kanan started running his hand through my hair to calm me down. I took some deep breaths and continued.

"I-I am feeling like all the world is spinning around and around and I just can't hold on anymore. I wake up everyday and the pain is getting stronger and the voices in my head are getting louder. I was trying to ignore it but I couldn't. Do you know how it is when the mental pain becomes so much that it actually physically hurts?" I asked as I stopped crying.

Kanan didn't answered. He just brought me to his chest and kept running his hand through his head.

"Come on. Let's get back home. The others are waiting for you. They were sick worried"

Kanan got up and handed me my notebook. He brought me my shoes and helped me wear them because my hands were shaking. He helped me up and we walked until the Ghost in silence. I usually like silence but now it scared me. I looked through the force and tried to feel his feelings. He was so dozed off that he didn't realize. As I looked through our bond I sensed..... nervousness. Why was he nervous? I saw the Ghost in front of us and I suddenly stopped. Kanan saw me stopping and he walked beside me.

"Are you ok?"

"I-I am afraid"

"Why?"

"What if they yell at me. What if they don't want a mental ill person on their ship?"

"Ezra, they care about you. When you almost..." he stopped trying to find the right words. "When you almost left us, they were so worried. Trust me, they'll be so happy when they see you"

I took some deep breaths. Kanan put a hand on my shoulder.
"Trust me"

I nodded and walked inside with Kanan by my side. I heard voices from the kitchen and we made our way there. The door opened to reveal Hera, Zeb and Sabine deep in conversation while having dinner.

"Guys look who came back" Kanan said and everyone looked at me. Hera ran to me and held me for dear life. When she released me, Sabine gave me a hug too. I was a little surprised with that. Sabine never hugs anyone. Zeb gave me a friendly punch on the shoulder.

"Are you hungry Ezra?" I heard Hera asking. Honestly, food was the last thing on my mind right now and also I didn't want to be a burden.

"No Hera I'm not that hungry"

"I'll make you something" she said like she didn't heard my answer.

"You really scared us kid" Zeb said but I didn't liked it. I didn't ment to scare them, I just wanted to put an end on the pain. I still want it though.

Kanan must have felt my thoughts throw the force.

"Zeb, I think that this was enough" Kanan said gently.
But Zeb ignored him.

"I hope that on your next mental episode you wont try to kill us" he joked. This time Hera gave him a death glare.

"Zeb, I told you that's enough" Kanan said louder.

I looked down. Is that what he thinks of me? An uncontrollable mad person that would cause hurt if he had the chance? Is that what they all think of me? Is that what Kanan thinks of me?

"Maybe you should move to the med bay or we should lock you on a room the night because I'm a little afraid to sleep on the same room with you and I'm sure the others would be too" he said and laughed his head off. That really did it. I felt tears form again but I did my best to hold them back.

"Zeb your pushing it too far!" Kanan yelled and I flinched. Silence fell on the room. I looked at Zeb who was trying to hold back his laughter. He still thinks it's a joke. I felt a hand on my shoulder. Then another one in my back. 

"Ezra, honey, are you ok?" I looked up to see that Hera was the one who placed her hand on my shoulder and Kanan had his hand on my back. They both had the same worried look.

"Ezra?" Hera asked again

A few tears fell before I managed to answer.

"I-I'm n-not mad. I-I-I mean n-no harm" I said and ran off. I was about to go to my room but I remembered Zeb's words. I didn't enter on the room. I instead ran to the med bay like Zeb said. I sat there hugging me knees. I looked around in hope to find anything sharp. I saw a glass of water and I threw it on the ground breaking it. I took a piece of the broken glass, I sat on the bed and started taking of the bandages from my wrists.

Kanan p.o.v

When Ezra left running I felt anger boil inside of me. Sabine gave Zeb a strong punch on the shoulder.

"Hey what was that for?!"

I was about to answer but Hera did first.

"Because you made him think he was a monster"

"I was just joking"

This time I answered.

"Zeb, you can't always joke around! You have no idea what the poor child went through. He is in pain Zeb. He almost killed him self and-" the sound of a glass breaking echoed through the Ghost.
"What was that?" Sabine asked.

"It came from the med bay" Hera said.

"He almost killed himself" I whispered repeating my last though realizing what was going on.

"Kanan?" Hera whimpered.

"Hera, stay here and make sure Zeb will learn his lesson. I'll be back in a minute"

She nodded and I ran to the med bay. The door opened and I saw Ezra sitting on the bed crying and holding a broken glass that was soaked with blood. I quickly ran to him taking the glass and grabbing bandages from the med kit for his wrists. As I was about to re-bandage his wrist he moved away.

"No, please. I don't want to be saved" he cried out. I hugged him and he eventually calmed down a little.

"Ezra, can I see your wrists?"

He hesitantly showed me his wrists that were filled with new cuts that were bleeding, a lot. I took a sharp breath. I started bandage his wrists. When I finished I placed my hand around his shoulders pulling him on a side hug.

"I'm sorry" he whimpered.

"It's okay"

"Do you think that I'm dangerous Kanan?" he asked and I smiled at how innocent his voice sounded.

"Of course not. I trust you with my life Ezra" I said and he laid his head on my shoulder. We stayed like that for a little while until I heard soft snoring. He had fallen asleep on me. I picked him up. I passed through Zeb and Sabine. Zeb looked down in shame and Sabine looked at Ezra with sympathy. I went to my room and I laid him down on my bed. Before I go, I placed a kiss on his forehead and whipped some tears that were left on his cheeks. I got out and made my way to the cockpit where Hera was waiting for me.

"How is he?"

"I wish I knew. Hera I can't understand his condition and if I can't understand I won't be able to help him" I said looking down. I felt Hera placing her hand on my shoulder.

"What do you think we should do?"

"Do you remember the list with the mental hospitals?"

"Kanan, no"

"We don't have other choice Hera. We can't help him the way they can. Those hospitals have psychologists that had special training for that kind of conditions. I don't say that we will sent him there forever. Just for a little bit. So he can feel a little better. We will talk to him tomorrow. And only if he agrees we will visit some hospitals so he can decide where he will go and for how long"

"Kanan, it's like we're leaving him"

"Hera trust me. This is the most difficult decision I have ever take. I don't wanna send him away. But I prefer this than loosing him. I just want what's best for him. I'm doing this for his own good. Even if it hurts me". Hera hugged me and we sat there all night. Terrified to let go.