Life got easier like Youngjae's parents said it would. Jaebum and Jinyoung still did everything together, Mark still ignored or snapped at Youngjae, and Youngjae still occasionally took the wrong bus across campus, but...

It was better. Youngjae had forced himself to talk to at least one person in each of his classes, and even if they weren't really friends, they were people he could say hi to. And maybe if I say "hi" enough, we'll become friends, he reasoned. Or maybe it didn't work like that. Either way, he hadn't made any close friends, but it didn't seem like he needed to. He was getting along just fine.

He woke up before all of his roommates and was gone before any of them awoke. He went to all of his classes, studying on his breaks or when he got food, and then he was on his way to the next class. In the evenings, he would come home, cook himself dinner for one, and retreat to his room to do homework and read a little bit. Then he would go to sleep at a reasonable hour, ignoring all sound from outside his room, and would prepare to wake up early in the morning.

College was fun.

He was having a great time.

He was happy.

...

To be more truthful, college was a lot of work, he didn't know what type of time he was having because he was always busy with work for his classes, and he didn't know how to define happiness anymore. Back home, it had been easy. Happiness was the default. He had been surrounded by people who loved him, who enjoyed spending time with him, who enjoyed seeing his face and talking to him about what was going on in his life. That was his idea of happiness. But now...now those safe comforts had been stripped away. He was on his own. The life he'd loved, a life populated by relationships with people he cared about, had dwindled to a life where he felt caged inside his own skull.

But it was necessary, he convinced himself over and over. It was part of growing up, of becoming his own person.

But still, it was weird to sleep and only hear his own breathing and not his brother's soft exhalations filling the space he called his room.

***

"-jae? Hey, were you listening?"

Youngjae blinked as fingers were snapped in front of his eyes, and he looked up to see Jinyoung leaning forward with an annoyed expression on his face, Jaebum standing behind him and watching with a neutral expression.

"Did you hear me?" Jinyoung asked, standing up straight and putting a hand on his hip.

"Ah, sorry, I must have been spacing-"

"We're going out," Jinyoung announced, cutting Youngjae off, who just swallowed the rest of his sentence, used to being ignored.

"Okay," Youngjae said. This was somewhat strange since they never really bothered to inform him of their comings and goings, but maybe it was because he'd been sitting on the couch in their common area, just taking a moment to think about things.

Jaebum, from behind Jinyoung, huffed and pushed his friend out of the way, giving him a nasty look before turning back toward Youngjae with a strained smile. Youngjae got the feeling like Jaebum didn't waste time and facial muscles smiling very often, and while Youngjae felt that he had good intentions, it seemed to him as though Jaebum was out of practice. "Do you want to come with us?" Jaebum asked, the first time he'd ever asked Youngjae that question (still likely only because Youngjae was an object in sight).

Youngjae's eyes slid over to Jinyoung, expecting to see the other boy glaring at him from behind Jaebum's back and hinting that he should decline, but Jinyoung just had a bored look on his face as his eyes darted downward to check the time on his phone. Youngjae looked back at Jaebum, who was still waiting for his answer. "Um...that's...where are you going?" he asked. He couldn't outright decline, that would be rude, but he was sure he'd be able to come up with an excuse given a location. They didn't actually want him to come with, did they?

"There's a place near campus. We were going to go over and have a few drinks. It's within walking distance," Jaebum said, relaxing his smile a bit so it appeared more neutral and less painful for him to retain.

"Ah," Youngjae said, still trying to figure out a way to politely decline. It was Friday night; if he said he needed to stay home and study, they'd all think he was a nerd (which he admittedly was) and probably would never invite him out again. His pending decision was made altogether more difficult by the location; if they'd said they were planning on going to a club, that was perfect, Youngjae could just say that he couldn't dance and he'd be off the hook. But he hadn't had a drink in a while, and the offer was starting to sound more tempting by the second. But was a drink really worth third-wheeling his roommates all night?

"Hey, Mark!" Jinyoung yelled, looking over at the closed door from which grumbling immediately ensued. "Get your ass out here, we're going to leave soon and you'll make us late."

Jaebum noticed Youngjae's surprised and quickly explained, "We just, um, we figured that we should all hang out a bit more...we don't really know each other that well and we'll be living together for the whole year so..." Jaebum rubbed the back of his head, his cheeks flushing slightly with embarrassment. "Sorry it took so long...I know we've already had a few weeks of school and this is a weird time to ask, but we were hoping you and Mark would both be free..." He swallowed. "I'm sorry, I know you're always super busy with classes and everything and I totally get it if you need to stay home and st-"

"I'll come," Youngjae said, surprising himself by failing to jump on the excuse Jaebum had readily provided him. Although he was pleased that Jaebum seemed to take into consideration how hard he was working without making Youngjae sound like he was a completely anti-social bookworm who only knew textbooks and nothing else.

Jaebum's surprise mirrored Youngjae's, his eyebrow shooting up comically before a smile slowly wriggled onto his lips. "That's- that's great! We were going to leave in, uh-" He turned to his friend. "When are we leaving, Jinyoung?"

Jinyoung looked up sassily, flipping his hair out of his face as he leveled his eyes on Jaebum's. "As soon as they throw on pants," he responded, and Youngjae's eyes widened.

"But, I'm already-"

"Those aren't pants," Jinyoung immediately replied, cutting him off (again), giving Youngjae a quick once-over. "I'm talking skinny jeans. I get that you're old-fashioned, but if you ever want to get a girlfriend, all the chicks from the last century are already dead, so throwing on some skinny jeans and Converse is your best bet." Jinyoung pulled a protesting Youngjae off the couch and shoved him toward his room. "Hurry up, Youngjae. I want to leave as soon as possible."

"Relax," came Jaebum's low voice. "You're going to make him not want to come..."

Their voices trailed off as Youngjae closed his door and spent the next five minutes hopping into a pair of skinny jeans. He grabbed his favorite Supreme sweatshirt and slid on a pair of shoes before stepping out of his room just as Mark stepped out of his room, looking over at Youngjae before changing his glance toward Jinyoung.

"Are we ready to go?" Mark asked. His face was blank. As usual, Youngjae had no idea what he was thinking, if he was excited, or if he was secretly killing each of them over and over again in his head.

He wondered how Mark was killing him.

"Finally," Jinyoung said with a melodramatic sigh.

Jaebum just muttered apologies for him as they all went to the door and proceeded to walk to the bar.

"I bet I can out-drink all of you," Jinyoung boasted, punching Jaebum lightly on the shoulder. "You especially. Remember last time-"

"Yes, I remember last time," Jaebum said quickly to shut him up, his cheeks growing pink at the thought of a memory Youngjae wasn't a part of. The two of them, Jinyoung and Jaebum, walked ahead while Youngjae and Mark walked behind them, side by side, and not necessarily by choice.

"How...how was your week?" Youngjae asked, his voice coming out soft. He still remembered Mark saying that he had a loud voice, and he wasn't sure if Mark had only said that because Youngjae had woken him up from a nap, or if Mark really thought that Youngjae was too loud. Either way, he didn't want to risk upsetting the other male.

Mark turned to look at him with a you're starting this type of bullshit? face before exhaling and rolling his eyes. "It was fine."

"Oh, that's nice," Youngjae said when he realized that Mark wouldn't be asking him back. Not that he had anything different to say. He didn't want to ramble on about himself when Mark wouldn't speak four words to him, and he honestly didn't think Mark would care if a car swerved out of the right lane and took Youngjae with it on the windshield.

The walk to the bar, approximately twenty minutes, passed in silence between the back two males while Jinyoung made fun of Jaebum periodically, Jaebum somehow resisting the urge to throw Jinyoung in traffic.

The four settled into a corner booth, and once again, Jinyoung spoke up as he crossed his arms, leaning over the table with a dare in his eyes.

"Last one sober wins!"

***

So, it was 1:36 AM, and Youngjae was surrounded by three drunk college kids, and the bar closed at 2 AM, so...

He was currently trying to remember which Disney song Jinyoung and Jaebum had started singing. He wanted to say it was something from Frozen, but maybe it had happened multiple times because he clearly remembered them singing the lyrics "Zero to hero just like that" from Hercules.

As for Mark, he'd gotten quieter and quieter until a point where he'd stopped getting quiet and instead was the loudest one at the table, laughing too hard at what may have been jokes or were maybe just declarative sentences before banging his hand on the table. At one point, he'd draped his arm across Youngjae's shoulder while laughing hysterically at something Jinyoung had said, and Youngjae, not knowing what to do or how to respond to this level of physical contact with a person he was pretty sure hated him one hundred percent, just left the arm where it was and took another sip of alcohol.

Time crept forward while the buzz in Youngjae's veins faded. He handled his alcohol better than his roommates for sure, but he'd also stopped drinking about an hour ago, which was when he'd realized that it was up to him to get the four of them home safely.

His tongue suddenly felt altogether too large in his mouth, and he could feel the saliva pooling against the roof of his mouth as he paused in his thoughts. When had he begun to think of their dorm room as home?

He didn't have much time to process his latest revelation, however, as the bartender had been sending less and less subtle glances over their way, looking pointedly at Youngjae, the only one out of the four who wasn't passed out or leaning heavily on the table.

Youngjae, realizing that delaying action wasn't going to make time stop indefinitely, finally huffed and climbed over Mark to escape the booth before turning back to view his roommates from a more objective angle.

Jinyoung's head was resting on Jaebum's shoulder, his eyes shut but fluttering open every now and then as an incoherent word rolled off his lips. Jaebum, meanwhile, had relaxed back into the booth, a natural, relaxed smile gracing his face. Mark was sprawled across the table, his outstretched fingers twitching as though he were expecting someone to place another bottle in them. Nope. Absolutely not going to happen.

Youngjae turned aside and fished his cell phone out of his pocket. He didn't know anyone he could call for a ride, and piggybacking all three of his roommates was too big a task for him to handle, so his only option was the dreaded one: Uber.

He scheduled a ride and spent the next ten minutes dragging his intoxicated roommates out of the booth and to the bench in front of the bar one by one. Then as his scheduled lift pulled up, he hefted them into the car or, in Jaebum's case, just provided a steady hand, helping the other into the car. After cramming the three of them in the back, he took the passenger seat, and after paying the driver upon reaching their destination, repeated the reverse process of getting everyone out.

Thankfully, by that time, Jaebum was steady enough to support Jinyoung, who was still only barely conscious, leaving Mark for Youngjae, who supported the taller boy as they rode the elevator up (because no way was Youngjae taking the stairs with an unconscious body resting on him).

Youngjae deposited Mark on his bed, mumbling a quiet "pardon the intrusion" upon entering Mark's bedroom (without knocking). Then Youngjae exited Mark's room, closing the door behind him, and turned toward his own room to be surprised by Jaebum leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Thank you, Youngjae," Jaebum said, his words slurring together as he slowly sounded the syllables out.

Youngjae just gave him a tired smile. "Uh huh."

"I'm sorry," Jaebum said out of nowhere just as Youngjae had turned.

Youngjae looked back at Jaebum. "For what?" he asked.

For leaving Youngjae to get them all home?

For making Youngjae pay for their transportation?

For dragging Youngjae out in the first place?

Or was it deeper than that? Sorry for not including Youngjae, for not helping him move in, for not making him feel welcome, for leaving him to figure out everything by himself?

But Youngjae wouldn't figure out that mystery, not tonight at least, because Jaebum seemed to have made a pillow out of the counter. Youngjae could try dragging Jaebum into his room.

Or Youngjae could leave him to wake up to a faceful of counter in the morning.

Youngjae smiled and went to his own room, closing the door, throwing off clothes that reeked of alcohol, and flipping off the lights as he flopped into bed.

It was the first time Youngjae had felt accepted here.