This scene takes place straight after Chapter 20 of Rewind. I encourage you to read it if you've read further than Chapter 20 - so as in my old chapters, Chapter 21 and onwards, that I took down for editing. If you're a new reader and have just read Chapter 20, it's better you don't read this just yet. It's too soon. You don't have enough information on Jay yet.

Extra Scene from Rewind - taking place straight after Chapter 20  

Jay's perspective:

Someone gently tugs on my arm, trying to pull me to a stop. I don't even have to look back to know that it's Mia. I shrug her hand off and walk over to my car. I should have never come back here. It's not worth the dull, numbing ache that I feel every time I see her.

"JT," Grey, as expected, calls after me, "wait."

I inhale sharply, the ache only intensifying. My chest feels like it's on fire. 

"Go back," I mutter, scouting for my keys before he tries to talk me out of it.

He catches up, stepping in front of me, deliberately blocking my path to the driver's seat. "Where are you going?"

"What the hell are you doing?" I raise my voice slightly, not in the mood to see or speak to anyone.

When he doesn't answer, I make a move to push past him, but he places his hand on my chest and shoves me back, not holding out. "Where the hell are you going?" he repeats his question, not budging -- and he won't until he gets the answer he's looking for.

I stare at him calculatingly, my jaw clenched, as I attempt to restrain myself from doing something that I'll probably regret. "What does it matter?" I eventually speak after first gathering my thoughts.

"It matters, Jay!" He catches me off guard by using my first name, having lost his patience with me. His voice drops an octave lower, "Of course, it matters."

I avert my gaze from his hypocritical one. I end up zeroing in on Mia instead. Her innocent brown eyes are drilling holes through me, making me feel even worse. The imprint of disappointment is there. I can see it. The look of pity written on her face makes me feel sick.

It would be so much easier if I just chose her. It would be so much easier if it were Ava. It would be so much easier if it were anyone else. But it's not. It's Aqueela. And I somehow can't bring myself to regret any of it.

"Jay," Mia drawls out softly, reaching out to me.

I flinch, avoiding her and everyone else's stares of disapproval.

I hear Grey sigh knowingly from beside me.

"Don't do that. Don't withdraw." Mia shakes her head. "You should know by now that bottling things up only lead to further explosions."

"And you should know that I've always been a trainwreck waiting to happen," I say quietly, slowly exhaling. "When it's me, there's always going to be an explosion."

"And that's a choice you make every time." Decoda makes her way over to me, a frown forming on her lips. "You need to stop making everything about y-"

"Stop talking." Grey sends her a look of warning, knowing the current mindset I'm in - I will retaliate. 

She's quick to shut her mouth under his sharp stare, not making the mistake of testing him like she does me.

"If you knew him, you'd know that he's not making it about him. He's reacting this way because it's all about her." Grey rises to my defense, but at this point, I couldn't care less about the words thrown at me. 

Decoda, on the other hand, is affected by Grey's statement. His words are enough to set her off again.

"I got her," Leban speaks up, dragging Decoda away as she goes off at me.

Her accurate insults fall on deaf ears. Everything has been split down the middle in any case. It never going to be the same.

I take the opportunity to sidestep Grey, opening the door to the Gallardo. I jump in before any more obstacles arise.

"Where are you going?" Grey asks again before I can close the door.

"You know where," I answer coldly, narrowing my gaze at him before starting up the car. I don't want to waste another second standing here arguing.

"Don't do it, Jay," he advises. "Running isn't going to solve anything either. You need to confront this. Go back to her. Stop premeditating your every move. Stop walking away." He sighs in despair, reading into my actions. "Just stop running. For once in your life, stop running."

I slam the door shut, in turn, before putting foot on the acceleration.

*~*~*~**~*~*~*

I sigh in frustration as I attempt to unlock the front door while switching off my phone. It's been lighting up with messages the entire way home. It's been vibrating with calls from Greg and Grey as they continue to plague me with words of advice.

I curse under my breath and almost drop the keys when I hear lightning strike a pole nearby.

Slobber's barking hysterically from the other side, and somehow it adds to the escalation of my anxiety. Even the dog is not enough to put me out of my misery this time. If anything, he's just making it tenfold harder. He only serves as a reminder, just like everything else in the damn house.

I need to get out.

Instead, I do the exact opposite and swing the door open, stepping in as doubt begins to cloud my judgment.

Slobber's there, immediately nipping at my heels and jumping up on me, but my attention is fixated solely on the computer. I move past him and take a seat at the table. I switch on my PC, anxiously waiting for it to start. I tap my fingers against the table impatiently, the ache inside building.

I spare a glance at Slobber as he continuously paws at me as if sensing that something's wrong. I swallow in hesitance before tearing my gaze away, forcing myself to look back at the screen in front of me.

"What are you doing, brother?"

I tense up as soon as I hear Kyle's voice.

I ignore his presence and login to my user before going onto the internet. I quickly type away in the search engine, knowing exactly what I'm looking for, having planned it all out. 

The sound of thunder is enough to unnerve me further.

Kyle brings a chair and places it beside me, helping himself to a seat, saying nothing more as he watches me. It's only when I get to the site that he panics. "After three years of being there, is going back really going to solve anything?"

I'm not made for this life, this life in Minnesota.

I click on the link, ready to book my ticket home when my computer suddenly freezes up, the weather being the main factor. I go rigid in my seat when the computer doesn't respond, my insides twisting into knots.

"Not now." I hit my hand against the back of the screen in agitation, my blood pulsating through my veins. "C'mon, work." I hit the screen again, unintentionally working myself up. When that fails to do anything, I slam my fist down on the box in aggravation instead. "C'mon!" I click with the mouse repeatedly in an effort to fix the problem.

"Jay," Kyle interrupts, "calm-"

Beyond desperate, I lose myself to blind rage. Kyle stops talking when I take the screen and throw it across the room, ignoring the shatter, before violently kicking the box in. I hear Slobber's fearful whimpers, watching him sprint away as I drop to the floor in hopelessness, all anger diminishing until I'm left empty again.

I shift, sinking down against the wall as the memory of letting her go comes back to me - with it, all the initial emotions resurfacing like an open wound. My heart constricts in my chest as the hollow feeling returns, suffocating me with the familiar sting of pain.

"Take a breath, Jay," Kyle suggests, sliding down to the floor too. "Take a breath."

I would if I knew where the surface was.

The deafening silence resonates within me. I feel my throat closing up, the compressed air leaving my lungs, as I keep going back to five years ago, dwelling on the very moment when the plane took off.

"I needed that ticket," I choke out, my voice faltering.

I needed it then and I need it now.

He shakes his head. "Nah, nah you didn't, buddy."

"I wasn't there," I whisper, clenching my hands into tight fists.

"You're here now," he replies quietly.

"She's not dying now!" I shout in an effort to get it through to him, willing him to understand.

Tired of the back and forth, I manage to pull myself up, not thinking straight as I reach for my car keys and head for the door.

"At least take your phone, it's raining hard out," I hear him say after me.

Then let it come down.

*~*~*~**~*~*~*

Droplets blur my vision. I sigh heavily and switch on the windscreen wipers, the pattering sound of the rain entrancing me to my vivid thoughts and leading me to drive faster. 

Had I done something, I wouldn't be feeling this guilty. But, then I know, it's not even about the guilt. It comes down to the fact that I wasn't there when I should have been.

I can't even blame her anymore. The agonizing pull inside of me is nothing compared to what she felt. The torturous twist within is only a fraction of the pain that she endured. My chest tightens at the thought of her having to go through it without me being right there, by her side, where I should have been all along.

Instead, I let her slip through my fingers like worthless granules of sand.

I hold my breath and punch my fist against the steering wheel, temporarily blinded by the lights of an oncoming car.

Had I only known.

Noticing that I'm in the wrong lane, I act on instinct and swerve out of the way, dodging a near accident, too absorbed in the past to register the present.

I regain control, taking the last bend before pulling over on the side of the road. I get out and begin walking in between the trees, remembering back to the day when I first brought Aqueela here. 

My pulse quickens.

The memories start playing through my mind like a broken record. Each step suddenly becomes heavier, more difficult to take, right up until the point where I'm ready to turn back. But I push through, forcing myself to keep going.

I suck in a deep breath once I finally reach the edge of the cliff. I stare out at the dark horizon, able to make out the faint outline of the mountains before me. The rush of water below is the only sound to be heard. Other than that - silence.

I sit down on the ledge, trapped in the past, convinced, without a shadow of doubt, that I wouldn't even be sitting here if it wasn't for Aqueela Lawson.