Kelvin

I'd let my anger becloud my mind so heavily that I could not even explain where the strength to stand without my walking stick and strangle folakemi had come from.

I had just tried to stifle the life out of my wife and it only took the display of her veins on her forehead and the redness of her face for me to realize what I was doing.

As I released my grip on her neck, the unknown strength that descended on me disappeared. She was coughing, gasping, and holding on to her dear life. I picked up my walking stick, fully dependent on it now. I staggered to my wife whose head had surprisingly not brought forth any blood telling from the way I pushed her harshly. It was a relief.

She flinched. For the very first time since we've been together. I'd let it get to the stage where she had to flinch if I moved closer to her. She stood up from the ground.

"I...am sorry for abusing you, " I stuttered. "I'm sorry. I let my anger get the best of me. This will never happen again. Hitting you doesn't provide a solution to what has already happened."

She blinked hard after coughing for a few more minutes. Her neck was bruised. She was surprised beyond doubt that I was apologizing. I wished I could read through her mind to know why. Did she feel like she deserved to be attacked or she didn't but thought it a surprise that I apologized because most men wouldn't?

I hoped it was none of the options. I hoped she was mad at me for hitting her.

"I...understand your anger. I did the worst thing. I put our child at a risk and now she's truly at a risk."

It was the latter. I was an arsehat because I was starting to feel something entirely different now. Something I should have felt before acting impulsively.

"You did what you could. The pressure was on you. I'm so sorry it took me this long to see it."

"But I never saw the danger in what I did until you made me see why. I did the worst thing, Kelvin. I wanted the best for Yemisi at Cassandra's detriment and I went ahead without informing you."

"Still, I understand. You had good intentions."

"Why are you understanding me so quickly? Our daughter is missing right now. You have the right to be mad at me! I would hit you in the face or the balls if you sold one of our children off."

I felt the strong urge to say "Oh so you can't take what you're dishing out, " but that was far from the point.

"You had a valid reason. Do you wish to know how I was able to get the money to pay the loan shark?" I sighed. "I gambled and won. I also had the intentions of enrolling Yemisi at a good school."

"If you had lost though, none of our children would have had to suffer for it because you didn't put them on the line. That's the difference between what you did and what I did."

"Doesn't mean that what I put in the line wasn't risky too. I'm very sorry for hitting you."

"But the money you got was what we were able to use to pay the loan shark."

There didn't seem to be anything more I could say so she wouldn't feel this terrible.

"Of what use is that now when she's been kidnapped?" I sighed, wishing we could at least understand each other. "I don't think we should spend any more time trying to justify who is at a lesser fault right now. We should look for Cassandra in any way we can."

***

Months passed by with no positive results or signs. There was no way I could arrange a meeting with the loan shark to know why he abducted my daughter. Was the money incomplete? What did I have to do to get my Cassandra back? There was no way for me.

I had even tried to think of the possibility that it wasn't the loan shark because I couldn't come up with a factual reasonable thesis. It was a contract so why would he do something he didn't have a right to?

Who were our enemies? people who never enjoyed associating with us very much and said bad things behind our backs? How could I ever tell who these people were?

The only person I had in mind was the lady who gave my deceased daughter poisoned food to eat but the lady committed suicide a long time ago.

As each day intensified the pain that my wife and the rest of my children were feeling about Cassandra's absence, my relationship with Folakemi didn't remain the same. There was nothing I could do or say to convince her to stop feeling guilty and constantly wanting my forgiveness because I couldn't even forgive myself for attempting to kill her.

After all the sacrifices she made for me, I had attempted to kill her as my way of repaying her.

It was a mess. A big mess of undying sentiments. I felt guilty for the way she was feeling because I felt I was the reason behind it while she on the other hand was feeling like I was simply tolerating her because I had no other choice or for the sake of our children.

The worst part was the fact that we both could not get each other to see that the assumptions we made weren't true and that it wasn't the case. My heart ached all the time whenever I thought of how poorly I treated her. I couldn't get out of my head. There was no way out.

Cassandra's absence was what made us relate together and put behind our marital issues and it worked very well. I focused on it not only because of that but because it could serve as an antidote to the guilt she was feeling. If we could find Cassie, then she would not need to feel that way anymore. I hoped that for her.

We searched everywhere we could for Cassandra: the church we attended, the homes my wife worked meager jobs for (even if it was somewhat a senseless thing to do), David, Alexander, and Demi's school...anywhere just in case, it was not the loan shark who abducted her.

We couldn't afford a radio station announcement. It seemed like a media solely for the rich and the influential. Thankfully, I could afford the newspapers. It was cheap.

However, the newspaper wasn't fruitful. No one had a clue. Not a single soul called us to give a hint.

Our daughter was somewhere suffering at her very small age and we had no idea where to find her. Her birthday was fast approaching and it seemed very likely that we wouldn't find her even by then.

"You said that the loan shark came on a horse the day you borrowed the money right?" I asked folakemi one afternoon after coming back from the local casino for the third time. It was still a futile search. The place was astonishingly empty as though those gigantic men and the smell of tobaccos never existed.

"Yes, " she answered.

"What kind of horse was it?"

"I'm no equestrian, " how she managed to answer that with the same guilt-stricken expression made me sad.

"I meant the color."

"Oh. It was a white horse."

A white horse. Then it's most probably affiliated to royalty. I wondered why it took me so long to ask that question but I made it a mission to navigate through the palaces and castles if possible. My legs were in bad condition so there was no way it was physically possible.

So I had to find another solid substitution.

I had once heard of this ridiculous superstition that dropping coins at the feet of roosters in poultry was an effective tool to find anything that was lost. It sounded like a stupid myth the first time I heard it but now, I didn't have any other option.

I became the one who looked stupid when I visited a nearby poultry that thankfully seemed to be abandoned and dropped the last pennies on me at the feet of the surprisingly robust roosters, whispering and praying that the coins would find their way to every place that represented royalty around the nation and if preferably possible, my daughter would find one of the coins and use it to purchase something healthy to eat.

More days passed by. November the 20th which was her birthday arrived, our dear Cassandra was nowhere to be found. My heart ached, my skin paled. Folakemi withdrew herself day by day.

Eight months without our daughter. There was nothing to be happy about that day. Anyone who dared to send their good wishes on that sorrowful day was considered a hater.

Then one fine morning, when all hopes were as dim as the light from a dying firefly, our daughter came to us. Alone. Safe and sound. Like a miracle. Manna from heaven.

My little ten-year-old girl was back, darker in complexion with a right hand full of scars. I fell on my knees. The same strength that descended on me when I was angry enough to hit my wife, made my weak knees kiss the ground. Something physically impossible for someone with a bone infirmity.

I squeezed her in my arms. She reeked of gasoline. Like she had narrowly escaped a fire accident of some sort but I didn't want to imagine it too much. She was back after all hope was lost and that was all that mattered at the moment.

"Did you see the coin? I was about to toss another one in the poultry and pray to God to help me find you. Throwing a coin amongst a group of roosters can help you find someone or something that is lost."

She laughed very cheekily. It made tears fall down my eyes. I missed her mirth so much. I thought I would never get to see it again. My life span was undeniably short but moments like that made my stay on earth memorable.

She taught me a fool but what she said next had shocked me.

"Yes! I found a coin, " the way she said it was as though, she realized that the superstition wasn't so superstitious after all.

"Really? Can I see it? Or did you use it to buy something nice for yourself?" my eyes widened. I was going to ask her where she was when she found it so I could know where she has been for so long but I wanted to maintain a happy conversation first.

"I used it to buy a birthday cake for myself." the tone in which she said it was not a happy one.

It was obvious she wished she had spent her birthday with her family. More so, the expression on her face and the way she looked spoke in volumes about how horrible the place she was must have been.

"My baby, " I wrapped her in my arms again. We cried together for a while. I wished I bore all of the pain in her stead because she didn't deserve to go through all of that.

Her childhood had been snatched from her so brutally.

After that beautiful day, my health worsened but Folakemi got a little better. Cassandra's safe return was her ultimate compensation. She didn't feel so terrible anymore. We didn't say a word to Cassandra about the dangerous ordeal because I didn't want her to hate her mother.

Folakemi didn't deserve to be treated poorly. I didn't want it to ever repeat itself.

Ten years later, which I was grateful to have lived for that long, I got diagnosed with leukemia. I knew I couldn't survive it but I was grateful to spend my last days with the utmost relief of believing a superstition for once.

I fought with all I had.

***

My dear readers,

Please don't make the misconception of believing navigating roosters to be a real thing. However, in life, there is quite a number of spiritual forces that are effective.

But still, this was all a product of my imagination. Wonderful not so? If you found yourself nearly believing it to be a real thing, this short note is constructed for you to gain clarity.

Yours truly,
Ojuolape The Cuckooing author.