Lincoln

"Ready for bed, squirt?" I said as I bounded down the stairs. "If we start getting ready now I'll have time to read you a story."

Sadie's blue eyes lit up with excitement. "Any story I want?"

I stood by the couch, planting my bare feet on the beige carpet that covered the living room floor. My hair was still sopping wet. Droplets of water hit my shoulders as I ran a ratty towel through it.

"Any story you want," I promised.

Sadie dropped her crayons into the bin, hopping up from the coffee table. She buzzed past me and then stalled to a stop by the stairs.

"Can Cali come?"

The tutor in question was still by the coffee table, her legs tucked underneath her. She regarded Sadie before peering up at me, curious as to how I would respond to my sister's request.

"Sure." I glanced back at Sadie. "Maybe she can read you your bedtime story tonight."

"Yeah!" Sadie cheered. Her little legs scampered up the stairs. "I'm going to go pick one."

"We need to brush your teeth first," I reminded her, but she was already out of sight and barreling towards her room.

"Guess I've been volun-told," Cali said, coming up beside me.

"Wouldn't want you to miss out on all of the fun. You seem like the type that enjoys reading."

Cali gave me a coy smile as she brushed past me towards the stairs. "Luckily for you, I do."

→

Within minutes Sadie had drifted off to sleep. Halfway through the book her eyes were already fluttering shut. And by the time Cali reached the last few pages, she was snoring. I couldn't tell if it was because she was actually tired or if Cali's voice was just that soothing. Whatever it was, I was grateful to have some much needed time to myself before hitting the sack.

"What's your room like?" Cali had asked once I had flicked off the light and closed Sadie's bedroom door.

I blinked at her, not registering the question. "My room?"

Cali nodded, her hands folded in front of her.

"It's really nothing special," I said, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Can I see it anyways?"

"Uh," I stuttered. "Sure."

Tucking my hands into my pockets I led Cali to the end of the dim hall. The door to my room was left a crack open. I pushed it, flicking on the light and gesturing into the cramped space.

"After you."

Cali accepted the invitation, taking a few steps and pausing by a worn, wooden dresser that I had since I was a kid.

After a few moments she said, "This isn't what I was expecting your room to look like."

"What were you expecting?" I asked, stepping inside, hands still in my pockets.

"I don't know to be honest. Most bedrooms I've seen are a reflection of the people they belong to. Yours doesn't even look like it's being used." She took in the empty, white walls, pausing for a brief moment to stare at the patched up hole by my closet. "I think mine and Ella's dorm room looks more lived in than this."

I knew where she was coming from. In comparison to Sadie's room (which looked like a rainbow projectile vomited everywhere), mine looked like a hotel room; bare and sterile. Besides a couple of books on the desk and my gym bag on the floor, there was no sign that this space was anything more than a guest room.

I lowered myself down onto my bed. "To be honest, this place hasn't felt like home in a long time."

"Maybe we can change that." She spun around to face me, her grin bright. "Have you ever considered a fresh coat of paint?"

Did I want to tell her that I wasn't planning on being here much longer after graduation? That these walls held demons that no amount of paint could hide? I wanted to lay it all out to her, show her the skeletons in my closet. But I didn't want to scare her away.

"Sure, what would you recommend?" I rested my forearms on my thighs.

"Hmm," she pondered for a moment, crossing one arm over her chest and tapping her chin. "What do you think about a moody blue?"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Moody blue? Is that the colour you think best represents me?"

"Not all of the time."

"When aren't I a moody blue then?"

She inspected the decrepit gym bag by my closet door. "Whenever you're with Sadie. You're a much lighter shade of moody blue with her."

I allowed her to move around the space in silence. This is the most vulnerable I had been with someone in a long time and I didn't know how to feel about it. I had never had anyone who wasn't blood related in my room before. Hell, I never had anyone over at my house. Not even Andrew, someone I had known for years, was allowed past the front foyer.

"Can I be honest with you?" Cali asked as she surveyed my unremarkable room.

I stifled a laugh. "Aren't you always?"

"To a fault, I suppose." She stuffed her hands into the back pocket of her well-fitted jeans. "The first time I met Sadie I thought you were her father."

"What made you think that?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

It was no secret that the age gap between my little sister and I was more than most siblings. Seventeen. That's how old I was when Sadie was born. I wasn't oblivious to the stares I got when I was out in public with her—especially when she was younger. Grocery shopping on days where my mom was working were full of disapproving looks. I assumed most people thought she was the product of a teenage relationship gone awry. But I didn't give enough fucks to correct anyone.

"The way you are with her..." Cali began. "You're so sweet and so nurturing. The age difference definitely didn't help. But I think the main thing that had me thinking that way was when you started bringing her to every tutoring session."

"I can see why you would have thought that. To be fair, I am like Sadie's father-figure more than her brother in a lot of ways. She doesn't have any other male role models besides me. And occasionally Andrew."

Cali nodded and I could hear the gears turning in her head. "I guess that means her dad is no longer in the picture?"

I braced my hands together. It was only natural for her to ask now that she had a taste. The question was, how much did I want her to know? "Not with her, no. But from time to time he'll try wiggling his way back."

"Does that mean he's still sort of around?"

A puff of air escaped my nose. "He's a sperm donor at best," I said, finding my hands fascinating all of the sudden. "But he and my mom were together for years. They started dating when my mom was still in high school. They have history. He still has a bunch of his shit in the basement and as strong as my mom acts, she doesn't have the heart to get rid of it."

Cali settled in next to me, regarding me with kind eyes. "How did they meet?"

"My dad was into drag racing. My mom met him one night while she was out with friends that ran in the same circles. She has been infatuated ever since."

"Drag racing, huh?" She poked my arm. "Is that where you get your adrenaline-junky tendencies?"

"The only thing that man has ever given me was my name and even then, I wish he had a little more creativity than to name me and my sister after car brands." Cali furrowed her brow and I pressed on before she could ask. "Sadie is short for Mercedes."

"My parents met when they were young too," she said once the silence stretched on for too long. I could tell she was trying to change the subject and take some pressure off of me talking about myself. That was one of the many things that I admired about Cali. She was caring to a fault. If I didn't know she was in nursing I would have thought she was a psych major. "They were high school sweethearts. Nothing could tear them apart. They both sacrificed a lot to be together."

"I don't think my father even knows what the word sacrifice means. He's the most selfish asshole I ever had the displeasure of knowing." I brushed my tongue across my bottom lip. "To be honest, Sadie is lucky not to have him around."

"Was he around when you were growing up?"

"He lived with us until I was about twelve. Then one night, after another fight, he packed his shit and left. He'd be gone for weeks at a time before he came grovelling back..." I shook my head. "Of course my mother always let him in. Then they'd have another blowout and he'd be gone again."

"That sounds like a lot to deal with as a kid."

"I'm not going to lie, it was fucked up being in the middle of their toxic relationship. Most of the time I felt like a pawn in my father's game. He would use me to get my mom to do whatever he wanted. And I couldn't do jack shit about it.

"I vowed that when I grew up I wouldn't be anything like him. That's why I don't drink or smoke. It isn't because of Whitmore and his strict meal plans—though I bet he appreciates it. It's because I don't want to be anything like the fucked up piece of shit that I split half of my DNA with."

I could see her big brown eyes looking at me through my peripheral vision. "Sounds like he really impacted the way you live your life."

A bitterness spread through my mouth. "In more ways than you know."

"When was the last time he was living here?" She asked.

I did the mental math. "A little more than four years ago now."

"He moved out once Sadie was born?" Cali's voice rose the slightest pitch. I couldn't tell if she was surprised or upset about that tidbit of information. Maybe a mix of both.

"He moved out the night she was conceived," I muttered, picking at a callous on my palm.

Cali sat in silence while I considered if I wanted to go further into this conversation. Before that moment, I hadn't recounted the events of that night to anyone besides Andrew. For some reason this felt different. Andrew had been my friend for years at that point. He had seen me at my worst. He had been the only person I could rely on. I had only known Cali for a few weeks, but at the same time it felt like I had known her my whole life.

I wanted her to see all of me.

"It was Junior prom," I started. "I wasn't going to go, but there was a girl I was interested in at the time and apparently she had asked Drew if I would be there. He had convinced me to make an appearance. It was the end of the school year... I just wanted to feel like a normal kid for once. And I did. For the four hours I was there I didn't think about how fucked up my home life was." Tension grew in my fingers as I clasped my hands together. "But reality has this funny way of slapping you in the face when you least expect it.

"When I had gotten home that night, the front door to the house was ajar. I thought my sperm donor had left it open when he had stumbled home that night. He's an addict and occasionally forgets shit like that when he's wasted. I wish that was all it was.

"When I got inside I found my mother cowering in her bedroom, naked. He had assaulted her and left her there, beaten and bruised, like that was all she was ever good for."

Cali didn't say anything and I couldn't bring myself to look at her, so I kept going.

"From what she told me the abuse went on for hours until he sobered up enough to realize the extent of what he did. He had enough sense to leave before I got home. I would have killed him. And I should have. I should have been home that night to protect her. To end all of this bullshit once and for all."

"You can't put all that blame on yourself," Cali said, her soft voice cutting through the stale air of my bedroom. She placed a tender hand on my knee. "That's a lot of pressure to put on a teenager."

"Yeah," I replied, my voice hoarse. "I know."

But that didn't change the fact that I had to live with that memory everyday of my life.

"I don't know much about him, besides what you told me tonight, and I'm not going to pretend to know what it was like living with a monster like that. But I know you. You're a good person, Lincoln. The way you do so much for the people around you proves that. You're hardworking, committed, thoughtful... and your mom and Sadie are so lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have met you."

If I hadn't finished rehashing such a heavy memory, I would have laughed. She was lucky to have met me? Clearly she didn't quite understand the impact she had on me. Cali was a light in my life. The one person who made me want to turn everything around and wish I could start all over again. She was everything that was good in this world. And I wanted her. I wanted her in every sense of the word.

But I knew that couldn't happen.

Every night I would lay in bed and go to war with myself over it. There weren't many people in this world that made me truly happy. Most of the time I was able to step away; keep anyone else from getting hurt. My current life circumstances didn't allow for me to bring anyone else in. But with Cali, I wanted to be selfish. Now that I had her, I didn't want to think of a life without her by my side. Even if that meant keeping her at arms' reach.

Finding the strength to look at her I shook my head. "I'm the lucky one. You'd be better off without me."

The way she was staring at me sucked the breath right out of my lungs. I had never felt more vulnerable, like all of me was on display for her to see. If she got freaked out and left it would be for the best, but man would I be lying if I said it wouldn't fucking hurt. My chest contracted at the thought.

Please don't leave.

Cali rose from the mattress, the shift in weight causing me to sit straighter. I was expecting her to crack a joke or make some excuse for having to go. Instead she grabbed my interlocked hands, her gentle fingers prying them apart, before she placed them on her narrow hips. My jaw went slack. The words that came to mind got caught in my throat. My head was reeling so bad I was almost dizzy. She was intoxicating. I was so spellbound that I failed to say anything when she placed her hands on my shoulders, her legs digging into the mattress on either side of me.

She lowered her plush lips to my ear, her warm breath tickling the sensitive skin. "Let me show you how much better we are together."

* * * * *

author's note:

It's Cali's turn to take control! Full steamy scene will be over on Ream for anyone who likes spice. Unfortunately, I have to keep my Wattpad PG13 lol

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the insight we got into Lincoln's childhood. It should make him a lot easier to understand now.

Want the next chapter? It's live on Ream!

Have a wonderful weekend!