Positioned at the end of the table, my back is to the wall and my eyes keep flicking towards the entrance of the canteen. I'm slowly getting used to the clatter of metal cutlery, and the unexpected shouts of people in heated conversations don't bother me as much.

If I'm going to leave this place, I need to stop hiding in a cupboard. I need to stop thinking I'm being attacked every time I receive an unwelcome friendly pat on my shoulder.

This is the third meal I've had in here without hurting anyone. I've managed a whole day without hiding in the cupboard. I'm making progress.

However, I still can't get rid of the fear that a crowd of Officials will storm in at any moment. It's why I've started to carry the small gun Teddy gave me, at all times. 'In case of an emergency,' he said. The only problem is I'm worried my version of an emergency may not match everyone else's version.

The canteen is extra loud this evening. Terrell was voted in this morning and after giving a long speech, which I managed to avoid, he's been busy implementing all the promises he made. So far he's made an announcement that a film night will be held once a week. Exactly what we all need; a State-made film.

It really is time to get out of here.

Sienna and Teddy sit opposite me, eating a meal I can't stomach because I'm still nauseous from the drills we completed earlier.

"I have to agree with Teddy, your shooting is horrendous," Sienna says.

"I thought you said I was getting better?" I say to Teddy with a fake hurt tone. I knew he was lying. I am horrendous.

"You are getting better," Teddy lies whilst glaring at Sienna who rolls her eyes while continuing to dig into her food.

"You really need to up your game, Cady. Get more aggressive,' Sienna says, enthusiastically waving her spoon around her.

"I'm not a fighter." I'm a runner.

"Nor am I, but I can at least hit some point on the target when I shoot." Sienna taps her spoon on the end of my nose.

Normally, I'd flinch when someone touched me but this time I don't react. I'm too focussed on a figure behind her. Sienna follows my gaze over her shoulder and smiles widely.

"Hey Grey, I'm glad you came. There's a free seat next to Cady." Sienna waves her hand at Grey who smiles tightly.

She invited him to eat with us? Grey's eyes focus on me. I look down at the plate of food I can't eat.

Grey places his plate next to mine and sits. His body is inches from mine, and I'm torn between wanting him to brush against me whilst also wanting to scream at him to leave me alone because I can't handle the feelings his presence ignites. In the end, I opt for neither and continue to stare at my plate of food.

"It's good to see you up and about," Sienna says cheerfully.

"It's about time I made an effort to start living again," Grey says.

I detect the dig at me and press my lips together. Teddy opposite looks as irritated as I feel. I'm counting to two hundred in my head before I flee. That seems like a suitable amount of time without it seeming like Grey is the reason for my departure.

"We were just talking about how terrible Cady is at being a fighter," Sienna says, filling the tense silence hanging over us.

Grey chuckles. "I can vouch for that. The first time I tried to teach her a few fighting techniques she head-butted me in the nose."

"You deserved it. You grabbed me when I wasn't ready. You nearly exposed my Unmarked skin," I say, looking at him.

"Is that why you did it?" Grey asks, his gaze focussed on me.

"Yes, why else would I head-butt you? I don't just go around smashing people's noses in for fun," I retort.

Sienna laughs. "I'm not so sure, Cady. You punched Terrell in the nose, broke it too according to Annabelle."

"He was wearing The State's green colour. I thought he was an Official. It was an easy mistake to make," I mumble and lower my eyes back down to my meal.

"Cady doesn't usually attack unless she's defending people," Grey says. "She would never hurt someone on purpose. Even though she probably thinks differently."

Confused, I don't dare look at him. I don't understand what Grey wants. I pick up my spoon and focus on the mush in front of me. I still can't bring myself to eat it. Not while my insides are a mess of emotions. The proximity of Grey is too much. His smell entices me in and I'm fighting against the urge of wanting to lean towards him.

"Are you going to eat that? If not, I will. I'm starving." Sienna reaches over and scoops a spoonful into her mouth.

"Have it." I push the plate towards her.

"You haven't eaten anything today, Cady," Teddy says.

"I'm feeling a little sick," I say.

Grey takes a sharp intake of breath next to me, his eyes widen and I know exactly where his thoughts are taking him- in the absolute wrong direction. A direction I'm not ready to talk about now. I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready.

"Sienna, we should grab a shower before it gets too busy," I croak.

Sienna huffs looking at the rest of the contents of my plate. She's about to object, but she must see my look of desperation because she quickly nods. "Sounds like a plan. I'm getting sick of only having thirty seconds of water before someone starts trying to shove me out the way."

I nod goodbye, unable to make eye contact as I try not to allow the tears stinging my eyes to materialise. Sienna hooks her arm in mine and starts to talk. I hardly hear a word until she stops and she's looking at me.

"Cady, are you listening?" Sienna says, pausing as her hand rests on the shower room door.

"Yes."

"Well then? Are you going to have a shower today? Because I don't know how you wash yourself in those sinks. It would be a lot quicker to just jump in the shower."

"I don't mind washing in the sinks if it means I don't have people staring at me because I'm unmarked." I shrug.

That's not the real reason I avoid showering. The sensation of water running over my face makes me feel like I'm drowning. It throws me back to the suffocating pain of when I was submerged and running out of air as my lungs inhaled dirty water. It reminds me of having to watch Grey experience the same pain.

"Cady, can I speak to you for a minute?' Grey asks from behind me.

"I'll meet you in there." Sienna ignores my pleading eyes begging her not to leave as she closes the door in my face. She really needs to be taught how to be a good friend. First lesson: don't leave your friend alone with an ex they aren't over.

"Cady," Grey says softly.

"I'm not pregnant anymore," I whisper.

"I know." Grey's hand cups my face, his thumb wipes away the large heavy tears I hadn't noticed are rolling down my face. All I register is this is the first time I've allowed someone to touch me without flinching or thinking they'll hurt me. It's the first time I haven't had to fight the urge to run and hide in my cupboard.

"It was yours," I say softly.

"I never doubted that." He lifts my face so my eyes meet his.

I hate how even now when I know he doesn't want me, I feel safe with him. I still want him.

"Why are you doing this, Grey?" I whisper although I'm not sure exactly what I'm referring to; right now or his whole behaviour since we were freed?

Grey lets go, his hand disappears and the space around me is empty. I'm alone again.

He runs his hand through his hair. "You need to eat, Cady."

"And you need to figure out what you want," I say angry at his withdrawal.

"It doesn't matter what I want." Grey shakes his head.

"It matters to me. You matter to me. What do you want? Because right now, I have no idea where I stand with you." The urge to run rears up. I'm scared of what his response will be however I remain fixed to the spot. I refuse to run. A long time ago he told me if I ran from him he wouldn't come after me again and part of me is worried if I leave now it will finally be the end.

A loud noise from the other side of the door makes me jump. The sound of shouting and shrieking gets louder. Pushing open the door, I run through thinking about Sienna and not focusing on what the cause may be. The Officials may finally have decided to attack.

In the steamy room, a group of people have formed a crowd. My mind is telling me to go in the opposite direction, my insides are trembling. I move forward, approaching the wails. I push to the front to find Sienna naked and pinned to the floor. Two women hold down her arms while another sits on top, rubbing soap into her mouth whilst Sienna's muffled screams mix with the sound of her choking.

"What are you doing?" I shout, running forward.

"I'm giving her a well deserved clean. Do you know where she was before this? In a house of debauchery. She's corrupted, she's dirty and she needs to be taught a lesson." The haggard woman hisses, continuing to shove the soap into Sienna's mouth.

Sienna's face is contorted in fear as tears merge with the water of the showers around us. My gaze drifts to the crowd of bystanders allowing this to continue. I pull the gun tucked into my waistband and place it against the woman's head

She stops abruptly. "You wouldn't dare."

I hear the waver in her voice and I press the end of my gun deeper into her temple. "Believe me, I would. Everyone get off Sienna now."

The woman stands and slowly edges away from me. I push her into the crowd and everyone steps back. I help Sienna up, her body is shaking and she grabs some clothes which she hastily pulls on.

I turn to the crowd. "Sienna risked her life for you, for people she didn't know and this is how you repay her? You're as bad as The State. You've judged her without knowing the full story, without considering maybe you would have made the same choices as her if you were in her situation. And even if you wouldn't, that doesn't mean you get to judge her, to demean her." I inhale deeply. "So I'm asking for you all to move out of our way because we are meant to be working towards a new way of life, one in which we live freely rather than continue to attack others and do The State's work for them."

My hand interlocks with Sienna's and we move towards the exit. The woman attacker, who had held the soap, steps in front of me and Sienna whimpers slightly. Without hesitation, I shoot the soap attacker in the foot. She screams loudly while I try not to inhale the metallic scent of blood.

"If anyone else gets in our way, I will shoot again and this time I won't be so generous with my placement of the bullet," I say, pointing the gun.

On the other side of the crowd, Grey is standing in the doorway watching me, his face has an unreadable expression.

Moving forward, I walk past him, not letting go of Sienna. I force myself to hold together my fragile insides which are unable to withstand this much pressure. I can't fall apart now, Sienna needs me. She must be my focus right now, not me.

Author's note

I have chopped and changed this chapter so much I really hope there aren't any mistakes. I hope you're still enjoying the story. Please let me know xx